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Daneeleigh's TTC Journal


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  #1  
April 2nd, 2011, 01:18 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, if you make it through this first post, I salute you lol....

I'm not even sure where to begin with this. In all the years I've been on JM, I've never started a journal but I figured in the next journey through life I'm going to need a place to vent my thoughts. Before we go any further, this is not a place to voice judgment on my decision please. You'll understand my meaning further down, but I feel my choice has been well thought out for over a year now and opinions aren't going to sway me anyways. Anything judgmental would not be taken as advice. I hope that didn't come out wrong lol. I'm kind of a straight forward person and really don't know any other way to be. I prefer people to be that way to me though, it saves time lol.

So background first! I was married previously. Spent time ttc previously. Obviously both failed lol. I'm 23, in the Navy and currently stationed in bright sunny San Diego! I love my job, my little apartment, and my simple life.

So down to the nitty gritty! I've struggled with the pain from endo since I was a teenager. I'm not going to go into too many details about it cause frankly I'm sick of always talking and thinking about it. It put so much strain on my marriage just because having sex at the time was horrendous. Thank God for physical therapy to fix that lol! I've been told by a several doctors, including my current one, and every female in my female have your kids young to save yourself the pain of struggling later. Okay, whatever noted. The urge to be a mother since I was 18 has been freakishly strong (not trying at 18 lol) but it was there. So when my husband came around we started ttc very early. I wanted a baby. Because of my disease, the pain I was in, and urge to be a mother were all so great I couldn't take it. It became an obsession. A very sick one. One that I think probably led to a factor in the end of the relationship. I became so wrapped up in wanting a baby I lost all sight in the purpose of him other than just a sperm donor. Other factors were definitely involved might I add and some of yall will probably remember. Anyways, after we split, I decided I wanted a baby more than anything else and if I had to have one by myself one day I would. I didn't care. I thought that option through for a little while then shut the door. Maybe when I'm 26, people just won't understand right now is what I told myself. Well, in October I met a very nice man. We dated for six months and broke up last week. It was mutual and no hard feelings were really involved. I just wasn't happy and I didn't like where the future was headed. He was backing out of things, small things, but I had a feeling those small things would lead to big things. Other things were involved as well but I mention this because we had discussed having babies. We were going to start ttc in a year. I started thinking, what happens if in a year he backs out of that? I just wasn't up for that option. With everything else that was going wrong, plus the thought of that too, motherhood is something I can't live without. So we broke up.

Now you learn about my plan! I have decided to become a mother by myself. I've already called a clinic in my area. I'm starting the paperwork now and I hope to have an appt soon. I will be doing donor sperm through IUI. And I'm thrilled and so excited!!!!!!!!!!! I was going to move to a different board because I was scared of yalls opinions but I know everyone here and like everyone here I hope no one finds this offensive. I'm financially capable for this, my cycles are the best they have ever been in my entire life, the pain from the endo is getting unbearable. It's like it's every thing in me is telling me now is the time!!! Don't wait!!! I've thought about this for a long time now. And me and my mother have discussed this at length for hours over the past year and when I told her the other day I was going through with it she just cried she was so excited. She picked out baby names with me lol. I have to keep reminding her there's definitely NO guarantee this will work. I haven't decided how many times I'm willing to try it but so far I know I'm willing to try at least three times. If it takes more than that, we'll see.

Okay, I think I've wrote a novel. If you made it to this point, I'm sorry lol. Again, please only support in my journal. You can judge me in your house lol.
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  #2  
April 2nd, 2011, 01:55 AM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No judgement here! I'm sorry your relationship ended, but I understand your reasons. And it makes complete sense that you would want to TTC on your own. It's better than TTC with a guy who you'd eventually break up with, which would create custody drama.

I do hope that it works out.
Would you be doing "simple" IUI or adding Clomid or injectable drugs to the mix?
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  #3  
April 2nd, 2011, 02:20 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks Lex. My plan is to do simple IUI. When I was talking to the lady on the phone though asking about prices though she said well it's this much for the IUI itself w/o meds and I was like okay that's all I need. She went on to explain the doctor may want to do medications still which I'm a little confused about. I ovulate on my own every month and I have a perfect 14 day lp almost every month no matter what day I ovulate. I explained this to her and she still insisted the doctor may decide to try meds as well. I guess well see lol.
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  #4  
April 2nd, 2011, 04:13 AM
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That's weird that the doctor would want you to do stims if you ovulate regularly at a normal time on your own and have a normal LP. I'm doing the meds but because I ovulate late and not regularly and have a short LP.
I have no idea how the sperm bank works, do you get to pick features so that the guy looks like you so that the baby will just look like you?
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2011, 12:18 PM
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no judgement here either!!! YAY!!! I remember you talking about this before!!! I cant wait for you to get what you want!!! good luck!!!
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2011, 12:18 PM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's exactly how it works. Kind of weird huh lol? I can even pick him by nationality too which is pretty neat. So I'm hoping to find a brown hair blue eyed Eastern European decent medium build medium complexion donor. I am fair complected in the winter and medium in the summer. I get that from my father. My mother though looks like she's tan all the time. So I think it would be nice to give my kid maybe a chance to have a tan all year long lol.
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  #7  
April 2nd, 2011, 01:34 PM
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No Judgement here... I'm so happy that you have come to this decision. I know how much you want this. If it was me I would do the same...
Sorry things didn't work out with your man but when you know its not right you have to call it quits.

I O by myself and I have a 12 to 14LP but I used injections... I know it didn't work for me but thats coz I O'd on my left each time and i hae no left tube.
I hope all you need is one simple IUI. Good luck honey
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  #8  
April 2nd, 2011, 06:32 PM
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Good luck on your new journey Dan!! How exciting
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  #9  
April 2nd, 2011, 07:02 PM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you for the support ladies. Yall are amazing!

And Becks, I think because of your tubal issue the injections were probably the best route to make sure you would O and hopefully from that side. Again, I'm not not an RE making tons of money so I can't really say what they're decision will be lol. Hopefully this will go as easily and smoothly as possible with as little medication as possible. I think meds would just as more stress than is already going to be present. The biggest thing right now is selecting the right donor in my opinion. I hope this doesn't sound awful but what if they have a physical trait I just don't care for lol. Like dumbo ears? The place lets you pay for pictures of donors but that probably gets expensive. I'll be talking to them on Monday so hopefully I'll have an update on what to expect in that field then.
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  #10  
April 3rd, 2011, 04:31 PM
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oh my gosh...Girlie I am so excited for you!!!!!!! I think it is so wonderful!!!

I haven't been on JM very much lately but I will totally be stalking ya

If you don't mind me asking how much does just the IUI cost? All the clinics I have called around here wont tell me unless I go in for a visit.
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  #11  
April 3rd, 2011, 10:41 PM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The clinic I'm going to cost 275 for the IUI, not including the testing and meds. The sperm washed and prepped will cost 400 a vial! Yikes lol. So the sperm will be the most expensive part of this whole adventure. That's crazy they won't tell you when you call them, they told me right away. I have done a lot of research on the internet and everyone says getting things done in Cali is just easier. They move quicker, more laid back, and more excepting. I doubt this would be happening in Louisiana lol. I pray I can get my miracle here before I move out of the state one day.
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  #12  
April 4th, 2011, 09:37 AM
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Hi Daneeleigh! You don't know me, but I wanted to say hi and welcome to the journals!
I'm Dani (25) Dh is Randy (22); we've been TTC since August.

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, and your relationship, but I think it is so great that you are moving forward with your plans to have a baby! I hope the whole process moves quickly for you and you end up pregnant in no time!

I look forward to following you on your journey!
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  #13  
April 4th, 2011, 06:25 PM
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Ah this is great. Can't wait to follow your journey. That's awesome how supportive your mom is. Woo!
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  #14  
April 4th, 2011, 07:00 PM
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Def no judgment here! I'm sorry to hear about things with the BF You know I wish you all the luck in the world no matter how you get to be a mommy!
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  #15  
April 5th, 2011, 12:06 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you ladies! Ugh, now how am I going to wait until next wednesday lol!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems so far off! I already have a list of potential donors I want to consider. My homework is done lol!
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  #16  
April 5th, 2011, 05:31 AM
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OMG share the details girl! That really is cool!!
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  #17  
April 5th, 2011, 10:24 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well I have blueish green eyes so I picked from donors who either had blue or green. 5 have blue, 2 have green. I picked men who were 5'11 and taller because I'm only 5'1. I don't want a midget of a son and I got the freakishly short genes in my family, no one is as short as me. All weigh between 180 to 200 depending on how tall they are, I didn't want a bean pole for a donor because that's not my shape at all. My family is very curvy people lol. All have either brown or blond hair which my natural color is light brown so that works. I was actually born with red hair that turned light brown No clue where that came from lol. So now that I have selected my favorites, I have the seven listed in order of favorite, the doctor will go over with me which he thinks will work best. We will compare my baby picture with the donor's baby pictures plus we will see who also has the most vials in storage. If I have an absolute favorite but he only has one or two vials to try from, I can go with him but if no pregnancy results I have to select a new donor once he runs out. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that because that's like getting a whole new kid half way through. Kind of weird to consider KWIM? I know I'm not normal on most things but I still have some boundaries I find weird lol.
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  #18  
April 5th, 2011, 05:23 PM
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What a neat process! And very cool you get to see his baby pics! Too bad you can't see what he looks like now... I mean, I obviously know why you wouldn't get to but just sayin it'd be neat to see what your child could grow up to look like
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  #19  
April 6th, 2011, 10:09 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wish I could see his adult pictures but this bank doesn't do that. Some do but this one doesn't. The lady did say that most of them did know the donors pretty well so if I had any specific questions about what they looked like they could probably answer them for me.

Ugh, One more week to wait. It feels like forever away. I've waited sooo long to start trying again and now that it's a week away it feels FOREVER lol!!!!!!!! I'm already preparing myself for the negative test that first month. I know I shouldn't be but I'm not naive to this process either. My Opks and tests should be here today or tomorrow and I can't wait!
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  #20  
April 7th, 2011, 04:50 AM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is really exciting! I don't remember much from your first TTC journey, but were there any MFI issues or were the "only" issues your endo? If there were MF issues you really have good chances for it to happen quickly this time!
That's really cool you'll get to see baby pictures. Do you get to pick traits like "musically enclined" or "plays sports" or "ivy league college"?
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