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Madeleine's TTC journal


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  #1  
March 21st, 2007, 12:38 PM
maddie02's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,320
My DH and I are both 29 years old. We have been together for nearly 10 years and married for 4. I never really thought about having a child until about one year after marriage, but we were still settling into careers and trying to find a home. Once we finally bought a house and were financially secure in our jobs I started asking DH about having a baby. It's taken two heart-wrenching years for him to come around and decide that he's ready to start our family. I was starting to consider divorce by the time I turned 30 if he didn't change his mind. For two years I brought the topic of having a baby up regularly because it's all I've been able to think about. It's the one and only thing I long for in my life. I had brought it up as a calm discussion, I had cried, I had screamed, I had threatened to leave him and finally I just prayed and turned it all over to God and asked him to change my DH's heart. I tried not to bring it up again and several months later God answered my prayers! Now my DH is excited about the prospect of having a little one in our home. He said that he just wasn't ready before.

Now that we have been actively trying since February I am scared to death that it won't happen for us. Why haven't I had an "accident" in all these years? I've waited so long and now there's only more waiting ahead of me. I have had many many BFN's in the past several years. I took the tests with the small inkling of hope that maybe I had accidentally gotten pregnant, but it never happened. I got more emotional last month, my first month of trying, when I got a BFN. I thought my chances were good, but in my heart I knew I wasn't pregnant.

While waiting for the test to work I imagine what my emotions would feel like if I saw that second faint pink line. I imagine that I would feel butterflies and probably the biggest amount of joy I have ever felt. I think I will be anxious, scared, overwhelmed, and happy all at the same time. I also imagine how my DH would react and how I would break the news to him. But, so far I've only gotten tears when I stare at that lonely pink line, squinting at the blank spot. Sometimes I stare so hard that almost think I see that faint line.

My OPK was positive for the first time yesterday evening. We BD'd this morning even though neither one of us felt like it, but I knew I'd be upset in 2 weeks if we didn't make ourselves do it. I suppose I will try to coax DH into doing it again tonight, but he's always so tired when he gets home from work. Maybe I will try to look good for him and fix a nice dinner. Maybe I'll even break out the fondue set with some chocolate and fruit to try to create a mood I cleaned up the house today so maybe that will help me relax a little tonight. Then the 2ww will begin!!
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  #2  
March 30th, 2007, 02:07 PM
klsullie's Avatar Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 25
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I felt like I was reading the story of my life right now. We've been trying since Feb. as well and didn't know that it would "just happen". We have both been discouraged but also getting excited for another month to try. I hear ya about those times when you just don't feel like gettin' it on, but you know you need to
Good luck and I hope this next month is your month!
~Kerry W

Quote:
My DH and I are both 29 years old. We have been together for nearly 10 years and married for 4. I never really thought about having a child until about one year after marriage, but we were still settling into careers and trying to find a home. Once we finally bought a house and were financially secure in our jobs I started asking DH about having a baby. It's taken two heart-wrenching years for him to come around and decide that he's ready to start our family. I was starting to consider divorce by the time I turned 30 if he didn't change his mind. For two years I brought the topic of having a baby up regularly because it's all I've been able to think about. It's the one and only thing I long for in my life. I had brought it up as a calm discussion, I had cried, I had screamed, I had threatened to leave him and finally I just prayed and turned it all over to God and asked him to change my DH's heart. I tried not to bring it up again and several months later God answered my prayers! Now my DH is excited about the prospect of having a little one in our home. He said that he just wasn't ready before.

Now that we have been actively trying since February I am scared to death that it won't happen for us. Why haven't I had an "accident" in all these years? I've waited so long and now there's only more waiting ahead of me. I have had many many BFN's in the past several years. I took the tests with the small inkling of hope that maybe I had accidentally gotten pregnant, but it never happened. I got more emotional last month, my first month of trying, when I got a BFN. I thought my chances were good, but in my heart I knew I wasn't pregnant.

While waiting for the test to work I imagine what my emotions would feel like if I saw that second faint pink line. I imagine that I would feel butterflies and probably the biggest amount of joy I have ever felt. I think I will be anxious, scared, overwhelmed, and happy all at the same time. I also imagine how my DH would react and how I would break the news to him. But, so far I've only gotten tears when I stare at that lonely pink line, squinting at the blank spot. Sometimes I stare so hard that almost think I see that faint line.

My OPK was positive for the first time yesterday evening. We BD'd this morning even though neither one of us felt like it, but I knew I'd be upset in 2 weeks if we didn't make ourselves do it. I suppose I will try to coax DH into doing it again tonight, but he's always so tired when he gets home from work. Maybe I will try to look good for him and fix a nice dinner. Maybe I'll even break out the fondue set with some chocolate and fruit to try to create a mood I cleaned up the house today so maybe that will help me relax a little tonight. Then the 2ww will begin!![/b]
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