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Phones to bed, Facebook accounts, Little Women


Forum: Moms of Teens and Preteens

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  #1  
October 11th, 2011, 05:25 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 4
(1) Should I continue to keep my 12 yr daughter's phone when she is getting ready to go to bed or am i being too hard on her? She is in GT on all her classes and except PE gets all As. So far she does as told but I just want to make sure I am not been too rigid with daughter. I think I am doing the right thing but was wondering what you think
(2) What time do you recommend she goes to bed on weekdays? I say 10pm but she says her friends stay up till 11.45pm on weekdays and 2am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am still ok with 10pm on week days and 11.30pm on Friday saturday nights. What you think?
(3) She has a facebook account. I am ok with it. Should she?
(4) Are you aware of any good softwares that I can use to monitor her on facebook make sure she is on right track.
(5) These days she does not want to read anything heavy. Not interested in reading "Little Women". She still likes to read but prefers soft stuff about tween lifestyle etc. Is it a terrible sign that she is migrating away from heavy reading. Should i be nip this new attitude in the bud. Should I be worried or will she come around? 12 is not too young for "Little Women". Is it?
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  #2  
October 12th, 2011, 05:21 PM
*~Amanda~*'s Avatar Hostest with the mostest
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Location: Maryland
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Nice to meet you! I'll try to answer your questions as best as I can, but I'm new to these preteen years too.

(1) Should I continue to keep my 12 yr daughter's phone when she is getting ready to go to bed or am i being too hard on her? She is in GT on all her classes and except PE gets all As. So far she does as told but I just want to make sure I am not been too rigid with daughter. I think I am doing the right thing but was wondering what you think. [B]I let my son have his phone at night. He uses it as an alarm clock. If I caught him on it late at night, I would take it away from him in a heartbeat, but we haven't had a problem with it.

(2) What time do you recommend she goes to bed on weekdays? I say 10pm but she says her friends stay up till 11.45pm on weekdays and 2am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am still ok with 10pm on week days and 11.30pm on Friday saturday nights. What you think? 10pm is an appropriate time, depending on what time she gets up and has to be at school. My son goes to bed at 10pm through the week. On the weekends I leave it up to him. The night before his football games I like to see him in bed at a reasonable time. Really, he's been good about following the rules.

(3) She has a facebook account. I am ok with it. Should she? As long as you are monitoring her activity on it, and she is not doing anything inappropriate, I don't see anything wrong with it.

(4) Are you aware of any good softwares that I can use to monitor her on facebook make sure she is on right track.If you set up a separate profile on your computer, you can put child monitoring stuff on it that windows provides.

(5) These days she does not want to read anything heavy. Not interested in reading "Little Women". She still likes to read but prefers soft stuff about tween lifestyle etc. Is it a terrible sign that she is migrating away from heavy reading. Should i be nip this new attitude in the bud. Should I be worried or will she come around? 12 is not too young for "Little Women". Is it? I personally have never read "Little Women". I'm honestly not big into reading at all. I would just let her read the things that she likes to read as long as they are age appropriate.

Just remember that no one is perfect in parenting, and you are always going to have questions about the things that your teen does. Hang in there, and feel free to throw out more questions if you have any.
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  #3  
October 13th, 2011, 11:03 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks Amanda for the time you took to respond. Was interesting. I appreciate you letting me in. Be interesting to see others' thoughts. I am suspecting there are lots out there that are stricter and sterner than you and I. Best to you. Thanks again.
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  #4  
October 14th, 2011, 02:47 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 4
Hi Tryingdad!

Wow...it is interesting to try to balance the cyberworld/technology with "real life" isn't it! We aren't quite into the teen years in our home, but already have had to make some unpopular decisions setting boundaries with wii and tv time. It sounds to me like you are on the right track with your daughter....you seem balanced in that you have given her some liberties (facebook account, cell phone), but with structure (i.e. protection) from some of the hazards that can go with those. So, though I don't really have specific advice for you, I'd just say, "keep up the great parenting!" It's obvious you are a loving and concerned parent.

Oh, and I have heard of a good internet filter called BSecure. I'm not sure how it works in relation to facebook, but might be worth checking out. Have a great day!!
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  #5  
October 17th, 2011, 08:33 AM
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thanks canary12. Bsecure looks like a professional -well-worth-a-try web site.
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  #6  
October 24th, 2011, 03:15 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,333
Your 12 year old has way more priveledges than my 14 year old, but we all do stuff different. I just wanted to say to not worry about being too rigid, and just because her friends get to do stuff shouldn't mean she automatically should get to.

Three cheers for you for giving these types of things some thought
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  #7  
November 2nd, 2011, 11:38 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 2,599
(1) Should I continue to keep my 12 yr daughter's phone when she is getting ready to go to bed or am i being too hard on her? Not too hard on her AT ALL. As a former high school teacher, I say keep all phones and computers out of the bedroom. Period. I can't tell you how many conferences I had with parents who complained that their little darling was up til 4 am texting or on Facebook. My 17 year old has to charge her phone in the living room overnight on school nights. She JUST got her phone overnight on weekends this year, her senior year of high school.
(2) What time do you recommend she goes to bed on weekdays? I say 10pm but she says her friends stay up till 11.45pm on weekdays and 2am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am still ok with 10pm on week days and 11.30pm on Friday saturday nights. What you think? I say you are right on, totally reasonable. Kids need sleep. a 12 year old going to sleep at midnight is NOT going to get the 8-9 hours they need. My 17 year old has a 10 pm bedtime on school nights. She had a midnight bedtime the past two years on weekends, now she gets to decide for herself.
(3) She has a facebook account. I am ok with it. Should she? If I were you, I would insist on being her friend. I might even consider insisting on having her password.
(4) Are you aware of any good softwares that I can use to monitor her on facebook make sure she is on right track.
(5) These days she does not want to read anything heavy. Not interested in reading "Little Women". She still likes to read but prefers soft stuff about tween lifestyle etc. Is it a terrible sign that she is migrating away from heavy reading. Should i be nip this new attitude in the bud. Should I be worried or will she come around? 12 is not too young for "Little Women". Is it? I don't know how you would "force" her to read something more substantial than tweeny stuff. I think the best we can do is to encourage reading. Of any sort. Newspapers, news magazines, anything.
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  #8  
November 7th, 2011, 05:42 AM
BaaBaaBlankies's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Orlando
Posts: 26
(1) Should I continue to keep my 12 yr daughter's phone when she is getting ready to go to bed or am i being too hard on her? She is in GT on all her classes and except PE gets all As. So far she does as told but I just want to make sure I am not been too rigid with daughter. I think I am doing the right thing but was wondering what you think I think you are doing the right thing.
(2) What time do you recommend she goes to bed on weekdays? I say 10pm but she says her friends stay up till 11.45pm on weekdays and 2am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am still ok with 10pm on week days and 11.30pm on Friday saturday nights. What you think? Again, I like your idea of a 10pm bedtime. She will tell you all kinds of stuff that her friends are doing just to get you to let her do it too. Stick to your guns.
(3) She has a facebook account. I am ok with it. Should she? I would insist on her adding you as a friend. Don't go posting on her wall or commenting though. She'll probably block you. Remember, there are plenty of ways that she can "do bad things" besides Facebook. It is probably better to teach her that she needs to put the highest security features on her account and remind her that anything she posts or messages is permanently on the computer for anyone to use against her any time. It's a social tool, not a diary. And that goes for anything online, instant messages, emails, etc..
(4) Are you aware of any good softwares that I can use to monitor her on facebook make sure she is on right track. You are her best software.
(5) These days she does not want to read anything heavy. Not interested in reading "Little Women". She still likes to read but prefers soft stuff about tween lifestyle etc. Is it a terrible sign that she is migrating away from heavy reading. Should i be nip this new attitude in the bud. Should I be worried or will she come around? 12 is not too young for "Little Women". Is it? If she is reading for fun at 12 be proud and keep encouraging her to read anything she is interested in. Remember, they learn by watching us so make sure you pick up a book every now and then and casually have a conversation with her about how much you are enjoying it. Make it sound really interesting. You may get her to read it too.

Good luck! You sound like a terrific dad!

Oh! And as the mother of 18 and 20 year old girls...may the force be with you! These are the roughest years until they hit about 17.
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  #9  
November 8th, 2011, 11:27 AM
mamma_anna's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,953
(1) Should I continue to keep my 12 yr daughter's phone when she is getting ready to go to bed or am i being too hard on her? I don't think this is being to hard on her. We're pretty strict about cell phones in our house though. If my girls are home then their phones are in the kitchen. They get turned off during homework time and before dinner. The way I see it, if their friends have something that important to say they can call the house phone. Otherwise it can wait until tomorrow.
(2) What time do you recommend she goes to bed on weekdays? 12 year olds need sleep. My teens go to bed when homework is done. Usually between 9:30 and 10:30. I never let them stay up past 11 on school nights. But we have to get up really really early for school. Weekends, it depends on what we have going on the next day. I think the exact bedtime doesn't matter so much as long as she's getting 7 - 10 hours of sleep every night and isn't showing signs of sleep deprivation. But I wouldn't make the decision based on what her friends are doing. You need to decide what's best for her.
(3) She has a facebook account. I am ok with it. Should she? I don't understand facebook. Never use it myself but I thought there was an age limit of 14. Am I wrong??
(4) Are you aware of any good softwares that I can use to monitor her on facebook make sure she is on right track. My oldest daughter has an account and my husband monitors it very closely. He knows her password and is one of her "friends". He's super paranoid about internet privacy stuff so I trust him to protect her way more than any software.
(5) These days she does not want to read anything heavy. Not interested in reading "Little Women". She still likes to read but prefers soft stuff about tween lifestyle etc. Is it a terrible sign that she is migrating away from heavy reading. Should i be nip this new attitude in the bud. Should I be worried or will she come around? 12 is not too young for "Little Women". Is it? I read "Little Women" when I was 8. So did my older 2 girls. My almost 9 year old will probably read it this year. So, no 12 isn't too young. But every child has a different reading level. I don't think her changing interests are anything to be concerned about. It's totally normal for this age. But I would pay attention to what she's reading and just make sure you think it's appropriate as far as your values go. And as others have said....continue to encourage her to read anything and everything she's interested in. She'll likely get lots of assigned reading in school over the next several years so when she's reading on her own it should be something she thinks is fun.

wow that was a long answer. Really good questions though. Hope I could be helpful.
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  #10  
November 13th, 2011, 03:54 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
I am a foster parent of teens, and not a mom myself - but I will try to address your questions as best I can.

I am quite sure that I am much stricter than you are, my foster kids don't have cell phones, and even though my youngest is 15, the oldest 17, they go to bed at 10pm on a school night. Fri and Sat nights, they go to bed at around 11pm, and I had better not be hearing any noise from the shared bedroom after midnight. The same rules apply for the 21 year olds I have had.

I personally would not let a child as young as 12 take a cell phone to bed with them.
Bedtime would be around 9om in my house on a school night.
I think the rules of facebook are 13 for an account, although I know a lot of people allow it younger. I think it's probably fine at 12, just monitor it closely, and make sure she has it set to private so only her friends can see her posts and pics.

I watch 'my' kids when they are on the computer, I am sitting next to them - so I don't really know of any software to monitor it. However I think it would be easiest to be her friend, or have her password.

I think it's exciting that she is still wanting to read, but is chosing her own preferences with what she reads. I'd encourage that as much as I could.
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