[MzRoo]

The basics about me are that i'm 29 years old. I've been married to my sweet sweet, love of my life named Joseph. He made me a Roo on November 1, 2008. I currently work and go to school full-time. My estimated graduation date is May 2012!

Let's see.... A month after Joseph, or J as I call him, married is when we started trying for a family. It was December 2008. I guess I started off as one who wasn't preventing and see what happens type of girl. Then I tried to really get into TTC and pregnancy message boards and I bought THE BOOK and ovulation strips and a basel thermometer... and really to me it just felt overwhelming and too much work. Plus, it didn't help that my once normal periods (about every 28-30 days) went crazy. I started having really long (for me) cycles and really short periods. Then it started where I wouldn't have a period one month and then two the next. Really, really frustrating when trying to find my fertility window so with that extra complication, after a year and a half of trying I just gave up. In April or so we just stopped and also have not had sex as much as we used to. I feel defeated and useless in the baby making area.

Recently my cousin, who is my best friend, turned up pregnant out of nowhere. she wasn't trying, she wasn't planning, and she was devastated when she found out. And apparently she hates being pregnant and complains a lot to me about it which... I deal with. This makes me crazy jealous and hurt but I deal. So I guess i'm back here once again looking for support. I have decided to start trying again because it just HAS to happen. I'm hoping that it will and that our kids will be around the same age that we are (we're a year apart) and as close as we are.

For the past few months I have actually been OK and I think when my cousin ended up pregnant it triggered all my suppressed baby wanting feelings. They came roaring back. Some days I have good days. Some days I can't help but get down on myself and cry and WANT and wallow. J is so good to me. He will talk me through it. I like to talk about our future children a lot now. I tell him what features I want the baby to have from him and what features they should have from me. Sometimes I wonder if i'm just setting myself up again for more pain. Then again.. it really doesn't matter. It's out of my control. I want what I want and it will continue to be a sore spot until I get it.

- A Girl Named Roo

[Im.Nayomi]

Hey, welcome to journaling...I really,really hope
your stay is short....& you get your soon.

[MzRoo]

Thank you Nayomi!


Last night I had a dream I had a baby. It's no doubt because I was on the boards yesterday. I haven't had a dream about a baby in ages. We were in a bedroom laying down. I was watching it sleep and squirm around on the bed. I remember I was SO happy.

So, sometimes I do "blame" God in a way for not yet having a child. I don't understand why it hasn't happened or why people around me are getting pregnant. I also wonder if he is saving this child for when I am truly ready. Right now financially it's not ideal to have a child. My job pays nothing but i'm staying with it because it keeps me exempt from student teaching. I won't graduate from school for another two years and wont have that banking paycheck (it will be compared to what i'm earning now) that we would need. My husband takes very good care of me but thing's could always be better with a degree and a better paying job. So maybe He is waiting until I have that degree and am more financially stable. Maybe He wants me to have this child with all of the right conditions in place.

If I were to get pregnant now it wouldn't even matter. Thing's would get taken care of but that extra big cushion would make it all much better. I guess i'll have to wait and see. BTW I hate waiting! ~

- A Girl Named Roo

[MzRoo]

Today isn't too bad. Really, I have reason to smile. Life is good and I shouldn't complain. I'm lucky that i've had the summer off from work and I get paid, I'm lucky my husband can take care of me while I go to school, and i'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband.

JUST SMILE.

[Wizza]

Welcome to the journals section! I know what you mean about not understanding why it seems everybody else can get pregnant and have babies with no problems. It's really hard sometimes but I think we will all appreciate it that much more when our turn comes. I hope you have a great weekend and do something fun!

[MzRoo]

Thanks so much for the comment. I will appreciate it tons when it happens. Who would have thought it would be this hard? It's such a gift, it should be something easy. You have a great weekend yourself.

[Hockey247]

Originally Posted by MzRoo

Today isn't too bad. Really, I have reason to smile. Life is good and I shouldn't complain. I'm lucky that i've had the summer off from work and I get paid, I'm lucky my husband can take care of me while I go to school, and i'm lucky that I have a wonderful husband.

JUST SMILE.

Hi Roo!! This clip completely reminds me of the Korean Dramas that I am completely hooked on. I also got married on 11/1/08 and have been trying since then.....long time huh??

I hope you get your BFP soon and your stay here is short and sweet.

[Im.Nayomi]

I am hoping that you catch your eggy& get your
real soon.