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At Wit's End...


Forum: Preemies/NICU

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  #1  
January 5th, 2012, 12:44 AM
Preemie Momma
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Keokuk, IA
Posts: 149
I haven't been on in months... We had a big move from our small town in Georgia all the way up north to Iowa and the transition has been a rough one, so I've had very very little time to be doing anything but dealing with adjustments to the move.

An update on Amaya:

Amaya is now 1 year old! She celebrated her first birthday on Christmas this year, and we threw a big party back in our home town so all our friends and family could see her. As far as her weight goes, my little 2lb 11 oz baby is now 20 lb 2 oz, and as far as development goes, the Dr. says she is right on track.

But, as the topic message states, here is my problem(s):
We've been up here for a few months now, but know no one. The only people we have to rely on to sit for us while my husband and I work are my in-laws. Right now, I'm just part-time, but I've fallen in love with my job and they want me to be a full-time reporter. This may be selfish, but personally, with all the work I've been doing around the house, etc., I feel like I deserve to take this opportunity because I've worked hard for it. But, now, I'm driving 60 miles a day out of my way to take her to my in-laws, who don't even respect my wishes in taking care of her. (For example, smoking while she is in the car with them. I honestly wish I could punch my M-I-L in the face for this...) But, I REALLY don't feel comfortable putting her into daycare. So I'm totally lost on what to do about that issue.

BUT, the issue that is really getting under my skin and is truly making me consider going on nerve pills is the way Amaya has been behaving the past several months.

I realize that on all levels, Amaya has been a bit pampered due to her being born so early, etc. She's become adjusted to being held a lot, and because of her GER, we were only able to get sleep as co-sleepers. I don't mind the co-sleeping so much, but what I do mind is the tantrums she has started to throw at not being held constantly, whenever I step out of the room, whenever I take something away (potentially harmful something), when it's time for bed, etc. I'm really starting to wonder if she just enjoys screaming to the top of her lungs... (And yes, it isn't crying, it is literally screaming a high-pitched, break the glasses in your house scream) Although she does act like this on occasion with my in-laws, she mostly just does it with me. My husband works third shift and I work first, so he's not able to be any help to me at bedtime. I have a million things to do as a mom, wife, etc., and I can't do any of them because she won't stop screaming.

There are nights that I'm up until 5:30 only to turn around and get back up at 7:30 to get ready for work. I might average 4-5 hours of sleep a night... and she's a year old. I guess I just figured things would get a little easier, but they seem to be getting more difficult.

I REALLY REALLY could use some advice.
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BFP #1: 6/11- delivered 12/25/10 @ 28 weeks, now 3
BFP #2: 1/13- miscarried at week 6
BFP #3: 2/14- miscarriage at week 7









Thanks MommaDuck's for my GORGEOUS Siggy!!!


Thanks to Kerian for this wonderful blinkie!
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  #2  
January 5th, 2012, 06:38 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
Jim was like that about being held, he would cry and cry if we put him to bed without rocking him to sleep first. At a year, we finally said enough is enough and let him cry until he fell asleep. It was brutal for all of us, but after a week he stopped doing it. I hope you are able to find a better solution than we did!

On daycare, have you considered a nanny instead? It avoids the germ issues of daycare and we have had excellent luck with them. We did a nanny share when Jim was an infant, with another NICU family that got out germ phobia, and that helped with cost. We just hired a nanny for our daughter and had dozens of applicants even though we aren't able to pay that much, and we ended up hiring someone AWESOME whose references were just totally glowing. Try Care.com or Sittercity.com, that's where we advertised for our nanny.
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  #3  
January 7th, 2012, 12:41 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,173
Does she have any lung issues still? Are germy daycare kids really worse than being stuck in a car with MIL smoking? I'd also advertise for someone to come into your home or maybe find a small dayhome nearby. And you're not a terrible mom for wanting to work fulltime, take opportunities in life as they're presented to you.

As for sleep, we're big into early sleep training, I followed Happiest Baby on the Block with my four nb's and we've had great success. She isn't getting a restful night (and neither are you!) if she's up so much, but I'm sure you know that. Be consistent with your sleep routines is my biggest advice. If you're not a fan of CIO then find sleep routines consistent with your values. She's big enough to know that a squeaky wheel gets grease, even my five month old knows that, lol!
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  #4  
January 12th, 2012, 06:20 PM
Preemie Momma
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Keokuk, IA
Posts: 149
Thanks guys for taking the time to read. And as far as lung issues, she doesn't have any thankfully. Heck, with as much crying as she does, I think she has the strongest lungs of any baby... ever.

I guess I'm just really worn out. My husband thinks I'm being lazy when he comes home from work and the house is a wreck because I haven't been able to get Amaya to quit screaming or clinging to my legs so that I can get anything done. Honestly, I'd really like to be able to just sit her in her playpen and let her cry for a few minutes, but it's literally the worst scream I've ever heard. It makes my hair curl...

As for the schedule, I'm trying really hard to do that, but the problem is that when she stays with my in-laws, they don't follow my schedule, they let her do whatever she wants and so when I get her, it's forever before I can get her to sleep...

My hub is helping a lot more than he used to with Amaya, but even he can't offer too much help because he can often get forced to work 16 hrs at his job, and even on the nights he only works 8, if I work that day, I get home around 4-5, he's gone to work until 11. Kinda hard to clean house at 11 at night.

I know I'm incredibly blessed to have her, but sometimes I get so frustrated. Especially when I see my friend's babies that pretty much obey what they tell their babies to do, go to sleep by themselves and stay asleep, sleep through the night, can play by themselves in the floor with their toys so that their mothers can clean, etc. If I leave the livingroom to get something to drink, she SCREAMS. Have I done something wrong to make her so clingy? Is there something I can do to make it stop?
__________________
BFP #1: 6/11- delivered 12/25/10 @ 28 weeks, now 3
BFP #2: 1/13- miscarried at week 6
BFP #3: 2/14- miscarriage at week 7









Thanks MommaDuck's for my GORGEOUS Siggy!!!


Thanks to Kerian for this wonderful blinkie!
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  #5  
January 13th, 2012, 05:07 AM
Breanne's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 213
So sorry your going through all this. Honestly the only thing I can think of if what the ladies already mentioned, to let her cry. I know its one of the hardest things to do but after just a couple days of being consistent it really pays off. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? I'm sure its behavioral but I've always been told to rule out the physical before jumping to behavioral! Just a thought... good luck with it all, hopefully this is just a phase and things will start to improve. Keep us posted! I'll be sending you tons of strength to try and get through!
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  #6  
January 13th, 2012, 02:20 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breanne View Post
Have you mentioned it to your doctor? I'm sure its behavioral but I've always been told to rule out the physical before jumping to behavioral! Just a thought...
This is a really good point, plus your ped may have some suggestions for you to deal with her screaming and also her not sleeping through the night.
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