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Forum: Autoimmune Diseases and Disorders

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  #1  
May 17th, 2007, 06:23 AM
stormy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: South Alabama
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I have been doing so well on the Effexor and this morning I hit rock bottom again. It all started when my husband woke up at 5am and demanded I do the laundry. I looked at him like he was nuts and just went back to sleep. When I eventually got up I did start another load of laundry and took the dry clothes out and lay them on the couch. I will admit that the laundry is backed up big time and I really need to work on it. Probably more than I need to be online.

Then this morning he goes into this garbage about how I am an unfit mom because the house is a mess. I know it is a mess. I need to clean it up and plan to do that when I have some free time this morning. I mean a good cleaning. Well he goes into threatening to turn off the phone, internet, etc. Talking about verbal abuse. He knows already that I am having problems and I am trying to make things better but he is not helping. It is hard. The mornings are crazy anyway trying to get the girls ready for school.

So we get into it. I said a few things I probably should not had said but did anyway. I needed to get it off of my chest. I am tired of being bullied. Tired of being fussed at. I do what I can despite my limitations. I can't do it all. It is impossible to do it all. He wants me to keep a spotless house like his mom did but there is no way. First she had a housekeeper and a nanny to look after the kids. And she didn't work until the youngest child was in fifth grade and she is six years younger than my husband. So she had it easy. I don't have a housekeeper, I don't have a nanny for the girls, and I work two jobs part time. One of my jobs doesn't start until Spring since it is cleaning a condo on the weekends. And that is not to count the afternoon chores of running the girls around.

School is almost out and I will be able to get the house spotless because I want to do it. Not because Mr. Control Freak wants it clean. I am not a perfect wife or a mom but I do my best. My family comes first even if it means that house is a little messy.

One thing he doesn't understand that I have to have a certain amount of sleep to make it through the day. It might mean that I take cat naps during the days I am off. I can't help it but it is the only way I can cope. If I don't get enough sleep my bones ache, my joints ache, and my crohn's disease gets worse. I also can tell that the depression is worse if I am tired. I haven't been online that much that lately and I feel that I have let my forums that I host down. I want to be there for the members but lately I haven't been able to be online like I was. That will also change this summer. DH thinks I am online all the time and I am not. Last night when I was online I was online because I was helping his dad upload his pictures to his condo website since he didn't know how to do it and I ended up doing it for him. That took an hour to do because I finally took over and did it.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry it is so long and if you read this you are a Saint. And if you didn't---I don't blame you.


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  #2  
May 17th, 2007, 06:56 AM
Colee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aw Shelley I read the entire post,and trust me...I'm no saint! I can sooo relate to everything you type. Although my dh doesnt demand me cleaning,he has almost stopped his helping ME clean. Over the past 6 weeks or so he has stopped emptying the trash,in the kitchen and bathroom...this was always his job,since forever! He wont help feed the animals and our yard has trash all over because our dog got into one of the trash bags left outside unprotected by none other then dh! Finally on Mother's Day I just LOST it! I woke up(he let me sleep in) and when I came down stairs I saw the kids trashed the house. Now...I'm all for the kids playing rather then watching TV. BUT,I spent 6 hours cleaning out the kids toy box(we keep a HUGE one in the diningroom)...I organized the entire thing and put certain toys together in seperate bins etc...so when I cam down and saw the kids dumped out everything and I had to RE DO it,I was furious! Not to mention Ryan had cereal all over the furniture,carpet...drug from one end of the house to the other. And guess what?!? It stayed there ALL day! I finally had a sit down with dh and just laid it out there...told him if he cant help with the animals then we cant have them anymore. Told him that he needs to be more consistant with the kids and tell them to clean up one bucket before letting them get another bucket out to play...things they KNOW,but wont do when it's just Daddy. It's been just a few days,but I can see he is trying to help again more.

Is your dh helping you,or just assuming you take the entire responibilty? If thats the case,that is just simply unfair.

BIG (((HUGS))) Just know you arent alone...
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  #3  
May 18th, 2007, 10:23 AM
texasmomof2
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Aw, girls. I read both of your posts, and my heart just goes out to both of you. My H would always tell me that the inside of the house was my responsibility and the outside was his. So he did the mowing every other week, yet I was responsble for having dinner on the table as soon as he walked in the door every night, keeping the house spotless and doing the laundry, etc constantly. I think I got the raw end of the deal. And of course, I went through the verbal abuse, as did my kids, with the cussing and screaming and the throwing things. And if something wasn't done precisely the way he thought it should be, there was a screaming match. Towels, jeans, socks, t-shirts-had to be folded exactly the way he wanted them. The bed had to be made exactly the way he wanted it. I honestly felt like I was in boot camp. And I know the kids did, too.

So I can totally relate to everything y'all are saying, only I think my H took it to the extreme by throwing stuff and cussing at us. (I don't know for sure, but I hope to goodness your husbands don't do this.)

All I can do is offer my hugs to y'all, and know that I'm here for y'all to vent to anytime you need it.
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