[Hex]

Ok my name's Heather but I tend to go by Rhiaray online. I'm 18 and an Army wife. My husband was injured in an IED explosion in Iraq on June 14th (exactly a week after I'd seen him on leave). We're in Washington DC on the Walter Reed Army Medical Center (WRAMC) base.

We've been trying to conceive a child since the end of August and it didn't work yet, but we're verrrry hopeful.
There are specific difficulties associated with our particular situation. He is suffering from PTSD and has trouble sleeping so his sleep meds themselves sometimes cause sexual issues. Nightmares and night terrors also interrupt sleeping and pure exhaustion sometimes causes difficulties.
Anyways, I am a very optimistic and understanding person so that will not be a problem for me emotionally and I'm doubting it will lower our chances of conceiving very much.
We will be trying again very soon as my fertile period will be the first week in October. I'll keep this updated as to how this goes for a while.

[Hex]

I have to say I'm getting sorta nervous. Playing around both yesterday and today and he couldn't finish. It upsets him so bad because this didn't used to happen. I said just so long as he can finish when it matters, when I'm fertile, that's all that matters. Of course he's scared he won't be able to and I really don't want him to feel pressured because I know that's only going to make things worse. I want him to relax. Hopefully, though, now that he's on seroquel to help him sleep he'll be able to perform better since I think most of his problem was exhaustion from night terrors and panic attacks keeping him up all night. He's sleeping right now and you have no idea how happy it makes me to listen to and watch him sleep. After like a week and a half of not falling asleep normally he's asleep now and not tossing and turning. Not yelling out from terrors, just sleeping. I really think the seroquel is helping him and all I can do is pray that he'll be able to perform during my peak fertility and hopefully we can catch that eggie. lol.

[Hex]

next week is my supposed fertile period and the first one we'll be bding on since ttc.

I'm really wanting this to work the first month of calculating. I really am.
And i really hope everything goes ok for us.



[pray]

[Hex]

I'm supposedly supposed to be ovulating in a couple of days (if i'm statistically perfect, don't hold your breath.) so me and DH have Bd-ed like every day or every other day since (and during) AF so I think we're pretty much covered for this cycle whether or not I'm statistically perfect.

I do hope my TTC story is not too interesting. I just want to get it right and have a baby.

Although being a newlywed and 18 is sort of a challenge in itself to tell the family "Oh yeah, we're pregnant." That's going to be difficult. But, hopefully we'll get it right this cycle and then on Marc's leave in November calmly tell the Thanksgiving gatherings our news.
I just pray we'll have news to tell them.

If not then, we'll also be back home for December.

I'm just glad we can come back down here after they do find out. It's like an escape.

Cheering for a baby boy this cycle

DH still cheering for a baby girl.

We're so backwards.

[Hex]

I don't know for sure, but I really don't think that this is my fertile period. I don't think I'm statistically perfect. I'm not noticing any CM changes... just mild wetness nothing gooey or sticky or stretchy like is described sometimes.
It's sorta disappointing but ok that I haven't Oed yet. It's probably going to be a day or two after my expected O date but I'll still test on the 18th since it'll still be like 10 dpo it should be ok.



I really don't know but I'm tired of doing math and reproduction. Reproducting should be about BD not 13, 14 dpo crap. Grr.

So we still BD every day to every other day so I think we're pretty much covered.
I really hope I get pregnant on this cycle. I've dreamed of being pregnant just as long as I've known what it was and I've wanted to be a mother since I learned what one was. Lol.
It's my fate.

I used to always want a girl like so many other women but ever since my friend had her son and I saw him I've wanted a baby boy. He is so adorable and I am soo jealous.

I really hope AF leaves me alone this time around.
[pray]

[Hex]

Ok so I was lying with DH earlier today and having cramps and so he made me take a HPT. I told him it was going to be negative...
So I took the darn thing (my first HPT ever).
And it was
And he was crushed so I had to explain to him that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him and we didn't even BD on my fertile period last month and there's no way i could be pregnant this month because I haven't ovulated yet.
well at least I have practice with taking a HPT now.

Bring on the BFP this month!!!

[Hex]

most likely not pg yet, just icky and annoyed

so i had some monster bad gas last night. i was crampy and farting like every 5 minutes. it was horrible. it's probably from all the spaghettios and raviolis i've been eating.

anyways and last night just before bed i had a horrible pain in my abdomen it was diagonal to the left about an inch above my bellybutton. it was most likely another gas pain (that's why i had to start the story talking about the gas because it happened first and i think it's significant) but i was kinda hoping it was an O pain or an implantation pain (not sure where i am on my cycle anymore)

now this morning i wake up and i was SOOO hungry but then I got up and looked and decided on fruit and then suddenly I was too icky to eat. but then soon as i sit down i'm feeling ok, just a little icky.
i feel like i could throw up right now if i really wanted to,
but although i do want morning sickness it's not really a symptom unless it comes naturally

grr i wanna eat breakfast

I was SOOO hungry last night too. I was eating and eating well into 1 AM trying to fill up. (it's probably all connected. i wouldn't feel sick if i hadn't eaten so much last night)

IDK. I just want to be pg already. And I truly want to see that for all the ladies on this board. I've read a lot here and they all really deserve it. Whatever higher power there is can be so cruel sometimes.

[Hex]

Haven't updated for a couple of days so I decided to log all of my possibly imaginary symptoms from the 2ww insanity syndrome.

~ VERY sensitive breasts (didn't have this symptom last month)
~ Cramping
~ Nausea
~ Heartburn (didn't have last month)
~ gas (could be cause of cramping...)
~ lightheadedness
~ short-of-breath sometimes
~ hungry very often

[Hex]

Still having SORE bbs. Hoping for a BFP. I'm testing on the 18th.

I've really been trying so hard to not be stressed lately but this has been an eventful week.
DH was in the ER Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. 4 out of 7 days.

omg i'm getting so tired of the wramc ER.
he is too. he was scaring me so bad Saturday night he was talking about seeing if they would admit him again. I couldn't stand him being inpatient again. we'd have to be apart all the time.
not again.
But we're back in our room safe and he's doing good today. we didn't do anything really.. trying to take it easy.

(btw the reason for being in the ER was SEVERE back spasms and since he broke his back in 7 places in an IED blast in Iraq in June. He hadn't had spasms since july and then suddenly they started up on monday for seriously no reason.)

anyways, regarding ttc;
other symptoms are just really bad gas. :-&
slight nausea (slight)
some unexplained fatigue
cramping (could be gas, or both gas & cramps could be pg symptoms *crosses fingers*)
but the sore bbs i've never had before, never before like this.

[Hex]

CD 26

I'm testing the day after tomorrow and I am so nervous. Mostly nervous that I'll get a BFN and we'll feel incompetent. I mean, I know it takes time, but it feels like I'm not doing something right.
I'm getting a few nasty cramps today and I'm praying it's not af coming.

Of course I have been cramping the last few days and it's probably gas or something (I hope). At least my sore breasts aren't going away. I know, I know. It's weird that I'm emotionally clinging to something so painful but I've never had sore breasts before AF. I'm hoping it's a good sign.
I'm hoping I don't go COMPLETELY psycho tomorrow with the waiting.

[Hex]

DH is off to the ER again. 10:30 at night and he's going again. I'm not with him this time. He didn't want me to go. I'm feeling sick and I'm really sleepy and sore.
The good side is that I was REALLY warm and he wouldn't let me turn the air conditioner all the way to cold in our room so he's not here and it's 100% COLD now.


I'm sorta nervous about him being there without me but I know he'll be ok. He's always been ok.

Anyways, I'm testing tomorrow. I've been crampy and really thirsty today so I hope and pray it's not signs that AF is on her way. After all that's been going on this month, I deserve this BFP, please.

[Hex]

Come on. I'm young. I should be doing better at this sort of thing.

Young people are supposed to be fertile.
Come on. I'm 18. Why hasn't this worked yet?
I always learned in school that you always had like 100% chance of getting pregnant practically just by kissing someone. (ounce of sarcasm)
I guess you do if you're in high school (the whole murphey's law concept)
but yet when you actually are prepared for a child and want to have one, it's like the gods suddenly cast some barren spell over you.
We should go blow all our money and live on the street. Then we'll be guaranteed a baby. The minute you can't handle it, it's there.
(is not really going to blow all her money, just is preparing to smite the gods)
Ahh TTC and BFNs stole my sanity!!

[Hex]

CD 31 and AF still not here.. I don't know how long they usually are, i don't keep good track, but I'm hoping it's usually before CD 31. lol

[Hex]

ok it's cd 34 and no af, no bfp.

[Hex]

ok i am exactly a week overdue for AF and got a BFN urine test at the doctor's yesterday.
my breasts are getting heavier and are still sensitive.
I am getting more and more nauseous every day. this morning I was pacing and thinking happy thoughts so i didn't vomit. the only thing that makes the nausea go away is eating something light like oatmeal or dry cereal.
last night there was this OVERWHELMING scent of dust at my computer desk that was making me sick. i even tried spraying perfume and then it just smelled like really dusty pomegranates. i was on yahoo messenger with my mom and said something about it smelling so dusty it was making me sick and she said i'm pregnant. so i was like "pregnant people accumulate dust?"
lol.
anyways, i'm hoping to get a bfp soon.
I wanted to do a blood test but the doctor didn't. grawr.

[Hex]

CD2 [menstruating]

af came yesterday so i'm out for this cycle.

I love august though and my due date would be around aug 1st if i conceive this cycle.
my best friend (soul sister) was born in august. it's the best. i just hope.