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So, I placed a question on Yahoo answers (ya I know bad idea) about suggestion on how to deal with my daughter getting negative influence from one of her friends. I always drop her off to school on time yet I found out that she has so many tardies that it's a problem. It ends up that her and another girl ignore the the bell on purpose. My daughter is has also been getting in trouble in class and not finishing her class work (which then has to be finished at home). I am also having a hard time getting her to do her homework. She is capable of doing it, she just refuses to do so. She throws tantrums which I usually ignore. After she wears herself out she ends up sitting quietly and finishes her work (usually around 80-90% mistake free), however this usually takes about 2-4 hours for about three work sheets.
I've had to deal with this everyday for almost a month now. It's gotten better once I applied some suggestions from "Homework with out the tears" but she still throws tantrums. She now throw tantruns for everything. The reason I labed it as negative influence is because she was teacher's pet with her last two teachers and was actually doing fine for the first month of 1st grade. She did have some problems with listening more to other students but never this bad before. Her bad behavior is now spreading to everything. I can't even take her to the store with out her throwing a fit when I say no, which is something she stopped doing at 3 1/2 years old.
Then, I got a response from a person who claims to be a teacher (I have my doubts) and told me that I was putting too much responsibility on her and she even said she'd act out too in my daughter's position. She basicly even put me down for admiting that I was sick of my daughter's tantrums which were happening everyday (because she doesn't do her class work she often has to do work over the weekend too.) and that she wasn't surprised my daughter was acting out.
Really? All I'm asking of my daughter is to do her homework and follow the class and school rules. This was a big thing that her last teacher made a point of last year for all her students, so my daughter already knows what is expected of her.
I need some real help. Schools out for a week so I won't be able to talk to the teacher for while. Plus the teacher has been trying by giving her time outs and sending unfinished work home to show that she just can't ignore her work. I don't know what to do, my daughter always blames her new friend (tells her to keep playing instead of going to class, talks to her instead of finishing work) but I want her to take responsibilty.
No, I think you're right - as a first grader she should be able to do those things. No matter what issue she's having the temper tantrums would drive me nuts. Unfortunately I'm not sure what more you can do...ignoring is what I would do as well. I guess maybe when she is calm talk with her about how she missed her playtime and other fun things due to not getting her work done. Or give her something to look forward to. Like "Okay....after snack we're doing our homework. Once that is done we can walk down to the park." I have to say things like that to keep my six year old on task. He finally seems to be getting the message - if he stays on task and completes his work he has time for things he wants to do.
My other thought was that I would be careful about blaming the friend. Of course you very well may be right, but I wouldn't tell your daughter that. So what if her friend is late to school? SHE can choose to do the right thing and walk into class. The stakes get higher as they get older, so I try to use every chance I have to emphasize personal responsibilty. I always tell me kids "We're not talking about what that person did...you know how to act and we are talking about you." And who knows...the other kid might be leading her mother to think it is your daughter's idea. You know how kids are...
Hang in there! These phases can't last forever, right? Stay the course and I'm sure she'll improve soon. The school year is still pretty new.
I'm sorry you are having these problems! I hoe they can be resolved quickly. I was wondering what the school's policy is on incomplete work? Do they miss recess or extra activities if they do not have all of their work/homework finished? Maybe you can work with her teacher and have the consequences be that she is to finish the unfinished class work in the office during recess time instead of at home?