[Lex&angels]

Starting over. I let my old one die and I don't even like it anymore. I know myself and I'm a perfectionnist - it's all or nothing. So here goes again! This journal will be more "organized", the first post will contain all info on my recent cycles so it's all in one place, the rest will be about feelings/unrelated events.

I thought it would be a good idea to post actual images of my charts here ! So here goes !

Sept 11


Oct 19


Nov 19


Dec 24


Jan 30

[KennasMama]

Lex, excited you are starting a new journal and look forward to keeping up on your TTC journey!!

[Lex&angels]

Thank you!
Tonight I went to a church meeting and got to talk to a friend afterwards who dropped the "just relax" bomb when I tried to confide in her at the beginning of my cycle, I told her how I felt about it and she said she was sorry and didn't realize (it was an IM conversation and she had other things going on in the background, didn't really know what to say)
So she invited me to hang out with her this Friday, so we can talk (or not - as I wish really)

That made me feel SO much better!!! I'm actually looking forward to it

Also, the "just relax" made me ANGRY, but it also did make me think (because I was so angry that's all i thought about for almost a week)

Vacations don't make me relax. Most of my insta-relaxants are bad for TTC or pregnancy (cigs, drinks, junk food, vigourous exercise, HOT baths, tea - I have anemic tendancies...)

So I've been working on reducing stress in other ways. I leave earlier for my work. I look at what is stressing me and try to arrange my planning to not have several stressers in one month (we're looking for a car AND moving, so we will move first, THEN look for a car, THEN I will look for a new job)
Also knowing that I'm not especially trying to keep this job because I want to take another one takes the pressure off. I'm no longer trying so hard for a promotion or walking on eggshells around my boss. All I need is to keep it. And as long as I'm not inappropriate, I will keep it as my sometimes out-of-line coworkers demonstrate.
I try to make time to read a good book, to talk to friends, to take walks and just enjoy life.

So yes, I'm still stressed, and next month I may even skip O and AF entirely since I'll be moving that month. I'm worried about that. For now my "solution" is to not think about it (since I'm hoping implantation is happening) and then if/when AF comes along (around the time I get back home from the holidays on the 28th) I'll start hardcore packing so there's not much to stress about !

[Lex&angels]

It's snowing (finally!) I haven't seen snow on the ground in 4 years now!
I updated the first post with today's symptoms.

[amonstersmomma]

I didn't even know you had a Journal! I will now be stalking you

[Lex&angels]

I had started one but for some reason it didn't click at first. So I decided to start over, later. Now that I know the ladies on here a little better, it's easier to follow what's going on in their journals and I've a renewed interest in this section

I guess I had a hard time remembering who was who at first (I've always had issues remembering names when first introduced to people) so I had a hard time following the journals.. thus having a hard time writing my own!

[Lex&angels]

My post-O temps are weird to me this cycle. They stay above the coverline but they are lower than usual. But then again I'm temping earlier in the morning than before (and when I wait til the time to when I used to take them on days when I can sleep in) they are a tad higher (up into a very promising range)
At 7 they are at 36.7, at 9 they were at 36.9. I of course recorded the 7 am temp.
My starting hours change from week to week so this cycle I'm trying hard to temp at the same time every day.

[amonstersmomma]

Temping has always made me nervous for some reason. I'm always worried I'm doing them wrong, not interpreting it right etc etc. And then in the TWW they can keep you so excited and then suddenly drop. Ahhh stressful!

[Lex&angels]

Today's a great day! I woke up to a small nosebleed I'm SOOOOO excited, I NEVER get these and here I'm getting them often!!!
My boobs still hurt a LOT (although admittedly that's also a normal AF symptom)
And there's SNOW!!!

[denalibear]

Yay for snow!!!! I wish we had snow here.

Nosebleeds and sore bb's are a great pg symptom....I hope this is it for ya girl!!

[amonstersmomma]

Definitely sounds like a good sign!!! KUP!

[Servilia]

Hi Lex, I will now be following you on here!! If you don't mind

[Lex&angels]

Well I had a wonderful day yesterday! It was my last day at work before christmas break (I have a week off) and we didn't have very much work to do so I had a good chat with a collegue, who actually told me he thought of me more as a friend now than just a collegue, which is nice. Work used to be very lonely until we became friends (it's only been about a month)

My temps are still up (and climbing).
The snow is sticking to the sidewalk, and still falling.

Last night Dan & I went to the christmas market and it was simply magical. The snow falling, the smells, the adorable chalets with all sorts of pretty things to look at.

Then I went to hang out with my friend and we talked about the whole TTC thing and it felt so nice to have someone in real life to talk to.
The main thing I took away from that evening is that I have a friend, and as long as I make sure that I like my life even if I don't have a baby right away, everything will be alright.

And I do like my life. I have a friend at work. I have a husband who loves me. And I love him. I have a great group of friends and family. I'm moving into a dream apartment, even if we never do have a baby I'll enjoy living there. A nice kitchen, I can get back interest in cooking hopefully. A large balcony. I've always wanted to know a thing or two about making flowers grow & small trees.
And an office until we have a baby.
And this fall I'm probably going to start a master's program.

I might be pregnant, miracles can happen. But I strongly suspect PCOS, and doubt I'll get pregnant without help.
I can't get any tests done until next CD 3, which won't be before February (here NO labs will be open on christmas/new years or in between except on days I will be travelling)

And even then it'll be at least another cycle before the data is processed and more tests are run.
So I can't expect to get pregnant until this Spring. So no baby until next December at the soonest.

Which means that I can start the correspondance courses in September for my master's. Even if it takes me 3-4 years instead of 2, I believe that naptimes & the fact that my DH can work from home on some days will allow me to complete it eventually and be able to get my dream job.

I'm in a good place now.

[Lex&angels]

I am feeling guilty because I didn't do ANYTHING today.
I want to test tomorrow so bad...
But it's probably too soon. FF says I should test on the 23d. I guess I should follow that.

[amonstersmomma]

Oh boy I hope you are able to hold out that long! I am such a wimp at waiting to test; I have a hate/love relationship with testing Lol.
And good for you for having such a positive outlook on life. It's really inspiring

[Lex&angels]

Thanks. But that was this morning. Now, tonight, I'm going insane. I thought it was too good to be true. The TWW bug has (finally) bit me hard.

To be honest I think I might just test tomorrow out of curiosity and to get more used to the idea of a BFN because I'm getting my stupid hopes up (I have a trial VIP membership at FF at the moment and have overlayed my chart with TWO nearly identical charts - PREGNANCY charts!!! with O on CD 22, under 25, same BD pattern as us...)

Honestly I hope I'll either get AF or a BFP before dec 24. I don't want to have to test on christmas. The timing this cycle is going to be the death of me if I don't get either by christmas. I don't know if I should test on christmas even if I'm late.

[Lex&angels]

Nausea + dizziness !!!
Either I'm losing it or I'm pregnant. And sadly I think the 1st hypothesis is more likely

[amonstersmomma]

I hope you're pregnant girl! Keep us updated on when you test!

[Lex&angels]

Here's the pic of the EVAP or BFP?????

[amonstersmomma]

Hmm that test does look strange
Did you take another; maybe this one was faulty?
Ekkkkk I hope it's a Bfp!!!!