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Ashley's TTC #1 Journal


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  #181  
December 20th, 2012, 12:32 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
I'm really sorry, Ashley. Maybe the soy will be the thing to do the trick!
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  #182  
December 20th, 2012, 12:59 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,629
I am sorry Ashley!
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12-10-10 2-6-12
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  #183  
December 22nd, 2012, 12:56 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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I have my soy, I refuse to take another dose of the Geritol, I'll go dig my prenatals back out instead. I take my first dose of 120mg (3 pills) Christmas eve. Of course we'd have to be doing this while we have Reme for a week right? Oi. *deep breath*, I will not kill my husband or step son, I have new books, and a new video game, I can take myself to the bedroom... or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

I am probably the most depressed I've been since coming to the US in April 2011. Homesickness wasn't this awful, I'm not even sure if losing Hope and Konnor were this hard on me. Nothing really compares to the fact that I am 5 days away from the 1 year mark for TTC. I seriously figured, with how easy I got pregnant in the past, that this would be a no brainier. I really thought that by now I'd be beating DH off with a stick because I'd be afraid that LAM wasn't working. No, instead I have an empty womb and am resorting to medication to get me pregnant. It's baffling, it's insulting really. if I could give my girlie bits a piece of my mind, I'd probably punch them.


I find myself starting to plan for a future with no small children in it. I don't do it on purpose, but we discuss house plans and I'm content with 3 bedrooms, though we'd originally wanted 4. In my head we won't need the 4th bedroom for a guest room because we only need 2 rooms. When I realize I'm doing it I could honestly cry.

I know many have tried for longer. And while I've gotten DH to lift the "Done at 40" limit, I honestly don't know if I want to try that long. My family has a history of early menopause. With the fact he really doesn't want to resort to full MA unless we have no other choice, it just makes really wonder if we will ever have a child.

2015 he wants to go to school. 2016 he should have a permanent job with great benefits. But that seems to far away....
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #184  
December 22nd, 2012, 04:22 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
I wish I had more to offer you, but I can't really come up with any words that seem to sufficiently cover how frustrated I am for you and how much I wish you and your dh could just move forward with the next stage of your lives, or that I think would offer any level of comfort, so I'll send more hugs (and maybe a tall drink).

Fingers crossed and sending so many positive vibes for this coming cycle.
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  #185  
December 22nd, 2012, 06:52 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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We went out to dinner tonight, I was famished when we got there. Then they sat a family of 4 next to us, 2 little kids. My appetite went straight out the window. Going to work is so emotionally painful, but I have no choice. Even that extra little bit helps (or we tell ourselves this, if we'd stop eating out we wouldn't need me to work.)

I have no faith anymore that this stuff is going to work. Not a bit of it. I'm only trying it because I have to try everything or I will never feel like we did enough to make it happen.

It doesn't feel like Christmas. Yeah I have my tree up, music playing, gifts are mostly wrapped. But there's just something missing, a void that Reme just cannot fill. He told me yesterday that he's bringing me two babies for my birthday. A boy and a girl. He's managed to accurately predict my two chemicals even if he doesn't know it. I want so dearly for him to be right, I don't care if we had decided on just one baby, I'll take two happily.... but just how much stake can you put in a 7 year old? He can't work magic, even if sometimes it feels like he does.

My edd for this cycle is just 2 weeks before my birthday. If we catch that egg...I would get a baby for my birthday (my 30th, the day I dread to occur with no child in my arms).... but I don't know if I have any hope left in me.


Exactly how do you get up in the morning when you have 0 hope?
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #186  
December 24th, 2012, 07:44 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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Dose #1 down. I almost didn't bother starting it after a huge fight with DH. I'm still mad at him, and now my Christmas day doesn't start until tomorrow night.. so I'm pissed.

Will bet he last year. If his ex wife wants to take Reme to all his grandparents we'll take him Xmas eve and she can come get him and take him where ever she wants for the rest of the day rather than taking almost the entire day and only giving us 4hrs before bedtime to do presents, play and dinner.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
Reply With Quote
  #187  
December 26th, 2012, 02:11 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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Dose #2 came with less side effects... but I took it earlier in the day so I wasn't trying to sleep through any that I did have. Headache lasted about 10 min, jitters for a few hours, an a few hot flashes. So far no crankiness at least.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
Reply With Quote
  #188  
December 26th, 2012, 02:25 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Derbyshire, UK
Posts: 4,982
I'm glad dose #2 of the soy had less side effects Ashley and im sorry you've had such a difficult time over the holidays. I agree that they are one of the hardest times to deal with - as its all about 'family' and there are a million extra reminders than usual that our bodies are failing us. Couple that with you closing in on the 1yr mark and I think you've done really well to get through the last couple of days, I really hope that the soy does the trick for you hun
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  #189  
December 27th, 2012, 06:34 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #190  
December 27th, 2012, 06:36 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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Thanks ladies.

Dose 3 didn't give me any effects at all... unless you count the two very sore organs situated on each side of my uterus. Dang they are tender. LOL.

DH picked up the bottle last night and said (to the bottle) "Alright, let's get this done right, give her two at once and we can be done with all this baby making insanity."

LMAO. Not sure how I feel about twins.. but I'll take what I can get.

I just took dose #4.. 200mg tonight, and 200mg again tomorrow....I'll start taking 2 opk tests per day on Saturday. FX it doesn't take until cd 17!
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
Reply With Quote
  #191  
December 28th, 2012, 05:15 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #192  
December 28th, 2012, 05:44 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
Fingers crossed over here too!
__________________

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for our awesome banner and my fabulous siggie!
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  #193  
December 28th, 2012, 04:05 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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about to take the last dose!!!!!!!

I really really really want this to work! (even if working has given me some major anxiety about where to give birth.. stupid kentucky and indiana *kicks both*)
Keakie likes this.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
Reply With Quote
  #194  
December 28th, 2012, 04:48 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,338
I would worry about crossing that bridge when you get there (regarding the where to birth craziness) and focus on enjoying this BD time. Fingers crossed that this does the trick!
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Thank you to Jaidynsmum for our awesome banner and my fabulous siggie!
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  #195  
December 28th, 2012, 04:56 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 12,174
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  #196  
January 1st, 2013, 04:37 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
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Well it's CD13... I'd hoped I'd O early this month, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. My ovaries hurt like crazy.. I keep getting mild headaches.

I wanted the early O so if this isn't the cycle we'd get one other chance before he left for work (he figures 1st of Feb he'll be gone)... but unless I O'd today there wouldn't be time.

So come on ovaries, do your thing! Make this happen.... and while you're at it, just go into hibernation for 9m because I'm knocked up from this!
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
Reply With Quote
  #197  
January 2nd, 2013, 05:04 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Come on ovaries, send out a beautiful eggie!!!!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






Reply With Quote
  #198  
January 3rd, 2013, 08:40 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,351
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
I think the Soy confused my ovaries.

This is what I got this morning. Each test is from the Same urine.



wtheck?

So I tested an evening test with a different brand of cheap opk, and a cb test... both negative.

ARGH. Longest feeling cycle in history.


*edit* I figured it out. The second test registered a O because the test measures rises from the previous test taken. Since they were from the same urine, it's obviously not more concentrated than the prior, and I'm probably peaked out.

Just wish I knew why the dollar store opk was negative.

So tomorrow should be O day
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Adenomyosis and Polyps.
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells
D&C/Hysterscopy/Polypectomy - August 21st - Follow up Sept 4
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014

Last edited by plan4fate; January 3rd, 2013 at 11:44 PM.
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  #199  
January 4th, 2013, 05:51 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Hopefully you'll O today or tomorrow!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






Reply With Quote
  #200  
January 4th, 2013, 06:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Derbyshire, UK
Posts: 4,982
Holy confusing sticks batman! I feel for you Ashley Hopefully your ovaries confusion will help with the BFP!
__________________

Thank you Vicki for my amazing siggie!

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