[MonsterMama]

So I decided it was time to start documenting the madness that is, TTC.

For those that don't know me, I'm Suma (27) and my DH is Greg (27)...we are [obviously] TTC our first little monster.

I will probably end up linking this to an outside blog so that I can really let my emotions flow, uncensored But for now, this is a good place to start.

I'm currently 7DPO (around there anyway since I don't know for sure), but I'm not feeling entirely optimistic about this cycle. I tried to do all the right things....even incorporated OPK's to help out, but it doesn't matter...I still don't feel like it worked this time around.

I'm not really sure I would necessarily be feeling anything at this point, but I've seen so many women describe "symptoms" pretty early on. I told myself I'm not gonna do that....at least try not to imagine things just to get my hopes up. I'm trying to be as realistic as possible so that the disappointment of a BFN won't bring me down even more.

Being this is my first true 2WW, I'm trying to be more in tune with my body without over-analyzing every little thing. I figure if it's something blatantly obvious that I've never felt or experienced before, then I'll take note of it. But for now, I'm just trying not to look for a symptom(s).

The only thing I have paid more attention to over the past week are my BBs....they are REALLY sore. More sore than usual after O, but again, I'm not assuming it means anything really. Could just be a weird thing this particular cycle. My nipples are so sensitive...about 2 days after O they felt as though they were BURNING...I mean they felt really raw and were bright red (is this where I should apologize for TMI? )...not to mention they were so hard they could have cut through glass. DH took one look at them and loudly exclaimed "GOD D***!" and then asked what was wrong with them So uh yeah...definitely not something I over-analyzed hahaha.

The soreness has definitely let up though....still tender, but not as bad as a few days ago. But, no changes in fullness/veins/etc. So again...doesn't really explain anything.

Other than that...nothing else. Nada. Ziltch.

I had pretty bad O cramps this time around - lasted 2 days and felt like AF almost, but then went away and again, haven't felt anything since.

I guess it doesn't help that I just found out that my best friend's sister just found out she's pregnant a few days ago...doesn't help my optimism anyway. If anything it kinda brought me down because again...I just DON'T feel preg. Don't get me wrong....I am SO elated for her and her husband...she is like a sister to me as well....but it happened unexpectedly for her, and it just bums me out thinking about myself, and everyone else who's *trying* and not getting what we want. I keep questioning whether or not Greg and I should go back to just not using anything to help us out (OPK's, etc.) and just let it happen when it's meant to happen....but then it depresses me even more.

Blah blah blah, whine whine whine....that's what I feel this intro is all about

Oh well...this is my space to vent, right? Well...this was definitely a vent.

Will post again later perhaps

TTFN...ta ta for now....

[dansyl]

Yay for starting a journal! I hope that your stay here is short and sweet! Oh, and I hope you BBs feel better!

[Im.Nayomi]

hey there! so good to finaly see you start your journal, I say that because I think i saw your name on some of the girls blinkies....& ive seen you on Trying to Conceive Your First Child Board( I think) well anyway......nice to meet you, I am Nayomi.

[MonsterMama]

Thanks for reading my rant Kara

And Nayomi...it's nice to meet you too!!

[MonsterMama]

Time for an update...something weird happened last night that I wanted to share...


So last night, I was folding laundry in our bedroom and I had this really weird bizarre pinching/cramping sensation in my uterus....right above my pubic bone if that makes sense. I literally stopped right in the middle of folding to pay attention to what I was feeling. It only lasted a minute, and then went away, and afterward I felt a bit achy...just a dull ache in my lower back.

So hard to describe what I felt...it was truly weird. I'm hoping I didn't imagine it..well, I didn't imagine it, but I hope that it actually means something.

I told myself I wasn't going to obsess over such little things....and now....I can't stop thinking about it!

In addition, today, I still have that weird dull ache, but now it's more around my love handles area (still on my back)....I guess kinda around my ovaries - feels like that area anyway.

UGH...this is so frustrating...it's WAY too early for me to test, and I want to stop thinking about it.

So for the heck of peeing on something, I took another OPK just now thinking maybe I *didn't* really O when I thought and now it's coming (which is what happened my last cycle), but no....it was STARK white, so it's definitely not new O pains/aches.

Whyyyyyyyy must all of this be so confusing. I wish there were huge obvious signs when you become preggo so we don't even have to deal with this stupid 2ww and just know when it's happened.

Aaaaaaaaand....I'm crazy hungry this morning....I'm eating some vanilla yogurt to hopefully hold me over till I can't take it anymore

Otay that's all...TTFN.

[MonsterMama]

Ok, I can't take it anymore.....I'm going to have a hotdog right now.....even if it is only 11am

[dansyl]

8 DPO and cramping in uterus... could be implantation???!!! Could be nothing?? It's all so confusing...

[MonsterMama]

I dunno Kara....maybe?

But, I've had no IB/spotting....in fact, my CM has been SUPER dry since O...little tiny bouts of creamy here and there, but for the most part, nothing.

Can we just fast forward to next week already?

[dansyl]

Some women don't have implantation bleeding. Actually more don't than do. I guess we will know soon! Are you planning on doing any early testing?

[MonsterMama]

I reeeeeally don't want to test early....I just don't wanna deal with the whole convincing myself that maybe it was just too early for a BFP when it truly IS a BFN...KWIM?

I think the earliest I'll do one is Saturday...that'll be what.....12DPO? Yeah....

But I have a reeeeeally long LP....like 16 days I think, so I'm not sure if I'd even get a BFP by 12DPO....ugh...see what I mean!

Like I said.....can we just fast forward to next week?

[dansyl]

Oh a long LP is great! I know all about not liking BFP. I know this next cycle being my clomid cycle someone may have to tell me to back away from the pee stick!

[MonsterMama]

You will have every reason to be anxious to POAS next cycle!! I hope you get your BFP right away thanks to the Clomid!!

[dansyl]

Thanks!! For some reason I have a great feeling about the clomid!!

[♥Ashley♥]

Hi Suma!!! I recognize you from the AIP board! I hope you get a BFP very soon!

I had the cramping pulling sensation everytime im pregnant! Ive been pregnant (and miscarried) 4 times now, so that feeling is very familiar to me! And only once did I have implantation bleeding the other three times I had those cramps with no IB!

[MonsterMama]

You're starting to get my hopes up Ashley

...but I am sorry about all your losses, hun.

must.....stop.......obsessing!!!!

thanks for coming over and reading.....hoping you will get your Turkey baby this next cycle!!

[Servilia]

HI Suma, Yay for starting a journal! It's really fun but sometimes I have to stop myself from writing 20 posts a day about everything under the sun!
I hope those symptoms of yours mean something! It's so hard not to obsess, I know. I'm one of those early testers - I have to feed my POAS addiction!

Good luck and hope you get your BFP soon!!

[BabyBee13]

Suma your symptoms sound really promising..i am excited to see pics when you POAS hun..

[MonsterMama]

Well I just put this on the AIP board, but I'll share it here too....

I caved and POAS

Mind you I'm only 9DPO, and I *think* I see something....BUT, my eyes could absolutely be playing tricks on me....I had to fix up the image too, to kinda make it a little more clear to see the most faint [possible] line known to humanity




I used a FRER too, but it was totally blank...not even anything faint....but, the control line was weird....dotted pink instead of a solid line....dunno if that means it's a faulty? Hmmm....


Anycrap....as I said in my AIP post....it's ok to call me crazy for looking for an imaginary line.

I won't be testing again until Friday or Saturday....I don't wanna deal with another crazy faint (if it actually *is* really there), tomorrow. I figure I should hopefully see something more clear by the weekend if this line really exists

[BabyLove23]

I think I see it!!!! Ohh dont wait!!! test tomorrow!! First morning !!!!


Sorry I have become a total POAS addict :-) Good luck Mama!!!

[♥Ashley♥]

I posted in AIP but I definitely saw the line too!!! I dont know if ive missed an update, but I hope you tested again this AM with FMU!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck!