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Julie's TTC #1 Journal


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  • 1 Post By momology

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  #1  
May 11th, 2013, 11:08 PM
Julie321's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 743
SO glad I found this mini-forum. I'd like somewhere to vent without clogging up the main boards!

Quick introduction- I'm Julie. I'm 27 (28 next month) and have been married to Adam for 4 years but have been with him for 8.

He is 35, and turning 36 this year. It's his age moreso than mine that has caused so much stress and desire to start a family. I still FEEL young, and feel like we have so much more life to live, but the number scares me. All I can think that is even if we have a baby now, he will be 55 years old by the time our oldest kid is 20. And what about younger ones? I so wish we had've been more responsible in life and gotten ourselves ready to start having kids sooner.

Adam is a really "safe" guy. Whereas I'm the kind of person to jump into a situation and figure out how to make it work later, he's the guy that wants to be fully prepared for everything. We ran into this when I wanted to buy a house and he said we were too poor. When I wanted a dog and he said we were too busy. And for the past couple years I had been pressing the baby issue on him, but he says we just are not in the financial situation to make it happen.

I lived in a lonely depression for a while. A baby was something I didn't want to pressure him into when he wasn't ready. We worked hard, tried to get our finances in order, but you know that saying that you will never be in the perfect situation to have a baby? I started to realize that that was very true. He did too I think.

I went off the BCP in mid-September of this year. Adam agreed. Kinda. But insisted on condoms, then said we would re-evaluate in a few months whether we were ready to ditch the rubbers.
When my younger cousin announced she was pregnant on Christmas Eve. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and bail from the room. I felt like a horrible person. I was happy for her- I really really was. But I was also really sad for me.

Adam knew I was sad too, and just a few days later, told me that though we weren't ready, and would likely never be ready, it was time to start trying for a baby.

After my period on December 30, it was game on. I was SO excited!

With irregular cycles, I was unsure when my fertile period would be. I dove head first into research, and realized that I had been experiencing ovulation symptoms for the few months I had been off the pill. Sore nipples? EWCM? There was my ovulation. Perfect!

I began watching for it.

I first began experiencing the symptoms around the 10th of February. My symptoms were SO bad, my headaches were keeping me in bed, my face was covered in pimples, I was exhausted. And I was so wet down there, I thought I was already pregnant.

I tested. Negative.

Tested the next day. Negative.

Then with more research, I realized I had actually just been ovulating.

Come February 24th, my boobs felt like they weighed 1000 pounds. And I had so much milky-coloured CM I couldn't believe it. Had killer cramps. Thought I was getting my period. But lo and behold, I took another test on March 1 and BAM! Positive!

I was elated. This was my first cycle. AHH!

I went out and bought a couple books about being a dad, and wrapped them up for hubby that night. I was scared that he wouldn't be happy because he was stressed about finances and sure as hell didn't count on getting me pregnant the first month.

He was elated! We stayed up almost all night laying in bed talking about parenting methods and re-arranging our house to make room for a baby. The due date I had calculated was November 8th. I was actually going to be a mom!

The next day at work, though I was in horrible condition and exhausted from not being able to sleep the night before, I was on cloud 9. Until of course I started spotting about four hours into my shift.

I struggled to hold back tears as I told my boss I was sick and had to go home. I went home and tried to nap for a few hours. I decided if I was still bleeding when I woke up, I would go to the hospital.

Sure enough, was still bleeding. Went to the ER and had my HCG levels taken. They had dropped to 7. I had just miscarried.

I was upset for a couple weeks, but then got right back into TTC. Last month was a failed attempt, but this month I am hopeful! I tried Soy Isoflavones this cycle in attempt to shorten my follicular phase, which in the past had been up to 42 days. This month I ovulated on CD 21. Hoping for the best!

Sorry this was SO long. Apparently I had more to talk about than I thought!
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  #2  
May 12th, 2013, 11:14 AM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
Welcome to journaling! I love reading everyone's journals. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I look forward to getting to know you better.

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  #3  
May 12th, 2013, 11:49 AM
Julie321's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 743
Imagining things. That's what I know I am doing.

I'm not sure what day I ovulated. Thursday? Friday? At the very most I am only 3dpo. If I was pregnant, the little egg wouldn't even be implanted yet. Therefore I would have no symptoms yet.

When I called my mom today to wish her a happy mother's day, I cried. I feel like a horrible daughter for living 5 hours away from home and not being able to afford to come visit today. I cried yesterday when I saw the flowers for sale outside of the gas station.

We had our new sofa delivered, and the delivery guys were complaining that they had to carry it up to the second story, since we live in a two-story townhouse and our living room and kitchen are on the second floor, and bedrooms on the third. I was furious, and was really rude to them. Sure, they were wrong, but I am typically pretty laid back.

Then I am thinking WHY AM I CRYING over mother's day? Why am I wanting to punch these punk kid delivery guys in the face?

I am not much of an emotional person, and can usually keep my anger in check.

But flash back to February, about four days before I found out I was pregnant, and there I was crying over a silly commercial on TV. Then screaming to my husband that I wanted to get rid of one of our cats because she peed in our laundry basket. I LOVE my animals and wouldn't get rid of my cat if she peed on me every day. Once I found out I was pregnant, my mood swings all made sense.

And now I am making something out of nothing.

I am beginning to really hate the TWW. I feel like my heart is always searching for confirmation that this month was a success, and my brain is always telling me to get real. I'm being stupid. Especially now. It's FAR too early for any pregnancy symptoms.

11 more days to go until testing. That is, if I can wait that long!
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  #4  
May 13th, 2013, 05:59 AM
Nerd
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Southeast, US
Posts: 3,040
Don't be so hard on yourself. there is a lot going on in your life right now. I do hope that you all are pregnant.
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Expecting our first child in February... Team pink!
1st beta 14dpo = 150
2nd beta 18dpo = 782
3rd beta 23 dpo = 5,362
Missing my puppy, but grateful to have shared a bond with her for two years.
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  #5  
May 13th, 2013, 06:16 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
Hi there and welcome to journaling!!!

I am so very sorry for your loss.

We say this a lot on these boards but it is so true - TTC is an emotional roller coaster that we have no control over. That is why I love it here so much. These ladies have advice for just about everything and are amazingly supportive.

I look forward to following your journey and hope you get your BFP soon!!!
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Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #6  
May 13th, 2013, 03:40 PM
Julie321's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 743
Just watched Parental Guidance and wept like a baby at the end.

Woke up feeling nauseous, headache, and my sore nipples have spread to my entire boobs. Hurts to walk down stairs.

I don't remember this happening on other months, but then again I'm paying closer attention to everything now.

I don't know... 4dpo? Too early for symptoms if you ask me. It hasn't helped that this is day 3 of no work. I have nothing to distract me from my obsessing!

Working a concert tomorrow night, and hopefully when the Senators Round 2 playoff games are announced, we have a home game or two later this week to keep me distracted! More. Work. Please!!
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  #7  
May 14th, 2013, 08:17 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
I am a symptomaholic during the TWW It is so hard not to analyze everything. Especially if you don't have some good distractions going on.

Fx that this is your month!!!
AshleyO likes this.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #8  
May 15th, 2013, 09:18 AM
Julie321's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 743
It's now 6dpo and my boobs are STILL sore. About a day or two after ovulation, my sensitivity/pain changed from my nipples to my boobs. Usually when I am getting AF, my boobs are only sore for a day or two before.

My uterus area feels really tight and bubbly. I am exhausted. I just did two flights of stairs and can't catch my breath. Last time I was pregnant, the day before I found out, I pulled a skid with our food order and I couldn't believe how exhausted and breathless it made me.

Blood in the sink when I brushed my teeth this morning but I couldn't pinpoint where it was bleeding.

Extra discharge yesterday and this morning. (Sorry if TMI). What gives?

I am convinced I am pregnant. I started testing yesterday and today, BFN, obviously. Far too early.

I'm trying SOOOO hard not to get my hopes up, but how can I not?

I can say one thing for sure. If AF shows her ugly face this month, I am going to be SOOOO upset. Is this a cruel joke from mother nature?
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  #9  
May 15th, 2013, 12:58 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,613
I really hope that you get your BFP this cycle. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
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  #10  
May 15th, 2013, 02:22 PM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
It is hard not to get excited. Fx for you
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Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


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  #11  
May 20th, 2013, 08:30 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North Texas
Posts: 705
I am sorry for your recent loss. It is not an easy thing to go through, especially when you spent the night before so excited and talking all about your future child.

This cycle will be my first cycle trying. I will probably be just like you in the TWW, analyzing every twinge and feeling. I hope your TWW is worth it, and you get the positive you are positive you will have. My first pregnancy I thought I was a month further along cuz I had the sore boobs and nausea from about 4DPO. Every body is different.
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Lucas Xavier is here! Born 4/24/2014 at 10:47pm
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20.5 inches long

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