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  #1  
April 9th, 2009, 01:08 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Got call today that last UltraSound had a low heartbeat (93). 9 days later it is 66 and the fetus stopped growing.

I am waiting for the doctor to call and give me the options. Wow, this is more painful than my other losses combined. wow, I am sobbing. Not crying downright sobbing....

I don't think I can handle another loss. I should just be greatful for what god has given me and stop trying for more.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #2  
April 9th, 2009, 01:12 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear this. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this again. I wish there was something I could say. I'll be praying for you.
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  #3  
April 9th, 2009, 01:39 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,406
Oh my god, no.........I just cant believe it. Im crying right now too.. I dont know whats worse, when I went in and the h/b had stopped all together and the baby stopped growing at 8wks, or to have this happen, what you are going through. I guess its not right to compare, but I cant imagane what this is doing to you. My heart is so heavy right now, I feel like Im reliving last week all over again. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now, Im so devistated by this news. How long until they check the baby again?

YOU are grateful and deserving of all of your children, plus more! We all are. No one, and I mean no one, is undeserving to have a child. Please hang in there, and know that Im praying for you as we speak...Please KUP.
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  #4  
April 9th, 2009, 02:32 PM
szczepanski's Avatar nakmaster
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Western NY
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I am so sorry you have to go through this.
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  #5  
April 9th, 2009, 04:44 PM
Rh♥nda's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 7,132
I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  #6  
April 9th, 2009, 06:38 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
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Thanks Ladies... Spoke to the DR and have the option of waiting for the baby to pass on its own or a D&C. As you know (you have all gone through this) I am an emotional wreck. My Boyfriend has been by my side for the day and we spent a quiet afternoon in my bed - him holding me while I cried and sobbed. We spoke about a lot of things and I am so greatful to have someone like him in my life. We both wanted a baby, and he is 10 years younger (30). Me loving him so much I told him to go find a girl his age so he can have babies with. He put his hand over my mouth and said that he would rather have me and no baby than a baby with someone he doesn't love as much as me.

Lopez - thanks so much honey.

You are all so wonderful and I am going to lean on you all for a while. BF gave me 2 tylenol pm so I could be a little more calm and hopefully sleep.

Thank you all again. I am sorry we are all here but glad we have each other.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #7  
April 9th, 2009, 10:37 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,406
Oh sweetie, it sounds like you have a wonderful BF. I know your thoughts of being too old, and feeling like our bodies have passed their time. But WE haven't! Last week, I felt like my body had failed me too. But I feel different this week, about that part anyway. We will have our baby's with the man of our dreams. We just have to fight for it, the way we did to change our lives to be with the man we love. Same fight, different meanings though, you know what I mean? We will not let this conquor us, we will come out on top, just have to push our way through it.

As for your decision you have to make, you need to do whats best for you. Only you know how much you can take and how long you can take it. Just make sure you know in your heart that your comfortable with what you decide. I have no real advice on this, I dont know what I would do in your situation. Its just so much harder than when I had my d&c, my confirmation was done at that point. Did they say they would do a repeat u/s for you after a few days to see how things were? I know this is torture for you, but maybe having that confirmation would help you deal with the greif better, later on. Just my thoughts for you honey, Im saying the things to you that I would to a loved one in my family. Im just so lost........ Were here for you, please just let it poor out, any way you feel fit......
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  #8  
April 10th, 2009, 07:40 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Although the baby still has a heartbeat, it is confirmed that this isnt a viable pregnancy and it is just a matter of time before the baby dies all together. The time part is what they are not sure of. It could happen now or in a month and I am not sure I want to wait for the baby to pass on his/her own.

I want to try again for another baby, but have no confidence in my body right now. I guess this is all so fresh and hard. We made plans for a life together with this child and I am hurting for the loss and hurting for what should have been. BF isnt sure we should try again, he says seeing me with this much heartache is so hard on him. I guess we need to take one step at a time and grieve this first.

Right now I am just praying to god to take good care of our little one and asking for his help to try to help me heal emotionally. I am feeling such a huge range of emotions.

I will write more later.

Love you and thanks for your support.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #9  
April 10th, 2009, 08:40 AM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
i'm so very sorry
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M/C 6wks 4days Jan09 & 4wks 5days Nov 05, 3/25/09dnc[10wks 3d]Jan/24/2010[11wks baby stopped growing at 7+ wks]
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  #10  
April 10th, 2009, 08:48 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I made the decision to go ahead with the D&C. I have an appointment for tomorrow (Saturday). I am still crying on and off. I will keep you all updated.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #11  
April 10th, 2009, 09:33 AM
megal40's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,853
I think it goes without saying that I am so sorry. Everyone that has been through this experience can go back and remember the feelings you are going through right now.

I know there are a lot of different opinions on natural miscarriage vs. D&C. I chose to have a D&C three years ago with my first miscarriage & again three weeks ago with my most recent loss. Both times the procedure went well and after my first I was able to get pregnant with our daughter. Now I just hope the same can happen with this time.

Take care of yourself and take your time. Some people are ready to get right back to TTC and others need time to understand their feelings. Either way, you make the best decision for you. No matter what, everyone here will support you!

Keep us updated and keep posting your feelings. I learned that just reading posts from other JM members saying "I'm so sorry" was a critical part of my healing.



Megan
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  #12  
April 10th, 2009, 11:19 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Hi Megan,

Your daughter is so adorable. Yes, the healing process is hard and it is so different with each loss. This is loss #4 for me and It is too fresh right now to gauge how I am going to do with it. I took a few days off from work so I can just feel whatever I am feeling and not have to supress it from my co-workers. Right this minute I am doing ok, but I know in 5 minutes I could be crying again. I am really lucky to not only have the support of my BoyFriend but my children as well. Earlier when I was crying my 13 year old walked in my room and hugged me for about 15 minutes. He didn't say a word, just hugged me and let me cry. My 18 year old has been a great strength as well. My 16 year old has been out of town for the week with friends but is leaving a day early so he can be here with me.

I definatly have to say that I am really lucky to have the family that I do.

Thank you all for letting me babble, it really helps.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #13  
April 10th, 2009, 02:32 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,406
Missy, I know the ups and downs you are facing right now. I would feel ok for a minute and cry myself to sleep the next. I still have days like this, but it is getting better. You should be very proud to of raised such sensitive boys, what a blessing. I too, had my 14yr old son comfort me the first day I got the news. He was so hoping that they had made a mistake. It feels good to hold them when we feeling a loss like this. I have gone off to Galena, Il for a little getaway, to take my mind off of things. But.......I brought my laptop, I could not leave you for the weekend. So I will check in on you every chance I can. My DH wants me to say, how very sorry he is for your loss. Oh, don't forget to ask your dr, after the procedure tomorrow, to give you some sleeping pills. I know you stated that you took tylenol pm, but I was up for 38hrs when I went through this process last week, and needed something stronger. It really helped the night of the surgery and the next night. Please know that I will be thinking of you when your in the hospital, I will say a prayer for you and your baby.......
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  #14  
April 11th, 2009, 07:14 AM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
((((Missy)))) you are not alone, and I wanted to add, you have raised, are raising WONDERFUL boys....the love they have for you, shines right thru your posts. I'm so sorry for your loss, the decision you had to make, and the healing you'll need to go thru. no one should have to face this, but we do. in a few days, you might feel more exhausted physically than you did at first. or at least I did. so I always add now, to take things slow and let your body rest if you can. many hugs and prayers your way
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M/C 6wks 4days Jan09 & 4wks 5days Nov 05, 3/25/09dnc[10wks 3d]Jan/24/2010[11wks baby stopped growing at 7+ wks]
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  #15  
April 11th, 2009, 08:34 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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HUGS sweetie, I've been in this position and I know how hard it is to sit and wait. In the end I made the same decision, and went ahead with the surgery and I've never regretted it. 3 almost 4 years later I finally have my answers and know with out a doubt what I did was right.

HUGS, if you need anything feel free to PM me, or drop over to the recurrent board, I'm a cohost there and check there more than I do here.
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Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
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Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
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  #16  
April 11th, 2009, 12:18 PM
megal40's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi hun, I know you might not be checking in for a day or two but it is Saturday and I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.
Take care of yourself. I am sure the wonderful men in your life will be there to take care of you!
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  #17  
April 11th, 2009, 10:02 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Missy, just thinking about you, hope your recovery is going smoothe. Im back from Galena, it was relaxing, now Im just dying to get the kids to bed, Im off duty officially!! Were all here for you when your ready. Lots of hugs to you.
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  #18  
April 12th, 2009, 11:40 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Missy, hope you are relaxing a bit. Just thinking about you dear.
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  #19  
April 12th, 2009, 11:43 AM
Kary♥RN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Missy, I am thinking about you, I am sorry you have to go through this. You are a mom and have unbealiable strength. You can get through this. We are all here for you.
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  #20  
April 12th, 2009, 11:52 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry you have to deal with this. HUGS to you and I hope the D & C goes smoothly.
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