[Hockey247]

Hi everyone my name is Sam and I am finally writing my own journal. I have been lurking on this site for a few weeks and decided to write my own. During my year + of ttc I never thought of communicating on any other board.. Everyone here seems so friendly. I decided that I didn’t want to keep everything to myself anymore.

I have to admit I still have a way to go learning all the acronyms but I do have a few down-- Any tips would be appreciated.

I have been ttc since 11/08 and wish I would have found a place to vent a long time ago. I have read a few journals now and can relate to so many of your frustrations. I have to admit I was addicted to pos at first—but now would rather hold on to hope longer than to be disappointed. Hence the reason why last month I waited until af was 2 days late before I tested. I knew that my boobs had been really really sore, my sense of smell was strong, dreams were crazy, I was using the bathroom several times a night but I had cramps—so af was coming…right?? No, tested and got a BFP was so excited!! I went to the DR and the line was faint at his office and he told me I was probably going to miscarry—went to another DR—since he has me in tears and the other DR advised me to give blood. Blood levels were 60 I was bleeding a day later. So after over a year I had a Chemical Pregnancy ! I am waiting for my first af since. That was the most disappointing feeling of my life and now I am scared it will happen again. Sometimes I can’t believe it really happened. DH and I had picked out names and everything—he was so excited. Ugh, we both were—so here I go again.

If I am at all close to being accurate on my cycle date—I would say I am on cd 21. IT’s hard to tell –I didn’t use OPK this month so I hope everything is on point to just go back to normal next cycle. Honestly these two weeks are so long when you are ttc. They can really make you crazy.

baby to all

[Im.Nayomi]

welcome to the board...I will be praying for your sticky
have you ever used Ovulation Calendar and Ovulation Chart - Fertility Charting ?

[ndsai05]

Hi Sam! I'm Saira, and I am fairly new here too. So sorry about what you went through last month, I hope next cycle you get that BFP that sticks! The 2ww is driving me nuts this month too, especially since I know that if I'm not PG, next cycle will bring more testing to see if I need Clomid. Ugh! Lots of baby dust to you, and hope to see you around!

[Hockey247]

Hey there nice to meet you both!!

Saira- I know how you feel-- I visited a reproductive endocronologist and he wanted to run about 100 tests! I bought the book Making Babies, made a few lifestyle changes and started to see an accupuncturist-- I has a bfp within 2 months. Lots of baby dust to you!! I hope that you get your BFP soon with whatever help you need!! Do you have a journal online too?

imoyaN-- I have read your ttc journal-- I am really hope you get your BFP!! I haven't checked back to see if you did in the last few hours---I had a lot of your symptoms when I recently got my first bfp. I haven't used that site alot yet but I have a free trial. I was wondering where you were getting all those percentages from and thought it sounded fun-- so I found where you had mentioned it and registered. It is a little confusing to me right now since I have not done temp charting-- so I plan to start next cycle. I just need a good digital-- mine takes FOREVER!!

[ndsai05]

Yep I have a journal, my last entry is really long and explains the issues I have. I'm hoping next cycle I can figure out exactly what I need. I still might be PG this cycle too but for some reason I'm already counting myself out. Testing again on Sunday, so we'll see!

[jensma]

Sam I can relate to your story! I had a miscarriage at almost 6 weeks after a year of trying as well. If you haven't you may also check the ttcal board as well. It is so hard to ttc while thinking of your angel sometimes.

This is such a great group of ladies and we're thrilled to have you posting!

[Servilia]

Hi Sam! Welcome! I'm Judy (30) and this is my 5th cycle TTC.

I'm sorry about your loss last cycle and hope your cycle goes back to normal soon.. and I hope you get a sticky BFP in no time!

[Im.Nayomi]

Sam- I go to chart gallery and compare my charts with others.....it is a lot of fun...im addicted..... i will not be testing til 2-15-2010 but even if I get a I can not tell anyone til after a doc saids 100% that I am preggo...cause its a deal I made with my dh.....so yeah...

[Hockey247]

Nice to meet you all!!

I'm going to write more later-- but I am rushing to get to a Hockey game :-) Miss the days of drinking-- now I won't drink a beer cause I am afraid it will reduce my chance of conceiving or cause me to have another miscarriage. I know a beer or 2 is not likely to hurt but I am not going to take chances... Can't wait to be able to go to a game and have a few beers though...

[Hockey247]

Happy Valenine's Day everyone!!

Jensma-- it is very nice to meet you. I am so sorry that you went through a loss at 6 weeks after trying for a year too. I was technically about 6 weeks too. It was so sad and I am still dissapinted. I will definitely come check out the other board. I guess I should see if you have a journal and I will-- but have you conceived since then? I think I am going to be paranoid the next time and just want to stay in bed until I hear a heatbeat.

Nice to meet you Judy-- hope you get a BPF soon too :-)

So dh just went to work and I am alone until nighgt-- I am glad that I am OK with the whole its Valentine's day. I think I will read some more journals and go shopping.

I am really noticing just how much I pay attention to every single pain and change in my body. The way I calculated-- af should be due in about 1-4 days. I am not sure because technically I started to bleed at the first Dr's visit immediately after the pap. However I got cramps like af 3 days after that. So either the first bleeding was af and not from pap or it started somewhere between there.

The Dr told me I should use this coming af as a cleaner and try again after. I didn't not try-- I just didn't use the OPK. So here comes my over thinking everything-- I used the br 5 times this morning, boobs are starting to get sore ( also sign of af) smell seems to be stronger-- but this is something I think I am creating in my head-- the last time I knew I was smelling things I shouldn't.

I just want af or another bfp-- so I can at least know where I stand. Not knowing my real cycle date is really driving me crazy- LOL

Hope everyone has a great Valentine's day..

Originally Posted by imoyaN

Sam- I go to chart gallery and compare my charts with others.....it is a lot of fun...im addicted..... i will not be testing til 2-15-2010 but even if I get a I can not tell anyone til after a doc saids 100% that I am preggo...cause its a deal I made with my dh.....so yeah...

I don't blame DH at ALL!! In fact I wish I would have waited and not told anyone until after I went to the DR. However, I am dying to know!!!

[dansyl]

Welcome! I'm sorry about your chemical, but there are many of us here that have had losses. So we know where you are coming from. I'm Kara (24) and DH will be 29 in a week. I love the ladies on this board and I'm sure you will too!

[Im.Nayomi]

so did you get a recently?

[Hockey247]

Hi Kara- Nice to meet you. Sorry that you had a loss as well, but it is nice to speak to others that have gone through it. I'm feeling better by the day but I will be so scared that it will happen again.

Yeah Nayomi, I had my BFP last cycle and am waiting for either another or af so that things go back to normal. I'm pretty sure that my af started on 1/22 and I had my bfp on 1/14, 1/15, 1/16.

OK- I have got to stop reading journals and go to the store or dh will get nothing for v-day later. This site is addicting _ LOL

[denalibear]

Welcome to journals Sam!!! I'm Stefanie DH and I are on cycle 23 of ttc. We decided to stop the BCP January 2008 and we were NT/NP until my cycles became regular again in AprilMay '08.

I didnt find JM until March 09 and I dont know how I made it for so long without the ladies here. They have been a huge support system for the last year. You will love having a place to vent.

I look forward ready your journal and getting to know ya.

[Hockey247]

Hi Stefanie nice to meet you. I am really glad that I found this site and look forward to getting to know everyone.

It's so funny-- everone has been talking about siggy's and blinkies and I was wonder *** everyone was talking about... guess what, they all just popped up and now I can see them all- hahah

k- now if I can figure out how to make one.. its probably a permission thing and I will need to wait.

[BabyLove23]

Hey Sam! My name is Kimberly. Good luck TTC!! Glad to have you here!

If you want, you can go to the Siggies Board. There are a lot of ladies over there that create these beautiful siggies for us! All you do if describe what you are looking for and upload a pic.

Looking forward to getting to know you :-)

[dansyl]

Hey, Sam! Hope you had a great Valentine's Day! I had a M/C at 8 weeks. It's hard, but I PROMISE it gets easier. I am so glad you are ready to start trying again!!! We are all here if you need us!

[Im.Nayomi]

Hey there! you have to have 50 posts to be able to get a siggy. Siggies R Us - JustMommies Message Boards I cant wait to see what your siggy looks like in the near future.

[Hockey247]

Hey everyone-

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday cause dh was off-- I know shocker. We never get a day off together unless we are on vacation and in another state or country. The last time we had a day off together was in July and we were in Costa Rica. Working opposite schedules has its advantages that is for sure.

50 posts until I get my siggy-- cann't wait.. I have no idea what to get. I'll have to think about it.

So-- I am sooo happy for my friend. Her and I were cycle buddies for 11 months. I had my chemical last month and she just got her bfp. It's hard being so happy when inside you feel defective.

Sorry- I think af is coming and I am starting to feel emotional. I think I should have af by Friday. In a way I want to be able to start a new cycle, temp, etc. It's feels like forever since I've been in the game and its all been an emotional, hormonal rollarcoaster.

Well, I have my accupuncture at 2 EST- I will write more later-- just needed to say how I am so happy for my friend but in tears at the same time..

[Hockey247]

Back from the accupuncturist and I feel a lot better :-) I was meditating while receiving my treatement and praying that my friend's pregancy sticks-- then I started to cry becuase I was so happy for her-- so my moment of sadness is over. I am determined to conceive this cycle-- can af just come already.

The DR- kept me on the same herbs and oils and she wants me to pay attention to my af and the flow. I didn't know its not considered healthy ( in Eastern modalities) to not have a good flow. I have a horrible flow-- so sorry for TMI and HORRIBLE cramps. I think we are balancing my hormone levels-- I did conceive a month after seeing her-- so I will stay positive.

I am going to do some reserach on epo and musinex-- get some preseed and a good digital bbt. Anyone have any suggestions? I want one that is going to be quick, hold the temp and beep very low.

Anyone else try anything that worked to help with cm. It appears as if years of bpc made mine dissapear.