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Ashley's TTC #1 Journal


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  #381  
November 30th, 2013, 05:35 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
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Well, I hope that you get it!
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  #382  
December 2nd, 2013, 08:06 AM
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I hope you get it too!!!
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  #383  
December 2nd, 2013, 01:40 PM
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BFN again this afternoon with a ClearBlue Plus. *sigh*......On the 5th it will officially be a year of TTC #1. I am kind of depressed. This is only our 9th or 10th cycle but still. I am starting to really wonder and then there is this part of me that wants to say *** it and delete the app from my phone, countdown to pregnancy so I can't obsess over lines, etc. etc.
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  #384  
December 2nd, 2013, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AshleyO View Post
BFN again this afternoon with a ClearBlue Plus. *sigh*......On the 5th it will officially be a year of TTC #1. I am kind of depressed. This is only our 9th or 10th cycle but still. I am starting to really wonder and then there is this part of me that wants to say *** it and delete the app from my phone, countdown to pregnancy so I can't obsess over lines, etc. etc.
I'm sorry Ashley. I was just thinking the same thing today, that if we don't get our BFP this cycle it will be an entire year of actively trying, and a year and a half altogether. (One loss/6 month break). Its depressing, I know exactly how you feel.

I hope you get your BFP SOON!
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  #385  
December 2nd, 2013, 04:37 PM
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Kelley I can't believe that the time has gone by so fast for us! It's insane. I am really sorry about your loss. I wish we would all just get our BFPs all at once and then the newbies could take over from there

I am seriously debating temping next cycle or just enjoying my DH the month before he leaves. The messed up thing is, even if I get a BFP next month DH will be gone for it! How ironic right? I bought OPKs and I know that I am so addicted that I will pee on those even as I debate what I am going to do about next month. When I get home tonight I am going to have some self meditation time to ground myself and talk to god and the universe. I have tried everything else, so why not something like that? It can't hurt to try!
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  #386  
December 3rd, 2013, 07:09 AM
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Ashley I hope you enjoyed your time last night to think. Sometimes that helps clear the mind and start fresh.

Sometimes I think that I should just relax and not worry about every detail, but at the same time we've been trying so long that I want to keep track of my cycles and see if I can figure out some sort of pattern...... to help determine if there is some other underlying issue. Unfortunately, now I think I know too much in the TTC world that its going to be impossible for me to completely relax and let nature take its course. I'm constantly thinking about any cramping, how I'm feeling mood wise, where I should be in my cycle, if we should be BDing, etc.

Its exhausting.
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  #387  
December 3rd, 2013, 10:20 AM
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Kelley I did enjoy my night last night to think. I am really nervous about DH leaving. My stash of OPKs came last night and of course I had to POAS to make sure they worked lmao! I caught DH looking at my tests last night to see if he could see a line on any of them and he asked me "Doesn't your O strip look dark when your so close to AF?"
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  #388  
December 3rd, 2013, 12:12 PM
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those anniversaries are the worst I am still hoping you get your BFP this cycle!! Keeping my Fx for you Ashley!!!!
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  #389  
December 3rd, 2013, 03:49 PM
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Forgot to add that this morning I woke up, took a test and fell back asleep. I had the most vivid vivid vivid dream this morning that I POAS just because and it was positive! It made me think that it was real. I even got up out of bed to retest to make sure it wasn't true (or was). Whatever is going on needs to make itself known!
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  #390  
December 5th, 2013, 07:39 AM
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I hate the not knowing that is the worst part. I am rooting for you!!!!

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  #391  
December 5th, 2013, 01:53 PM
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Well, today marks the 1st anniversary of us TTC#1. Yes, I am sad. I have seen a second line during this year though so I consider myself lucky because there are others who have never seen that 2nd line.

What have I started doing? Well for instance yesterday in the car on my way home I talked to god. I also talked to my future-unborn child. I told it that I was ready for it whenever it thought I was and that it can talk all the time it needs because God hates to part with amazing angels But that I hoped that time comes soon because I cannot wait to hold him/her in my arms, feel him/her while they're inside of me, kiss him/her's head and just love them.

I also started temping and using OPKs again. Today is about day 3 of temping. I figure why not? It will give me something to do if we don't get our BFP this month or next month before DH leaves for basic. I just have to remember to not obsess over them like I was before. I am debating using that natural fertility drop stuff I bought a few months ago and used twice for next month. I kind of just want it to be a semi-normal month of TTC. I don't really want to go all out for 1 month.

OPK this a.m. was +. I really, really, really have no idea what is going on with my body. It is super frustrating.

*take
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  #392  
December 6th, 2013, 11:35 AM
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*hugs*

That one year mark is hard..very hard. I hope your talks helped you.
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  #393  
December 9th, 2013, 10:09 AM
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The one year mark really is hard. I like your approach to it
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  #394  
December 18th, 2013, 09:36 PM
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And CD 1 is here. To be honest I am completely devastated. I will not be on much here for a little bit. I'm just a little over it.
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  #395  
December 19th, 2013, 08:54 AM
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I am so very sorry Ashley Take all the time you need.
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  #396  
January 8th, 2014, 09:32 AM
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Well, I dropped Joe off at the airport yesterday. It feels like a piece of me is missing and it hurts. I know that eventually I will become numb to the fact that he is gone for awhile but **** if it doesn't suck. My dogs know something is up too. Yesterday Riley let me spoon her in bed. I also slept with a night light on but I am not ashamed. I really don't want to be alone.
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