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Jeralynn's TTC #1 Journal


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  #61  
April 30th, 2013, 10:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,227
Sent you a message with my info for FB! Can't wait to see those adorable little chicks!
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Married to my best friend





~*~**Proud Army Wife**~*~
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  #62  
April 30th, 2013, 12:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
Brain Dump: Be prepared, anyone reading this... it could get intense.

Chickens Photos by Jeralynnmoser | Photobucket

Chicken slideshow. DH has all the baby pictures of Rollie and Oreo on his phone, so those are lacking on photobucket for the time being. The kids are loving it outside! I hate that the weather is going to get crappy and we have to bring them inside the next few days. I know they're going to be miserable... as am I!

I'm in such a funk. TTC is only part of it, my job situation is another, and then there's just all the stress with the end of the school year. Ugh. Trying to be healthy has taken a backseat which means so has my weight loss.

TTC - I feel so alone. I tell my mom everything, and I don't want to tell her about this part of my life... yet it's making me feel so isolated from her. Then in my core group of friends, one is going through a divorce and I don't feel like I should add my stress to hers, one isn't anywhere near TTC and I don't think she'll understand, and the one who I thought WOULD get it because she had trouble conceiving her first (but no trouble with #2 or #3, and is now adopting #4) just told me to "relax and have fun... don't stress." I remember her venting to me that it drove her crazy when people told her that... so I don't get why she told me that! I feel that after my meltdowns last weekend, DH is overwhelmed by my emotions. So basically, IRL, I feel I have no support network right now... and I hate that feeling!!!

It's been 5 months. I know that's nothing compared to some... but it's really making me think. In May, I'll schedule an appointment and try to get a game plan, but I'm afraid that since I am ovulating and having regular periods that an OBGYN isn't going to look into anything until the 1-year mark... and maybe that's right and ok, but it's also frustrating because I just FEEL that something's not right. Maybe it'll change when I lose weight, and I know I need to put my focus into that...

Which is why I started posting on the fitness/weightloss board. I need a place that's not TTC related to find even more support and accountability. I also think that once school is out, DH & I are going to join WW. I also NEED to start exercising. My excuse last week was that DH & I were in the garden/yard almost every evening after school... so it wasn't "exercise", but it also wasn't just sitting around either!

I have zero motivation this week. I know AF will be here tomorrow. I hate that heartburn, insomnia, cramping, and headaches are all symptoms of pregnancy AND menstruation. DH said this morning, "You'd think that since it's MOTHER nature, your symptoms would be a little more clear, huh?" Touche... I've already resolved not to weigh myself until AF is gone, because last month was too hard to see the 5 lb gain -- all due to bloat.

I am going to post some yummy/healthy spring salads to the recipe board. They are the only two healthy meals I've had recently. I need to get better about that. It's going to get harder now, too. I quit taking the brown seaweed. My neurologist recommended it because he thought it would work along side my headache meds to help weightloss, but in actuality, it pretty much got rid of all the symptoms that the topamax was causing. So now that I'm not taking the brown seaweed, the symptoms are all back... never hungry, when I am I want to eat everything, my hands/feet tingle, insomnia, blah blah blah...

DH had his contract extended another year, which is great... we're happy here! But I don't have a full-time position. I like subbing, but I don't want to do it forever. There was the possibility of me becoming a part-time speech teacher instead of just one period a day, but I don't know if that's going to work. I'd settle even for just being a para at this point. Or get pregnant... *sigh...*

I'm loving our garden and our chickens. Our yard is full of life... Most days I love it. It's invigorating and fun and I love the thought that in a few months we'll have eggs and veggies and flowers galore! On the other hand... I get all morbid and think that if our bodies can't produce life on the inside, what makes us think that we can have fertile land? It feels like a waste. I know it's just the pessimistic side of me talking.

While I'm venting, I hate that I haven't seen my friends in weeks and weeks. I hate that we all live an hour apart. I really hate that we have a beautiful house that no one has been to because they say it's inconvenient for them to come out here. What? It's convenient for us to go there? Sure... we take advantage of being in town and do a big grocery trip, but I want to show off our HOUSE!

I also hope our land lady can hurry and get our hard wood floors redone. We've been waiting since September!

I want an eliptical. I loved it when we had a Y membership, but now we don't because it's too far away and I miss it!!! UGH....

Okay. Brain dump over. I feel better getting it all in writing.
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  #63  
April 30th, 2013, 12:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
Brain Dump: Be prepared, anyone reading this... it could get intense.

Chickens Photos by Jeralynnmoser | Photobucket

Chicken slideshow. DH has all the baby pictures of Rollie and Oreo on his phone, so those are lacking on photobucket for the time being. The kids are loving it outside! I hate that the weather is going to get crappy and we have to bring them inside the next few days. I know they're going to be miserable... as am I!

I'm in such a funk. TTC is only part of it, my job situation is another, and then there's just all the stress with the end of the school year. Ugh. Trying to be healthy has taken a backseat which means so has my weight loss.

TTC - I feel so alone. I tell my mom everything, and I don't want to tell her about this part of my life... yet it's making me feel so isolated from her. Then in my core group of friends, one is going through a divorce and I don't feel like I should add my stress to hers, one isn't anywhere near TTC and I don't think she'll understand, and the one who I thought WOULD get it because she had trouble conceiving her first (but no trouble with #2 or #3, and is now adopting #4) just told me to "relax and have fun... don't stress." I remember her venting to me that it drove her crazy when people told her that... so I don't get why she told me that! I feel that after my meltdowns last weekend, DH is overwhelmed by my emotions. So basically, IRL, I feel I have no support network right now... and I hate that feeling!!!

It's been 5 months. I know that's nothing compared to some... but it's really making me think. In May, I'll schedule an appointment and try to get a game plan, but I'm afraid that since I am ovulating and having regular periods that an OBGYN isn't going to look into anything until the 1-year mark... and maybe that's right and ok, but it's also frustrating because I just FEEL that something's not right. Maybe it'll change when I lose weight, and I know I need to put my focus into that...

Which is why I started posting on the fitness/weightloss board. I need a place that's not TTC related to find even more support and accountability. I also think that once school is out, DH & I are going to join WW. I also NEED to start exercising. My excuse last week was that DH & I were in the garden/yard almost every evening after school... so it wasn't "exercise", but it also wasn't just sitting around either!

I have zero motivation this week. I know AF will be here tomorrow. I hate that heartburn, insomnia, cramping, and headaches are all symptoms of pregnancy AND menstruation. DH said this morning, "You'd think that since it's MOTHER nature, your symptoms would be a little more clear, huh?" Touche... I've already resolved not to weigh myself until AF is gone, because last month was too hard to see the 5 lb gain -- all due to bloat.

I am going to post some yummy/healthy spring salads to the recipe board. They are the only two healthy meals I've had recently. I need to get better about that. It's going to get harder now, too. I quit taking the brown seaweed. My neurologist recommended it because he thought it would work along side my headache meds to help weightloss, but in actuality, it pretty much got rid of all the symptoms that the topamax was causing. So now that I'm not taking the brown seaweed, the symptoms are all back... never hungry, when I am I want to eat everything, my hands/feet tingle, insomnia, blah blah blah...

DH had his contract extended another year, which is great... we're happy here! But I don't have a full-time position. I like subbing, but I don't want to do it forever. There was the possibility of me becoming a part-time speech teacher instead of just one period a day, but I don't know if that's going to work. I'd settle even for just being a para at this point. Or get pregnant... *sigh...*

I'm loving our garden and our chickens. Our yard is full of life... Most days I love it. It's invigorating and fun and I love the thought that in a few months we'll have eggs and veggies and flowers galore! On the other hand... I get all morbid and think that if our bodies can't produce life on the inside, what makes us think that we can have fertile land? It feels like a waste. I know it's just the pessimistic side of me talking.

While I'm venting, I hate that I haven't seen my friends in weeks and weeks. I hate that we all live an hour apart. I really hate that we have a beautiful house that no one has been to because they say it's inconvenient for them to come out here. What? It's convenient for us to go there? Sure... we take advantage of being in town and do a big grocery trip, but I want to show off our HOUSE!

I also hope our land lady can hurry and get our hard wood floors redone. We've been waiting since September!

I want an eliptical. I loved it when we had a Y membership, but now we don't because it's too far away and I miss it!!! UGH....

Okay. Brain dump over. I feel better getting it all in writing.
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  #64  
April 30th, 2013, 04:06 PM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
I'm so sorry that you don't have supports in real life. Of course, you always have us. I'm glad that writing has helped you. I thinking journalling can be really cathartic. I also think it's a good idea to find another outlet--weight loss board, some other goal to focus on can be really helpful while trying to conceive.

If I lived closer, I'd come by to visit you.
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #65  
April 30th, 2013, 10:12 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 535
OMG your chicks are soo cute!!

I love the sounds the babies make! Peep peep!

I imagine that education positions are harder to come by when you are in a rural area but I hope a good position opens up for your real soon.

In olden times the fertility of the earth, and the animals in nature was believed to be tied to the fertility of the human population... it's actually Beltane right now, which I know because of some of my pagan friends. Corny I guess, but I think by that train of thought, things bode well for you right now since you are surrounded by all kinds of fertility symbols.

(This is said with all respect for your religion of preference, whatever it may be, lol,don't want to offend anyone.)
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Woo, you can check out Amy's crazy temps right here.
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  #66  
May 1st, 2013, 12:06 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am so sorry you are feeling alone. TTC makes me feel that way a lot too and it must be so hard to live far from friends I hope they make the trip out to see you soon! I wish we all lived closer together so we could meet up there

Those chicks are so adorable!!!!
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #67  
May 1st, 2013, 06:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
Thanks, ladies! I also wish we all lived closer!!! <3

I got my wake-up/quit griping/life isn't that bad call today. The roads were really crappy on the way to school this morning. DH lost control on the icy highway and we spun. Luckily no damage was done, and the oncoming traffic was able to stop and not hit us. But we were both pretty shaken up. More so me... We're talking full blown panic attack. But, I still subbed, and now I'm alright -- just a little sore.

I'm just thankful that we're okay. Snugglin' a little closer to DH tonight, for sure.

In other news, AF hasn't shown her face yet today, but I'm having some cramping. It's like my brain says "you're definitely not pregnant," but my heart is saying "well, you haven't started YET... so... maybe???" I hate it. I'll test in the morning if the witch isn't here.
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  #68  
May 2nd, 2013, 04:57 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
I'm so glad that you are okay. I hate driving on ice, it's so scary. Snuggle in tight with DH!

Looking at your chart, I can't really tell when you ovulated. You may have ovulated later than you thought, so don't be too disappointed if you get a BFN this morning, it may be too early to test. F/X'd that you caught the eggie!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






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  #69  
May 2nd, 2013, 07:12 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
Oh my goodness that is scary!! I am so glad yall are alright!!!! Any updates?
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #70  
May 2nd, 2013, 11:10 AM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
I'm sorry that you are feeling so alone. I often feel really alone when it comes to TTC stuff, too. I'm so glad that we are all able to come here and talk to others who understand.
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  #71  
May 2nd, 2013, 11:17 AM
BabyBirdies's Avatar over the rainbow?
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Manhattan :)
Posts: 1,855
I'm so glad you guys are okay!!! How scary!
__________________

Thanks Jaidynsmum for the siggy!
My fertility blog: Only Infertile



NTNP since March 2012, TTC since August 2012, HSG = one blocked tube, SA = normal, 1st RE 7/11 - took a zillion tests, 2nd RE appt = Tubal issue with PCOS tendencies, possible polyp, August 2013 - possible polyp, September 2013 - new job, insurance change! January 2014 - new insurance, March 2014 - new RE appointment, then surprise BFP!

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  #72  
May 2nd, 2013, 05:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
I hate my stupid body. Did it ovulate or not? Now I'm just not even sure. BFN still -- I even took OPK's today in case I'm ovulating now...

I don't even FEEL like AF is about to come. I usually can feel the pre-bloat and the pre-cramping. I felt it Tuesday night, but nothing since.

I'm just depressed about everything. I called my dr to ask when I should come in if I don't start (and let her know that I really don't think I'm pregnant) and she recommended I go straight to a gyno -- so now I have to figure that out.

Ick. I just want it to be Friday. And I want my period to just be here.

I'm whiny. And I just want to whine and drink.
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  #73  
May 3rd, 2013, 05:03 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






Reply With Quote
  #74  
May 3rd, 2013, 07:44 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am sorry Jeralynn that is so frustrating. I wish I knew answers for you!! Looking at your chart it does seem like you O because you do have a temp shift but they are also all over the place.

__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #75  
May 3rd, 2013, 12:40 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed. I feel depressed a lot. You can always message me on here or on FB if you need a friend to talk to.
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  #76  
May 4th, 2013, 06:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
Thanks, ladies! I appreciate your support.

No AF in sight. HPTs still incredibly negative. At this point, if I O'd later, it won't matter because we didn't BD much after I got crosshairs.

I have an appointment with my doc on Monday at 2 PM. Hopefully AF will show before then, if not, hopefully she'll be able to help.

All of this means I won't O the weekend after school gets out. We were so excited to BD like crazy people that weekend! Oh well. We might just keep those plans anyway. Lord knows we need a break from life right now.

I am starting to cramp a little and cry at the drop of a hat, so I'm hoping something will happen soooooooooon.

I have enough to keep me busy this weekend -- hopefully a BBQ at my parents today (if it doesn't rain) and then I'm making graduation gifts for the parties we were invited to. Plus yard work and my crazy chicks.
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  #77  
May 4th, 2013, 08:33 AM
Nicholle ttc's Avatar TTC our first!
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,059
Hopefully you can get some answers from ob/gyn.

Have a wonderful weekend!
__________________
TTCing since August 2011
Me (33)-LP on the short side, but no other abnormalities
DH (37)-slightly subfertile morphology and motility


Natural cycles-August 2011-July 2012
August 2012-October 2012 clomid and progesterone
November 2012-IUI
December 2012, cysts from IUI, on bcp

January 2013-February 2013, long protocol IVF
15 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI
All 7 made it to 5 day transfer, 2 were transferred
Only 1 frozen snowbaby
1st IVF


May 10, 2013, lap sx, Stage 1 endo

June 2013 - MA Round 2
Femara + hcg shot
IUI # 2


FET tentatively scheduled for 10/31/13

Have never seen a bfp.






Reply With Quote
  #78  
May 4th, 2013, 01:18 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
I also hope that you can get some answers from the doctor.

Have a great weekend! The weather is supposed to be beautiful here.
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  #79  
May 5th, 2013, 04:07 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,297
I hope your doctor tells you something and you can have some answers. I'm sorry you are feeling so down and I'm hoping all your garden and chicken projects can help you. I've been doing at least one thing a night in the garden and its been so relaxing!

How big is your garden? I'm attempting the biggest one I've ever had this year, so we can compare pics! My chicks arrive on Thursday so hopefully they will provide distraction.

((Hugs)) to you!
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  #80  
May 6th, 2013, 07:25 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
Ditto the other ladies - I hope the doctor has some answers for you!! KUP!
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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