My uncle just got custody of his 14 year old son. The mom had got full custody for awhile and then after 7 years decided she couldn't handle him anymore and dumped him with his dad. (she kept him from his dad who is a preacher)

Well my grandfather was helping us move the other day and my cousin was with him helping.

He came up to my Terrier, from behind and grabbed her by the legs. My husband pulled that kid up from the collar and said don't touch that dog again.

Well it wasn't much longer until he came up behind her again and tried to grab her by the tail? (I had her on a leash and we were heading out for a walk)

And she turned around and showed her teeth. That time I said "Don't you dare come near my dog again, if she bites you its your fault and I will be siding with her"

The next day he went for her again. And my grand dad got onto him and said "if she bites you I'll defend that dog over you and your daddy will hear about it"

I handed the dog off to my grandfather and took the boy to the side and I said "Let me tell you about my husbands Chow Chow he had growing up. A pesky kid like you was over at his house. And she did to the dog what you had been doing. Well she got upset with the dog because it would come around her and she went up to it and hit it from behind and wouldn't you know that chow he turned around and bite her in the face. She had to have stitches in 3 spots on her face, and the scares would always be there."

I asked him "Do you understand. Even the gentlest dogs can bite, a dog is an animal and any animal with teeth who feels threatened may bite"

He replied "Whats a chow chow" I said "A dog" He walked off muttering about something about "what a stupid name for a dog"

This kid has raised himself. His mom just had 2 huskies, and a pit bull mix taken away and euthanized because they attacked someone. These dogs were kept outside chained and were mean.

The kid has no respect for animals. My uncle has a lab but the boy is never unsupervised around them.

For the last part of moving I sent my dogs to my grandmothers and chances are they won't be seeing this boy again but every once in awhile.

But how can I protect them from him and how can I make it clear to that kid you don't bother animals.

He will not be around my dogs again as far as I am concerned.

Why would anyone act like that?


By the way my grand dad told me he had a long talk with my uncle about this behavior


Some background:
This kid along with his brothers raised themselves and were in a home with no parental guidence.

The oldest boy is in college and on his own.

The middle child just graduated highschool and I think ended up in jail already.

This one my uncle just got custody of, full custody and he has been into some legal trouble before he went to live with his dad.

My uncle is a preacher and trying to straighten him up

By the way we found out mom would come home for a day or two and then leave for weeks at a time. She's a lesbian and she would go off and leave everytime she got a new girlfriend. So the boys were alone for all this time.

We never knew about any of this


(uncle is so happy to have his son back I don't think he realizes how many issues the kid has)

Oh and the kid also has adhd

I want to help but don't know how. But I also want to help from a distance KWIM? I mean I have a baby of my own on the way and don't want a kid like that around my baby. Or my animals.

Anyone?

[Cindermella]

Clearly the kid has issues. You can't fix those kind of issues either with out therapy. Best bet is to keep the kid away from the dog. All dogs. Kittens too

[Admin-Rachel]

Originally Posted by Cindermella

Clearly the kid has issues. You can't fix those kind of issues either with out therapy. Best bet is to keep the kid away from the dog. All dogs. Kittens too

[Lisadear]

I agree with Mel and Rachel above

It could be MANY reasons as to why he's doing this ... this may be surprising but who knows? the therapy may bring out that he's really just acting out his frustrations on something that can't or possibly won't retaliate

Something other than therapy too ... see if maybe he might be interested in volunteering at the local pound and what might make it better is if an adult can do this WITH him ... if he 'raised himself' it doesn't hurt to do things together with him to teach him it's OKAY to give a bit and learn how to be kind and to share time with someone in authority

xxx Lisa xxx

[~kimberly~]

OK...obviously this kid has issues and needs some therapy.

Please don't take this the wrong way because I may be misunderstanding what you wrote.

When the kid touched your dog you wrote that you said to him:
"Don't you dare come near my dog again, if she bites you its your fault and I will be siding with her"

and that your grandad said to him:
"if she bites you I'll defend that dog over you and your daddy will hear about it"

This kid obviously with his situation has issues with not feeling loved...serious neglect...probably everyone blaming him for everything. Who wouldn't...it's kind of what you expect out of a kid from a messed up homelife (with his mother). How do you think HE felt when you right away jumped his case. Maybe you could of worded it different to him. Grant it I don't condone animal abuse, at all! Is this how everyone responds to this kid? That seems sad that two people already think of him lower than a dog, atleast that is probably the impression he got. That's the impression I got. Although, I don't know the entire situation with this kid. The kid is acting out, wants attention wants to be loved I am sure...but probably doesn't even know how to. He just got rejected by his Mother, is with a father and family he doesn't know that well. Maybe he thinks this is the way animals are treated because that is the only thing he knew/saw living with his mother. He really needs to get some help and a little patience and most of all someone needs to love him.

Ok that is my two cents. I hope everything works out for the better for everyone.

Originally Posted by ~kimberly~

OK...obviously this kid has issues and needs some therapy.

Please don't take this the wrong way because I may be misunderstanding what you wrote.

When the kid touched your dog you wrote that you said to him:
"Don't you dare come near my dog again, if she bites you its your fault and I will be siding with her"

and that your grandad said to him:
"if she bites you I'll defend that dog over you and your daddy will hear about it"

This kid obviously with his situation has issues with not feeling loved...serious neglect...probably everyone blaming him for everything. Who wouldn't...it's kind of what you expect out of a kid from a messed up homelife (with his mother). How do you think HE felt when you right away jumped his case. Maybe you could of worded it different to him. Grant it I don't condone animal abuse, at all! Is this how everyone responds to this kid? That seems sad that two people already think of him lower than a dog, atleast that is probably the impression he got. That's the impression I got. Although, I don't know the entire situation with this kid. The kid is acting out, wants attention wants to be loved I am sure...but probably doesn't even know how to. He just got rejected by his Mother, is with a father and family he doesn't know that well. Maybe he thinks this is the way animals are treated because that is the only thing he knew/saw living with his mother. He really needs to get some help and a little patience and most of all someone needs to love him.

Ok that is my two cents. I hope everything works out for the better for everyone.

There isn't much love for the kid right now. A year ago he played his dad. he came down and told him he wanted to live with him. You know why: To get new school clothes and school supplies. Before school started up he went back to see his mom, and called his dad and said he wasn't coming back. he had too many rules. Broke his Dads heart.

But I have a terrier and my grand dad and I both no if she bites, she doesn't get a second chance. She is a Terrier mix (Of unknown origin) And if that kid had provoked my dog to the point of her biting well there would be no love there ever. And i have the most even tempered dog in the world. But he hit and she growled to let him know to stop and he didn't.

I'm not losing my Terrier over a kid that has no respect of his family. Or his familys property. I never had a problem with him and was always kind to him until he crossed the line with my Terrier

My Terrier I've been working too long and hard to get her to be as good of a dog as she is. I will not have some child ruining that. Especially since I'm pregnant with my child and I've been preparing her for this baby since we adopted her (at 10 weeks of age)

It was out of line. She is about to be a Canine Good Citizen even. I wasn't letting that kid ruin that

I feel the way it was handled was appropriate. I don't let anybody near my dog that doesn't know how to be around a dog and she didn't appreciate the abuse nor did I. And I will defend her no matter who messes with her



I want to help him but he is not to be anywhere around my child or my two dogs. Supposedly he is in therapy I don't know

But he was there to work not mess with the animals

[Lisadear]

I understand what you are saying but I also have to say that I also understand what ~kimberley~ said as well cause I had read it as the same way ... and just like ~kimberley~ I also do not know the real deal story on this whole thing and the reason as to what is behind this kid's behaviour and acting out (I too also wrote about acting out frustrations in my first response to you)

Hence why I suggested the therapy ................. at the end of the day this child is 14 years old and bottom line is .................... HE IS A CHILD

I'm pointing this out to you cause it is something I had to come to terms with and remind myself about my own daughter from since she was 12 and turned into hell on earth for me and for many other people ... she didn't abuse animals, instead Sabrina turned self destructive and started to destroy HERSELF ... at several points I felt the same as you do with the dog to protect him no matter what only with me it was a case of wanting to protect myself and Adam no matter what ................ I had to send her to therapy and also organise FAMILY COUNSELLING cause at the end of the day THE CHILD is the most important thing really in all of this.

It was also why I suggested volunteering at the pound and let him do it with an adult to spend that time with him

it's a lot of GIVE AND TAKE and less 'don't do this and don't do that's or else' ... that only creates more frustration, resentment, feelings of neglect, etc. hence they will do just about ANYTHING else to get attention and try to fit in and please trust me on this ... you don't want to lose him ... he's 14, his life is precious and please don't lose sight that HE IS A CHILD

Anyone who knows me knows I'm probably one of the most avid animal lovers ever especially people on this board including the fact that sometime aback I also did cohost the Pet Owners and Animal Lovers board ... a child NEVER and I mean NEVER should come in second place after any animal .... I love animals, birds and fishes and for the life of me there's no way a child can take 2nd place.

I hope you don't take offence but really I think other than therapy for just this kid that complete family therapy is needed cause you all have to learn how to cope with him as well.

xxx Lisa xxx

[Mom2Froggy]

I agree with the above poster, on many levels.

First off, with the dog, yes he should get into some therapy for issues he has, but also the issue of not treating an animal right. I understand you want to protect your animals, which is why counseling is a MUST. A number one precursor to a child acting out violently is them harming animals. This MUST be dealt with! But a child should not come after an animal... the kiddo may have issues and he may not understand why he is acting the way he is. Animals can be like a second child to us, but that child comes first. My dog bit my daughter once, and I don't give a **** that Ive had that dog since I was 5, I nearly killed the dog myself. My child comes first even if my child instigated the actions.

There are lots of reasons a kid may treat an animal badly, which is why it must be dealt with, but griping at him and talking about him as if he is an object, not a human, is no way to deal with him at all. You say you don't want "that kid" around your animals... it's like you don't even have any feelings toward him.

The kid needs help, no doubt, but he has had problems in his life that may be the reason he is acting this way. He needs someone to step in and get him that help that he needs before things get worse. I understand you want to protect yourself and your animals, but he is just a kid and probably doesn't understand what is going through his own head, so he NEEDS help!


It just so hurts to hear comments "there isnt much love for this kid right now," calling him "the kid" or "that kid" and "It was out of line. She is about to be a Canine Good Citizen even. I wasn't letting that kid ruin that"..... it's like the dog means more than the kid! No wonder he has issues.... he needs help but he also needs a big hug and someone to love him and make him feel safe and secure.

Uh the dog does mean more to me then him. He's not my kid. I didn't want him around here to begin with, but he is in trouble and has to be I just need to know how to handle this. Without causing a rift in the family in the care of specific people at all times. I need to know how to make it clear he is not to be around my child and my animals. I want to help and I'm happy to suggest things but at the end of the day, I don't know this kid, and I feel he is a danger to my child and my dogs.

He may be related but he isn't family. I don't even know him. However I do know my dog and she means the world to me

By the way I suggested the shelter idea to my grandmother and she said it would be a bad idea, after seeing him with her Bichon the other day. She said there is no way to undo whats been done to this kid in the time my uncle has to undo it. The kid is a spohomore or Junior in highschool. Been to jail. Brother is in jail. But she said he is seeing a Christian Councelor and that his dad said they would address the animal abuse in his next session.

he is not the kid he used to be. He's not the kid he was even a year ago. He was actually kind to animals a year ago. He got into drugs, got into trouble, its like he is not the same boy.

He is definately not a good influence. And I don't want in this mess that everyone else is in.


As far as I am concern the safety of my child, and my two dogs come first.


(Also I'm not loosing the best dog I ever had over the actions of a kid trying to stir up trouble, my child will be raised to respect animals


Chances are I won't see him again much anyways. I only moved back here to be closer to my mother (I'm pregnant and need her right now). Typically I see my family maybe 1 time a year if not less. (I spend more time with my fathers family and he lives 8 hours away, typically I go out there for all holidays. My mom and uncle though aren't on good terms so the chances of seeing them are slim, but he will not be at my house again)

[QUOTE=Mom2Froggy;16704998]It just so hurts to hear comments "there isnt much love for this kid right now," calling him "the kid" or "that kid" and "It was out of line. She is about to be a Canine Good Citizen even. I wasn't letting that kid ruin that"..... it's like the dog means more than the kid! No wonder he has issues.... he needs help but he also needs a big hug and someone to love him and make him feel safe and secure.[/QUOTE]



Thats his parents job, not mine. He is just a stranger I've seen one time and anyone who messes with my dogs, well they aren't welcome back in my home. Adult or child.

His dad and stepmom are great with him. But I just want to make it clear to the family he isn't welcome in my home without causing a huge rift

[Mom2Froggy]

Then if he is having these issues, then he needs to be in therapy. There is a reason why he is acting that way, and it must be dealt with. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had so many red flags regarding the way they treated animals, but no one really listened, imagine if someone dealt with them before they snapped? A rapid change in a child like he is going through is a bad, bad sign. But acting hostile towards the child will not fix the problems he may have.

If no one is showing this poor kiddo any love at all, it is probably the reason he is acting out. Kids act out when they can't express their feelings or when they have internal problems that they don't understand, and it sounds like this kid is going through a lot of that. He needs someone there to hold him up and to support him, get him therapy, and then he will change. And hopefully he finds someone to love him like he desperately needs.

[QUOTE=Chicago12386;16705364]

Originally Posted by Mom2Froggy

It just so hurts to hear comments "there isnt much love for this kid right now," calling him "the kid" or "that kid" and "It was out of line. She is about to be a Canine Good Citizen even. I wasn't letting that kid ruin that"..... it's like the dog means more than the kid! No wonder he has issues.... he needs help but he also needs a big hug and someone to love him and make him feel safe and secure.[/QUOTE]



Thats his parents job, not mine

I didnt say it was specifically your job, but when the kid is in your life, it wouldnt hurt him to show some kind of non hostile emotion towards him.

[QUOTE=Mom2Froggy;16705370]Then if he is having these issues, then he needs to be in therapy. There is a reason why he is acting that way, and it must be dealt with. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had so many red flags regarding the way they treated animals, but no one really listened, imagine if someone dealt with them before they snapped? A rapid change in a child like he is going through is a bad, bad sign. But acting hostile towards the child will not fix the problems he may have.

If no one is showing this poor kiddo any love at all, it is probably the reason he is acting out. Kids act out when they can't express their feelings or when they have internal problems that they don't understand, and it sounds like this kid is going through a lot of that. He needs someone there to hold him up and to support him, get him therapy, and then he will change. And hopefully he finds someone to love him like he desperately needs.

Originally Posted by Chicago12386

I didnt say it was specifically your job, but when the kid is in your life, it wouldnt hurt him to show some kind of non hostile emotion towards him.

I have no sympathy for anyone who trys to harm my animals. Again I don't plan to see him. I avoid my family as much as possible as it is. He isn't part of my life he just happened to show up that one day.

I have very little patients for other peoples kids as it is. Especially one that hit my dog.

At the same time I got attached to this kid before and then when he got bored of the rules at his dads house he decided to go back and live with his mom and we didn't hear from him in over a year. I'm not letting myself into that situation again, I'm not letting myself get attached. It hurt when he did that. It was hard worrying about him every day. I'm not letting that happen again.

I'm not getting involved, especially now

I have my own family to worry about

Not to mention I'm still Livid over the way he treated my dog and after several times telling him to backoff he wouldn't

[Lisadear]

you know ... and I don't mean this in a bad way but it does irk me when I hear someone say 'it's the parent's job'

Yeah ... parents have the bulk of the work but we don't keep them in glass cases ............................. SOCIETY plays a big part and that doesn't just mean school and friends but EVERYONE ELSE that they come into contact with

Yeah it is a parent's job to try and guide the kids along the right path and to try and teach and instill values but the kids DO come into contact with the outside world and to every action there is a reaction.

EVERYONE is responsible for CHILDREN all over the world ... maybe if people start to realise this then the WORLD will be a better place ......................... it's just so sad to see how people are so detached from each other that even greetings like 'Good Morning' aren't even acknowledged sometimes ***sigh***

There are MANY things I do for other people's children that I would do for my own kids .... if a child was around me and fell and skinned his or her knee I would so tend to it and possible give them a 'feel better kiss' ... I wouldn't send them home packing cause 'it's their parents' job'

xxx Lisa xxx

Originally Posted by Lisadear

you know ... and I don't mean this in a bad way but it does irk me when I hear someone say 'it's the parent's job'

Yeah ... parents have the bulk of the work but we don't keep them in glass cases ............................. SOCIETY plays a big part and that doesn't just mean school and friends but EVERYONE ELSE that they come into contact with

Yeah it is a parent's job to try and guide the kids along the right path and to try and teach and instill values but the kids DO come into contact with the outside world and to every action there is a reaction.

EVERYONE is responsible for CHILDREN all over the world ... maybe if people start to realise this then the WORLD will be a better place ......................... it's just so sad to see how people are so detached from each other that even greetings like 'Good Morning' aren't even acknowledged sometimes ***sigh***

xxx Lisa xxx

I'm only responsible for my child and no one else is responsible for my child. If everyone took responsibility for their own children the world would be a better place.

And his mother didn't do her job, thats why he is with his dad

[Lisadear]

Originally Posted by Chicago12386

I'm only responsible for my child and no one else is responsible for my child. If everyone took responsibility for their own children the world would be a better place.

And his mother didn't do her job, thats why he is with his dad

and THIS is why the world is how it is today ... it certainly does not take one hand to clap so to speak

Everyone's very quick usually to point the finger and put the blame on someone else when really the issue is how you can actually right the wrong because no one is perfect.

xxx Lisa xxx