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Belita's Journal - TTC #1


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  #21  
December 7th, 2011, 06:14 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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Based on your FF chart, I totally disagree with TCOYF. I think you're clearly 4 DPO.
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  #22  
December 7th, 2011, 08:35 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
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TTC can be very emotional...you never realize how bad you want one til you've made the decision to try! anyways. just want to say I hope you're feeling better! and I'm hoping this is your month for you! maybe you'll be lucky and get that sticky bean first month!
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #23  
December 8th, 2011, 03:08 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, ladies. It's so true. It's one of those things you just don't understand until you're in the situation yourself. I thought I'd be able to be more casual about it. I am feeling a little bit better today. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait the whole two weeks to test, though!
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  #24  
December 11th, 2011, 04:31 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Cycle #1 - CD 19 - 8 DPO

I broke down and tested today. I know it's way too early for it, but I just really wanted to! It was negative, as I expected it would be.

At my pre-conception appointment last week, my doctor attributed my breast tenderness to ovulation. It got quite a bit better on Wednesday and Thursday, but on Friday started hurting more again. They still are still sore.

I went ahead and purchased some items for telling DH and family that we're expecting (even though I haven't had my BFP yet). DH loves the Boston Red Sox, so I got a Red Sox bib, Red Sox pacifiers, and a picture frame for an ultrasound. I put them in a gift bag so they're ready to go whenever I get my BFP.

I also bought picture frames for our parents. I know my mom wants to be Nana, so I got a Nana picture frame for her and got "Grandkids" picture frames for the rest of the parents. If we find out in time for Christmas I'll find something for the aunt- and uncles-to-be but otherwise we'll just tell them and not do presents. I know I'll want to do the photo frame for our parents regardless. I also bought a recordable storybook of Guess How Much I Love You for my mom because she has cancer and we're not sure how much longer she'll be around. I never got to meet my mom's dad because he died when she was 15 and, although I've seen videos of him, they were the Super 8s and I don't know what his voice sounded like. I would like our kids to know my mom's voice. I don't like to talk about it, but that's part of why I am really hoping to get a BFP soon, in addition to just wanting it badly for ourselves.

I'm still feeling optimistic about our chances this month. I still feel different. I had a MASSIVE mood swing the other night! I was furious at DH over nothing, while being happy about my final name change paperwork finally coming in, and crying because I didn't understand why I was so mad at DH! I've felt a little bit of cramping on and off the past couple of days. I hope it's a good sign!
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  #25  
December 13th, 2011, 03:21 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Cycle #1 - CD 21 - 10 DPO

I'm so sleepy! I made a post with questions about the number of hours sleep's impact on BBT, but I fell asleep for the first time at 7:30, was awake for about 30-45 minutes at 8:15, then back asleep until 6:15 when DH was trying to wake me up for work. I normally go to bed at around 11. I'm still pretty tired. My breasts also started itching really badly today. I was glad for having so much time in my office!

My doubts are starting to kick in now that it's so close to testing time. I've actually tested already and got a BFN, although I figured it'd be the case, but I'm afraid of the lower temp (even though I know it could be a number of things) and I'm afraid I won't get my BFP. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not to start TTC the month I came off the pill because I have no reading on whether these are normal for this time of the month or not. I remember some things from the last time I was off the pill a year and a half ago, but not everything I'm noticing so much now. I know it's only our first month. I really have no idea how the ladies who have been doing this for months or years stay sane. You all have my thoughts and prayers as well as my admiration for making it through all this.

I wish there was a device that could tell me whether these signs are definitely pregnancy or not!
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  #26  
December 13th, 2011, 03:24 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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I'm going to hope that your tired from being pregnant and that your temp dip is either: (a) just an anomaly; or (b) implantation.
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  #27  
December 16th, 2011, 03:18 PM
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Turns out it was implantation! So happy for you! and my symptoms are sooo similar to yours. Yesterday, I went to bed ay 7:30. The only thing different is a I have a stuffy nose for 3 days. Congrats to you and hubby! Merry Christmas
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  #28  
December 16th, 2011, 04:43 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
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just coming in here to say congrats!!!!!!!!! how awesome for you! wishing you a very healthy and happy 9 months!!
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #29  
December 27th, 2011, 05:47 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Cycle #2 CD 5
Thanks, ladies. Somehow I missed those congratulations.

I still can't believe I had a miscarriage. I think I cried myself out on Friday, but I'm still devastated. I've dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom since I was a little girl. My dream was finally coming true and then it was all swept out from under me. Intellectually, I know I'll get pregnant again and will most likely have a healthy pregnancy, but emotionally I don't feel that way.

I feel like such a horrible mother for losing my child. Intellectually, I know that I did everything right, and the little things I may not have done right would have not harmed a perfectly healthy baby, but I still feel like I did something wrong. I even gave up an x-ray at the dentist before I knew I was pregnant because I just had a feeling we had conceived.

When this was happening on Friday, I knew that I would need help. I made an appointment with a women's mental health clinic that specializes in this sort of thing. Unfortunately, they don't have any appointments until January 18th.

DH has been amazing. He has been taking such good care of me and helping me grieve, when I know he's also feeling sad. Today he brought home chocolate and flowers for me. He will be such a great father, I also feel badly for taking his dream away.

I guess it's good that my body can't physically TTC yet. Nature's way of making sure we don't get pregnant again before we're ready, I guess. I just want our Gabriel to get strong ASAP and come back to us.
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  #30  
December 27th, 2011, 05:55 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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Time really will help things, though I know you feel awful right now. I hope you feel a little better every day. And I'm so glad you have a wonderful husband to help you through this rough patch.

Gabriel really will grow stronger and be back soon. I just know it.

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  #31  
December 27th, 2011, 06:01 PM
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Thanks. Even though we both knew there was too much bleeding and tissue passage this weekend, we were both holding out a little hope that everything was okay. I think today set us both back a bit in the grieving.

What helped you?
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  #32  
December 27th, 2011, 06:16 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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Honestly, I just cried when I felt like crying... and that even included random times when I thought everything was okay. Like a month later when a pregnant woman was in front of me in a line. I had to go to the bathroom to compose myself. DH was a big help, too. When I thought things were getting better, something on TV would remind me of it, and I'd start crying. He was always understanding. He was upset about the loss, too, but it's just different for the woman. So he would just listen to me and reassure me.

I also had a JM buddy go through it with me. She miscarried at basically the same time. So we PM'd back and forth a lot with just how we were feeling at that moment.

And I also jumped right back into TTC. We didn't even wait a whole cycle because my hCG dropped back to 0 within a week of the m/c. I was determined to get pregnant again, so focusing on doing that instead of the loss was honestly helpful. I had a chemical pregnancy that very next cycle, so I know my body wasn't ready yet. That was rough, too, but I knew it was for the best. So I think it's a good idea that you're waiting a whole cycle.

Also just try to think of all the blessings in your life. That helped me. And I kept reminding myself that we got pregnant relatively easily so there was no reason to believe it wouldn't happen again soon. That honestly helped a lot.

I'm not going to lie, though. I'm still sad about it from time to time, even though I'm pregnant again. And I'm definitely scared in a way that never crossed my mind the first time. I'm still enjoying my pregnancy, but it's definitely different. I had a nightmare just last night that I was miscarrying. So clearly the anxiety doesn't completely go away.

I can just say that things really do get better with time, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

And if you ever want to talk about it, just PM me.
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  #33  
December 27th, 2011, 06:46 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
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Hey Robyn...I haven't read all through your posts, but saw your post on my journal...I just wanted to come in here and give you some
I am so very sorry.
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #34  
December 27th, 2011, 06:53 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
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Maybe I can try to move your thoughts elswehere, at least for a minute or two...how long have you been researching your ancestry? How far back can you go? I've been researching for a little over 6 years or so, myself. I can actually go back (if my research is true...) to the Mayflower! my great-grandmother's grandmother (so my great-great-great) is a direct descendent of John and Priscilla Alden of the Mayflower.
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #35  
December 27th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 12,105
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndyMommyWannabe View Post
Maybe I can try to move your thoughts elswehere, at least for a minute or two...how long have you been researching your ancestry? How far back can you go? I've been researching for a little over 6 years or so, myself. I can actually go back (if my research is true...) to the Mayflower! my great-grandmother's grandmother (so my great-great-great) is a direct descendent of John and Priscilla Alden of the Mayflower.
Thanks for the condolences.

I just started getting interested in genealogy at the beginning of the year. I was scanning in old family photos and found myself wanting to learn more about everyone.

I'm fortunate that others on both sides of the family have done a lot of research. I think I've gone back as far as I can get in Ireland for my paternal grandparents side of the family (Ireland is so hard!). I went to a genealogy conference a few months ago and they were impressed that I was able to go back to the early 1800s in Ireland. I guess that's rare.

I can go back to the Pilgrims as well. One of my ancestors is Peregrine White, who was the first baby born once the Pilgrims arrive at Provincetown. His mother was Susanna White, who married Edward Winslow, a governor. My parents had a book about the descendants of the William White family of the Mayflower and said "here you go, you're related to everyone in this book." I'm not sure about my research (I've heard conflicting stories) but one pathway puts my ancestors on the other side of the First Thanksgiving table as well. I've also found ancestors involved in the Salem Witch Trials and the American Revolution.

I kind of dropped off it in May when I got engaged, but I think this may be the ticket to helping me keep distracted.

How far back can you go in other lines?
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  #36  
December 27th, 2011, 07:46 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
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sounds awesome! I was also very lucky, when I started. My grandfather died in 2003 and I - unfortunately - didn't start getting into my genealogy until about 2005. but my grandparents had literally TONS of photos that my Uncle was holding...so I went to his house with my huge scanner and laptop...and digitized all of their albums...I have pictures of my grandparents' both sets of great-grandparents (on my father's side) and even my great-great grandparents of my namesake (paternal line)...and on my paternal line, I can actually go back to Ireland, as well - 1654. Richard Baldridge. So on my namesake, I can go back 8 great-grandparents (to Ireland). But my grandfather had started writing it all down. so that's where I started...

I'm also German on my paternal grandfather's mother's side. Then my paternal grandmother's side, is unfortunately a brick wall...her parents, my great-grandparents, came from Poland in the early 1900's...and ALL I have is their parents' names from their obituaries. I have no idea if names were changed - which is very possible...I don't know.

On my mom's side, I have been finding so much information, which my mom had no idea, since she and her father did not have a good relationship...so she didn't know a lot about her namesake...but I've found family (second cousins) online who've helped us. I'm also extremely excited...my mom's paternal and maternal line both come from the same area in Indiana - which is actually where my husband's mother's family came from as well - and he doesn't know ANYTHING about his mom's family, since she died when he was 11...but luckily I've found a lot on ancestry and findagrave for his mom's family...but there is a library that is in one of the counties that - per their website has TONS of obituaries I need for my family AND my husband's!
I could go on and on and on!

It's my mom's dad's mom's ancestor's who I can trace back to the Mayflower.
I AM also related to the notorious Jimmy Hoffa! We always thought my mom's dad was crazy when he'd tell everyone we were related...but we are! his mother and my great-grandfather are were first cousins! which makes us 2nd cousins 2x removed. My 3rd great-grandparents are J.Hoffa's great-grandparents.

That is awesome you went to a genealogy conference! I think there's one coming close to here, like Cincinnati, Ohio or something?...

I also dropped my research about 2 years ago...once I was busy with the wedding and all that...but I just started again 2 months ago...hoping it'll get my own mind off of many many things...

you ever wanna talk genealogy, I'm your girl!
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TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility

Last edited by IndyMommyWannabe; December 27th, 2011 at 07:48 PM.
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  #37  
December 28th, 2011, 06:12 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It sounds like a lot of great information.

Cycle #2 - CD 6
I just got a phone call from my doctor. My HCG level is now 0. I couldn't bring myself to temp this morning. I will start doing my OPKs, though. I want to track this, but I'm having such a hard time sleeping right now that I don't want to force myself to wake up to temp during my vacation.

So if I understand my doctor correctly, I do this cycle and then we can start TTC again? That would put us TTC again at the end of January/beginning of February. I hope Gabriel is strong enough to come back to us at that point.
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Last edited by Belita; December 28th, 2011 at 06:50 AM.
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  #38  
December 28th, 2011, 06:32 AM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
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don't have any advice...just good luck and take your time.
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
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  #39  
December 28th, 2011, 06:35 AM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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Posts: 11,267
I'm glad to hear that your hCG is back to 0, even though I know it's tough news to hear. It means that your normalcy (at least physically) is coming back. You're right in that your doctor recommends you have one regular AF, and then you can start trying again. Enjoy your remaining time off and don't worry about temping.
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  #40  
December 28th, 2011, 06:48 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks. It is hard to hear that the hCG is down, although I am also glad that means we get to start trying again sooner.

DH is worried that we had unprotected sex last night and I might ovulate soon enough to get pregnant. He doesn't realize that the hCG going to zero triggering ovulation means that it still takes a while for the LH to build up. It stinks to be in the TTC process and worrying about prevention, but if it's healthier for us and Gabriel for us to do this than we will. In reading other posts, it sounds like it's fairly common for women to have a chemical pregnancy if they conceive directly after a miscarriage and I would like to avoid that heartache. I also need to prepare myself emotionally for TTC again.

I just need to remember that all of this is preparing ourselves for Gabriel to come back to us permanently.
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