October 4, 2007


Hey guys,

Most of you know me by now...My name is Brandi....I was originally "Mommy Wannabe 27", however, after giving birth to conjoined twins, I have changed my name in remembrance of them <3

DH and I started TTC in Sept 2006....it was basically a waste of time though, because I was diagnosed with PCOS in Jan/Feb 2007....once my PCOS was confirmed, my doctor/s were very proactive in trying to get me pregnant...I was given Provera in March; however, after two weeks, my period hadn't started, so my doctor told me to go ahead and take the 50 mg of Clomid that he had already prescribed...

So I did....and I ACTUALLY OVULATED!!! On May 3rd I O'd....I had been charting and my post O temps were looking HOT...I didn't want to get my hopes too high, but I really felt like my dreams could actually be coming true....

I was going to hold out on testing until 13dop...but I caved at 10dpo (Mother's Day)...I couldn't believe it...I HAD FINALLY GOTTEN MY BFP!!!!

Everything was going great....my HCG was nice and high (doctor's suspected twins, but u/s showed one gestational sac at 4 weeks 6 days)

At 6 weeks 2 days, I saw my *baby's* heartbeat for the first time....it was the most beautiful and amazing thing I've ever seen <3

Then, at 8 weeks, I had BRIGHT RED spotting and rushed to the ER....they did an U/S and everything came back fine...."a healthy baby with a nice strong heart" were the doctor's EXACT words! I was relieved, but still felt a bit anxious....Looking back, I feel that was God's first attempt at trying to tell me something was wrong...

Then, at about 9 weeks, I was still spotting so I had another U/S at my doctor....once again, healthy baby-strong heart....and I was sent home....

My belly was growing at an alarming rate and everyone kept joking that there HAD TO BE a second baby that was just "hiding".....

Well, at 12 1/2 weeks it was confirmed.....I was pregnant with twins....but how? There was only one heartbeat...exactly. They were conjoined twins and they SHARED one heart...DH was with me when we got the news.....this type of conjoined twin has a 0% survival rate!!!

DH and I were CRUSHED!!! How could we have made it this far, only to find out that our babies were going to die???? It just didn't make sense...how did the other techs not SEE that there were two babies....no one could give us a straight answer....I went to five other doctors, and they all said the same thing....our babies were going to die and there WAS nothing we could do...

They first suggested a D&C, which I just couldn't do because my babies were still alive and I didn't want them to feel any pain...I knew I couldn't continue the pregnancy, knowing the outcome was so tragic, I didn't want to allow myself to become anymore attached to my babies (as if that was even possible) and I didn't want to have to face the rest of the world and try to explain what happened....

I finally talked the doctors into letting me be induced...I felt that my babies were meant to be *born*, and it was very important for me to do that for them....kinda like a gift to them I guess....

The only downside...I had to wait until I was 16 weeks.....It was so hard walking around for 3 weeks KNOWING that my babies weren't going to make it...I tried to hide my very obvious pregnant belly because I didn't want people asking questions about my pregnancy, because I didn't know how to respond...

So at 16 weeks I was induced.....I was induced on a Wednesday evening and didn't deliver my *BOYS* until Friday morning....they were already sleeping when they arrived...They were so beautiful and perfect..

Their little hands and feet were perfectly formed, they even had finger nails and toe nails.....

DH and I held our boys and cried.....we had them baptised. I feel very strongly that all babies go to Heaven, so we didn't baptise them to guarantee their place in Heaven, we did it as a way of showing God that we still have faith in Him and we asked that He please watch over our precious miracles until it was our time to join them in Heaven...

It was a very emotional time for us.....We named our boys Asher & Noah.....Asher means Blessed....and Noah means Comfort.....

They were born sleeping on August 3, 2007, and laid to rest on August 8, 2007....

They are our sweet *miracle* babies and WE WILL NEVER EVER FORGET THEM....

Having Asher and Noah for those short 4 months only intensified my desire to have a baby....so, DH and I are actively TTC again...I have recently finished my second round of Clomid and I'm hoping to O within the next few days....

Wow, if you have read all of this, then I truly commend you Thank you for taking the time to read about Me and MY BOYS!

[Boo]

I'll be stalking you... We'll get our BFPs and HEALTHY babies when God thinks we're ready for them. Hopefully this is your cycle!

October 10th, 2007


I'm thinking that I should O today....last time I was on Clomid, I O'd on the 10th day and today is the 10th day....my temp this morning was the EXACT same as it was the last time I O'd (on May 3)...I'm hoping that's more than a coincidence....

Dh and I will definitely BD tonight and HOPE that we catch that little eggie..or two....

I'm soooo excited and anxious about the possibility of becoming pregnant again.....I just want everything to go well....I can't imagine losing another baby....

October 11th, 2007...

Ok, so I have a *feeling* I O'd yesterday....

Not long before bed, I went to the bathroom and when I wiped I had A LOT of EWCM tinged with blood (possible O spotting?)...So DH and I BD'd last night (as well as the two days prior) So we should have a pretty good supply of swimmers up there attacking that egg

My temp rose this morning from 97.45 to 97.68....I'm hoping for a continued rise over the next couple of days....I think once O is confirmed I'm not going to temp in the morning....it just stresses me out....I got my last BFP @ 10 DPO.....so I probably will try my luck at that again...I know it's early...but my test was a VERY OBVIOUS BFP, so I will take my chances

Wish me luck girls...I hope this is it....

October 14th, 2007 **SIGH**

Ok, so I *THOUGHT* I O'd on the 10th....but my temps since then beg to differ....so I POAS this morning and got this...



So *NOW* I'm thinking I haven't O'd, sooooo DH and I will BD tonight and see what happens....God has quite the sense of humor, doesn't he???

October 17th, 2007


YAY!! I'm 2DPO (thought I was 3)! Only IT ! I really need to see a on the 24th!

**Documentation of Symptoms**~Just In Case This Turns Into a BFP~

I am 3 dpo....October 18th, 2007

**Bloated
**achiness/twinges in lower belly
**Indigestion
**Lots of Creamy CM

**Nips aren't sore yet**

4DPO:

**Bloated
**Burping (A LOT!)/Indigestion
**Frequent Urination (gotten up the past two nights to pee)~haven't done that since last pregnancy~
**Increased CM
**Achiness in belly and lower back
**H-O-R-N-Y** experienced **2** BIG O's while BDing last night **WOO HOO**

**Nips are more ~sensitive~, though NOT SORE** (they were painfully sore during last pregnancy)

<div align="center">**HPT PROGRESSION** WILL I GET MY BFP??</div>


10-21-07~6DPO~I swear I see a line

October 27, 2007

I'm 12 DPO.....I KNOW I'm NOT pregnant....but I have to test anyway...so I'll test at 14 DPO and again at 18 DPO...then it's back to Provera and Clomid....I hate my life

Today was supposed to be my baby shower....I would've been 28 weeks pregnant tomorrow....I can't believe how quickly things can go down hill

Hopefully I'll soon be given a reason to smile.........

[Boo]

There's nothing I can say to make you feel better, so I'm sending this hug instead.

October 31, 2007

Well, I'm on CD3 again Took my first Clomid this morning....*sigh*

I am at least happy that AF showed on her own...that means I definitely O'd and my body is repsonding to the Clomid just like it should....

Now DH and I have to try very hard to time things perfectly and catch that eggie....based on my past two cycles of Clomid..I should O between November 14th and November 19th....

Which would put my testings date somewhere between November 28th and December 3rd....

As for our plan of attack this cycle (considering the desperation is only intensifying with every passing moment) Here's what we plan to do:

~ME~
Take Pre Natal Everyday
Drink LOTS of water
Start taking Mucinex the day after my last clomid (and continue until O)
Start OPKs 3 days after last clomid

~DH~
No smoking
No drinking
Multivitamin once a day
No masterbation

~US~
Use Pre Seed near time of O
Use Instead Cups
I will elevate hips after BDing (although I'm going to try and GO TO SLEEP with my hips elevated)-this worked with the boys

November 16th, 2007

So I haven't been around much....I've been so stressed with everything going on in my personal life, I guess it's been a bittersweet blessing because I haven't been *able* to dwell on TTC....I was starting to think this cycle was a bust....but my my temp dropped this morning and I'm having EWCM and my cervix is high and soft...

So I'm hoping to O within the next couple of days....DH and I will be doing ALOT of BDing

November 17th, 2007

NOVEMBER 18th, 2007

Alrighty, well I *should* O today

My chart is following the SAME pattern as last cycle which is making it very easy for me to plan BD

Thank God it's Sunday so DH and I can BD in the morning and tonight

And just for the sake of saying "we did all we can"....We will BD tomorrow too! I've slept the past two nights with my hips elevated so there should be a nice supply of little soldiers waiting for that eggie (or two!)

So if I do O today I will be testing on December 2nd (my LP is 13 days, so this is the DAY AF is due)

Anywho, I'm going to *try* not to think about the 2WW, which should be pretty easy with Thanksgiving and all this week!

November 26, 2007


Well I'm 8dpo and my chart is looking pretty good....I'm anxious for Sunday to get here so I can either get my BFP or AF....wish me luck

November 28th, 2007

First of all, let me just say that I am very proud of myself for not testing yet I have felt the urge several times but I'm holding out and hoping that it will be worth the wait...

My temps are following a *scary* kind of similar pattern to my BFP cycle with the boys....I'm hoping that's a good sign and not just a coincidence...I only have one more script for Clomid before it's back to the doctor...I really didn't want to see that place again until I got my BFP Oh well, whatever it takes, I suppose.

I was originally not going to test until Sunday, but if my temps stay up, I might test on Friday with FRER....if it's BFN, then I might just wait until AF is late.....IDK....we'll see if I have the will power to NOT POAS

December 4, 2007


Yesterday was an absolutely horrible day It was exactly 4 months since my miracles went to Heaven and I *tried* to be strong and go to work to keep my mind busy, but I FAILED miserably....before the day even started, I had a breakdown and had to be sent HOME! I was so angry at myself for being so WEAK! I just want my life to have SOME normalcy to it....I KNOW things will never be "OK" again, but I NEED a break from all of the negative emotions I am feeling! And to make matters worse, I am IMpatiently awaiting AF's arrival..... I'm starting to feel like I'll NEVER be pregnant again I don't think I'll ever understand why this happened to me! This is so awful and I really HATE my life right now!

[tracyanne]

Brandi,

What an amazing story. I have seen your posts but I had very little knowledge of your story. You are so strong and I commend you. Best of luck with everything.

December 20th, 2007

All I can say is that I'm GLAD 2007 is almost over....this has been one heck of a year I'm really praying that God has something GREAT in store for our family in 2008...I KNOW I can't take another year like this one!

Anywho....I'm on CD16 today....I got my first day of EWCM yesterday and have been experiencing what I *think* are O pains.....Looking at my past charts, I have about a week of EWCM before O, so I'm thinking I should be Oing *possibly* around CD22. I have DH on a BDing every 2 days schedule...he just doesn't know it.... Since he thinks we're "not trying; not preventing" I wanted to make the BDing less obvious....and every 2 days should still be enough to get the job done. So we will see what happens...I'm really hoping that we conceive a Christmas baby. God willing, we would be finding out right around our 1 year anniversary and the boys' original EDD....thanks for reading and I'll try to update soon