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Nicholle's TTC #1 Journal


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  #441  
February 22nd, 2013, 01:00 PM
Cait&AngelAbove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 10,629
I am so so so so sorry Nichole!!!
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Thank you so much Bokkechick for the perfect siggie!!!
12-10-10 2-6-12
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  #442  
February 23rd, 2013, 12:35 AM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: **Cloud 9**
Posts: 577
Nicolle I'm so sorry about all this! I read ur journal to catch up and I can't believe it isn't so! I'm so very sorry I could tell you weren't wanting to hope but there was always a thought.....I can't believe that such a woman as yourself, kind considerate and knowledgable, will stay without that lil bundle for much longer. God (or fate or whatever you believe in) has a plan for you and for all of us. He never gives us situations he knows we can't handle. It sounds like you have a fantastic support group where you are. Take all the time you need and come visit us on the board when you can. T&P are with you, I'm especially praying you don't hurt long after this sad time.
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Happy April Fools Day on me!!! @ 17DPO

Read My Journal! http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...ttle-newt.html
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  #443  
February 23rd, 2013, 03:54 AM
blueeyes25s's Avatar Expecting #1
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Green Bay, WI
Posts: 4,186
I am so sorry Nicholle I know is there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but I will continue to pray for you. Don't give up; it will happen and you guys will be wonderful parents!!!
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  #444  
February 23rd, 2013, 07:26 AM
JennyLee's Avatar TTC #1 after loss
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,112
Oh Nicholle, I am so sorry Try to keep your head up - I believe it WILL happen for you!
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Jenny (31) & Scott (38)
TTC #1 since 1/11, Unexplained Infertility
M/C 2/12
Polyp Removal 11/12
4 failed IUIs

IVF #1
Started stims 9/27
ER 10/8 - 24 eggs, 15 fertilized!
Blast transfer 10/13, 4 snowbabies
Very faint 10/18 (5dp5dt)
Beta #1 10/23 - 339!!!
Beta #2 10/25 - 856!!!
U/S 11/14 - Heart rate 144!

Abigail arrived 6/28/14!




My Belly Pics
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  #445  
February 23rd, 2013, 07:40 PM
Super Mommy to be
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,146
Thoughts and prayers for you Nicholle.. I am so sad to read this. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. hugs to you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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  #446  
February 24th, 2013, 05:20 PM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
I'm feeling really down today. I'm a little surprised by how down I am considering I was in pretty good spirits yesterday. I guess it waxes and wanes.

Yesterday, we celebrated DH's birthday. His birthday is not until this Thursday, but he wanted to celebrate early. Saturday morning I baked him a cake. I've never baked him a cake before for his birthday (we've been together since 1999). I've always bought him a cake or cupcakes. Saturday afternoon we went to the car show. I could care less about cars, but he loves them (that's why we have 4 cars ). It wasn't bad though. We're not in the market for a new car for another 2 1/2 to 3 years, but the models were nice to look at. Then we went to Brio (Italian place) for dinner. The food was good and we had a really nice time. We ate the homemade birthday cake later that evening. We then watched the movie Flight. Overall, it was a really good day.

Today, I've been sad the whole day. I've kept really busy, worked out twice, but nothing has helped. I'm so sad that IVF didn't work, that we spent so much money and that we will likely have to spend that amount again. Seriously, nothing is making me happy today.

I weighed myself today for the first time in over 3 weeks. I have gained 5.5 lbs since the start of IVF cycle. I'm now back to WW, but doing it online. I want to lose at least 9 lbs, maybe more. Sadly, I'm now in the overweight bmi range, instead of the healthy weight bmi range. Oh well, I've lost it before, I'll lose it again.

Since IVF failed, I have been able to do a few things that I couldn't do before: I ate sushi, had a little bit of caffeine and alcohol (not together ), had sex and went jogging. Of course, I would give all of that up to be pregnant, but I'm trying to look on the bright side.

Sorry this is such a depressing post, I'm just really down today.

Tomorrow is a new day....
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #447  
February 24th, 2013, 05:24 PM
BabyBirdies's Avatar over the rainbow?
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Manhattan :)
Posts: 1,851
We love you
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Thanks Jaidynsmum for the siggy!
My fertility blog: Only Infertile



NTNP since March 2012, TTC since August 2012, HSG = one blocked tube, SA = normal, 1st RE 7/11 - took a zillion tests, 2nd RE appt = Tubal issue with PCOS tendencies, possible polyp, August 2013 - possible polyp, September 2013 - new job, insurance change! January 2014 - new insurance, March 2014 - new RE appointment, then surprise BFP!

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  #448  
February 25th, 2013, 03:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Derbyshire, UK
Posts: 4,983
I'm glad DH had a good birthday, it sounded like it both did you good to get out and do some different things to distract you.

I think its normal to have good days and bad days, you are grieving and have had a loss, albeit not in the traditional sense of the word. I think keeping yourself busy, whether with exercise, sex or work is a good idea. It will get better with time and hopefully thursday appointment and plans for going forward will help.

And with the WW - i know you'll lose the weight in no time, like you said you've done it before. You were so very supportive for me when I was doing it too so i'll be here to cheer you on, lb after lb!
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  #449  
February 25th, 2013, 05:24 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Still feeling really down again this morning. I'm hoping it's because AF is about here. I started spotting (finally) last night and this morning. I'm anticipating full flow later today. I am excited that AF is arriving, as I'm wanting to move on.

As I mentioned earlier, I would like to lose 9 lbs and I know that I'll be able to do it. I know that a lb or 2 is from the residual bloat due to IVF cycle.

DH also plans to lose weight, starting this week. Sadly, he needs to lose 40 lbs or so (to be in the healthy bmi range). Maybe if he loses that weight we'll be able to conceive. Of course, weight loss may not necessarily help him, but it can't hurt. Today, DH is starting WW online and P90X. He's completed P90X before and has lost 30 lbs, so hopefully he can do the same this time.

DH and I meet with RE on Thursday regarding the next steps. We don't know if they will recommend a second IVF (as we only have one snowbaby) or FET. Either way, we will be trying naturally when we're not ttcma-ing. I'll keep everyone posted of the next steps.

I keep telling myself that I am going to be a Mommy someday and I do truly believe that, it's just so hard not knowing if/when that will ever come true.
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #450  
February 25th, 2013, 06:20 AM
Nerd
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Southeast, US
Posts: 3,040
Nicholle, I am believing for you today. When I can't believe something because I'm feeling too down or too weak then I let someone else believe for me.

Just for today I am believing for you that you will be a mother soon.
__________________

Expecting our first child in February... Team pink!
1st beta 14dpo = 150
2nd beta 18dpo = 782
3rd beta 23 dpo = 5,362
Missing my puppy, but grateful to have shared a bond with her for two years.
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  #451  
February 25th, 2013, 07:18 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Thank you Sam, that means so much to me!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #452  
February 25th, 2013, 07:42 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
DHs birthday sounds like a great day!! How did the cake you made turn out? I dont think I have ever baked DH a cake either. . .

Sounds like you guys have some good plans in place for weight loss. P90X is so hard but is so good!!!! I did a boot camp a little over a year ago that really helped me get in line.

I am sorry you have been feeling down - but I am joining Sam and letting you know that I believe. I hope the RE has a good plan for you guys to move forward. I really do believe you will be a mother and I am concentrating all those beliefs and positive thoughts towards Ohio.

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Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #453  
February 25th, 2013, 12:19 PM
kbpeanut's Avatar Scooter!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 12,174
Hi hon...just dropping by from a computer this time to make a proper post. I feel so badly that I haven't been able to post anywhere around these boards lately, but please know that I've been reading and keeping up to date and sending all kinds of good thoughts your way.

That said, I'm sorry you are feeling down. Believe me, I understand. After such a long time trying on our own, when we finally made it to MA, then finally got through all the testing, bloodwork, waiting, etc and were able to start our first IVF cycle, only to have my body reject the meds part way through, I was devastated. We turned it into an IUI, which failed as you know, and I was devastated. I remember feeling that I would never be a mom, and it would never happen to me.

However, you know the rest of my story.

Have faith m'dear. A special being, whatever it is, whoever it is, has a plan for you. Know that, and believe that. It may not be a plan that is clear to you right now, or ever for that matter, but there is a plan for you.

And for the record, with both of my IVF cycles, I gained 11 lbs.

Hang in there, and as you know already, I'm only a PM away...

xx
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  #454  
February 25th, 2013, 12:33 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
Nicholle, you will definitely be a mom someday. I have no doubt at all about that. And guess what else? You are going to be an AMAZING one.

I was talking about IVF with Caitlin the other day, and I was saying that I don't think they should charge you for the procedure if it doesn't work. And if it does work, I think that it should be a lot more affordable. After all, you are using your own materials - your own eggs and DH's sperm - so why the hefty price tag?
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  #455  
February 25th, 2013, 03:57 PM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Thank you so much ladies! Seriously, I don't know what I would do without you!

And Reba, I agree, wish I could get my money back! Again, I don't care about the money, if this is what I need to be a mom, then I'm willing to pay again and again!

Again, thank you so much! XOXO
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #456  
February 26th, 2013, 07:43 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Holy AF and cramps!

So I knew that this would be a rough AF, due to the meds I was taking to ensure a great lining, but wow, lots of blood and lots of cramping!!!

My ob/gyn prescribed 800mg ibuprofen tabs that I would take occasionally during AF when the cramping was really bad; but I have never had this much pain after taking the meds. I took a dose around 10:10 last night. They usally last for 8 hours, so I would take my next dose (if needed) when I wake up. Well, my cramps woke me up at 4am, so I took my dose early. I finally fell back to sleep around 5am and then woke up at 6:20am. I tossed and turned most of the night, so I am really tired this morning. I'm also procrastinating a bit at work as well.

Usally by day 4 I'm less bloated, less crampy and overall feeling much better. Hopefully that will be the case this time!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #457  
February 26th, 2013, 07:47 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
That sounds awful!!!! I am glad you had some higher strength ibuprofen to help you get through it! Hopefully AF will proceed along as normal from here and be gone soon!
Nicholle ttc likes this.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #458  
February 26th, 2013, 09:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Derbyshire, UK
Posts: 4,983
Sorry about AF being an extra nasty witch this month Nicholle, I hope it does ease off in a couple of days. I used to have 800mg ibuprofen when my hip was bad before surgery, they were also good for staving off hangovers

How are you feeling about thursdays appointment? do you have the day off work or just popping out for the appt?
__________________

Thank you Vicki for my amazing siggie!

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  #459  
February 26th, 2013, 10:40 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Just popping out for the appointment. I'm really anxious to hear what they are going to recommend, FET (with one frozen embie) vs. round 2 of IVF. I'm anxious, but I think I will feel better knowing the plan to move forward. No matter what RE says, I need some kind of closure to move on and I'm hoping this appointment helps me get there.

Thanks for asking Jen and thank you so much for leading this great board while I was away. I'm trying to be more on the boards today, but I may have to pop off for awhile too, if it gets to be too much...Thank you again, you are the best!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #460  
February 26th, 2013, 02:02 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I've been thinking about you. I know you'll be a mother some day and that baby is going to be so lucky.
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