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Other mother's facebook comments have upset me. What should I do?


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  #1  
June 6th, 2013, 07:23 PM
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Hi,

I hope someone can give me some advice regarding how you would feel in this situation.

I have a 6yo boy who took a 'boomerang' to school the other day as his show and tell. The boomerang was a thin piece of plywood that he got from a family fete. (It was an arts and crafts stall where you decorated different shapes with colored sand, my son chose the boomerang.) It was thin enough that if you tried to snap it over your knee, it would easily break.

Anyway, after school he was playing with it, but I told him specifically not to throw it - I was afraid it might hit a smaller kid in the back of the head or something like that. He went off and played with his friend, and apparently they weren't throwing it, just pretending to chop things with it. Another friend joined them, and this other boy has a reputation for being 'bossy.' (Borderline bully?) The third boy insisted that my son and the original friend stop playing the chopping game, and start playing a throwing game with the boomerang. He was so insistent with his demand, that my son's original friend didn't want to play with him... but my son (against my direction) decided to play the throwing game. So both these boys were throwing this thin piece of plywood shaped as a boomerang, when on my son's second throw, it hit the other boy in the head. It caused a small, but deep gash.

My son ran over to me and told me that he'd hit the other boy, but that he'd said sorry. Then the other boy came over to us with blood pouring out of wound. His mother (quite understandably) became distressed and picked her son up, brought him over to my son and showed my son all the blood and then told him off. (Which I am not at all upset by.) It was quite a freak accident, and I would never have guessed that such an indiscriminate piece of plywood would cause such damage. I don't think any parent would have predicted that outcome.

I am very good friends with this mom, and have been since we met last year. She is quite opinionated, sometimes a little negatively (IMO.) She is also fiercely defensive of her kids. We are also friends on facebook.

Anyway, I took my son straight home and berated him. My husband and I gave him a good talking to about listening to us, and not letting other kids influence him. But in the talk, when I asked him what had happened, he explained to me that the other kid was also throwing the boomerang, and that it was the other kid's suggestion to play the throwing game to begin with. I am still upset that my son didn't have the balls to tell this boy that he didn't want to play the throwing game, but I can forgive him for that, as he is only six years old.

Anyway, later that evening, the mother of the wounded boy posted a photo of her son with the blood all over his head on facebook with the comment along the line of "Maybe you should leave your weapons at home kids, it could have been a lot worse."

Now I am quite upset that she wrote that. I am not the kind of person who posts things on facebook for 'attention-seeking' purposes, but I understand that everyone has a different reason for being on FB.

What I am mostly upset about is that she has the opinion that the boomerang was a 'weapon' and her implication that I shouldn't have let him take it to school. When it wasn't a real boomerang at all (she never saw it up close.) I don't like it that she says this on facebook, but she wouldn't say that to my face. Also, I am upset that she doesn't seem to know (or take into account) that her son was throwing it as well, and it was actually her son who suggested they start throwing it. She seems to think that my son was chasing her son down like some kind of warrior. I know her son wouldn't have volunteered that information about what part he played in the whole situation.

Her son has a reputation with a few of the boys as being 'bossy' and making the threat of "if you don't do what I'm saying, I'm not going to be your friend." Which upsets a lot of the other boys. So he is a bit of a pushy kind of kid. I'm not sure how much his mum knows he is like that.

I am feeling now like I don't want to talk to this other mom. I'm quite upset by her comments, and just that she thinks that her son was so innocent and was completely the victim, when he was partly at fault too. But unfortunately I have to see her at school (I am in Australia and the kids are not on break!) Part of me feels like telling her "if you're going to have the opinion that my son hit your son with a weapon, please take into account that your son suggested they play that game, and your son was also throwing it, also, my son may never have thrown it had it not been at the insistence of your son. Go and spread your negative opinion taking into account these other facts." But I don't think I am the type of person to say something like that!

Anyway, if you have taken the time to read my vent, thank you. If you have an opinion on whatever it might be, I'd appreciate any feedback. Even if you think I'm wrong...

Thanks!
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  #2  
June 7th, 2013, 06:10 AM
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Personally, I think it was wrong of the other mom to post that on Facebook. I'm sure she was upset that her child was hurt, but it seems attention seeking to me. I would take the high road, ignore her posting on Facebook and go about your life. It isn't worth your time to stress and worry about her childish behaviors. An accident happened. Your son apologized, I am sure you did as well, and the mom showed you what happened so you are aware. Now it is time to move on. JMO
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  #3  
June 8th, 2013, 05:34 AM
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It's my opinion that attention-seekers need to be ignored. You handled the situation correctly and she is letting her emotions get the best of her.
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  #4  
June 9th, 2013, 01:12 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2
Thank you for replying to my post (and for reading it!)

I will take your advice and try to ignore her to the best of my abilities. It is a small school (only 2 x grade one classes) and all the parents are fairly tight-knit. So if I start to ignore her, it will be blatantly obvious I am upset as I have been very close to her over the past year. My fears are that it won't take her long to confront me and say "have I done something to upset you?" in which case I will tell her my feelings, and I'm scared it will all blow-out into a full-blown argument!

But you are both right, and my instincts are telling me to stay away from her, so I will!

Thanks for replying.
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  #5  
June 9th, 2013, 06:08 AM
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I didn't mean to ignore her, I meant to ignore her facebook posting.
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  #6  
June 9th, 2013, 08:07 AM
TreeTog's Avatar Love is in the Air!
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When I was a kid, I played baseball with a group of friends. I accidently got hit in the mouth with an aluminum bat. It hurt. I had a front tooth cracked and I bled for minutes. My parents doctored me up and said you learned your lesson. I just recently got that tooth filed down. It is a lesson learned. Could the bat or boomerang be a weapon? Yes. Kids just have to be careful and use good judgement. We learn from our mistakes. I tell people don't parent my kids unless you want me to parent yours.

Leslie
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  #7  
June 22nd, 2013, 06:32 AM
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I would ignore the FB comment, but would apologize again so that I could nicely mention the whole story to her, as your son described. Just so she would know. I believe parents should be made aware of how their children act, especially if you think she's not aware of it. I would want to know.
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