[discombobulatedfarmer]

My DH and I have been married since August 01, 2009. We met in 2007, online.
He is 43 and I am 28.
DH has an 17 year old daughter, Shy, that I have not met.

We currently live in the mountains and I run our very small self-sustaining farm and am working on getting my Masters in Education.

I have always enjoyed kids. They make me smile and laugh so much! After I met Chris, I knew I wanted to have kids with him. But I felt that we were not ready. That changed when we moved to the farm. I feel totally secure and in love with him and just ready to have a big fat baby!

So, we started BDing in May. However, I did not know that ONE depo shot would take NINE months to completely get out of my system. Just 3 months earlier I had gotten one, as I had thought I wanted to become a vet, but those plans changed. lol Don't they usually!

Now, we are just practicing and waiting and are happy with either. I would LOVE to be PG, but I know too that until Jan 2011, when I turn 29, my body wont be 100% ready. I was a little down that I had to wait to be ready, but my DH reminded me that everything happens for a reason. And looking back, I'm happy with the decisions I've made.

I am worried though because my Mom and Gma both had m/c issues. So, sometime after Tgiving, I am calling my GYN and setting up a pre-conception appointment. I'm ready to get a big sticky bean in 2011!

[DaniM0820]

Hi Jen! Welcome to journals!
I'm Dani (24) and DH is Randy (22). We just got married August 20th of this year. I hope your stay here is short and sweet, and that your body gets to where you want it to.

I think it's fantastic that you live on a farm! DH and I eventually want to own one, but I feel like that is years away!

[Hockey247]

Hi Jen to journals!!

Your farm sounds amazing and I look forward to learning more about it as I get to know you more.

Are you waiting on af to show once the depo is fully out of your system? I really hope your mom and Grandma's m/c issues are anything you ever have to deal with. There are many of us on here that have had a m/c or are dealing with recurrent m/c and its no fun at all.

[Im.Nayomi]

Hi, Welcome to JM ttc1st Journaling

[discombobulatedfarmer]

Hey Ladies!

I am so glad to be getting all of this stuff out of my head an onto "paper." And have women responding - this is great!

My DH is very kind, gentle, and extremely supportive - he has been through 1 m/c with his ex - so I know if that were to happen he would be awesome at understanding what was happening and how to comfort me. I am so thankful for him!

Dani - A farm is so much work, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy watching the brooding hen, the new hatchlings, and watching them grow to juveniles and then adults. I enjoy seeing my little herd of 4 greeing me everday and reminding me when I'm even a minute late! lol We started with 2 seed trays initially and bought 10 little dibs for $1 each. Seems like ages ago...lol

Sam - I look forward to getting to know you too. Are those blue heelers you have? Cut-tee-pies! XD

Luckily, my body is acting more and more normal with each passing cycle. Though the Depo has given me longer cycles or at least that is the way it appears to me....28ish days to now 31ish. Seems I am in time with the moon, which is fine.

Much to my disappointment, AF showed on Sunday. But at least she was one time... I kind of knew we had missed the egg we waited really really late to BD. My sis is almost a Doc and she suggested BDing BEFORE OV. So, we will wait for AF to pack her bags and try again in Dec.

At least Jan is almost here! If timing is all that is off then, DANG, I think I can work on that!

Think positive, be positive!

{Thanks ladies - I needed a kick in the happy pants! I had been quite a grump for the last few days! XD.}

[discombobulatedfarmer]

Nov 25, Tday

There is a whole lotta not-nice AF inspired crap floating around in my head today and polluting my soul. I aplogize beforehand for it - I just gotta get all of this out.

Life on a farm or life with pets, is very different. You can't just pick up and leave and come back whenever. You have to plan for your animals to be cared for and fed and make sure the puppy doesn't hurt anything....

Our neighbors/co-opers/landlords are in NY until New Years, I think, they are not sure when they are coming back. Anyways, they usually feed for us, but they make me a tad nervous because they aren't as methodical or anal about feeding animals as I am. So, I asked the DH's sister, who has a farm, lives in the same town as us and we had been seeing them on a regular basis {that's another mystery I will have to put up another day}.

Anyways, she knew that we might be going to do Tday with my sister, but we had some semi definate plans -go down Wed hang out with my folks and then all of us would head up together for Tday and we would all do Black Friday together. I asked what they were doing and she told me they were doing something small at home.

So, naturally I thought they would be okay feeding. I asked her. She said no! They would be WAY too busy that day to feed our animals. When she JUST said they weren't doing anything big.

I called her out on and asked her if I had done something to upset her or what was up? She sent me a text saying that I needed to - just like everyone else - call 2 or 3 people and have them come feed. WTH

Okay okay, it is my FAULT for assuming she would be all giddy to help me on a holiday, but her reply hit me the wrong way. I wrote her a very sensible email asking if there was something else going on or what?

She did finally call me and pretty much told me I was overreacting. I am sure I am. But still I am hurt. It seems like every single time I ask her to do something that does not benefit her she gives me an automatic no.

I am just not like that - if I know you and know you are in a tight spot I will do ALL I can to help....guess I am just learning not everyone has a big soft heart. I also feel that becuase she lost her Mom in 2006 that she can't let anyone too close. And by not feeding my animals and doing favors for me or helping me out in a tight spot well that will definately get me away from you. You're my SIL for goodness sake! Aren't we SUPPOSE to be BFF? Apparently, not!

Things between she and I are somewhat settled {though just writing about this makes my blood boil}, but I still have some animocity toward her because now we are leaving our home at 4am, driving to my sisters and have to be back here by 4pm Friday....UGH I need to remember that this is MY farm and this is the hobby WE chose. And there are certain responsibilites that come along with it.

I think is what is really bothering me is that she is family and I really thought I could count on her, but I guess in this instance, not. And I want to be there for her and she for me, but I donno...she keeps letting me fall through the net!

I just donno what to do from here. I want to obviously continue the relationship, but how can I get past someone who lets me down on a regular basis?

[discombobulatedfarmer]

December 1 - Happy 1 year and 3 months to us!

I had to take a short respite from JM. Not only do the holidays make it hard for me to log on and contribute anything of susbstantial woth regarding my inner most feelings about how the TTC is gonig, but the DH and I had a relational hiccup last week and again this Monday.

I was almost to the point of announcing that we were WTTC as our finances, as they are everytime in the winter, low. And being farmers we never have an overabundance of monies, most of it goes right backinto the farm. Which is fine by me, but I don't work per se. I run the farm and have a crochet store online, but I don't have a 9-5 job. I hate the rat race and do not do well in a face paced medical or office environment. So of course the DH tells me that I MUST get a job or we are going to have to start selling some livestock. This would be fine if we had 100 head, we have 4. That looks incredibly sad on paper. But we are NEW farmers and have not yet had a chance to build a big herd.

Anyways, I came to several decision with the DH: We cannot stop trying to have kids just because things get tough. Things are always going to be tough for us or for a long time because of the life we have chosen. We have a simple home and plenty of unnecessary commodities, but we are not well off.
Second, I need to purse achieving my acedemic goals and get back on track with my school. I am so afraid fo the praxis that is has paralized me.
Third, we aren't selling anyone unless we are DESPERATE. And we are not to that point and I hope we never will be. (I just really hope the S510 bill does not screw us up.)

We sat down and had a long talk about everything and how we reacted poorly to this situaiton and to each other.

OH! I almost forgot. I was talking to my Doctor-Sister asking her if I should go to the OBGYN and she immediately said yes. I believe my body produces too much testosterone and there for too much non-female hair. Ladies, I have some facial hair that just needs to go! Permanently! Anyways, she said my androgens could be converting more to testoserone and no enough to estrogen, which could cause problems.

My appointment is for Feb 14! I will be FREE of depo and will have been officially TTC for 1 whole month! I am veyr much looking forward to it.

[DaniM0820]

Hi Jen,

So sorry you are going through some tough times. I hope things pick up with your farm. I don't know how difficult it can be to start from scratch, but my grandparents were able to do it even after all of their kids were out of the house, and they have had their farm for about 20 years.

And sorry you haven't been able to find much help with feeding your animals while you're away. My aunt and her family currently live with my granparents on the farm, and anytime they want/need to go somewhere someone always has to stay behind. Hopefully someone will be able to lend you a hand once in a while so you can go out and enjoy yourselves.

Best of luck with TTC and going to see your OBGYN!

[discombobulatedfarmer]

December 07, 2010

So, yes, I have been MIA for an entire week. Why? I started my own online shop on etsy! And having been making presents for Christmas, attending parties, and baby showers, and generally just trying to keep afloat in this crowd packed season.

Things are still tough here, but we have a good attitude about it. The farm is still slow and things will pick back up in the spring; unfortunately it does not look like we will be having goat babies until next year, which is fine and dandy with me.

I am excited that I am Oing this week and we have already been BDing getting ready for it. I really hope a little guy or gal makes it to the eggie and hangs on! That would be an amazing Christmas present! Pray for me and the future farmer ladies!

[DexysMidnight]

I hope you catch that eggie! Also, that is really awesome that you started your own shop! I hope that goes well!! What kind of things do you make?

[discombobulatedfarmer]

Jan 06 - 20 Days to my last 20th birthday

Yes, I have been somewhat avioding JM. I vetoed the whole baby making process over the holidays.

Our dryer broke down, our big puppy killed the rest of our frying roosters, and the pipes froze twice, killing the hot water heater element both times. I don't know about you all, but I just don't feel sexy if I am not clean. In addition, we have been traveling every weekend to work, so we can get away from our pot-growning landlords who have been absent since October and have offered no help in the way of any good landlord should. My cousin just had her little baby girl and my she is preggo; I'm a bit green eyed at the moment.

On a positive note, we have caught up on a lot of bills, the giant puppy is living inside, we ahve saving money by not drying our clothes as much, and the hot water is now working.

It was a tough month! But in the midst of all of this, we went to my SILs New Years Party and there was a little boy there, 14 months maybe? Anyways, I saw how Chris looked at that little boy and he saw how I looked at him and I knew then that we would continue to try to have kids and when we do, we will be awesome parents.

<3 j