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So...I have been walking pretty bad. Very slow,sort of a limp(or leg slag). My hips huts down to my knees and the backs of my knees hurt from the back to the start of my ankle. It's crazy to explain. The upper part of my leg is weak. The lower part of my legs feel like a constant charlie horse...causeing me to bend my toes all up to help relieve the pain some....and that causies my toes to hurt...go figure
Anyway...my Doctor saw me walking in(he was going into another patients room). Once he came in to see me he commented right away about my walking. I told it has been like that since about day 2 in the hospital...at first my body just burned and ached all over...and then it became painful to walk. Since then I have to take breaks ALOT...my legs arent walking to far these days
He referred me to another neurologist..because he wants me to have someone HERE in my city too...not just out in cleveland. He said to keep her as my dr for more intense things...but to have another neuro close by...for times like this when I cant hardly walk,witout pain.
He talked with me in depth about depression. I told him the increase in thhe Klonopin had caused me more confusion,more dizziness and more tired. BUT,I also said I feel less annoyed. Like last night...I am TERRIFIED of thunderstorms and. My Mom called me and told me not to put the kids to bed because there was one touchdown. I was like "well..if you hear it's over Bev**** CT then call me and I'll go downstairs. She was like OMG! Let me talk to JOE!! So Joe was all like Lets go NOW...ok..sure whatever,I said BUT nothing bad will happen...no big deal,just a tornado.
Okay...so you see my state of mind?
I told him that if I'm not feeling so blaza about everything,I am crying,if I am not crying I am nervous,if not nervous then angry. My Mood shift is something else and I cry for no real good reason...but then it turens into something big...like my childhood and because My sister isnt around or because I am fat...or my medical health. I just always fel so deeply sad anymore...where's the joy?
I told him that my therapist was waiting two weks to see how my mood goes with the increase...and then she will most likely put me on mood stabilizer. Kinda scary because she believes that the PREDNIOSONE has caused me maniac depressive behavior. I wasnt like this before...I just want to cry! I have been taking PREDNISONE for YEARS! This just isnt good.
So...after explaining all about my moods the dr told me he also believed,without a shadow of a doubt I need to be on the mood stabilizer. Because Klonopin wont work for me forever!
Off to my colon....I'm still having obvioius signs of preblems...with the air on the outside of colon. I am still getting cramping on my right side...just like the day I was in the hospital...just not as strong.I am having horrible acid reflux and I am barely even eating...so come on! and here we go again...my fever is up again...It's been like a month with a low grade fever. Last I checked it was 100.4 no big deal...but,I mean...a month?!?
So dr said there is a chance of perforation..like 1-1,000 have that happen just because of the scope. BUT...my walls are most likely thining(otherwise the air wouldnt be leaking out). Basically he told me to relax..take it easy and not to think about it. That it was up to them,as my Dr's to wory about everything...thats why they went to school. My scope is being done in the hospital instead of the clinic(office I go to see my GI)...just in case an emergency arises....but I should not wory. Basically said I will be in the best place possible to have my scope and I should only be concerned about the prep...which,of course is the most dreadful things ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cant take all this...it's getting very hard to wake up every morning and deal with life,pain,depression...Joe is trying,he is trying sooo hard. But he is making things really hard on me. He doesnt understand depression and thinks this is ALL ABOUT HIM. He is just kinda hurting me...not intentional with his words. My Mom is supportive ...I just dont even fel like my Dad loves me although I know,in his own way he does...just funny way to show it. I basically have no sister...just feel alone...like confused and alone.
Sorry to post this...I am not trying to bring anyone down...just wanted to share my doctopr appointment for anyone interested.
ETA:Ive swollowed my pride...I have realized I need a handicap sticker. MY doctor is filling it out and it will be ready tomorrow. I hate this! I just hate this!
This post has been edited by Colee: Today, 08:42 PM
__________________ Nichole,Mommy to Emily and Ryan
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