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WWYD as in Dealing with a Children Situation


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  #1  
May 14th, 2011, 10:56 AM
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Well, it involves Brendan and a girl . The girl has been truly mean several times to Brendan which I will get on top of her of her behavior tell her that is wrong , we don't do that and that is very mean.

So they had continued to play together but it still didn't stop that girl from being mean to Brendan but Brendan still wanted to play with her so I let him since they are stuck at school together well anytime Brendan gets picked on by this girl he tries to get away but he never can because she pushes him down, get ontop of him tries to pulls him down, or even trips him.

He had enough with her behavior that he smacked this girl in the face that she got a bloody nose and I cleaned this girl up .

So it wasn't just Brendan but another kid who hurt her too so I gave both a stern lecture and I said we don't ever do this because you could have hurt her much worse by breaking her nose or even causing her to have a broken arm by pushing her down that is what the other kid did he pushed her down .

So they went over to apologize to her after hurting her .

So, then I find out from the mom that this girl has been telling lies about Brendan continously how he had been hurting her continously for the past several weeks.

I have been always watch what goes on with kids out there when Brendan is out there .

Even after this girl got a bloody nose from Brendan she still tried to push him and pull him down as he was walking to his apartment to head inside so we could go for pizza .

So then now after the fact this girl already has been bullying on Brendan and now I know she lies say he does the bullying on her he only hurt her once which I didn't approve of .

I am now keeping them away because since her mom to her that if Brendan ever hits her again that she can smack him in the face really hard so I just fear that since girl lies about Brendan beating on her continously and she is already beating on him that she's just going to lie say he did this so mommy told me that i could hit him when he did that.

So she will have a excuse to 'beat him up more ' by using lies for her reason.

So then I walked to the school asked questions told the teachers to keep an eye on those two along with telling those Recess Duty people.

So when it gets to Tuesday i'm going to talk to Mr . Walsh in person right away since he is on vacation til then and he's the counselor .

I do have back up from neighbors and landlord of this girl behavior .
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  #2  
May 15th, 2011, 10:32 AM
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How old are these kids?
Have you taught your son skills in dealing with these matters himself before you step in?
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  #3  
May 15th, 2011, 01:19 PM
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my son is 6 and so is the girl she's six too. So are most of the other kids too are 6 too.

I see Brendan say Let Me go Now, Stop Don't Do that and when those kids don't listen he has recently starting to defend himself physcially which was when Brendan hit one girl in the face it gave her a bloody nose .

Now today I was out there watching and different girls were out there then one girl decided to hold onto his hand really tightly and he said let go at least three times even tried to walk away but she was still holding on so he started to hit her hands with his fist to try to get her to let go even when he was doing that she wouldn't let go .

That's when I walked in when he started hitting and stopping it saying Brendan we don't do that so hands to yourself because his last defending hitting with the previous girl ended up with a bloody nose so I told him the last time he used his hands for defending himself got him into trouble because he hurt a girl due to it .

So it's like Brendan could end up with a Bad rap just because he's trying to get out of a Trapped position you know because he feels as if he can't walk away, can't get them to let go and they won't listen to him .

What is his next option ? So he thinks he has to do a defensive attack and I'm afraid since his defense mechanisms have gotten to hitting I'm afraid the next one up will be biting which will be doubly worse than hitting.

I'm going to talk to his counselor about this situation which won't be until Tuesday but I think I may end up asking the principal about it tomorrow just to see his opinion and if he has any solution about it .
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Last edited by Mom2Brendan; May 15th, 2011 at 01:22 PM.
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  #4  
May 15th, 2011, 02:53 PM
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To be quite honest with you, I wouldn't have lectured him on hitting. She was physically harming him, he used words to get her to stop, it didn't work, so IMO he was 100% justified in hitting her. Sorry to hear she didn't learn her lesson, but definitely not something I would frown upon...but that's me. Yes I think talking, or walking away is a better option, but if those things have been tried and it's not working, then sometimes something more is needed.

I would skip the counselor and speak to the principal letting him/her know your child is being bullied. It's an extreme issue in schools nowadays, and is typically taken very seriously. I'd have your son go to the principal first and let him/her know he is being bullied by this girl, and then call the principal to see how it goes. Personally I do not get involved in situations such as these unless 100% necessary because my son needs to learn how to fight his own battles, but I do let him know what his options are and if it is bothering him then he needs to speak with the principal.

For us, there's a girl in 2nd grade that makes fun of my son for wearing a bike helmet. It's just words, I told him he should probably just ignore her as she is not harming him, he has the ability to get away, so he should. He then said the next day he ignored her and she was throwing stuff at him. So I told him that he should report it as bullying to the prinicipal. He did and it got taken care of.

So, personally that'd be my recommendation. If the principal cannot or will not do anything, I'd have this girls mother secretly watch and see for herself what is going on and hopefully she'll get the message and take care of it.
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  #5  
May 15th, 2011, 05:33 PM
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Thanks ever so much and I don't think Brendan would go to the principal on his own or know what to say to him.

He's a type to forgive and forget to go play with people who will pester/bully him non-stop etc.

I do not know about the hitting defense mechanisms his hitting defense got him into trouble the last time by causing this girl to have a bloody nose but it didn't change her ways but it ended up being a confusing situation to two parents trying to defend kids as in my son defending himself from her and her parent whose angry at my son because he hurt her daughter along with the beliefs of the lies her daughter told her of him being mean continously to her .

So I don't know and want to have Brendan to not have people walk over him you know ?

I don't want to lecture him for defending himself but hitting even though in self defense if it shows the other person got hurt there could be issues more down the road even though that mom even said her daughter could smack brendan in the face if he ever did that again so she already is being mean to Brendan it could lead to her to use a self defense excuse and Brendan will be in trouble for doing nothing when he would get hurt .
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Last edited by Mom2Brendan; May 15th, 2011 at 05:35 PM.
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  #6  
May 15th, 2011, 06:17 PM
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Well, I am a big believer that everyone needs to learn to stand on their own 2 feet. I will not be around forever, and I don't come to my son's defense. If it's that big of a deal to him, he can speak to someone of authority to deal with it, if it isn't then he won't. We all have to choose what is important to us. I would encourage your son to deal with it, explain why it isn't good for people to walk all over him, otherwise he'll never learn how to deal with those situations. For us, Brandon's been ordering his own food when we go out since he was old enough to talk, if he wants something he politely asks for it, if he has a problem he speaks to someone about it, etc. I don't speak for him, that's stuff we have made him do on his own because one day he'll be out in the real world and needs to know how to defend and care for himself.

But again, that's us, and I realize not everyone parents that way. But for us it has worked, he speaks up when something is wrong, he can voice his own opinions, and is pretty good at dealing with some and problem solving because of it.

Right, and I understand what you are saying, which is why I am saying you may want to have the girl's mother watch the kids secretly so she can see first hand what is going on, and also have Brendan take it to the principal so something can be done while he's on school grounds.

Good luck!
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  #7  
May 15th, 2011, 10:53 PM
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That's one of the other things I'm going to talk to the counselor and principal together that Brendan needs to do more things for himself out in public too.

It's strange how I hated how my mom was my voice all the time and I couldn't get a word in other wise when I was growing up so now I have been trying to get Brendan to make decisions for himself like who he chooses to play with but when he chooses to play with people who are not very nice makes me wonder why .

I have even tried to get him order food at restaurants and he just is so tight lipped won't even say what he wants even though I know he can say it and could be able to do it so why can't he do that ?

Now here it's just so opposite how I try to get Brendan to have his own voice for himself but just shies away like a turtle because I knew how hard how it was when mom was my voice all the time .
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  #8  
May 16th, 2011, 07:03 AM
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Does your school have a bullying policy?
I would go straight to the principal in this case, if he's used his words, and the other parent isn't willing to cooperate and have their child remove themselves.... Then it's time for a mediator.
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  #9  
May 21st, 2011, 05:15 PM
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Yep the school has a bullying policy and even the cafeteria lady suggested that even when the incidents happen at home.
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