[BabyBird]

CD 22-4 DPO

I am April and DH and I were married November 4th, 2006. We were going to wait to TTC until our new house is finished this summer but we both got the BABY FEVER over the Holidays!! We are on our 2nd cycle of TTC and hopeful that it will happen soon!

I am a proud Auntie to a beautiful little 2 year old boy, named Hunter. I have a second nephew due this April. I have had practice being an Auntie, now I want one of my own!

Today I am 4 DPO and I am not too sure about this cycle. I just don't feel it. I felt everything last cycle though and wasn't pg so maybe the fact that I don't feel anything is good! Last cycle I was nauseous and had no appetite the whole LP. I also had a horrible headache that lasted almost the whole LP.

I am worried about my temps. If it doesn't happen this cycle I am going to have my thyroid levels checked. My temps are just so low and irratic. I did have a clear thermal shift on both of my charts so far though.

[BabyBird]

CD 25 - 7DPO

Well I wasn't going to get excited this cycle but I can't help but feel like something is going on down there! LOL I am having twingy pains and almost constant dull cramping. I am also getting pimples in the wierdest places. This would be the perfect time to be pg so that we don't have to try while living with the in-laws! I am going to hold off until 12 DPO to test...I hope!

[BabyBird]

Well I didn't hold off until 12 DPO to test...I tested on 11 DPO and got a BFP!!!!!!!!! I am still a little in shock. My sister and BIL are coming over for dinner tonight and I got my sister a picture frame that has the pic of my HPT and it says "You are going to be an Auntie!!!" I am so nervous to tell her! She should be here in the next hour! My parents might come too but we are having Chinese for dinner and dad hates it and it snowed a lot again today so we might go for a visit tomorrow and then go to DH's parents house. I am soooooo excited! I just hope and pray that everything goes ok! I am trying not to be a hypochondriac like usual and just enjoy this pregnancy!!!!

[BabyBird]

4/10/2007
I never thought I would be coming back here to add another TTC message. Today is exactly one week since my D&C. DH and I will be TTC again after 2 cycles. I went for my first appointment and u/s on March 15th. I was 8 weeks. The moment was surreal. All I remember is seeing that empty black hole. DH didn't know what he was looking at and didn't know what was going on until I started to cry. The gestational sac measured only 5 1/2 weeks and the baby was too small to see. I just knew it was the end. They wanted to see me again in 2 weeks because by then there should be some growth and if not, we would know for sure. I spent the next 2 weeks dreading the outcome but still hoping for a miracle. It was torture! I actually felt calm the day of my u/s, I just wanted to know. I took a deep breath and layed down on the u/s table and there it was again...the empty black hole. This time we saw the tiniest yolk sac but it was still way too small to be at 10 weeks where it should be. No movement and no HB. I was scheduled for a D&C. I did not want to m/c on my own and have it drag out for weeks. I wanted some control in something that I had no control over. It has been one week and I miss my baby like I never thought I would. How can I miss someone I never met? The fact is that I DID meet my baby. I felt my uterus stretching to make room, I felt the nausea when my baby didn't like me eating chocolate, and I felt the love grow as the weeks went on. I made plans and had dreams for this baby that I will never get to see fulfilled. I know we will have our miracle baby soon but I will miss my angel baby forever.

[BabyBird]

May 2nd, 2007

Well tomorrow is officially one month since my D&C and I feel like AF is on her way. I never thought I would actually want to see her face! I am going to chart this cycle but still prevent around O time. Then next cycle we will be back on the TTC road for real! It is so hard preventing something that you want sooo bad! I know it would be better to wait so I am going to try to be good.

[BabyBird]

5/22/07 3 DPO!

Well I know I said we were going to prevent this cycle but NOPE!! We weren't careful at all and now I am 3 DPO!! Hopefully this 2WW goes by fast and I would be soooo excited if I actually get a BFP this cycle! I don't think I could have made it through this cycle knowing that we prevented and don't have a chance, but now that we might have a chance I am sooo excited!!

FF moved my crosshairs the next day so really I was only 2DPO here.

[BabyBird]

May 31- 11 DPO

Today is the day that I would have gotten my BFP with my angel at 11 DPO. I soooo want to take a test but I promised DH that I would wait until Saturday so that we could do it together. Some things tell me I am pg and some things make me think there is no way. I just want to know now! Maybe I can convince him to do it tonight! This is so frustrating!

Update: Well I did POAS when I got home and it was BFN. I am still going to take another one at 13 DPO, Saturday.

[BabyBird]

So it is Saturday, 13 DPO and I got a faint line!!!!!! I am so freakin excited that we didn't actually have to "try". I am terrified of m/c again though. I woke up at 5 am, took my temp and it was higher than all the other Post O temps. I had to pee so bad and I couldn't wait until DH woke up. I went and POAS and waited a few minutes and it was snow white so I started to go back to bed and looked one last time and I saw a hint of color starting to show up. I freaked and thought it was just a shadow. I tore open the case of the HPT and it was slowly getting darker! I woke DH up at 5 am and told him I thought I saw something! He thought I saw something in the house and I said NO I think I see a LINE!!! He got up and I showed it to him and he saw it! It was getting darker by then. Later when he went to take a shower I took another one to make sure it wasn't an evap even though it was clearly pink and it was the same thing! What are the chances of 2 evaps in a row! I even dug out the one from 11DPO and there is a hint of a line there too. I must have not waited long enough! I would have thought it was an evap because it was sooo faint that it was hard to tell if there was color or not. I am going to take a digital tomorrow to be sure...here is the one from today!

[BabyBird]

June 8th

Well I had labs drawn this week. Monday my progesterone was 19.9 which was good and HCG was 53. Wednesday my HCG was only 55. Instead of doubling it only went up by 2. I took a FRER yesterday and it was pretty dark and came up fairly quickly. I took another today and the line is barely there. I know I have lost this one too. I am soo heartbroken. WHY can I get pg but it doesn't grow????? What is wrong with me??????

[BabyBird]

Monday June 18th

Well last Monday I had my labs drawn again but before I even left the house I had started bleeding some. My HCG ended up being 11. I came home and started cramping horribly and tried to lay down and sleep some. It was almost unbearable. I called my poor mom crying in pain and felt awful later becuase I know I made her feel helpless but I just needed to talk to my mommy. Before I found out that my HCG was only 11 for some reason I couldn't even convince myself to take my pain medicine because "what if everything is ok" HELLO! I was bleeding like crazy and cramping like I have never cramped in my life. Part of me was still in denial until I got the call and found out it was down to 11. I took some pain medicine and started to feel better. Tuesday was better but still pretty painful and I think that is the day I saw what I think was the sac. Just a small round glob about the size of a raisin that looked kind of jelly-like. The rest of the week was just like a period and stopped pretty much yesterday. I get kind of numb when I think about it and feel like I really haven't mourned this one yet. I think I am still in shock that it happened again. I thought the first time it could never happen to me so you would think I learned my lesson and wouldn't have been so naiive this time. But no I though for sure it couldn't happen twice!! Now I don't know what to think. I have an appt with my OB on Wednesday and hopefully she will have some answers or do some testing and see what keeps happening. I just hope there isn't something terribly wrong with me and never being able to carry a child to term. I will update after my appt on Wed.

[BabyBird]

Thursday June 21st

Yesterdays appointment went well. She agreed to do some testing so Brian and I both got labs drawn for chromosomes. I also got tested for thyroid stimulating hormone, antinuclear antibodies, anticardiolipin antibodies, and lupus anticoagulant. She also did my HCG again to make sure it goes all the way down. I feel better that we are doing something so that we can either find out what is wrong and treat it or find out that nothing is wrong and I just had two random things happen. She said that since both m/c happened differently it might indicate that it was just two random things that happened. I will be glad to get all the results back to know for sure. I am also going to have an HSG done around CD5 of my next cycle. So lets hope this cycle isn't too long! However I hope I don't O in the next few days because DH and I BD last night and weren't careful so I think I am going to temp the next few days so I know when I O. Then I will know when to expect AF and when it is safe to BD without being careful!

Edit: All the labs came back normal.

[BabyBird]

June 13th CD2!

Yesterday AF came FULL FORCE! OMG the cramps are killing me! I am glad though because now I kind of feel like I am normal again and not just post m/c. We got all our labs back and EVERYTHING including the chromosomes for both of us are NORMAL! YAY! That was soo relieving to hear. Now I will have the HSG done next Friday, the 20th, which will be CD 9 and as long as that shows everything is ok then we will be cleared to TTC this cycle!!! My OB said that if this AF was just a little spotty and not much bleeding then she didn't want us to try but it is DEFINATELY not spotty! LOL It is sooo Full Flow! YAY! Who would have thought I would want AF, let alone a heavy one! LOL! Now I just need to make sure I have a normal uterus!

[BabyBird]

7/22/07 CD 11

My HSG on Friday was NORMAL!! YAY!! We are now officially trying again and today is CD 11. We are pretty much planning on BDing all week and then moving into our new house on Friday!! Hopefully this week and the 2WW goes by fast with all the new house decorating! I really hope this time it happens as easily as the last two times but better yet that it STICKS this time! I have no medical reason as to why I m/c the previous two so hopefully bad luck won't strike a third time... I am going to be so scared when I do get a BFP again but I will just have to deal with that when the time comes. Right now I just want to be pg again!!! I really miss my angels and miss being pg. I just want to get to the fun parts of pregnancy next time. My theory for the next pregnancy is Third Time is a Charm!!!!

[BabyBird]

8/8/07 11 DPO!

Today I am 11 DPO and I am getting sooo nervous about finding out if I am pg or not! I just want to know now!!! I am testing tomorrow morning so we shall see then! I have all the sypmtoms but that could also be my mind just playing tricks on me!

~sore boobs (although this never happened before my BFPs with both angels)
~increased thirst!! I am never thirsty!
~mild constant cramping
~increased urination starting yesterday
~creamy CM
~pimples in weird places
~fatigue
~round ligament pain???

ETA more symptoms

I hope this is it and it STICKS!!!!!!

[BabyBird]

8/11/07~14 DPO

I am 99% sure I am out this cycle. I got a BFN yesterday at 13 DPO and my temp is WAY low this morning. I have been spotting just a tiny bit for the last few days so I know AF will be here on time tomorrow...if not today. I am a little heartbroken that it didn't happen right away this time. If it is over then I just want AF to hurry up and we can start a fresh cycle.

[BabyBird]

CD 1 8/12/07

Now on to TTC a May baby. AF showed in the middle of the night. I guess the hardest part is that we got pg 2 out of 3 tries before so I was hoping it would be that easy for the next one. Maybe the next one will be harder to get but stick around longer! I wasn't too excited about an April baby anyway because I would never hear the end of the jokes! May would be nice though. I just ordered some Pre-Seed and I will be drinking green tea until I O again this cycle.

[BabyBird]

9/6/2007 11 DPO

I just don't know what to think this cycle. BDing wasn't timed the greatest but not bad. I have been having weird symptoms but I had a long list of symptoms last month and they meant nothing so who knows. I have been very moody and sad the last week or so. I don't know if it is pg related or if I am just sad because I know how sad I will be if AF shows. I just want this week to be over so I know. I had a renal u/s on Tuesday to find out why I have bladder pain and keep getting UTI's. There is another test she wants to do (VCUG) but since that is done with x-ray I have to wait to see if I am pg because they can't do it if I am. So I guess if I am not pg then I can get the test done and finally figure out what is wrong with me. I would rather be pg though! I got a BFN yesterday and today and today my temp dipped a little...hopefully it goes back up tomorrow.

[BabyBird]

9/8/07~CD 1

She showed today. Now we are on to cycle #6. The first two were so easy, we got pg 2 out of 3 tries. Now we have failed twice in a row. I know it may take some time but I have had so much heartache in the last few months and it just gets harder every time. The closer I get to October the worse I feel. After I lost the first baby I thought for sure I would be pg by my EDD. This is our last chance to make that happen. I don't know what I will do when that day comes. I should be bringing my baby home next month and instead I am trying to make another one. What I want is the baby I was supposed to be pg with NOW! I feel like I missed out on so much. I missed my belly growing and I missed feeling my baby kick and grow. I missed planning and shopping for my baby. I missed seeing the beautiful heartbeat on U/S and finding out the gender. I know I will have all that with another baby sometime soon hopefully but I don't want to replace my babies that I lost.

[BabyBird]

CD17~9/24

I think I O'd yesterday or today. We are pretty covered with BDing so I have high hopes this cycle. As far as the renal u/s it came back normal so she had me go for an abdominal CT. That showed a 5 cm cyst on my right ovary. I went to my OB and she wasn't too concerned at the moment. I will have an u/s in 4 weeks to check on it and make sure it isn't getting bigger. So that means if I am pg I will get a sneak peak at my little bean!!!!! She said it was ok to TTC and even if the cyst has to come out at some point then we would wait until the second trimester if I was pg and everything would be fine. I sort of just hope it ruptures on its own...it might be painful but then at least it will be gone! She said it would be painful if it did rupture but it wouldn't do any harm to me or a potential baby. I really hope I am pg this cycle. I don't know how much more heartache I can take. I don't know how much more TTC DH can take either. He is getting just as stressed as I am and it is not helping things. I wish I could just relax and enjoy my life without always thinking about TTC. I feel like I have everything I have ever wanted and a baby will just complete the picture. I feel like there is an empty hole that needs filled.

[BabyBird]

10/3~10 DPO

I am testing on Friday!! I am really nervous but I somehow really think I am pg! I am nauseous today and I was a little yesterday too. Usually when I feel like this I feel better after I eat but not today. I have horrible reflux and nothing is making my tummy feel any better. I have had some "burrowing" like cramps and twinges over the past few days too. I really hope this is it. I don't know how much more of this we can take! My cyst has actually stopped hurting for about a week now. I hopt it is just gone!!! I still have the weird bladder symptoms that come and go though so I still don't know what is going on with that. I guess I need to wait until the u/s to see if the cyst is gone. Hopefully I will be pg and see my little bean early!! Hopefully my next post here is a BFP post!!!