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Ashy's TTC journal


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  #1  
September 28th, 2009, 07:12 AM
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My husband and I are going to be TTC our first child very soon, so I thought I would go ahead and start my journal. I was at WTTC for a little while but never really got heavily into posting, I hope to change that though as I actually will be trying soon.My name is Ashley, and I just turned 23 on September 17th. My husband is Daniel, he'll be 25 in November.

I was born and raised in the USA. Spending most of my life in Indiana. After I graduated college I was a kindergarten teacher. After a 6 year long distance relationship, my husband and I finally married in August of 2008. He is a British citizen, and is a pilot for an Airline based in England. Because of that, I moved here after my immigration stuff all got sorted, November 5th 2008. So now I am living just outside of London. We just recently bought our first house, and I'm just trying to settle in here. I'll warn you all, I do sometimes get very whiney about being homesick!

I am very close to my family. Especially my mom, and my nephew. My oldest sister is not the best mother...essentially from the day he was born, it was me and my mom taking care of him. My parents are still happiliy married, but my dad(who is also a pilot, lol) lost his job when his airline went out of business, so he is currently living in Michigan, with the rest of my family still in Indiana. Because of that it really was just my mom and I taking care of him the most. I miss him terribly. I have been lucky enough to go and visit every 6-8 weeks since I moved here. I also flew him to England with me to stay with us for the summer this year which he loved. But I haven't seen him since August..this is the longest we have been apart, and i won't get to see him again until we fly back to America in December. I miss him terribly, and he constantly tells me on the phone I "forgot" to bring him back to England with me. He is 4, so he doesn't quite understand everything that is going on, so it makes things especially difficult.

We decided to wait to TTC until we had bought a house, and to see how I am with my home sickness because we knew it wouldnt be ideal to get pregnant right away and not be able to go back to my family at a moments notice. But...hard as it has been not going back, and as hard as it is knowing I wont be going back for so long, I finally feel like I am ready to try. Part of me feels guilty though, because I don't want my little nephew to think I've truly forgotten him...and replaced him ontop of it.

Another reason we decided to start soon is..my body has severely messed up over the last year. I think it is because I've gained so much weight over the last year(my husband is a wonderful cook!) I just wonder if my body is reacting to it. I went from having fairly normal cycle, occassionally skipping a month(probably only twice a year since I started) to having cycles that lasted 2 weeks, then getting periods that would come every 3 weeks, then so much mid cycle spotting I wasnt sure when I actually started my period anymore. It started regulating again into 26-31 day cycles. But ever since this summer, when I flew to and from America 4 times in the span of 8 weeks, it messed up again. I will post in another entry the dates of my cycles once I unpack that journal. I am not sure what is going on now. I thought I started my period on September 15th(which would have been the proper time to start)...I had spotting for 2 days. Then nothing until the 26th when I had quite a bit of bleeding for a few hours, including a small clot. So, I decided that must be my real period. The next day, I had nothing. Then yesterday, I had light bleeding again. But it is not abnormal for me to "start, stop for a day or so, then start again" So...I am utterly confused!

I tried fertilityblend last winter but I think that created mid cycle spotting. However I think it did help regulate some. So, I am considering going back to that.

I used the pill to stop my period for 3 months on my doctors advice when I was traveling. I suspect that is another reason why my cycles are so messed up...it got messed up as soon as I stopped taking the pill. Whenever I went to the doctor to question this, everyone just tries to out me back on the pill to try and regulate me. But, I want a child so I really want to try something else.

Anyway, we are just waiting until I get a fairly "normal" cycle, so I can start temping and seeing where that leads. I have tried OPKs before around the time when I "should" be ovulating, but I always get negatives. However, I suspect I dont ovulate at a normal time..or, I dont ovulate at all. Which is why I want to start temping. It's just kind of hard to start temping when I have no clue when in my cycle I am.

Anyway, that's me. Sorry it is all a bit jumbled up!

Comments are welcome.
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Olivia Ann born October 12 2011, 5lb 6oz


Last edited by AshEE86; October 27th, 2009 at 08:49 AM.
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  #2  
September 28th, 2009, 07:51 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi I'm Nikki (35) DH is Dan (31) and we're on our 7th month of TTC.

Congrats on starting a journal and beginning your TTC journey! As for your cycles being all messed up, I would imagine all the BCP had a hand in that. If I were you, I would stay away from the hormone stuff and just give your body time to do it's thing naturally without any assistance from BCP.

As for not being able to see family as much as you'd like, I can sort of relate to that. My sister lives outside London as well. She met my now BIL (an English citizen) they got married and she moved her and my niece there. So now we only get to see them once a year. It's been less since economic things have been so poor everywhere.

They did send my niece here this summer so that she could go visit with her father in Vegas. She flew from Heathrow to Philadelphia (where our parents live), stayed in Philly for a week, went to Vegas for a week, then stayed here for another 2 weeks before heading back to the UK.

They moved to the UK when she was about 3 or 4, she's now 8!! So I totally relate to the whole missing your nephew... I feel the same way about my niece.

I look forward to getting to know you much better and following your TTC journey. Once you are ready to start charting, you might want to come by the Fertility Charting board. The purple box at the bottom of my siggy will take you there if you click on it. There are loads of ladies there with tons of info that will be happy to help you get started, answer any questions and help interpret your charts once you have some!

Best of luck to you and a ton of Baby to you!!!
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  #3  
September 28th, 2009, 09:46 AM
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Hi there! I'm Michelle (33) and my DH is Jason (also 33). I had to comment after reading your entry because I too am removed from family (though not nearly so far, mine are 9 hours away by car.) I have a niece who is almost 4 that I miss dearly. I practically lived with my brother and SIL for a while and so when we moved away, I was completely heart broken. I went from seeing her every single day to seeing her 2-3 times a year for just a few days at a time.

It's so hard being away from my family and friends, but we are where we are because of DH's work. It's funny that you mentioned your DH & father are pilots because my DH is an air traffic controller. We are EXTREMELY limited on where we can go as long as he's in this field and with the economy being what it is, it's a very fragile job.

I think you are right about your cycles being messed up from the pill. I came off of the pill back in May and STILL am having trouble with my cycle. It won't seem to regulate itself for anything. I've seen the fertilityblend but didn't know anyone who'd tried it. It might be something to look into for next cycle to see if it helps shorten mine. (I'm averaging 50 something day cycles.)

I hope that you find you like JM. The girls here are wonderful! So helpful and supportive. I've been here since July 17th and feel like it's a second home to me.
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  #4  
September 28th, 2009, 02:12 PM
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Wanted to say welcome! I am Bonnie, 23 and DH is Jeff, 24 .. not for long though, 24 and 25 in nov & january! lol We just started ttc our first and this is our 2nd cycle.. not charting or temping really just watching what my O date and fertile dates are "supposed" to be.. so we'll see what happens! Hope you get your BFP very soon and enjoy your time here! These ladies have been wonderful!
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  #5  
September 28th, 2009, 04:43 PM
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hope to see you with a soon!
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  #6  
October 3rd, 2009, 06:13 AM
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Coley-I'm sorry you're having to miss your sister and niece. It really is no fun!

Thank you for the advice on the charting board. I will definitely check it out because I am so new to all of this, I really haven't a clue how to even begin.

Michelle- Ait traffic control! Such a stressful, stressful job. One of my best friends husband is in the marines and is about to get out, he's going to be in ATC. I really admire them, everytime I see those little screens it makes my head spin. I don't know how they do it!

I'm sorry you're missing family as well. 4 is such a tough age as well, because they can't quite understand why you're all of a sudden not in their life everyday like you once were. My Mom told me yesterday my poor nephew, when he was picked up from pre-K asked her to take him to Longhorn. She asked why and he said "I want that stuff Ash gets. I miss her" Apaprently he's been telling all his teachers he is going to go "far far away" and come back to england too. :/

I am sorry you are having messed up cycles..but I am glad to not be alone! I swear, all of my friends go off the pill and have normal cycles after having been on it for years. I wasn't even on it other than for 6 months and it just totally wrecked my body. :/

Bonnie-I hope you get a quick BFP! My husband and I were originally just going to not chart and just see what happens. I think with how my cycles are messing up though I'm going to have to become more observant about it all though!

Nayomi-Aww, those babies are previous!
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  #7  
October 3rd, 2009, 06:29 AM
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I've not really had much energy to spend here lately. It really sucks because I wanted to get into it and involve myself. I have just had no energy lately and have been in such a weird place.

One of my good friends back in Indiana, is in the middle of a divorce from an abusive husband. She just found out she is pregnant(14 weeks) and refuses to tell him about the baby. I agree with that though.

However..she nearly got an abortion. I talked to her the entire time she was at Planned Parenthood and after she saw the baby on the ultrasound, she couldn't go through with it. She has always wanted a baby. Ever since we were little she would talk about how much she wanted a family. But now, her husband has run her credit into the ground and has caused upwards of $60,000 in debt. She is living with her parents. She didnt want to tell her parents, she wanted to go live somewhere else and have the baby in secret and possibly give the baby up for adoption, but I told her she really needed to tell them because if they're anything like my parents, they would surprise her. They would probably help her so she can keep her baby. Their grandchild. So, she finally told them. they didn't have much to say as they were so shocked. I talked to her all day. She asked me if it was selfish for her to consider keeping the baby(after all, she is 27) and I said NO. There are plenty of single mothers who make wonderful mothers. The situation is not ideal, but it is still workable. Well, one minute she is talking baby names she has thought of, and how she cant wait to feel her baby kick. The next, her mom comes in so we hang up. An hour later, she calls me back. Telling me she has no choice but to give her baby up for adoption. Her mom told her people at their church can "make it happen quietly" so nobody knows about it. And how her baby will be emotionally harmed by being raised by just a mother. And they won't allow her to keep the baby in their house because they don't want to see a grandchild raised that way, and have to go to daycare while she works in the day.

I understand where they are coming from..but I am so crushed by this. SHE is so crushed by this. But she is absolutely convinced they are right. She said it doesnt feel right but she never listened to her parents before, and her parents ended up always being right. So she figures this is the right time to listen.

She knows my husband and I would like to adopt one day. She asked me if we would adopt her baby. I don't know what to really say. It would be so hard to adopt her baby(especially since I am in the UK and she is in the US) and I think it would ruin out friendship. She keeps saying it would make her feel better knowing her baby was with us and not strangers. I am just beyond overwhelmed. I cant even see straight. It has been a week from hell. I have literally been on the phone, and on AIM with her crying all week. I have no energy for anything. I am so hurt for her, I just want to help her and I know I cant. My husband and I are only just now settling into our house. We're not struggling for money or anything but I know the legal fees would just drain our savings right now and with the airline industry I really don't think it is the time to spend our savings, on anything because I am constantly waiting for british airways to go out of business. I keep telling her there HAS to be a way to keep her baby. But if she insists on adoption than she should consider open adoption, so she can find a local family, and get to know them before the baby is born, and set it up so she can still have contact with her baby. She was starting to agree, but then her parents said she shouldnt because it would ruin the adoptive parents excitement..so now she is saying she shouldnt have any contact with her baby. And that she keeps praying God will take her she delivers her baby so she won't have to feel the hurt anymore. Because she says she has nothing to live for. She cant ever have another child knowing she had to give one away. And thats all she has ever wanted. So she just wants to be taken.

I just really, really feel useless. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I can do to help her. I feel like I am just in a losing battle with her parents and I feel so guilty for not being there, and not being able to adopt her baby. I just feel horrible.

Needless to say, I am sure all of this emotional mess is continuing to mess up MY cycles, so I think this is going to have to be another month of not officially trying because...when to try? And I cannot imagine the heartbreak if something DID happen and I did get blessed with a pregnancy, of having to tell her I am pregnant. And her know it is happy for me, and I get to keep my baby without any worries.

Eugh. I think I've cried enough for the entire world this week. :/
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Olivia Ann born October 12 2011, 5lb 6oz

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  #8  
October 3rd, 2009, 08:24 AM
denalibear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Welcome to the journals!! Im Stef
I dont know what I would do without my journal it is my only release.

Im so sorry you are having to go through this with your friend. Your friend is going through a lot and it sounds like she is very lucky to have you as a friend.

**Hugs**
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  #9  
October 3rd, 2009, 07:46 PM
<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>'s Avatar N.T.N.P.( I need a break)
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hey there!!! welcome to the J.M. Board...your story is touching..your friend's situation is a sad one.....I wish some how she could keep her baby..but second best is adoption.... I hope in the end she makes the best decision...and that her parents can back her up...
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  #10  
October 4th, 2009, 05:44 AM
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Hi Ashley! Welcome to journals! Hope that you get your cycles figured out and see a beautiful BFP very soon!!!
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  #11  
October 7th, 2009, 02:23 PM
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So, today is CD 12. So I thought.

I really have no idea where I am in my cycle anymore. I tried being hopeful that this month things might get normal, but nope.

So. September 15th, spotting. September 16th, spotting. Then, nothing. Thought perhaps that was my period, only short. Then, about 2 hours after DH and I DTD on the 26th I had light, but fairly "there" bleeding. It continued until the next morning, then nothing. Then the next day, nothing. The day after, spotting. But it was constant spotting. Thought okay, THAT is my period. I commonly start/stop/restart periods so I figured thats what happened and then it would turn into a normal period. It didn't. Nothing else came of it. So I hoped it was just a short period.

I was going along just fine, thinking today was CD 12 and things were fine. Then this afternoon my stomach got...rumbly. Not crampy, just, rumbles. I went to the bathroom and there was slight pinkish coloring on the TP. Then it increased to a fair bit of brown blood during the evening. There was one tiny red clot in the brown spotting. I am So confused. My stomach is feeling like a period is here. I don't normally get cramps, but I do get a constant hungry feeling and a rumbly stomach. Which I now have. So is THIS the start of a period? Or is it just old blood since it was mostly brown? And why is it happening now? :/

I am so fed up I just want to cry.

I'm going to Poland for 4 days staring Tuesday. I just hope if this IS my period, it comes and freaking GOES by then so I don't have to have it while travelling.

/rant
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Olivia Ann born October 12 2011, 5lb 6oz


Last edited by AshEE86; October 7th, 2009 at 02:25 PM.
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  #12  
October 8th, 2009, 04:25 AM
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So, CD 13 I guess and..no more spotting or weird stomach feelings. So maybe it was just old blood. Who knows with my body though.

I just realized...I'll be in Poland when I am supposed to be around my ovulation time. I was temping this month just to see if I can kind of pin point when it actually happens, if it does. Well..that's going to be all messed up now since there will be a time difference and I will be up super early there to do tours and things so even if I temp there, it will be a goof 3 or 4 hours before I normally would. So that'll throw things off. I really picked a bad month to start temping.

Oh well. I am feeling a lot more positive this morning than I was lastnight. It was good to wake up and see NOTHING was there. Now lets just hope it stays gone!

I have also decided I really need to motivate myself to lose weight. I want to lose 30 pounds. I seriously wonder if maybe the weight I gained is playing a part in the unusual cycles. Before I started gaining the weight it was fairly normal. It just so happens I started gaining right as I came off BCP. So, I could have two factors playing into this. And if the weight is really the main factor that is a more comforting though. That is something I CAN control. So, I am really going to try and motivate myself and lose 30 pounds.

I hate exercising when DH is home though. And he is off a lot this month. I may just have to kick him out for a while so I can work out with my DVD. He's in Madrid today until 3, so..I'm gonna go get in a work out I think.
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  #13  
October 10th, 2009, 04:43 PM
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So as of yesterday, I was spotting off and on again. Then again this evening. So...I've just all but given up for any hopes of us being able to officially start TTC this next cycle because I have no clue when, or if I'll have one since I just seem to be spotting randomly and not getting a proper period I know is a period anymore. I just feel completely crushed.

My MIL and FIL came over today to help us re-plaster the third bedroom since we are re-doing the upstairs. It took all day. My feet are so sore from standing up all day, my back aches and my knees feel...stiff. All in all, this has been a bad, bad day. But I am glad they were here to keep my mind of of the spotting.

The doctor won't schedule me in for an exam to see what is wrong, even with my problems because I am under 25, and it's "normal" for cells and things to be abnormal in an "immature cervix" ...so they're wanting me to just wait. I really, really miss American healthcare. I am seriously considering paying out of pocket for an exam and testing in the US if I can't annoy the english healthcare providers into giving me some help. How hard is it to do a 10 minute exam?

Everyone around me seems to be pregnant, or having kids, and I can't even get a stupid period.

I hate feeling like this. I am usually such a happy person. I just feel like a debbie downer these days.
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  #14  
October 10th, 2009, 08:34 PM
denalibear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So sorry about the spotting...I wish ttc didnt have to be so hard.

I really hope you can get some answers soon.

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  #15  
October 11th, 2009, 05:01 PM
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Thank you for the support.


Well. Today is...CD1! I've decided after waking up to a bit more than spotting, that I am going to consider this a period since I am having all the symptoms along with it. I've also gone with September 15th being the start date of my last period, and the bleeding I had on the 26th was a result of...something getting rubbed wrong while DTD. *sighs*

This actually FEELS like a period. So, I am hoping it truly is. I went ahead and temped this morning. I've made it so my temping times are super early in the morning, so I can continue to do it while in Poland and it won't interfere with any of our tours. I just need to remember they're an hour ahead of us.

Fingers crossed for a normal period and a fresh start.
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  #16  
October 12th, 2009, 06:28 AM
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CD2...Very excited to wake up to what appears to be a "normal" period continuing! I don't think Ive ever been so excited to have one.

We just dropped our kittens off at the cattery to board them. I felt so guilty! They seemed okay and the woman was really lovely and I think because they are kittens she will give them special attention. I hope so anyway.

Now we are back, DH is up painting our third bedroom...I guess when he finishes the ceiling I will go help with the walls. Then I've got to clean down here a bit since we are having someone come clean our carpet downstairs because we won it in some drawing. Then...shower, pack, wake up at 5am and head to the airport to go to Krakow!




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Olivia Ann born October 12 2011, 5lb 6oz

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  #17  
October 12th, 2009, 03:06 PM
<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>'s Avatar N.T.N.P.( I need a break)
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I so hope that you get your this cycle...also did your friend decide to keep her baby?
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  #18  
October 12th, 2009, 05:05 PM
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Thank you. At this point I will be THRILLED to just ovulate this cycle!

And no...she is still planning on adoption. It's really just such a heartbreaking situation. It doesnt seem to be getting any better either.
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  #19  
October 18th, 2009, 01:13 AM
MandyRS's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey Ashley! I just have to say- that really makes me angry about the doctors out there!!! That sounds like 100% total judgmental BS to me, and there is ZERO scientific basis for such a statement!! I am sooo sorry you have to deal with that! Have you tried calling any other offices to see if anyone will help?

Check out the FAQs on my TTC w/PCOS board and see if it sounds like you. Your mention of the weight gain after going off BCP and not ovulating are red flags... and PCOS is so common AND treatable, regardless of your age!!!!!!! The co-host thing in my siggy is a link to the board. Hope this all gets figured out soon!
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  #20  
October 19th, 2009, 07:38 AM
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Thank you for the information Mandy. I've actually wondered if I had PCOS for a little while now because a friend of mine has it and some of her symptoms seemed like mine. I don't have all of them, but I do have the weight gain all of a sudden, in the stomach(I look 6 months pregnant at all times, I swear!) and as of late, infrequent periods. When I do have them, they're very short and light. I used to have periods that lasted 7 days straight. Now they're mainly just spotting/heavier side of spotting for a day or 2, and then they're gone.

I think I am going to try taking Vitex, to see how that might help me. This is the first month I am temping, and next month I'll add OPKs to the mix twice a day to see if I can catch the surge if I am ovulation, because so far I've never had a positive. But I dont test regularly.

The doctors here are ridiculous! They really just don't care, especially if you're younger. We can only go to certain places, within our "zone" of the national health service. We are registering tomorrow at a new doctors office though. I hope I can get something out of them if things dont get helped with natural means.
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Olivia Ann born October 12 2011, 5lb 6oz

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