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So tonight I just couldnt fall asleep, still cant.
I started lurking over the DDC I was part of till the miscarriage. I just started getting really sad and upset. Then I just started to lose it, I just keep thinking I should still be pregnant. I know my hormones are probably still all out of wack but I just cant help it. I so wanted to be pregnant and add to our family.
DH is at work (he is on the night shift) and I just wish he was here because I need his support.
We have talked about trying again later on, but I dont know if it is just my emotions, but I feel terrified to try again, even though I want to so bad. I want to try right away but I am so scared what can happen and I know I couldnt possibly handle another miscarriage.
I am sorry to keep ranting like this.
Special thanks to AlexAiden Mommy for my AWESOME siggy!
Oh hon... I know what you mean, SO much! It is so horribly scary. The whole week I was going through the pain and uncertainty, not knowing 100% if my baby was gone, I kept looking at my mom and saying "I can never, ever do this again, not EVER." I was so scared, in so much pain emotionally and physically, nauseous and achy. It can do such a number on you, and the hormones DO NOT help. Esp. the dramatic plunge after an m/c, creates a post-partum depression type feeling to boot. NOT FAIR! Like we wouldn't be depressed anyway. It will get better, and you will find your courage again because you are a strong and brave woman... your angel will be watching over you and is already a jewel in your crown.
to you. I clicked on my DDC once (after the original post to say that I was leaving). Even as it was going to the page I knew it was a mistake. I scrolled over the topics but just knew how awful it was going to make me feel so I stopped and haven't been back since. I thought I would be fine with reading all the other happy news but I wasn't - because it should have been me too.
I'm the same - I do want to try again and dh is on board with that too, but I can't get past thinking that I never want to go to another pregnancy appt and hear that 'it doesn't look good, I can't find a heartbeat'. Every time I think about that moment I feel down. (It was only 1.5 weeks ago so I know it will get better).
Anyway I think we will ttc again but I'm definitely making sure it doesn't happen until one cycle has passed. I'm still bleeding after the curette anyway but I'll just have to make sure we're careful until I get my first af post miscarriage.
Anyway sorry, didn't mean to hijack your post. Guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the same things you're feeling
Deciding to try again is probably the single most terrifying decision to make after a loss. It's very normal to be scared. One of the hardest, most lasting things about a loss is that your innocence is taken away. You are now very aware that losses not only can happen, but they can happen to you. And unfortunately that never completely goes away.
Cry as much as you need to honey. Vent as much as you need to. That's what we're here for after all.
Vent and cry all you need, hon. I understand your fear about TTC completely...when I learned that I was pregnant, I said that I would never be able to survive a miscarriage. Little did I know that I would HAVE to. Now I'm terrified of losing another baby.
I know that my desire to hold our child in our arms is stronger then my fear, and that is what is going to give me the courage to try again. You have that courage, as well. But we're here for you when the sorrow just feels like it's too much.
Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009
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Ronda24, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. The thought of concieving again is so very frightening. I know it will take some time to get the courage again, but I will try in a couple of months as well. We can only take it one day at a time, and try to find the faith to show us through.
Sorry you cannot sleep very well, my dr. prescribed me sleeping pills last week after the dn/c. I did not sleep for 48hrs prior to the surgery. It has been helping some, but now I just get depressed in the am. The sun makes me so sad lately, because there is nothing bright about what we are going through.
We will make it through this together and come out on top, I believe that.
I am so Ronda, I didn't sleep well after my d/e... It a few weeks.. than I had my f/u and wasn't able to sleep a few days after that.. It is not uncommon.
You are so right.... I too am scared to death, you are told, that any pregnant woman has a 15% chance of miscarriage. Than you see these other woman on here, My self included.. who have more than one loss. Getting pregnant again.. I know the statistics are with me... The chance of me miscarrying again if you look at it like a numbers game, what do I have a 0%. But you always know that it could be you again what ever the numbers! It is so scarry. But like pennelope my want to have a baby in my arms is greater than my fear.
Thank you GraysMama For my BEAUTIFUL Siggy!!!
BFP 11/09/08 M/C 11/11/08 BFP 01/02/09 M/C 01/29/09 BFP 08/26/09 M/C 10/02/09 Missing our 3 Angles