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Anna's TTC #1 Journal


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  #1  
April 27th, 2013, 03:47 AM
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April 27... First cycle TTC, AF due today, tested with a FRER before DH went to work. Nothing.

Like, less than nothing.

I at least wanted an evap line or a shadow to obsess about all day. It was just so glaringly negative I almost felt like it was being rude. I actually personified my pregnancy test to the point of calling it an a$$hole.

At first I wanted to cry but now I've had an hour to process and I am actually feeling positive. Like, come one, honey, lets take some more zinc and fertilaid and get to baby making! Plus I just heard DH take my dog out and then give her a treat. I love hearing her little feet click in the kitchen floor and I love that he helps me take care of her. It always makes me smile when he's nice to my dog. I've had the same smelly hound for thirteen years.

I'll try to keep this TTC related and not wander off to odes to my dog. No promises, though.

So, family TTC history: My mother (I'll also try to keep this from becoming one giant vent about my family or my in-laws. No promises, though). My mother decided each time she wanted to get pregnant to stop taking birth control and that was that. She's very controlling. It doesn't surprise me at all that she just demanded of the sperm and the ovaries that they do their job.

Eldest brother accidentally got his first girlfriend pregnant while she was still on birth control. Although, admittedly, she was only mostly on birth control. They'd been dating for all of three months, though, so she can't have been trying very long! He is now married to a wonderful girl and they are having difficulty TTC due to PCOS and thyroid issues.

My other brother and his wife: They decided to TTC and one month later were pg with a little girl. Two years later they decided to TTC again, and a month later were pregnant with boy girl twins.

So, conception in my family is pretty straightforward. DH has a brother with low sperm count and I had a LEEP procedure 3 years ago; since then, I have not had a 'normal' period.

DH is a dairy farmer. Today is his 'day off', which means he'll take five hours or so between milking and chores and spend some time with me. Depending on the seasonal workload, he works 12-18 hours a day, seven days a week. I don't know how he does it, but he sure does. He's a pretty great guy, my DH.

So that's my intro. Hi everyone! And thanks for reading.
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  #2  
April 28th, 2013, 01:04 PM
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Hi, glad to see you achieved your weekend goal!

Welcome to journalling, its a great place to get everything off your chest, whether it be ttc related ...or about your dog...or family..or the in-laws. Mine has mostly been about wedding planning this past few months lol. Whatever works for you at the time.

I can understand how you must be feeling frustrated with your ttc family history. When I first told my mum about me and DF having ttc trouble, she said..and I quote..'All me and your dad had to do was walk past eachother on the stairs and I'd be pregnant'. Yeah..you can guess how that made me feel.

DH has a pretty heavy workload of a job there. A dairy farmer...does that make you a farmers wife? With baking and everything lol? (apologies for the stereotyping there - I live in Derbyshire which is pretty rural in place and I've met alot of farmers wives and they generally are the BEST cooks / bakers!)

Moving to month #2 I think its good to keep a positive attitude. If you need some reassurance that what your feeling is normal (and have time on your hands) try reading through my (or others) journals from the start. I guarantee they follow a similar thread

I look forward to following your journal hun!
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  #3  
April 28th, 2013, 03:28 PM
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"It doesn't surprise me at all that she just demanded of the sperm and the ovaries that they do their job." You had me laughing OUT LOUD at the computer screen for this one!

In-laws can really be a pain. I'm lucky that I get along with mine pretty well, but conversation with my husband's dad has never come easily. Husband's brother doesn't seem to have any problem getting his wife pregnant. I feel like everyone is sitting around and waiting for us to announce.

Maybe you can post some pictures of some cows? I'm a real animal lover and think it's fascinating your married to a dairy man.
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  #4  
April 28th, 2013, 06:17 PM
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Since I just started my journal, I was going back and trying to catch up on everyone else's. I only just sorta discovered this area of TTC#1, and it's great because I'm always wondering what's going on with everyone!

I sure hope you have just as easy a time as your family history would dictate. Sounds like a man who works as much as your DH would be the picture of health and in really great shape, if not a little tired...

Good luck on your journey!!!!
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  #5  
April 28th, 2013, 07:09 PM
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My DH and his baby:
http://i1281.photobucket.com/albums/...ps286ea399.jpg

One of our engagement photos ... I love this pic even if it is not clear. He bought me that sign at the Dairy Farmer's gala last year.
http://i1281.photobucket.com/albums/...pse62e4150.jpg

Some cows! He milks about sixty but between the milking cos, dry cows, calves and heifers there are more like 200 in total.

http://i1281.photobucket.com/albums/...psca32fcb4.jpg

Me and my calf, Sasquatch... The first one I raised from a baby!

http://i1281.photobucket.com/albums/...ps9aed98f3.jpg

Photobucket is fun!
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  #6  
April 28th, 2013, 08:04 PM
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Anna, I wasn't expecting a giant TRACTOR when you said the pic was of your husband and his BABY.

I love the pictures of the cows! I'll totally have to PM you to ask you some questions about how cows are raised. My friend started me on a major vegetarian kick due to how animals are treated.

And the picture with you and the calf is adorable Thanks for sharing!
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Expecting our first child in February... Team pink!
1st beta 14dpo = 150
2nd beta 18dpo = 782
3rd beta 23 dpo = 5,362
Missing my puppy, but grateful to have shared a bond with her for two years.
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  #7  
April 28th, 2013, 09:14 PM
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Pm me any time! I'm a huge advocate for the humane treatment of animals! After watching a couple documentaries I've actually decided not,to support the chicken industry as much as I can.... I've raised beef and have friends who raise beef, and I was born and raised on a dairy farm before marrying a dairy farmer just south of my parents. I am totally comfortable with Canadian dairy and beef standards.... But the chicken industry makes me kind of unhappy. I have to look into pork next.

25 chickens arrive here May 21st! But seriously, I love all things agriculture (well, except the questionable stuff!) and could babble on about it for hours.
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  #8  
April 29th, 2013, 07:21 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Welcome to journaling!!! Excited to follow your journey on here. Thanks so much for sharing the pics those are great!!

My mom has said more than once "all your father had to do was look at me and boom pregnant" sooo i am in the same boat as you and Jen on that one. Hang in there!!!
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  #9  
May 1st, 2013, 09:00 AM
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Here is my background story on my current state of employment/ not working. And some history and family drama. Tonight I am going to update on my cycles and why they are wonky.

So, two years ago my life completely went out of control. I was in a car accident and then bought a real lemon so it had to go. I bought a new car. Unrelated to that, my taxes came back with me owing a significant amount of money due to employer error. I had to cough up the cash two months before I was to be permanently laid off. That layoff was the third permanent layoff I'd faced within that twelve month period. Three cars and three layoffs within an eighteen month period of time.

I needed a second job. This whole professional career thing was NOT working out for me. So I did the only thing I know how and found a job milking cows. And then I met the farmer.

Who ever thought that I would find a man I love and that I would get to farm, full time for the rest of my life? HOW COULD LIFE GET MORE PERFECT?? We were engaged last July and got married in October. And then we settled in to (what should have been) a ridiculously happy existence milking cows, being in love, and making a million farmy little babies.

His father and I had some differences of opinion on farming, practices and animal treatment. I knew this before getting married and I made the classic mistake of expecting it to change after the fact. I don't have the time to write out all the examples. Please believe that I am a very self reflective person and I always try to evaluate my own role in conflict and figure out how to better the situation.

I was told that DH would have part ownership, at the very least, by the time we got married. Then it was supposed to be directly after we got married. Then it was to be in the winter. But now it's spring, and they are planting, so it's supposed to be in the summer. Are you seeing a pattern here? DH is 32. His father is 72. This should have been organized 15 years ago, and no one has done anything.

I had to quit working in the barn in January. His father milked a treated cow into the tank (DH and I noticed the mistake and we tested and dumped the milk.) This was the second time FIL had done that in a week. Directly after, he shouted at me for 'letting' him do that. This was also the second time this had happened. So, at the end of milking that morning, I said very carefully to FIL "Well, FIL, that's the second time this week that a simple mistake has been made, and it's the second time I've gotten yelled at."

He went NUTS. He lost it. He screamed at me, he yelled at me. I wasn't even really responding and then he grabbed my arm and literally screamed in my face. I was shaking with rage, responding verbally to some things he said but generally I was just outraged. Ladies, I'm not a violent person, and I honestly wanted to punch him. I didn't. I left and I've not been back.

Ive been devastated. I've had my eyes opened to a number of things. DH tried three times over the course of the fall to stand up for me and each time it was met with "Then I'll just sell the farm out from under you." My MIL said to me, when I was trying to get guidance from her, "Don't worry, dear, he's just treating you like family now.". My SIL has spent a great deal of time talking to me about how our parents in law are (she is married to DH's brother). She and BIL moved over an hour away after trying to live here for the first year of their marriage.

I don't think DH will end up owning the farm. FIL is a major control freak and can't let anyone do anything. He loves holding the farm over dh and making dh feel really generally miserable. My DH is two people: The man i love, and the scared little boy his father wants him to be. I also firmly believe that FIL has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. DH's sister is not talking to me and I heard (small town, gotta love it!) that MIL is saying some nasty things about me in town.

I had seventeen calves started and I haven't seen them. I had a kitten named Howie and I really loved milking twice a day. I felt like I had finally found my place in this world and someone has come and snatched it all away from me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to mend fences, at least with MIL. DH is so attached to this farm and I really think that FIL is going to go into a home or die, and DH's two siblings are going to swoop in for the money the farm is worth. It's a lot of stress to live with day to day.

And I really want to milk. I really want to farm. I know that I can't as long as FIL is there. He has no interest in working together towards a solution, because I've tried that. So I'm not sure what to do job wise, career wise, life wise.....

And I really miss farming.

/end of pity party and whiny post
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  #10  
May 1st, 2013, 12:01 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That all sounds so hard!!! I am so sorry you have to deal with that every day. I really don't know how you do it - but it sounds like you are handling everything very well. I really really hope that you guys are able to figure something out.
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  #11  
May 2nd, 2013, 02:37 PM
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I love the pictures! Welcome to journaling. I look forward to getting to know you better.
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  #12  
May 2nd, 2013, 09:47 PM
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Wow, FIL sounds like a real piece of work and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that. I really hope you do get to go back to milking and farming soon, you gotta do what makes you happy!
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  #13  
May 5th, 2013, 01:43 PM
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Well, took an opk this afternoon and there is a faint line! Very exciting. It is only cd 9, which is super early for me. I took soy from cd 3-7 though so hopefully that will help.

I'm really irritated with FIL today! He took out DH's new tractor and worked till late last night. Would have been wonderful, had he not run it out of fuel in the middle of the field. So DH had to start his day today trying to get the fuel pump back in working order because FIL can't fix it himself. I don't care about his stupid decisions.... I do care when it interferes with everyone else's life!

So, I will try to give a brief summary of my cycles for the past three years.

I had a LEEP done when I was 25. No biggie, right? The pathology report came back normal, so I'm not sure what they excised, but it was about 25% of my cervix.

Well, I have difficulty with any medical procedures, so I had the surgery scheduled far in advance and I asked to be sedated so I wouldn't have to actually experience anything. Unfortunately, I was on day two of my cycle but I didn't realize that would be an issue.

When I woke up I joked with my friends that the dr must had "suctioned" my period out of me because I did not bleed any more after that. Since then I have had 3 day periods. Spotting day one, maybe using a regular tampon day two, and spotting day three.

When I got my bfn the other month I googled "how do they do a LEEP when you are on your period" and found one response that said she had a D & C in order to do the procedure. Next, I googled light period after D & C, and found that having a D & C can lead to scarring on the inside of the uterus which can lead to super light periods.

I've been googling like crazy supplements to increase uterine lining, and have found some women say that Soy Isaflavones increase the lining, and some say it decreases it. So I tried SI this cycle, as well with my full complement of supplements and I've been eating loads of pineapple, pomegranate juice, and red raspberry leaf tea. I am hoping that this leads to either a very regular AF (who would ever think that I'd be dying for a heavy period?) or a BFP.

If it doesn't help, I am going to have to call my doctor and have an appointment to ask if they did a D & C (are they allowed to do that without telling you before or after?) and to ask for an ultrasound to see what the thickness of my uterine lining is.

So that is my cycle history and hopefully the last of my super long, drawn out posts! Thanks for reading, everyone!
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  #14  
May 5th, 2013, 04:27 PM
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I had the LEEP procedure done earlier this year, too.
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  #15  
May 5th, 2013, 06:59 PM
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How did your LEEP go? We're you on AF when you had it? How has your cycle been since?

I've had three friends who've had LEEP (one girl had the burning one... Mine was where they excised a portion of my cervix) and all three have had normal cycles since then.

Got a faint line on my OPK this aft, so I'm wondering if I should take another before bed or not. Last cycle we tried timed BD, but this cycle we are just going to BD every night this week and hopefully a bit after O as well. He's working long hours though ... Hopefully my poor hubby won't be exhausted!
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  #16  
May 5th, 2013, 08:29 PM
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I was not on AF when the doctor performed my LEEP. I had HPV and they had been watching it for several years. Finally, the doctor decided to burn the HPV cells of my cervix. I worried about fertility issues when he did it, but I knew I would end up having cervical cancer if something wasn't done about the HPV.

The doctor said my cervix looks good and you can't even tell anything was done to it. So I'm hoping it will be okay and not affect my fertility. My cycles have been really short and light, but I think that is due to coming off the BCP in late January of this year.
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  #17  
May 6th, 2013, 07:23 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Dr. Google can lead down scary paths. I would call and discuss your concerns with your doctor. I have had a D&C and I was told the fertility risks assisted with a D&C are pretty low. So hopefully even if you did have one it did not affect your cycle too much.

Keep us posted!!
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  #18  
May 20th, 2013, 09:37 AM
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I love your journal! As you know I'm a farm girl too I understand your love of farming and livestock! I'm so happy to be starting on my venture raising market lambs.

I am sorry about your FIL. It seems like a lot of family farms split off due to family conflict. My dad's parents had a big beef operation and he ended up going out on his own due to family issues. Not fun and kind of heart breaking to see the farm broke apart and sold off. I really hope you guys can come to a resolution!

Interesting about the LEEP. I am hoping it didn't cause you any issues. You are still early in TTC so hopefully it will just come quickly and naturally for you! I had a colposcopy and cone biopsy done when I was 24 (5 years ago). Not fun! I can't imagine a LEEP!
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