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Jack's Journal - TTC #1


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  #41  
January 7th, 2012, 05:46 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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Hope DH feels better soon, and that you don't get this virus too.
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  #42  
January 7th, 2012, 07:28 PM
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I hope he feels better soon and you stay healthy. I completely understand your feelings of not wanting to deal with this right now.
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  #43  
January 10th, 2012, 06:45 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hey lady, just checking in to see how you're doing.
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  #44  
January 10th, 2012, 08:44 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Thanks for checking in, Robyn. I was just about to do an update!

Cycle 2 CD 10

This weekend was long & rough, and not in a good way. DH was sick the whole time. In all the years I've known him, this was actually the first time I've had to witness that. NOT fun. Not only did he act like he was on his deathbed, but he was stuck in a pretty bad mood as well. I tried to ignore it since he was sick and all, but to be honest, I found myself wanting to knock his lights out a couple times. Why give attitude to the person trying to help you? I'm never like that when I'm sick. Anyway, he's gone back to work and is feeling slightly better, but it'll probably still be a few days before he's back to 100%.

Also, I started getting a major migraine Monday night, and was in bed with it all day yesterday. I'm not sure if it's stress, hormones or both, but I'm hoping that was the last of the migraines until I'm pregnant again. If it's pregnancy-related, I'm certain I can deal with anything. But migraines for nothing?! No thanks!

Today, while I'm feeling a lot better physically, my stress level is still higher than I'd like it to be. I have such a restless, impatient feeling. I want DH to be back to his normal self, I want to get back to TTC, and most of all I want to be pregnant again. I don't think anything else will snap me back into my normal routine fully. I feel like everything is on hold. When I saw that positive test, even though I only had a few days to process it before the MC began, it was like a promise to me that everything was going to change, and we were going to have a baby. I guess although I'm dealing with the loss fairly well, I'm frustrated that the promise disappeared right out of my grasp just as I was starting to believe it. I need that back!

I haven't had any bleeding for the past couple days, and there's been nothing else out of the ordinary (aside from the migraine). I'm starting OPK's this evening to see if and when I ovulate this month. As for whether or not any "trying" will happen, I can't say for sure. It's looking unlikely at the moment, unless I ovulate later in my cycle than I have been. I'd still like to wait a few more days just to make sure there's no more bleeding, and I'm not going to coerce DH into BDing until he's well again. I want to try ASAP, but I'm not completely irrational (only partially ). I'll just have to see how things go day by day.

Be assured that I'm doing well all things considered. This journal is just my place to have a moan about all the things I can't change. Maybe it helps keeps my mind clear of all the extra worry when I'm away from my PC.
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  #45  
January 11th, 2012, 06:15 AM
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I'm glad this journal is helping for that. I'm finding it cathartic to get it all out here so it's less I'm talking about to DH as I know he's struggling with it, too.

I hear you on the happiness being ripped away just as you're starting to believe it. I had almost a week of happy pregnancy and you only had a few days.

I believe both of us will get our rainbow babies soon!
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  #46  
January 12th, 2012, 02:34 AM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Cycle 2 CD 11

Today for the first time since my MC, I noticed "normal" CM, so I'm fairly certain the bleeding has stopped for good. I did my first OPK yesterday at 5:30PM, which is my newly decided testing time. I'm not sure if it's even worth doing since we're most likely out this month on account of DH's continued illness, but it gives me something TTC-related to do.

DH being sick is just the worst thing in the world to me right now. TTC is all I seem to care about, and with that option out of the picture, it really feels like there's nothing at all worth doing. I'm hoping getting out of the house will do my mind and body some good. Now that I feel confident the bleeding has stopped, I'm going to try and start dragging myself out again from tomorrow. Even if it's just to the bookstore down the street, or to the mall for some groceries, I'll do my best to go SOMEWHERE. It's so hard to believe it's already January 12th. Oh, and that makes tomorrow Friday the 13th...

If I have to wait until next month, this journal might turn into "Jack's journey into insanity". Maybe it already has!

I just hate not being able to do anything. I hate waiting.

I've been going to sleep as early as I can so that the days go by faster. Judging by my surprise that it's already almost Friday, I think it's working.

In the back of my mind, I'm harboring hopes that DH gets better in time, and that we conceive again right away with a baby that sticks. As unlikely as it may be, I can't seem to let go of these thoughts. I hope it doesn't make things harder on me, because no matter how hard I try, I can't shake this die-hard optimism. How a die-hard optimist can also suddenly start worrying and stressing is beyond me, but I guess TTC really does change you.
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  #47  
January 12th, 2012, 05:42 AM
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I can sympathize. For me, even though we're preventing this month, doing the temping and OPKs has brought reassurance to me that my body is returning to normal and that we will be able to conceive again and hopefully have our rainbow baby. I hope it does the same for you.

I think it sounds like a good idea to get outside for a little bit each day. I understand the feelings of hope even with the unlikely. I'm finding myself hoping that we managed to conceive this cycle, even though it's unlikely.

PM me any time if you want. It stinks that we started out as cycle buddies and are ending up as loss buddies.
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  #48  
January 12th, 2012, 04:05 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Cycle 2 CD 12

Finally some good news peeking out from the horizon! This morning DH seems to be feeling a lot better! He was looking smiley and happy when he came to kiss me goodbye this morning! I casually, in a joking kind of way suggested that if he were feeling so much better, maybe we could have a little "fun" when he got home. He seemed interested.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up for conceiving again straight away, but honestly, even just some "quality time" with DH is bound to make me feel less stressed! We haven't DTD since...well, let's just say it's been awhile!

But this does of course mean that there could still be a chance. If I O "normally", it wouldn't be too far off. I know O date is a bit unpredictable after a MC, but as long as it's not between the 20-22nd (business trip) we could potentially make it. There's going to be absolutely no pressure, though. I feel better just knowing the possibility is out there and that we can actually DO something. If it doesn't result in a BFP, that's OK with me. I know it will happen again soon.

I'm also completely convinced DH being sick was the main cause of my stress recently, as if that wasn't already obvious enough. When he came home last night feeling a little better and able to eat a normal meal, I was almost giddy! I kept laughing at everything for no reason! I felt like half my lights had been switched back on.

Aside from all that, not a lot to report so far today. My chart looks good, 100% improved from the crazy one last month. A good thermometer really is essential! OPK's have been negative so far, as expected. I'm no longer having odd hormonal symptoms or feelings, just the normal stuff that comes along with TTC.

Hoping that DH's condition continues to improve, and that we...you know.
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  #49  
January 14th, 2012, 05:28 PM
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Cycle 2 CD 14

Yesterday I managed to get out of the house for the first time this year. We went to lunch, a department store, and a little independent bakery I sometimes buy cupcakes from (they're nothing special, but they have a very homemade, familiar taste). While we were walking home, I started having some weird sensations in my uterus. They weren't painful, just strange.

Anyway, last night we tried to BD, but I didn't have enough CM for him to make his entrance! Even though we were relaxed and took our time, it just wasn't working. I felt a bit betrayed by my body. I know I can't expect everything to instantly go back to normal, but why does my CM decide to disappear when it's time to get to business?!

My OPK's have all been negative so far, but I always worry about missing the surge since I have yet see a positive result. This morning I'm feeling some O pains on both sides. I'm going to test early (around 12:30 or so) and then again at my normal time. I'm actually kind of hoping it's a few days late, though. I would hate to know I was ovulating and yet unable to BD. I believe you could call that "torture".

I wish it was easier to get supplements and things here. I'd probably go out and pick up a whole drugstore's worth! Even baby aspirin has to be ordered online (while full-strength aspirin can be bought anywhere, baby aspirin must be prescribed by a doctor)! I might try checking for evening primrose oil or something else I've heard of at the mall later, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I also wish I could run out and pick up some Preseed or similar product. Our only option is to order online, but it's just too expensive. My best bet is to just wait and hold onto the hope that maybe everything (including CM quality) is just running a few days late due to the MC.

If anyone has any advice (other than egg whites as lubricant, because as desperate as I may be, I'm not THAT desperate...yet), please let me know!
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  #50  
January 15th, 2012, 09:53 AM
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How frustrating to not be able to go to the store and buy anything!!! Have you tried drinking grapefruit juice around O time? I have not personally tried it but have heard it helps increase CM. Also, I know regular lube can kill some of the sperm, but I would imagine using regular lube is better than not BDing at all!!!! I'm sorry it's so frustrating, I hope you find some answers to make it easier on you!!
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  #51  
January 15th, 2012, 10:41 AM
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How frustrating! Are you able to get something like Robitussin over there? That can help with CM. I'm glad you were able to get out for a little while yesterday!
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  #52  
January 15th, 2012, 03:27 PM
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Thanks for the suggestions! I picked up some grapefruit juice yesterday. Will report back on whether or not I notice any changes! I haven't seen Robitussin here, but I'll need to do some more research. It's a bit inconvenient to just go out looking for specific ingredients and dosages in medications, because many are kept behind the counter and you have to ask for them.

It's definitely a frustrating situation! I appreciate the tips so much!

I'll do my "official" update later today, although the day is likely to be uneventful. As I type this I'm still in bed!
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  #53  
January 15th, 2012, 03:31 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
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I've also heard other girls swear by carrots! Just eat a bunch of carrots leading up to your O time, and you will have more fertile CM.

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  #54  
January 15th, 2012, 07:03 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Then it's a good thing I have this big bag of carrots! I'll make a carrot soup for lunch today!
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  #55  
January 17th, 2012, 01:14 AM
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Cycle 2 CD 16

Didn't end up updating yesterday, but there wasn't much to say. I basically just ate a lot of carrots.

I had yet another migraine last night. It wasn't too bad until I fell asleep, then it kept getting worse until I got up in the morning. Luckily DH is cooking for himself tonight, so I can sleep early if I want to.

I've had a couple glasses of grapefruit juice today. It's probably too soon to tell if it's having any effect on my CM. I do have some, but it's the sticky, pasty kind, not what I usually see at this time in my cycle. I'm trying not to feel discouraged. I just wish something would happen. Whether it's AF or O, I'd just really like to know what's going on!

My chart still looks normal, nothing too unusual going on aside from the migraines, so maybe this will just be a long cycle. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

I've been listening to a lot of audio books to keep my mind off TTC. I'm currently alternating between four or five different ones. Any recommendations?
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  #56  
January 17th, 2012, 07:23 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Since you're not testing your hCG levels with bloodwork, it could be taking a little bit for your levels to go down. I got my first O about 8 days after my hCG tested as 0. It may just be a long cycle this month.

What types of books are you usually interested in?
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  #57  
January 17th, 2012, 04:38 PM
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You could be right, Robyn. There were a few days soon after the MC when I thought I was already back to normal. I felt great considering the circumstances, very energetic and just like my usual self. But then I keep getting migraines, feel tired and restless sometimes...so maybe I AM still adjusting. Which is really unfortunate. I mean, I'm sure it's fine, normal even...but I'm just so eager to get another BFP!

I'm interested in all kinds of books, really...it's probably easiest to just list up the ones I'm reading now:

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin
The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
Dead to the World by Charlaine Harris
Bonk by Mary Roach
Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina

I know that's quite a few all at once, but switching around a lot helps me focus. If it weren't for audiobooks, I wouldn't even be able to get through half the books I do now.
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  #58  
January 18th, 2012, 12:53 AM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Cycle 2 CD 17

I think I might've sleep-temped this morning! I know I did it (though I slept through my alarm and was 30 minutes late), and I remember inputting the data into FF and another period-tracker app. But when I went to look at my chart a few minutes ago, the information wasn't there! On either app! Luckily I remembered the temp reading, but I thought it was all very strange.

I'm not sure if it's the grapefruit juice or the carrots or just my body, but I noticed a lot of CM when I went to do my OPK. I was actually surprised! I hope it lasts! DH is off work tomorrow and then leaves for his business trip Friday morning, so I'm hoping we'll have at least one successful BD session before he leaves!

I usually hate being home alone for a couple days, but this time I'm kind of looking forward to it. I'm planning to take a long bath, watch some TV & read, basically just relax and do whatever I want. On Saturday I might be meeting up with a good friend I haven't seen in awhile.

We've been having lots of little quakes the past week. I'm not sure if they're aftershocks of the one that occurred on New Years Day or just more quakes, but I could really do without them. They aren't too strong, but a few of them have no build-up and just start with a sudden jerk. Those always startle me! I guess it's useless to complain about them, though. If I had a moan about every quake that happened in this country, this journal would turn into "Jack's daily quake report".
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  #59  
January 18th, 2012, 03:22 AM
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I didn't realize that Japan had so many earthquakes! I hope you have a great BD session and enjoy your time!

I'll think about books.
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  #60  
January 19th, 2012, 06:49 PM
HopeTea's Avatar Cautiously expecting #1
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Cycle 2 CD 19

DH left this morning on his business trip. Luckily we were able to fit in a BD session before he left. We had no trouble at all this time either! Either my body is back in business or grapefruit juice really does work! I've been drinking about a carton (900ml) a day!

I'm not going to get my hopes up, but getting a +OPK today would be excellent. I keep wondering if I'm ever going to see one at all!

In other news, it's snowing! We do sometimes get snow, and it's usually very brief and doesn't cover the ground. Some years there's only about ten minutes of snow (which is completely fine by me). In some parts of Japan they get a lot of snow, though. Mostly in the northern most island Hokkaido.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend! I'm going to spend my time relaxing, and might update a time or two if anything interesting happens.
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