[Lindre]

Since I'm new here I'll start with my story. My name is Linn (21) and I'm married to Nathan (33).

My DH and I met last year playing while I was playing an online game that the guy I was seeing at the time convinced me to play. Things took a bad turn between us and then my DH Nathan came along. We hit it off instantly. The chemistry was just undeniable. I fell in love with his thoughtfulness, intelligence, maturity and everything he stood for. We talked every minute of every day and we couldn't get enough of eachother. After three weeks he announced that he couldn't wait any longer to see me and that he was hopping on a plane to Norway. It was so nerve wracking, but our instincts were right. We had the most amazing couple of weeks together and when it was time for him to return to the states we both stood in the doorway crying, neither one of us ready to let go.

We thought it would be a long time before we saw eachother again as I'd promised myself to travel back north to my family, finish my last few exams and focus on recovering before throwing myself into another relationship (I'd been suffering with what was thought to be CFS half my life). He told me he understood and he'd wait for me and I knew he was the right man for me. Shortly after he left I started feeling weaker and worse than ever. Eventually the thought of pregnancy crept into my head. I'd ruled it out as he he'd been told he couldn't have children due to varicole (It's gone now thankfully).

On Christmas day I tested positive. What a shock that was. I'd never pictured myself as a mom. I'd given up that idea because of the severity of my CFS, but I knew I couldn't abort this precious little miracle. I told him and we made plans to make it work.

As the pregnancy progressed I started having extreme anxiety, numbness, violent spasms, heart palpatations etc. to name a few. I went to the ER, but was sent home saying I was having panic attacks because of the fires that had occurred in my neighbourhood. Several bad episodes occured where I made my way to the ER and was sent home. Eventually I wasn't able to take care of myself anymore and I was worried for my life and the little one. Shortly after I miscarried at around 10 weeks or so.

My family came and picked me up and they brought me to a doctor who told me my cortisol was low and they wanted to rule out Addisons disease sending me straight into another whirl of panic and anxiety. Another episode followed and I was rushed to the hospital where the on call doctor booked me for an MRI the following month.

My DH was beside himself being on the other side of the world not being able to do anything other than being there for me. He'd had several years of medical training and was incredibly frustrated by the lack of care I was given. He convinced me to come to the states to be with him and see his doctor. A few months later I was on a plane. It felt amazing to see him again, although this time it was a lot different. The dynamic of our relationship had changed and all the events that took place only brought us closer together.

Shortly after I arrived I went to see his doctor and after one meeting he diagnosed me with pernicious anemia. It was such a relief to have an answer to what had been ailing me for more than 10 years and to know that I'd be alright, but I have to wonder why countless doctors brushed me off. Free medical care has it's benefits, but certainly has its downsides aswell.

Now that I'm being treated I feel better than I can ever remember and I've got my life back. While I still grieve the loss of our unborn child and think about it a lot now that the due date is nearing, I try to see the positive. Now I know that children are in the cards for me after all.

After much consideration we've decided that we're ready to TTC #1. I'm anxious and scared, but ready to start a new chapter of my life. It's been 4 months of trying so far. Hopefully we'll be a family of 3 soon (well 4 if you count that brat of a schnauzer currently running off with my book ). Sigh... I really need to get him sorted out.

[<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>]

welcome to trying to conceive first...i hope your stay is Very short!!!`

[Lindre]

Thanks. I hope so too Lots of babydust all around!

Few DPO now so I'll know next month. What a wonderful birthday present that'd make! Leo (my 5 month old puppy) doesn't seem to agree, because he tore up my book of baby names hehe. I think he's getting jealous already. Other than that incident he's been on oddly good behaviour. I might be getting too ahead of myself picking out names, books etc. DH certainly thinks so although he hasn't said it. He'll just give me that look and shake his head...Bah!

Can't sleep tonight. This was supposed to be my EDD for my little girl. I say girl because I felt so strongly that it was. I had lots of wonderful dreams of a little girl who took after her daddy. I can't believe it's been 9 months already. It's been such a whirlwind of a year.

Tomorrow I'll probably stay in bed and watch all the recorded TLC and discovery programs. It's like self torture and a treat at the same time. I love watching all the happy endings. I've gotten so sappy lately. Poor hubby hehe

[CandaceDianne]

Wow, glad you were able to find a DR to actually take time with you!! Healthcare, in general, can be VERY frustrating!! I am also sorry to hear about your loss.
I hope your stay on TTC#1 is short, but in the meantime, i look forward to stalking your journal!

[Lindre]

Thank you Candace Hope September brings us both some good news!

As much as I love my DH it drives me insane that he won't hear any talk of TTC as if talking about it will jinx it. Couple months ago I was going crazy analyzing every little thing, trying all different HPT I could find so when I booked for the aisle the next time at the grocery store he made me leave and get in the car. He started driving to the hospital saying we were going to get this out of the way so I'd stop. After that I decided I was going to try and be patient even though I'm just not! Now I just suffer the 2ww in silence and resort to seducing him when the time is right.

After sorting through our own marital issues, waiting on my body to recover, waiting for my cycles to return to normal after BCP I have a good feeling this month. I was feeling so relaxed this month and then just now I felt a painful pinch and now I'm sitting here analyzing every little thing again! I promised myself I wouldn't do this * sigh*