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~Christy's TTC Journal~


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  #21  
September 8th, 2010, 11:58 AM
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lmao Jessica you're hilarious with your huge super duper hooker hugs. Made me lol. I loved the baby rules, too. I look at the little onesie he bought everyday hanging in the empty closet in the room that will hopefully one day be the nursery. I'm terrible at reading everyone's journals but I'm trying to keep up with it.
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  #22  
September 8th, 2010, 12:06 PM
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Sooo my OPK today was definitely darker!


I feel like it's too early for me to O but maybe since I just ended bcp my body is out of whack. So maybe this month I will O earlier? Whatever! I'm just glad the line seems to be getting darker. DH and I BDed last night. I would have tonight, too, except that I have to be at work at 7p and he doesn't get off tonight until 10p. DH is off tomorrow though so maybe my OPK will be darker then.

Something has been bothering me recently, too. I am in grad school (online) for my master's in public health but I just really don't want to continue pursuing it. I am only in my second class and from day 1 I was like, why am I doing this? Now that I'm in I feel like I can't stop, I don't want DH to think I'm a quitter. I don't know why I signed up in the first place. DH is an overachiever. He has his doctorate and two master's degrees (and he's only 28). He enjoys school and I do, too...but I just feel like I'm done with it all. The program I'm in is only 2 years so I can push through it and get it done...my heart is just not in it at all.

Bla bla, it's kind of a gloomy day here and I feel sorta blah now too. I didn't get much sleep last night. At 2am I heard our alarm system's voice. I didn't know what it said, I thought it said "System is disarmed" I got scared, woke up Dh and made him go look. It said, 'Phone system failure'. Then I got more scared thinking maybe someone cut the phone lines outside to disable our alarm system. I couldnt fall asleep for anything last night. I've got to work tonight overnight and I just don't feel like it.

Sorry for all the whining.
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  #23  
September 8th, 2010, 12:24 PM
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Hey Christy-- I am finally making it back over here-- I have been terrible in journals the last few days-- normally I am really good.

Can I just say holy crap about DH's degrees. Wow Good for him. I totally know how you feel about getting involved in a degree program and then wondering wth? I really want to do one of those online programs but they are $$$ and I don't want any more student loans. 2 years does go by fast so stay with it if you think you will finish.

OK- now on to that OPK. Now, I use digis but that looks positive. Any one else think so??

Have fun catching that egg
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  #24  
September 8th, 2010, 12:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey247 View Post

OK- now on to that OPK. Now, I use digis but that looks positive. Any one else think so??

Have fun catching that egg
Yep, looks pretty positive to me too. I think if it isn't you are pretty close!
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  #25  
September 8th, 2010, 01:00 PM
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Christy... I think if your heart is just not in it... then why do it? I think your hubby will understand... thats just my

as for your OPKs... I think your ALMOST there!!! maybe by tonight?!?!?! GOOD LUCK!!! I hope you catch that EGGIE!!! that would be awesome for you!!!
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  #26  
September 8th, 2010, 01:13 PM
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Hi Christy- I haven't formally introduced myself so I wanted to say hello. I look forward to following your journey and hopefully in not too long from now, you'll be sharing your BFP with us!!
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Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #27  
September 8th, 2010, 01:41 PM
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Sam - What brand do you use? The digis seemed so expensive. I tried looking online and they seem to be a bit cheaper. Hmm, maybe if this month is a bust I will try digis next month. It'll take the guess work out. I don't like that DH knows I'm temping and OPKing - feels like I'm taking the romance out of it or something. If you want to go to school online, I say go for it. It's more expensive but taking out student loans is easy. Sucks having to pay them back though

Jessica - you're right...I think he'd understand. I just don't want him to be disappointed. We'll see...I already paid for this class so I guess I'll try to finish it, even though I feel like I'm doing half *** work.

Jackie - Nice to meet you!

ahhhh so you guys think it's positive???? I hope BDing yesterday and tomorrow will be enough. I'll also try to BD this weekend.

A girl I know from home just announced on FB she is preggo. I shouldn't have jealously towards the announcement because we just started trying so I can't feel defeated by it. But for some reason I felt a twinge of jealousy, althought I am happy for them.

Ugh, hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go!!
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  #28  
September 8th, 2010, 11:17 PM
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OMG, 2:11am at work and I have the WORST headache. I wish I could go home. I went to a c-section a little while ago. Ugh. Dr had to use the suction cup thingy...I hate when they use that. The baby was HUGE. Baby was only 36 weeks, too. I didn't ask but I wonder if she had gestational diabetes. I bet she weighs 9 lbs.

This night needs to go by FAST and I want to get days SOON! I am so sick of nights. Sure, it's easier (usually)...no patient families, no new orders written by the docs, no bronchs, no scheduled c-sections, many patients are scheduled for treatments on a 'while awake' schedule so we have less treatments, ect. But it's just SO HARD. I think it is anyway, my coworkers all love it. All I can do on nights when we're not busy is eat, sit on the internet, and try to nap.

I'm gonna stop tomorrow on my way home and get some clear blue digi OPKs. I need the guesswork taken out. I'm thinking I may stop temping, too. I'm pretty sure my temps are never going to be accurate because I'll never be able to temp at the same time. We'll see.

Oh, my DH texted me tonight at work and wrote "love you momma". Awww he never called me that before. Made me smile so big!
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  #29  
September 9th, 2010, 01:27 PM
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I am so annoyed with DH right now. I wanted to BD before I left for work but he's snoozing away on the couch. Oh well, my OPK was negative anyway.

So when I got off work this morning I stopped at Walmart before going home and picked up a pack of 20 Clearblue Digital OPKs. $39.99, not too bad. Definitely worth the money over the ones you have to try and figure out yourself. The circle vs smiley face is definitely easier! I did one when I got home and it was negative. That's ok. Yesterday when I got the maybe almost positive I thought it was waaaay to early at only CD 8 to be getting my LH surge. Hopefully I'll get it this weekend because I'm off work.

And my charting really stinks! I take my temp in my groggy wake up and it's all over the place! WTH!!!

Speaking of work...gotta get ready to go there! Keep your fingers crossed that it's a good night!
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  #30  
September 10th, 2010, 12:58 AM
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. - G. Marx

I'm going to start each journal entry with a happy quote to encourage my new stress-free, positive attitude!

Think happy thoughts...think happy thoughts...I am trying to be as stress free as possible and eliminate negative thoughts from my mind. But as I sit here in the dept at work my coworker won't stop sniffling & it's driving me nuts. I am trying to think only positive thoughts though!

What would I do without my laptop at work? Hehe. Probably be less stressed. In between rounds I sit here and surf JM website and look up other pregnancy-health related articles. I find all of this stuff that other people are doing (baby aspirin, robutussin, mucinex, Clearblue fertility monitor, B6, soy, preseed) and I wonder if I am doing enough. Although I literally only started TTC a little over a week ago I already feel behind. I wish I knew for certain that I would eventually one day have a baby, regardless of when, then I would relax and enjoy the ride. I am sure lots of girls may feel that way at some point or another.

I'm excited to get home from work to take another digi OPK. I love how easy they are. When DH gets home from work I'm gonna try and BD. We are supposed to go to dinner at a friend's and I'm on call at work (ugh). I know DH is gonna be trying to rush me out the door though to get over to our friend's for dinner. If I get a negative OPK I won't be as concerned. Isn't that awful of me?

Well, off to do that thing called work again.
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  #31  
September 10th, 2010, 10:18 PM
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Hi!!!!! YAY for starting a journal! Can't wait to start to get to know you a little better! I also was on the birth control pill for 2 years & got off it this past Dec & AF didn't show...i ended up going to my doctor in March and he had to give me provera to bring on the I hope you cycles regulate faster then mines did. I just got diagnosed with PCOS too so that could be the reason too. My friend was on the BCP for 10years, and she just went off it last month and is pregnant this month!! Crazyy right? I like the clear blue digi opk & preg test..thats what i always buy!

Anyways good look on your journey!
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  #32  
September 11th, 2010, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PiXiE*DuSt View Post
Hi!!!!! YAY for starting a journal! Can't wait to start to get to know you a little better! I also was on the birth control pill for 2 years & got off it this past Dec & AF didn't show...i ended up going to my doctor in March and he had to give me provera to bring on the I hope you cycles regulate faster then mines did. I just got diagnosed with PCOS too so that could be the reason too. My friend was on the BCP for 10years, and she just went off it last month and is pregnant this month!! Crazyy right? I like the clear blue digi opk & preg test..thats what i always buy!

Anyways good look on your journey!
Thanks!!! I've been nervous about AF not returning...but I'm trying to be optimistic We'll see...
That's awesome your friend got pregnant right after stopping. I guess everyone is different. Too bad we all couldn't just get right back into the swing of things. Thanks for stopping by I can't wait til the end of your 2ww after your IUI today!!
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  #33  
September 11th, 2010, 12:31 PM
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There is something you must always remembers...you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Winnie the Pooh

CD 11 - Negative OPK. Before DH left for work we were laying in bed and he said, So what'd your pee stick say today? lol At least he is thinking about it. One of my fears with us TTC was that DH would tell me he was ready & then change his mind. I would have been heartbroken. So when we were talking about when we thought we'd start TTC at the beginning of the year I told him that I wouldn't put pressure on him and to take his time; that when he decided he was ready to make sure he was ready. Our original TTC date was Dec 2010 but I let him know that if he wasn't ready we could wait until after that. I just didn't want to push an idea that he wasn't going to be comfortable with. So I am glad he is 100% on board and excited. I was encouraging and supportive the entire time he's been in school (which has felt like a very long time) so I'm glad we are finally ready.

I've been really iffy about temping. My temps are all over the place and now I feel like I shouldn't stop temping in case it'll eventually be identifiable...I don't know. I have old try-to-wash-off pen marks of various temps on my left hand because I wake up in the morning and write my temp on my hand and drift back off to sleep. I dont know what kind of pen it is but it doesn't want to wash off. lol. I should put some paper next to the bed. Plus, I'd kind of like to keep hope of a bfp and with temping...if my temps don't stay up I'll be sad. DH and I have talked about it and we may wait till I skip a period before we test, in case we have an early m/c (God forbid) maybe we wouldn't want to know about it and rather just think it's my period. I don't know, it's all confusing and I am getting way ahead of myself. Of course, I say that and you KNOW I will be in the bathroom secretly testing way early on! Tehehe No way I could wait that long.

I keep having weird bfp dreams - I hope that's a sign!
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  #34  
September 11th, 2010, 08:02 PM
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Hey girl-- I have been trying to get here for a few days now-- sorry I am usually a much better at keeping up with journals.

I use the same brand that you are using of digi OPK's. I am not sure if there are any others but yeah, takes the guess work out and wait until you see your first + OPK

And no worries about your temps being all over the place ( they are really not bad btw)-- FF will establish a pattern and we can definitely help
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  #35  
September 12th, 2010, 09:02 AM
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"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours." - Swedish Proverb

CD 12, still negative on my CB Digi OPK this morning. What the heck. My temp was 96.7 so I thought maybe that was my drop before the O? Guess not but I am still learning. Maybe tomorrow. I will BD with DH when he gets home from work, just in case. I am way too impatient and cursing myself for even starting birth control pills in the first place. I only went on them because of 2 cysts that ruptured in March 2008 and July 2008. I should have just sucked it up. Oh well, it's over. I need to be more optimistic over something that I literally just started. I'm sorry, I am probably being very annoying to the girls who have been TTC for so much longer.

What a lazy day today. I like lazy Sundays, my favorite day. I have a PRN job I'm supposed to go to tonight for 4 hours: 7pm - 11pm, seems like a waste to drive 45 min to work for 4 hours and then drive 45 min back home. I'd make $87 and after taxes it'd be pointless. BTW, prn means as needed. It's not the same hospital I work full-time at. I only work at this job when they need me, which is usually every couple weeks and it's not always full shifts, which I like. I just hate calling in. I've worked there since July 2009 and haven't called in once.

Is anyone else REALLY excited about the season premier of Grey's Anatomy on the 23rd? I AM! We do self scheduling at work and I made sure I was off that night, BUT my boss has the final say in the schedule and if there are gaps he can rearrange the schedule to make sure everything's covered. He hardly ever has to do this...BUT, go figure, he moved it around and now I have to work on the 23rd I'm sad but good thing we have DVR!

Sam--thanks for the encouragement! I am glad you don't think my chart looks that bad...but it's looking worse (to me, anyway lol)!
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  #36  
September 13th, 2010, 10:12 AM
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Hey Christy!!! sorry you havent had a + opk yet... I hope it comes soon!!! and I hope you catch that eggie!!! and dont worry about whinning too much... this IS your journal... at least thats where I put all of my whinning... lol and I think your temps are ok too.. it looks like its just starting to go back up... so maybe O is soon?!?! good luck!!!
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  #37  
September 13th, 2010, 01:30 PM
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"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain there would be no rainbow." - G.K. Chesterton

Thanks Jess, I hope I O soon and that bcp didn't royally screw me up permanently. DH can be so overly optimistic about it and it makes me mad. It's true I have nothing to go by yet but his lack of concern drives me up the wall. He keeps asking me if the OPKs are positive and when I tell him no he says it doesn't matter because he has super sperm (wth-ever, he's never conceived a child, how would he know?). lol. ok rant over. Thanks for the support girl!

CD 13: OPK - Negative. Good news is that the test line on the OPK had a little color on it, which is better than the last couple days which were completely white. Which is weird though because at like CD 8 or 9 I had one that looked maybe positive? I dunno. Maybe my + OPK will hold off until Thursday so I'll be off work and headed to a hotel on the beach. Lots of stress free BDing.

My temps are still weird ~ the open circles are from when I worked overnight and temped at 2pm and the closed circles are from when I am off work and temp at 7am. So while they are different times, at least they're consistently either 2pm or 7am. They don't look like they've got too much pattern to them though. It still feels a little stressful looking at this chart everyday & I may quit. Although now I feel like I can't, which is weird in itself.

Back to work tonight after being off all weekend. I called in sick yesterday to my PRN job. I just really did not feel like going. I also had schoolwork to do for the statistics class I am in and it turned out to be really freaking hard. So it's a good thing i didn't go to work or I may not have gotten it done in time. I am still contemplating quitting grad school but I just don't know. It's an accomplishment that I would like to have but I don't want to do the work. LOL. How lazy does that sound. It's not actually the schoolwork that I mind...but it's the 400 hour internship at the end that really gets me. However, if we have a baby by then (which I pray we will) hopefully I won't be working so I could do the internship fulltime and get it over with in a couple months. If I am still working full-time and only work towards this internship once a week it could take 8 months.

Anyway, enough blabbering. I hope you're all having a wonderful Monday.
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  #38  
September 14th, 2010, 12:09 PM
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Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is lazy. But to keep going when the going is long and slow - that is patience." - Unknown

CD 14: OPK Negative. Hello O, where are you? I really need to practice having better patience. I feel like I shouldn't be impatient while others have had to be patient for so long. I keep hoping everyday at least my OPK will be positive - my cycles used to be perfect 28 day cycles - but they're still negative. Maybe tomorrow. Now I read that eggs after CD 16 aren't as good as those before, so I did more research, and while it's very mixed...i am reading things about miscarriage and eggs that are O'd after certain days in the cycle. No wonder they tell women to wait 3 cycles or so before TTC. It's too stressful with all this waiting around for your body to catch up.

Work again tonight. Booo. Last night was busy initially and then the rest of the night was better. The ICU was my assignment and I had one patient go bad. Once we intubated him and got him stable the rest of the night was much smoother. Hopefully tonight will be smooth sailing. Not too much goes on in the JM world overnight so I've got nothing to do. Well, I have lots of schoolwork but who wants to do that?

Season Premier of Grey's is 9 days away! Can't wait!

Edit: DH just found out today that he has a job interview in Missouri on Tuesday. Please say a quick prayer for him and keep him in your thoughts. He has worked so hard for his & I really hope he gets it. Although it's bittersweet because I love NC and the friends we've made here (we're from the midwest originally) and I love our house. I burned it down 8 months after we moved in (on accident) and I am just really attached to our house. I so badly wanted a baby to bring home to this house...but I will be overjoyed if he is offered this job in Missouri!
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Last edited by PinkCloud; September 14th, 2010 at 01:44 PM.
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  #39  
September 14th, 2010, 04:17 PM
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I hope dh gets the job please keep us posted.

I have also recently read that eggs are not really the best if you O after CD 16. However I O a lot after CD 16 I have seen charts of BFP's with late O days so I am sure every situation is unique.

The only advise I have to give you on this whole thing is to have patience. I truly hope you conceive right away but the entire process seems like a huge waiting game. Waiting for af to leave, waiting to O, waiting to test, waiting for af etc. Since its new try to have fun with it-- I did in the beginning and then after joining JM I had a bit more fun. However I can truly say with certainty I am so over TTC!!!!

Lot's of O dust for you

P.S-- one day you will have to tell us the house burning story
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  #40  
September 14th, 2010, 11:25 PM
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Thanks Sam, I have a good feeling about this job interview. I'm off for 6 days (the upside of working 3 12-hr shifts per week) so I'm going to go with him. A little roadtrip

I will post the story of our housefire tomorrow. I can laugh about it now but when it first happened I was SO upset.

I hope I O soon. Fingers crossed! Hehe
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