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Michelle S.'s TTC Journal


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  #1  
July 25th, 2009, 11:04 PM
JustBreathe
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Well, I guess I will join in on here. I did have a very active blog that help a LOT of emotions, but I deleted it to let go of the angst and pain. Now I have a blog at ~ Year 2/6 ~ that I will try and use.

To begin, My DH, Mike and I are both 24 years old. I was diagnosed at 19 with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and knew that it could cause conception and continuation problems with pregnancy. I didn't realize until just a few months ago that without my Synthroid, I rarely ovulated. Later into being 19, I fell in love with my heart and soulmate. We like to bicker and fight, and if you didn't know us, you would think we were almost being mean, but we play fight and challenge each other all the time-- I love the competitive nature of our relationship.

DH also learned at 20 that he had 0 sperm. Taking Clomid has raised that # to ~12 million or so, with 40% being what his Doctor calls "pregnancy quality."

I believe we are now almost in 21 months of the TTC process, with a few months off for sanity's sake. Today is CD1. Well, CD2 because it is after midnight. I should be recieving my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor in the next few days. I'm still going to temp and chart for a few months until the computer recognizes my cycles.

AF arriving wasn't a crushing blow. Because of my progesterone, my cycles have not been lasting 28 days and my LP has been short. Well, this last cycle was ovulatory, 28 days long, with an LP of 13 days. That's pretty fantastic. I see my new OB/GYN on Wednesday, and I will bring her my charts, bloodwork reports and summaries and everything I have. Maybe she will identify something else I can do to increase my chances of getting pregnant.

There is also the issue of the pelvic pain I have almost all cycle long, every cycle, feeling it where my Left ovary is. My last Dr. kept ignoring it and telling me nothing was wrong, but they never did an internal ultrasound, or were willing to do a laproscopy to see what the issue was. The pain was/is that serious that I would let it go that far for answers. I know when I had my surgery at 20, there was some endo identified that was not removed, and I wonder if that has spread.

This past month has been pretty hard for me emotionally, not having a baby yet and always being the "helper" to my friends and sister. 95% of my friends are moms, and I spend a lot of time with my sister. Seeing how those babies react to their mama's is H.A.R.D. for me. It's not that I love them any less, or am mad, but I do feel genuine greif. I know this is all in God's time, and I pray for patience and understanding, but some days are better than others. Well, it's 2 am and I'm going to bed. I guess that is all for now.
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  #2  
July 26th, 2009, 04:50 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow what a journey!

I just wanted to say congrats on starting a journal. I've found it to be extremely cathartic.

I hope that you and DH can get all of your ducks in a row and bring yourselves one step closer to that BFP.

I look forward to getting to know ya.

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  #3  
July 26th, 2009, 11:42 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Welcome to journaling! Dh and I talk cash s&!$ to each other all the time...it is just our nature! People think we are funny, but if you didn't know us, you'd think we were mean also

Lots of luck on your upcoming cycle!!!
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  #4  
July 26th, 2009, 11:44 AM
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Good luck on the upcoming cycle!
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  #5  
July 26th, 2009, 11:50 AM
<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>'s Avatar N.T.N.P.( I need a break)
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yea! you are my 2nd cycle day buddy that i have found...so im happy about that...neway sorry that af showwed for you though...
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  #6  
July 26th, 2009, 11:51 AM
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Yay for journaling...Im so glad you started a journal...!
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  #7  
July 27th, 2009, 10:01 AM
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Hey Michelle! Hope your new doctor is supportive and willing to explore anything that will help you! Good luck sweetie
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  #8  
July 29th, 2009, 03:37 AM
JustBreathe
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Yesterday I had my appt. with my new Dr.-- well, actually an NP at the office. It went GREAT. It was such a different experience than the first and only OB/GYN practice I went to since I was 18.

She was very friendly and chatted with me for a few minutes before even getting into the questions, telling me about her background and just asking me some questions about myself, my life, etc. It put my mind at ease for sure! I decided not to get the Gardasil shots-- I'm at very low risk and while TTC, I don't want to get a shot I don't need.

Before the internal exam, I told her I am usually *VERY* uncomfortable during it. She asked if I had ever had a history of abuse and I said no. Well, I mentally prepared to be in some pain for a couple of minutes, and then the "clamp thing" was in and I was FINE. She was so gentle it made me wish I had changed Dr's sooner!! Much much much sooner! She said that it was a common practice that if the same provider causes a patient so much pain during a pelvic twice, that provider should recommend another provider in the practice to see if the other's person's "technique" makes the patient more comfortable. I ALWAYS saw the same provider at my previous office, except for the fertility issues and pre and post op for the big cyst and the two times I had the smaller cysts.

While she was doing the exam, she really irritated the left side {as I expected her to}, except it was REALLY painful. She told me that that kind of pain is not normal especially with a history of 3 cysts, one of which had complications and needed to be surgically removed. She said I was lucky to still have the right ovary after the torsioned hemorrhagic cyst. She ordered a pelvic u/s that I will have on Thursday.

She looked at my charts, previous info from my prior gyno, blood tests, etc. and said that I seem to be having "perfect" cycles with the synthyroid, and bumped it up to 50 mcg because I'm still symptomatic on the 25 mcg. She said there is a range for Normal TSH and even if I'm in the normal range, a higher number might make me feel better. She also said that as far as she was concerned, she would have never diagnosed me with PCOS, and that on the Synthroid, "the fertility problem would seem to lie with my partner."

Oh! And I have lost 10 lbs! That made me feel like a million bucks! So, all in all, it was a FANTASTIC appointment, I didn't come to tears with the internal exam, with all of my questions answered-- including an u/s to see what might be causing the left sided pain. I have a follow up with one of the MDs in the office on 8/31 to review the results of the u/s. I felt listened to and that was REALLY important.

Now,to get back on DH's case to get him to his Dr. to get another S/A and decide if more Clomid is in order.
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  #9  
July 29th, 2009, 08:50 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sounds like a great appointment. I'm glad that you like your new doctor! I have to say I will never go back to a male doctor for ob/gyn...every woman I've gone to after I had an IDIOT male doc...has been wonderful!

Good luck with your upcoming u/s.
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  #10  
July 29th, 2009, 09:00 AM
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That's awesome Michelle!!!!! Good luck convincing DH
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  #11  
July 29th, 2009, 04:25 PM
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She sounds like a great NP!!!! Yay for a great visit!!!! It is soooooo wonderful when they listen to you....its so hard to find NP or doctors that listen. I hope the u/s results come back great!!!
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  #12  
July 30th, 2009, 02:00 PM
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i hope you catch your eggie and get your aug
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  #13  
August 2nd, 2009, 07:18 AM
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Hey chicka...just checking in on ya. I hope your having a great weekend!!
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  #14  
September 21st, 2009, 09:34 PM
JustBreathe
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We're back to TTC again!! My treatments for my neck have been going well and I'm excited to keep going!!!!
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  #15  
September 22nd, 2009, 12:02 AM
<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>'s Avatar N.T.N.P.( I need a break)
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Welcome back!!!:d
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  #16  
September 28th, 2009, 07:44 PM
JustBreathe
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CD7. The CBEFM hasn't asked for any strips yet and I hope it's not broken. Saw the Dr. today. We increased my Synthroid, which according to my gyno, should make my Os stronger.

Well, I guess recap I saw my primary for my quarterly thyroid checkup. 2 months ago my gyno said at the next appt., ask him to go up a dose. So I did. We will see.

Mike has stopped his testosterone, he wants more guidance from his Dr. He has Wednesday off, so I've already got it written in my list of things to do to make sure he calls and gets an appt. We really can't go much further until he works on his sperm count.
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  #17  
October 6th, 2009, 06:45 AM
JustBreathe
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So yesterday I had OPKS leading up to an almost positive, then they faded down to almost invisible. This morning's OPK was very visible, but again not quite positive. AGH! We DTD last night and with DH'S low sperm counts we can only DTD every other day, so I hope I O today, and then tomorrow we can DTD again!!
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  #18  
October 7th, 2009, 01:50 PM
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Ahh! Michelle I had no idea you and Mike were ttc again!

Okay, when i clicked your journal to open it up and check up on you i was like hmmmm...did i get a text from Michelle yesterday? And i went and checked and i did! HAHA! You know how when your sick with like a cold or the flu or whatever and your like in and out of sleeping? Well i was on the couch sleeping on and off for like i swear 15 hours yesterday, and in the middle of sleeping i must have gotten the text and it woke me up and i just fell right back to sleep and then when i woke up i was out of it (im on some cold meds on top of feeling like crap) so i totally just forgot until I just saw your name! But yes, that opk was DEFINITELY positive in my opinion! I hope you guys bd'd last night!!!
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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #19  
October 14th, 2009, 04:05 PM
JustBreathe
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We DTD 3 times at perfect timing this cycle. So much is riding on this cycle, but I'm not realy excited at ALL. If this cycle fails, we will begin YEAR 3 of TTC and THAT weighs heavily on my mind. 3 Thanksgiving, Christmases, birrthdays, still without our babies. It's definitely in my heart and watching Anna Diugga r's homebirth last night was REALLY hard but I wanted to watch.

Confession time: For July, a babysat a little girl 3 days a week. I had my nephew's "old" but not old carseat in my backseat so we could go places. I just took it out on Thursday night. I loved having it there. My car seems empty now. Am I nuts?
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  #20  
October 14th, 2009, 05:27 PM
denalibear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yay...Im so glad your back to ttc!!!!!!

I really hope this cycle is the one and you wont have to hit the 3 year mark.
Tons of baby dust comin' your way...
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