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Elle's TTC Journal.


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  #21  
December 8th, 2010, 10:44 AM
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Hope your week is going good Any updates ??
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  #22  
December 8th, 2010, 05:50 PM
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Hi Elle, I'm not sure how I missed your journal! I'm Christy , I'm 27 and on my 4th cycle TTC. I hope you get your bfp really soon! It sounds like your dr is very understand and proactive so I am sure you're in good hands!
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  #23  
December 8th, 2010, 06:03 PM
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I'm slacking I know!

Hi Christy! Looks like we are on the same cycle!

CD 6

This part always seems so slow to me. Worse than the 2WW. At least during the 2WW I can over analyze every little possible symptom.

Not much new going on. I have been sticking to my work outs all week and I just ran tonight. I am trying to get all my Christmas shopping finished but it is hard when I just keep buying stuff for myself. I always do this! Today I had lunch with one of my friends and her two kiddos. They are 1 and 2 1/2 so it is always fun to see them but why is it that every time I go to the mall all I see are pregnant women? They are every where!


OH! We had dinner Friday night with our friends that did IVF. We talked about that a bit but it was a little hard to talk because they had their little girl there but I did find out that they lost one of their twins. Vanishing Twin Syndrome. I had never heard about this before. They were sad but she found out they are having another girl and so far the baby looks healthy so that is good news.
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  #24  
December 14th, 2010, 10:40 AM
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I have been MIA I know. I have been struggling with some things that have kept me away but more about that later.

CD 12

So today is the day my DR. wanted me to start taking the OPK's, no big deal since I started with my CBEFM on CD8 but to my surprise I got a big fat smiley face today, then soon after I got a peak reading on my monitor! Wow! This is the earliest I think I have ever O'd! Whats up with that? My temps have been pretty erratic this month as well, not that it really means anything, or does it? So I called my nurse and we are going to get me scheduled for my blood draw in 7 days to check my progesterone levels. Finally some progress! I think I am also going to see about having DH get a SA as well.

I think I have most of my Christmas shopping done! Almost! This is turning out to be a busy month for us! Starting this weekend we are going to be going non stop. The workouts have been going great and have really reigned in my diet and I have lost 3lb's!!!! I am super excited about that. I would like to loose about 2 more and I will be content to maintain. OK, I am off to catch up with everyone and see how they are doing. Maybe there have been some BFP's in my absence? I hope so!!!
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  #25  
December 14th, 2010, 10:45 AM
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HOORAY FOR YOUR + OPK !!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is my most favorite day of my cycle, seeing the big ol smiley face. You better get to it with DH and hopefully you will have some great news to share with us in about 2wks !! Your temps dont look bad to me thus far, hopefully we will see a pretty rise in a day or two! I hear ya on the nonstop running, it seems like every weekend DH & I have been gone to a party or two all w/e, 'tis the season! Cant wait to watch your chart ..... have fun !!
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  #26  
December 14th, 2010, 10:57 AM
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You reminded me Jennifer, with O coming so early we haven't BD yet!! So we are a little behind. I wasn't expecting it until Friday so I am totally unprepared! Yikes! We need to get busy!

I hope you and DH are having a fun Christmas so far! I love this time of year. I cant wait to see all of our families. And the PRESENTS!!!!! Yes, I am still such a kid! lol
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  #27  
December 14th, 2010, 11:58 AM
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Yay for your + OPK!!

I hope nothing serious kept you away! If you need to talk -- I am always here

I am so happy you lost some weight. I took a few days off but haven't been posting on our thread because it kind of died. I'll post there in a few.

Oh and get BD'ing woman
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  #28  
December 14th, 2010, 01:27 PM
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Hey Sam! I have been wondering how you guys were doing. I need to catch up on all the journals. I actually made a very lengthy post on the main board about what is going on but I am going to copy it in here as well. I really appreciate the offer to talk. I may take you up on that one day!


So I posted in my journal that I have been struggling with something that has been keeping me away from JM the last couple weeks. Well this thing hasn't only been keeping me away from here but also away from TTC. I have debated the last week about whether I should share this or not because I know all of you here would give anything to go through what I am deathly afraid of just to have a viable pregnancy, but if anyone would be compassionate about this it would be you ladies, so here goes.

I have a phobia, it is called emetophobia. It is one of the top ten phobias and it is the fear of throwing up. Now, I know most of you just said WHAT? I know, it is weird, trust me I know. I have dealt with this my whole life since I was a teenager and at times it has consumed me. Let me explain a little about how it works.

It is almost like an anxiety disorder of sorts. Where as most people if they are nauseous feel better if they throw up I on the other hand will do everything I can not to. It is the worse feeling in the world to me. I know no one likes to throw up but it is more than that for an emetophobe. I have not thrown up in 16 years. Once I start to feel nauseous I get very panicky. I am so afraid that I will get sick that it causes a full blown panic attack. I will go to great lengths to make sure I don't get sick. These are some of the things I do.

1. I don't eat much if any meat. Less meat less chance it is rotten or under cooked.
2. I wash my hands constantly and must always have hand sanitizer with me.
3. If I am around a friend or family member that has had the stomach flu I will be in panic mode for the next 24 hrs worried that I will get it, and then in the mean time I will be sanitizing the house, myself, whatever. ( I once sent my cousin back to her house when she came to stay the night because she was sick, awful I know)
4. I cover my eyes and ears if someone in a movie throws up.
5. I don't drink, never have. I have never been drunk.
6. If I cook meat at home I clean the counters about 20 times, never use the same utensils twice, or the same cutting board. I am very particular.
7. Nothing stays in my fridge past the exp. date. EVER!
8. I don't eat from buffets. I don't eat oysters. I don't eat at shady looking restaurants.
9. I carry Zofran with me at all times. It is my clutch. I don't take it often but it relaxes me just to know I have it.
10. I wont take a cruise.
12. I avoid pain pills at all cost. I had a breast reduction and a dental implant done all without 1 pain pill.
13. I agonize over any new prescription I have to take, especially if nausea or vomiting is a side effect. Most time I just end up not taking it.
11. And I am really afraid of becoming pregnant and having bad MS or god forbid Hyperemesis.

With all that being said, I am actually a lot better than most emetophobes. Some of them just don't eat at all. They wont go around children, they don't travel, they don't use public restrooms, they cant even say vomit, they wont have surgery, they have a hard time sleeping since a lot of times you get sick at night. They spend every day worrying when the next time will happen for them and never get a chance to live their lives. They choose to adopt vs actually carrying a child of their own.

For the last few years my fear has been in check but now that we are TTC this last week it has been making an appearance again and I have been panicking. My new Dr. seems to be very understanding about it and is willing to help however he can. Obviously I am very concerned about how these panic attacks will affect me and the baby if I am having problems with MS while pregnant. The thought of being nauseous and sick for 2 months seems like the end of the world for me but I am trying to fight my fear because my desire to have a child is so much stronger. My DH is really great about it as well. He has helped me to figure out what it is that I am struggling with and to realize that I am not the only one going through it, there are others like me and they have had beautiful babies!

So here we are, I got my positive OPK today and we are going to try again this month. I hope we get a BFP but I pray to God I don't get any MS.

If you made it this far thanks for reading!!! Do you guys think I am crazy now? lol I would love to hear your thoughts. This was actually very good for to me to write all this out and put it out there.
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  #29  
December 14th, 2010, 02:01 PM
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I actually have had anxiety in the past and have friends who have phobias. In fact, when I was young ( 2nd grade) I have a HUGE phobia of someone throwing up on me. My mother had to come pick me up from lunch every day since I said I was sick. I was actually panicking since I though this girl who got sick often (lactose intolerant) was going to get sick on me. In fact, I thought no matter where she was it would get me. The school finally figured out what was going on but it didn't make the fear go away. My younger brother learned fast and we would fight but he would save the threatening to throw up for when he really wanted it to end since I would panic and run! I think during college and drinking it lessoned but still to this day if I hear something that sounds like throw up no matter if it is an animal or human I get that panicky feeling.

I know this is a much lesser form than what you have but I understand the feeling of panic. I also know that some times these phobias lesson when faced with them. I know its NOT something you want to think about but is it possible that if it happened it-- the phobia would get better???

In any event-- I truly believe we never get more than we can truly handle in life and out of all of my friends that have been pregnant-- none had M/S. I will truly pray that when you get that gorgeous BFP you do not get M/S so you never have to test the theory on phobias getting better.

OK- I wrote a book in your journal! But I do understand
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  #30  
December 14th, 2010, 02:17 PM
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Thanks so much Sam! I appreciate the book! It is comforting to hear your story. Isn't it strange how phobias work? The worse thing about mine is that you cant get away from it like you could snakes, or heights because your phobia is happening inside you, so essentially you are afraid of yourself. Crazy! Your story about the girl makes me cringe!!! I feel so bad for you going through that as a child. I really hope I don't pass mine on to my kids.

You know DH husband and I feel the same way you do, that God only gives you what you can handle and that if I am lucky enough to become pregnant I just don't feel as though I will have a problem with MS. As far as the phobia getting better, it actually has since I am older (I used to be much worse) and that is because I haven't been sick in so long. From what I understand the phobia usually picks back up once you get sick again because the feeling and act is recent and the fear is there again. I have read stories from emetophobes that have been pregnant though that say they did get sick and it wasn't as bad as they thought. It really is more of the anxiety before hand that is so awful. Good to know that all of your friends didn't have MS. A fair amount of ours didn't have it either so that is hopeful.
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  #31  
December 14th, 2010, 07:35 PM
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I just wanted to say hi in your journal I am usually much better at keeping up with journals but I have been a slacker lately because we are in the middle of an 800 mile move.

I'm glad you're finding the board to be a place you enjoy! I hope you get your bfp soon, although we would miss you! Thanks for sharing your story today~it's nice to hear from people who are similar to you in a way.

I look forward to getting to know you better!
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  #32  
December 15th, 2010, 09:49 AM
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Hi Christy! Thanks for stopping by. I am having such a hard time at keeping up with journals! When I post in mine I try to stop by all of them but then I get side tracked and never seem to finish. And then when I come back to check in there are more new posts! I hope your move goes well. Where are you moving to?


CD 13

Temps rising and got another peak on my monitor but no smiley on my OPK. I don't think that is a big deal. Does that mean I O'd yesterday? The monitor will always give you another peak the day after your first no matter what so I don't think I can really go by that. We did the BD last night and we will again today so hopefully we will catch that egg!!! I just wanted to be a little more prepared this month but oh well!!!

So I got scheduled to have my blood work done next Tuesday. I should know in a day or two after about my progesterone levels and if I will be starting Femara next cycle. I am really excited because DH scheduled for his SA on Wednesday next week!! He was so good about it. I gave him the number and he said "Do we really need me to do this" and I said "YES" and he went and made the call right away.
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  #33  
December 15th, 2010, 11:05 AM
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hi Elle

I don't know much about how monitors work.. I hope you O soon. I noticed you have a lot of open circles in your chart, especially in the last few days. That might make it harder to pinpoint what's going on.. have you been taking your temp at different times a lot?
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  #34  
December 15th, 2010, 11:14 PM
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Hey Judy! I have been meaning to respond to your post in my thread on the main board, but I will just do it here.

Yep, I have been taking my temp at off times. I am usually consistent for a about 2 or 3 days then my schedule changes and I am consistent for a bit then I change again. This is because DH and I have taken the last year off from work so we don't have to be up at any certain time and we just sleep in while we still can. I think I may need to start setting my alarm for the same time every morning to wake up and temp but I tried that last month and I would have a hard time going back to sleep so I wasn't getting much sleep. Also, if I start to kind of wake up a little before the alarm goes off I just wake up and temp because I start to think "OH, I'm awake so I need to temp" but I don't know if that is how I should do it or not. I am still trying to get the temping thing down.

About the emetophobia and the anxiety. DH and I just talked this week about seeing a therapist so I think we will pursue that path but I know it is hard to find one that is familiar with this phobia and I have read that it's important that they know about it. We are really good about calming each other down when one of us is having a panic attack. Our phobias so far always happen at different times so the other is usually very calm and that works out great.
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  #35  
December 16th, 2010, 11:32 AM
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Hello !! Hooray that we'll be close in our 2ww together So far based on your temps Im wondering if it'll pinpoint Tues. as being your O day .... guess we will wait & stalk your chart tomorrow to see what it shows!

I think you are very brave for sharing both your & your DH's phobias and just so you know, I do not think its weird, strange or it doesnt make me think of you any different My DH cannot at all tolerate anyone even sounding like they are getting sick, where myself on the other hand work in a hospital so I dont blink at all. I'm sure it must be scary though thinking about the "what if" when you do get preggo.

Hope you have a great day !!!
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  #36  
December 16th, 2010, 01:19 PM
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Hi Elle

Well yes, temping at different times so often will really throw your chart off. Really, you should be temping around the same time frame. I have noticed huge discrepancies even with a one hour difference from day to day. On the weekends, when I have the chance to sleep in, I still set my alarm for my regular temp time and then go back to sleep. Like you, I used to have trouble falling back asleep but I got used to falling back asleep and it got easier.
Oh, and if you do wake up before your alarm, try to use that temp. Don't wait until the regular time. The idea is to have 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep before you take the temp in order to be the most accurate. So you're doing that right.

About the therapy. I understand it's best to find someone who is familiar with that specific phobia, but if that's not possible, a therapist who is familiar with phobias in general and anxiety could help you too. Basically, phobia disorders are anxiety disorders - they just latch on to something (in your case, throwing up), and are triggered by it. Whether it's a phobia of throwing up or a phobia of something else, underneath they follow the same kind of pattern and a good psychologist can treat any kind of phobia even if they haven't heard of that specific kind of before (in my opinion at least). Cognitive-behavioural therapy is really good for treatment of phobias so try to find a psychologist familiar with that therapy. I admire you for sharing your story I wish I stuck with psychology instead of going off to law school.. I would love to really help people with these issues..
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  #37  
December 17th, 2010, 10:04 AM
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LOVE YOUR TEMP RISE TODAY !!!! Hooray !!!!
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  #38  
December 17th, 2010, 10:12 AM
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It looks like you're in the 2ww now! I used to be unable to temp at the same time everyday because I worked nightshift. My first & second chart were kind of all over the place. Do you work odd hours, too? Your chart looks great though & a pattern is definitely obvious so I don't think you'll have a hard time seeing the change after O.

I'm sorry I didnt reply to your question, I haven't been on the computer much. My DH got a promotion that's taking us to South Bend, Indiana. I'm moving on Tuesday!
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  #39  
December 18th, 2010, 02:31 PM
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Where are ya ?? I miss my 2ww buddy
Excited when I saw officialy crosshairs and can I say YOUR TIMING ROCKED !!!!
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  #40  
December 18th, 2010, 04:45 PM
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The Christmas craziness has started! I have checked in but only had brief moments and not any time to post! No time to catch up on journals and it is only going to get worse next week.

CD 16 - 3 DPO

I got my CH's today! Yay! I love seeing those. So yep, I am in the 2WW. I promised myself I would not obsess over every little possible symptom this month and that should be easy with Christmas and all that. My temp is much higher all ready this month than it was this time last month. I don't know if it means anything but I usually run cool so for me I think it is something. Maybe my progesterone is good this month? I will know after Tues!!!

Jennifer, I would of thought you would have gotten CH's today too, but I guess you will get them tomorrow showing you O'd on day 12. Your timing looks good too and you covered it really well! We will be just one day apart! That makes you my first cycle buddy!

Christy, I don't work so no odd hours there, we just stay up late and sleep in when we can, while we still can. Some days we have things to do so we get up early and then others we get to sleep in and we are really taking advantage of that while we still can before kids and before we both go back to work. After the wedding last year we took some time off work to travel and see family before we have kids and now its time to go back to work. It has been fun but I am soooo bored. Good luck with the move! I hope it goes smooth!
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