We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
As a mom who lost one of my twins 4 years ago yesterday. HUGE HUGS! My daughter had a CDH and had pneumonia. She was with us for 5 months 2 days. Her twin sister was home at 2 months 2 days old. So it is very hard to handle everything. All I can say is if someone offers help take it and if you can ask for help. I look back and wonder how we did it. The only answer I have is you just do. We were lucky enough to take the one to see her sister in the hospital and we ate a lot at the hospital because we got some free vouchers. The house work suffered but I figured if we had food and clean clothes we were ok.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sending you huge giant hugs. Is there a counselor or social worker for your NICU that you can talk to? One thing I learned from our NICU experience is that NICU parents need a lot of support and often professional help to deal with the traumas they are experiencing, and that goes double for parents facing a loss on top of the NICU. I waited until a couple years later to talk to a therapist and I really wish I'd done it sooner because it was incredibly helpful.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My son died at birth, but I would never assume to know what you are feeling now.
I can say that for a while I had to do things because I was supposed to do them. I had to eat because the clock said it was time to eat, and drink because I knew my body had to have liquids. I had to go to bed at dark and move during the day. I even had to be reminded to shower for a while. Nothing seemed to matter to me. I went through the motions. But I did start to do things more because I wanted to. I became hungry again. I started to even sleep without nightmares. It gets better, but it takes a lot of time. Your daughter will always be a major part of your life and you'll find ways for her to be a part of your family. You'll also be truly happy again. I promise you that.
And I third the idea of finding a good therapist. Also, journaling helped me a lot. You can also go into the bathroom, turn on all the faucets and flush the toilet and scream for a while. People can't hear it as much and it helps to get the anger out. But know that however you feel it is OK. You aren't supposed to feel any certain way and nothing you feel is dishonoring to your daughter.
I also lost one of my twins almost 11 months ago. Our twins were born at 25w5d, Raegan weighed 1lb 9.3oz and Liam weighed 1lb 15oz. Raegan passed away the following day after suffering a hemorrage in her lungs. Staying strong for our little boy was the hardest thing we've ever had to do. He was in the hospital for 3 months and came home 100 days later on his due date.
I would like to tell you that it will get better but I can't say that. Some days are better then others but there are still bad days for me. The only thing I can suggest is talking to a counselor. I talked to one a couple of times a few months ago and it made me feel better at the time. Now that we are coming up on their birthday and the day of her death I am feeling very overwhelmed and angry.
Stay strong for your son and he will make every day a bit easier