Log In Sign Up

Jack's Journal - TTC #1


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree1Likes

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To TTC JOURNALS LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #21  
December 8th, 2011, 07:48 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
That's right, Jack! It's not over until the shows!

I know it's so much easier said than done, but try not to feel upset that you didn't do all you can. You're still learning and that doesn't mean that you're doing things wrong. Think of it like a mini-lesson in parenting. Sometimes you just have to learn through trial and error.

I don't know if it'll help, but my friend missed her O in her first cycle of trying and she was really upset, too. However, she learned and the very next month she got her !!!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #22  
December 8th, 2011, 08:33 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
That actually DOES help. I like stories that give me hope! Or any story that ends in a BFP!

And you're definitely right. The whole process is a learning process, and it isn't going to end with the BFP either!

Thanks so much for the message. You ladies really lift my spirits.

__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #23  
December 9th, 2011, 03:50 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I'm glad it helped!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #24  
December 9th, 2011, 06:22 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 1 CD 21

OK. So after adding today's temp, FF again shows my O as having taken place on Monday. This gives it a little more credibility since I discarded the late temp from Wednesday. I have a few questions about the chart and what are chances are looking like this month which I will probably post as a separate topic. However, if you're reading this now, feel free to check my chart and tell me what you think. Here are my main questions:

1. Why Monday and not Sunday? I heard that the temp spike occurs right after O, and my temp on Sunday was dramatically higher than on Saturday. Also, I checked out some other charts on the site, and I saw that the pattern of lowest temp followed by temp spike was common. In these charts, the day of the spike seemed to be when FF detected O for those women.

2. Does the negative OPK on Monday offer any clues as to when O took place? I know the negative result indicates that the surge has already taken place, but does it mean that O had likely already taken place as well? Or could it still have occurred at anytime throughout the day on Monday? I wonder about this, of course, because I'm trying my best to determine our chances since our closest BD was on Saturday.

That's basically it! I'm just going to assume that O has taken place, and wait to see what happens from here. Our OPKs will be arriving soon, so next month I'll start testing around CD 12 or so just to be safe, and expect O to occur "on time" rather than later in my cycle. If nothing else, I've learned a lot so far!

Would love to hear your thoughts!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #25  
December 9th, 2011, 08:29 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,269
Honestly, it's kind of hard to say for sure, which is probably why FF gave you dotted crosshairs. You could have O'd on Saturday or Monday I would say.

As for the OPKs, every woman is different. My surge generally lasts 24 hours. So if I get a +OPK in the morning on CD 20 (for example), I will continue to get a + until that evening, and it's usually - by CD 21. I would O on CD 21, and I'd see my temp spike on CD 22.

I know that doesn't totally answer your questions, but it's the best I have.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #26  
December 10th, 2011, 12:59 AM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Would you recommend testing twice a day next month during my fertile period? I want to be extra sure I don't miss my O again! Since I wasn't able to get a positive OPK this cycle, I can't really say how long my surge lasts. I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, but I just want to make sure I'll have all my bases covered if I'm still at it next cycle.

By the way,
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #27  
December 10th, 2011, 07:12 AM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,269
I would recommend that. I always test once per day (around the same time), and when I start getting fertile CM, I test twice per day. My surge has always lasted a whole day, so I could probably get away with just testing once per day. However, I know some women can miss their surge testing just once per day.

Check out this website: POAS ~ OPK FAQ. Then scroll down to question #12. She shows four pics of OPKs taken through a 24-hour period. She gets her surge for only a few hours, so she would have missed it if she'd only tested once per day. Just something to think about.

Good luck.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #28  
December 11th, 2011, 04:45 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 1 CD 23

When I added this morning's temp, suddenly FF estimated my O to have occurred on Friday! I discarded the temp because I absolutely do not believe that to be accurate. Even if I had a short surge that was missed by the OPK the previous day, there were no real O signs to make me think it possible. I guess I have no choice but to accept that I may never know when it happened this month for sure, and that all I can do is wait for AF.

If the first FF estimate was accurate, I would be 7dpo today. I've been having a few unusual feelings the past couple days, but none that can't be explained by stress: restless left leg, craving for sweets including donuts (had my first donuts in years! I don't have much of a sweet tooth at all), no sex drive (highly unusual), and some irritability.

I just can't wait for this cycle to end! I'm not being hard on myself anymore, I know it's a learning experience. But I want to get to my next opportunity ASAP and do it right this time!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #29  
December 13th, 2011, 06:04 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 1 CD 25

When I entered today's temp, FF changed my O to Friday. I don't think it's accurate, kind of like my whole chart, so I'm just not going to look at it again until next cycle.

I don't have much to report today. I've been tired, going to sleep a lot earlier than usual. I also had a strange dream last night. I was back in America. At first I was seeing these tiny flashes, it was like I was delirious or something. Then I was in a car going home from the hospital. My mom and another woman were in the front, and there was no one else in the car except for me and my baby boy. He looked very Japanese, not much like me, and he was much larger than a newborn and already had all of his teeth! At first I was happy because I'd had a son, which was what I wanted. Then I realized I didn't remember anything that had happened before that moment, only those flashes of the beginning of labor and being in a hospital. I guessed it had all happened suddenly, that's why I'd had to go to a hospital rather than the birth center I'd chosen. Then I realized I had no pain whatsoever, my body felt as if nothing had happened. I started asking me mother questions hesitantly, not wanting to say outright that I had no idea what had happened. She looked concerned by my questions, so I honestly told her I didn't remember a thing. I felt so disappointed that I had been deprived of the birth experience, and suspected I'd been given medications and interventions during delivery. Aware that my husband wasn't with me, I asked if he'd been in the delivery room. She said no, he didn't have a ride. My heart sank even further and I wondered angrily why he couldn't have called a cab or something. The realizations kept coming, making me feel worse and worse. I realized, for example, that since I'd been completely out of it during the delivery and what must have been at least a few days after, I hadn't even tried to breastfeed the baby yet. I tried, and he wasn't latching. I tried to get him to suck on my finger and then pull a bait-and-switch, and finally he sucked for maybe a minute, but nothing came out and he stopped. When I got home, I kept trying, and it wasn't working. He looked like he was getting smaller before my very eyes because he'd had no nourishment in the few days he'd been alive. I started to try and deal with the fact that breastfeeding wasn't going to work.

Basically, every last thing that could've gone wrong, had. I have no idea why I would have this kind of anxiety dream now, but there it is!

I may or may not post again before next cycle. There's not a lot to say, and I'm pretty sure I'm out anyway. My plan is just to relax and prepare for our next opportunity!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #30  
January 3rd, 2012, 07:55 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 2 CD 3

If you read my post on the main board, you'll already know that I got my BFP, only to have it followed by an early miscarriage a few days later. It's definitely sad, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't bothering me at all. But I believe that optimism is going to help me get pregnant again faster than wallowing in sadness when there's nothing we can do about it. I have to accept that it just wasn't the right time, and that something out of our control must have been amiss. My grandmother's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and she went on to have 11 children. My mother has a miscarriage after me and went on to have my sister and brother. It's unfortunately a very common occurrence, and all we can do is move on and try again.

I have a "loose" plan in place for how to proceed from here:

I counted the first day of period-like bleeding from the miscarriage as CD 1, as I read many people do, so I now have a new chart on FF. I will be using my new thermometer exclusively from now on, so hopefully the temps will actually be accurate this time. Every couple days I will take a test until I get a BFN. Once bleeding stops and a negative test has been confirmed, I will start my OPK's. As long as everything feels back to normal and I'm not experiencing any pain or bleeding, we will start trying again. From my research I know it takes some people awhile to get back to their regular cycles, but some bounce right back. I'm already feeling a lot more "normal", so I'm hoping that's a good sign. Today I'm still bleeding but am not having any cramps. I'm feeling more full of energy than I have for weeks (although these pads make me reluctant to actually DO anything), and my pregnancy symptoms are almost completely gone (bbs still feel a bit weird and full, but I can actually touch them and even lay on my stomach now). I've heard stories of people getting pregnant again even before their first AF, but we're not going to put any pressure on ourselves. If there's anything I learned from my first cycle, it's definitely to relax as much as possible. If it takes a cycle or two to get back in the swing of things, that's OK too, but DH and I are both really hoping it won't be long before we see another BFP (and that it sticks!)

So that's the current "plan of attack". Any advice or suggestions are more than welcome as always. I really appreciate all the support on this forum. I have never really been active on one before, and didn't realize I'd actually start stalking charts and journals and really caring what happens to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but here I am!

In other news, I think everything that's happened has also been a dose of reality for DH. He was ready to start TTC even before I was, but for the first time it seems to really be sinking in for him. He's grown to understand what I'm talking about with all this charting business (he asks about my temp almost every day, for example), and he's been doing research on different clinics and hospitals and even birth centers. Before we would talk about it of course, but I think it just seems so much closer now that he has actually SEEN that it can happen. I suppose in a lot of ways, I feel that way too. Even though our first try didn't work out, at least we know it's physically possible for us to get pregnant. And that's a good sign! We are SO ready to make this baby!

__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #31  
January 3rd, 2012, 08:08 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,269
Your positive attitude really will help. Just make sure that you do grieve appropriately. Cry if you feel like crying. Take out aggression if you feel mad. And then jump back on the horse when you feel ready.

I tried again right after my loss, as my hCG levels were confirmed with blood draws. So I knew when it was back to zero. My cycle right after the loss was wacky... higher temps than normal, a lot more fertile CM, and I geared up to O twice before I actually did.

We got pregnant but had a chemical pregnancy that cycle. If I had it to do over again, I probably would have skipped that cycle. However, jumping right back into it felt right at the time.

I hope you get your sticky BFP very soon.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
January 3rd, 2012, 08:22 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
It sounds like you have a very healthy outlook on this. It's great to be optimistic, but like Junie said, grieve and cry if you need to. The best thing I did for myself was taking my vacation week to allow myself to grieve. I only did what I felt like doing and I don't think I would be feeling as good as I do right now without doing that. Granted, I'm still upset, but I'm doing better each day. I also find it helps me to hear about people who had a miscarriage (or multiple miscarriages) and went on to have healthy pregnancies. We'll have our rainbow babies, Jack. I just know it!

It sounds like you have a great plan. My doctor also followed my hCG levels down to 0 like Adrienne's. My doctor said you won't ovulate until your hCG level is back down to 0. You may get pregnant right away, but I just wanted to warn you that my doctor said you have a greater chance of miscarriage if you don't wait a full cycle before TTC again. DH and I are taking this cycle off for that reason.

My cycle is also weird. My body has been toying around with O for several days now but it hasn't happened.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #33  
January 3rd, 2012, 09:06 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
I definitely agree about grieving. I'm grateful that all this happened over the New Year's holiday (I use the word "grateful" lightly) so that I had DH here to help me. He has been off work since the 29th (the day I got my first BFP), and after working tomorrow and Friday, he's off again until Tuesday. I think it would have been so much harder without him here with me. He tried so hard to cheer me up. He did everything for me so I didn't have to do anything, and kept telling me it wasn't my fault and that we'd try again soon and everything would be OK. Instead of preparing for work or doing things he would normally do, he's just been sitting with me and taking care of me. Basically, I just can't even tell you how much I've appreciated him the past few days.

The first day was the hardest. When I realized what was happening, I had a devastated feeling I can't even begin to describe. I kept busting into tears at the slightest thought, even looking at DH made me cry. But he's really kept me together. I did take time to talk about it, cry about it, to feel the sadness and disappointment. I've spent every day since in bed or on the sofa with DH. But since waking up this morning, I feel a lot of weight off my chest (literally and figuratively).

I hope it doesn't seem as if I don't care about the loss, because I wanted that baby more than anything. The things I've gone through in my life have given me a resilience that at times seems to surprise people. Like I said in another post, I'm optimistic almost to a fault at times. I know I am strong, that I can get through absolutely anything, and I just know everything will be OK. Maybe not NOW, but at some point, everything is gonna be OK. I just FEEL it. That's the only way I know how to explain it. When something goes wrong, or something bad happens, I take the mindset that there was some "reason" for it (not like a divine purpose or anything, just that maybe it will play out for the better eventually) or that it's an opportunity to learn something or to grow in some way. Not that I see anything at all beneficial about a miscarriage, but I am at peace with the fact that it was a natural answer to a naturally occurring problem of some sort, and that there was absolutely nothing I could have done differently.

As for trying again right away, I'll admit to being slightly conflicted. I don't want to wait, DH doesn't want to wait, and at least for the moment I feel quite ready to jump back in. But it's true there are two conflicting opinions on this. Some doctors say wait, some say go ahead whenever. Some get pregnant again right away, some don't until their cycles get back to normal. Some of those who get pregnant right away end up with a chemical pregnancy or another miscarriage, some carry to full term and deliver healthy babies. This makes me think it's not a good or a bad choice necessarily, and that like everything else, it all comes down to chance.

I really wish I could find the thread I came across on another forum the other day. It was 20-something pages of women listing "data" from their miscarriages that included the stage, treatment, and then more importantly, how long it took them to O, have AF, and get another BFP. It really made me feel confident about trying again, but for the life of me I can't find the page again!

I would love to have more people will weigh-in on this issue, but in the end, I think I'll have to go with my instinct when the time comes. Will keep you ladies updated! Thanks again for the support and advice. I appreciate it so much, especially in times like these.
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #34  
January 4th, 2012, 08:56 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I'm glad your DH was around for you. Mine did the same thing.

You don't come across at all as not caring. Every woman handles things differently and this is just the way you're processing your loss. I'm sure some people think I'm over the top with how long it's taking me to move on since I was just shy of 5 weeks, but it's just the way I process it. I really admire your attitude. I'm starting to get to that place, but it's taking me a lot longer.

If you find that page again I'd love to see it!

__________________

Reply With Quote
  #35  
January 4th, 2012, 07:46 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 2 CD 4

Warning: MC discussed throughout

I had no cramping yesterday and the bleeding seems to be slowing down. Today my temp dropped tremendously. Because of that, and also the fact that since yesterday morning I've felt mostly "back to normal", I decided to test this morning. BFN. Didn't know how I'd feel seeing it, but I was OK. I'm glad at least things are resolving themselves naturally, as I'm sure it would be a lot harder (physically AND emotionally) if medical interventions were required.

Still taking everything step-by-step. Once the bleeding has stopped, we will have to make the decision on whether or not to wait or jump right back in.

Since yesterday I've been doing research like a madman. So far, other than the casual "just to be safe" kind of advice from some women and doctors, I can't really find any evidence that not waiting is unsafe or increases the likelihood of another MC (after an EARLY MC. A stillbirth or MC that occurs later could be a completely different story). Most definitely, if there is a medical condition (especially one that affects the building-up of the uterine wall or blood flow to the pelvis) that caused the initial MC, the chance of another is high before the condition is addressed. But for normal, healthy women who experience a MC due to a chromosomal abnormality or fatal error in DNA, I just haven't found studies that support this idea. In fact, it seems that the 1-3 months some doctors recommend waiting is typically more for emotional healing than physical (probably why the women given the OK to try again right away tend to be the ones who, for lack of a better phrase "didn't take it as hard").

I can understand why so many people think waiting is a good idea. Common sense tells us that our body needs time to heal and rebuild our uterine lining. But doesn't the same thing happen every month when we get AF? Maybe not on the exact same scale, but the process isn't all that different. And why would many women be so fertile right afterward if it were a bad time to get pregnant?

Forgive me for rambling on about this. I know it's not a pleasant topic, especially for people who have gone through a MC of their own. I'm just trying to think things out, get all the information I can, and make the right choice (or at least one that makes sense to me). I'm sure almost all of you could relate to me when I say one whole cycle feels like an eternity. It feels like just yesterday I was trying to "get a jump on things" and start BDing right after AF ended in November. So much happened in just that one cycle. Waiting through another, literally doing nothing but WAITING, seems impossible!

Also, I found the link I mentioned before! I'm not a member of the forum, but encountered this thread while doing research and found it helpful:
TTC after MC info please add your details! - BabyandBump

Guess that's all I really have to report so far. I'm really hoping the bleeding stops in the next couple of days. I'm not sure when to start the OPK's, but maybe around CD 10 or so just to make sure I cover my bases. I haven't left the house at all yet this year, and it's starting to drive me crazy. I feel physically well enough to go out, but I refuse to go out in these pads. I'm sorry, but I just hate them with a passion! I've been talking to my mom and a couple friends on Skype to get some much needed social interaction, and that's also helping to lift my spirits.

Hope all of you are doing well, and I'll continue to keep you updated!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #36  
January 5th, 2012, 10:31 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 2 CD 5

Not a lot to report today. Bleeding persists but isn't too heavy, temperature continues to drop. Still eager to get out of the house ASAP. I'm glad it's Friday. DH will be off for the weekend and then also Monday. Hopefully by next week I'll be completely back to normal! Going to try and actually get some stuff done around the house today. DH has been doing absolutely everything. It was really helpful to just take it easy and not worry about any of the normal day-to-day stuff for awhile, but I'm starting to grow restless. Guess it's time to ease back into my routine.

So far today, I've been reading books about birth and thinking about my birth plan. I've been keeping a list of notes, but I'm going to edit and compile them into an actual document a little later on. Rather than making me sad, this kind of process makes me feel better. Makes me feel like I'm doing something useful and productive towards having a baby. Makes it seem more "imminent".

Going to try to have another relaxing long weekend with DH! Hope all of you have nice weekends as well!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #37  
January 6th, 2012, 06:31 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
Thanks, Jack! I had those same thoughts about waiting a month. DH was in the appt with me and just this week I felt like trying again this month. We even BD the day I think I ovulated, but he insisted on protection. He wants to try again almost as badly as I do, but he was at the appt with me when the doctor said it's best to wait a cycle so I think he was trying to protect me from the increased chance my doctor mentioned. One thing that makes me think it's for the best is that we got pregnant immediately off of the BCP and I'm worried that had something to do with the MC.

I'll have to look through that thread when I get home.

I completely understand the need to feel like you're doing something productive to try to get pregnant again. That's why I ended up charting this month and looking up information on "can't hurt, may help" ideas.

Good luck!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #38  
January 6th, 2012, 07:06 AM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,269
Glad things are starting to normalize. Enjoy your weekend.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
January 7th, 2012, 05:10 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
Cycle 2 CD 7

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse (always a dangerous thought to have)...

DH is sick, and I'm not talking a slight cold. He was up several times in the night with flu-like symptoms that only seem to be getting worse. He wasn't feeling well yesterday, but it didn't seem too serious to me at the time (colder than usual, slight headache, needed to take a nap, etc). In retrospect, willingly taking a nap for any reason should've set off alarm bells.

This morning when I suggested he go to a doctor, he said he didn't think there was anything they could do. Unfortunately, he's probably right about that. Still, he headed out a few minutes ago. I urged him to tell them every symptom he's had since last night, not just to walk in there and say he "just has a stomachache". I swear, if he comes back with some useless stomach pill I'm going to scream!

Really hoping whatever he has is gone soon and doesn't spread to me. I'm in the bathroom enough as it is!
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
  #40  
January 7th, 2012, 06:41 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 903
DH just got back from the clinic. The doctor said it was probably just a common virus that will go away in a couple days, and gave him three sets of pills. Naturally, he has little to no idea what the pills are for, since it's customary here for people to just do whatever the doctors say without questions. I'll never get used to that. It makes no sense to me.

I'm not sure if it's DH being sick, or if it's just too much all at once, but I'm definitely feeling stressed. I need to try harder to relax and just let things go, especially things I have no control over. Even though that seem to apply to just about everything right now.
__________________
Jack & Hiro + January 2, 2012


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:16 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0