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Lack of support


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
April 15th, 2009, 04:03 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Who has surprised you most by being least supportive?
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  #2  
April 15th, 2009, 07:21 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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My dad. I'm not sure why it surprises me. He was really good at first, but now he's really sending out "get over it" vibes. But then again, he never talks about his own stillborn daughter, and because of that my mom doesn't (except to me. I think my loss gave her someone to talk to who understands. So in a way it was good for her). So it shouldn't surprise me.
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  #3  
April 15th, 2009, 08:40 AM
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Most of my family actually. The only time my mom has really reached out to me was when my SIL had her baby boy. MIL would rather pretend it didn't happen I think. She loves talking about her grandchildren (aka my niece who is almost 9 and SIL's baby who is 3 months old) and how she loves spending time with them.
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  #4  
April 15th, 2009, 09:05 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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my sister. Expected her to be emotional with me, and not even a tear. Broke my heart, but I have gotten over it. Everyone in my office was for the most part very sad for me, dont know if its cause Im the owner, but I would like to think they are genuin.
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  #5  
April 15th, 2009, 10:39 AM
lmunoz8517's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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my dad. He let us know early on he didnt think we should be having a 3rd baby but hello he has 4. anyway the day before Easter I ran into someone I graduated high school with. She had a newborn with his and said this is my third we walked off and my dad said isnt she to young to have 3 kids. . . I was like she is only a few months older than me. I should be pregnant with me third and started bawling, he just continued shopping. I didnt expect any sympathy from him but didnt expect him to stab a knife in my heart either.
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  #6  
April 15th, 2009, 06:28 PM
Jenn218's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom. Sometimes she just makes these snarky comments which makes it seem like she feels it is my fault I had a m/c.
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  #7  
April 15th, 2009, 09:01 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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lmunoz, Im so sorry your Dad makes you feel that way. Men in general do not understand what it is like to create life, they just don't get it. He probably has no idea that what he says hurts you so much. Maybe you could let him know, in not so many words?

Jenn, Im sorry for you too, your Mom of all people should understand. Sometimes I think they purposely pull away because the pain is so all to real for them. I hope that is the case for you.

Brittanie, wow, your family has really suffered losses. For that Im trully sorry, but ironicly, the fact that you and your mom have something so intimate to share in common, is very touching. I just wish it was something so less painful.
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  #8  
April 15th, 2009, 09:31 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof4lopez View Post
Brittanie, wow, your family has really suffered losses. For that Im trully sorry, but ironicly, the fact that you and your mom have something so intimate to share in common, is very touching. I just wish it was something so less painful.
Yeah, really. It doesn't stop there either. Not only did my mother lose her first baby at 21 weeks, but she had 3 other miscarriages. Her mother's first baby boy was stillborn (he died during labor). My father's parents lost a little girl just before her 3rd birthday. Add that to several aunts and cousins having miscarriages and my cousin just 6 months ago lost a little boy to SIDS, we've really been hit hard.

I have grown so much closer to my mother since Cora, and I love that. But like you said, I wish it was something less painful that brought us together.
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  #9  
April 16th, 2009, 02:54 PM
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my husband. i wish he understood what i was feeling and thinking. he has a whole different view of our journey so far. i'm depressed, anxious, irritable, not eating, not sleeping, etc. he is acting fine and thinks this is a good thing that happened so now we know i was "just made wrong" and now i'm "fixed". i feel broken and lost and useless. he hasn't cried once or shared any genuine feelings with me. he's even giving me a hard time about taking some anti-anxiety pills due to post traumatic stress from the surgery 3 weeks ago. he says they just hide the cause of the feelings and won't fix the problem (the bad feelings i have that he doesn't think i should have in the first place). at first i thought all this would bring us closer, but now i feel like we're not on the same page. i'm terrified to try again and he's pushing to move forward.
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  #10  
April 16th, 2009, 04:46 PM
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um... i found out a few days ago that my levels were so low that i had already miscarried or would in the future (**** lab lady could have cared less). my doctor never even called me to discuss options if there are any. my boyfriend only asked if i was ok (he was in the car with me when i got the call) of course i told him i was fine since i didnt want to break down when we were on the way to make matters worse and see our friends new born at the hospital. he hasnt said a word about it since. my mother acts like it never happened after all she acted like was never pregant in the first place. my sister well she could have cared less in the first palce. the only person to so any type of care for me is my aunt who checks on me daily.
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  #11  
April 16th, 2009, 09:52 PM
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I guess it would be a friend of mine. I was pregnant with my third and she knew I was very sad after I had the curette. The day after my curette (so two days after finding out there was no heartbeat) she emailed a photo to everyone of her three kids entitled 'My Trio'. While I know she sent it to everyone, I felt really hurt that she'd sent it to me the day after my loss, because I felt like I just had a miscarriage and lost the third part of what would have been MY trio (if i'm making sense!?)

However the thought probably didn't even cross her mind so I think it was unintentional, just a little thoughtless I guess.
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  #12  
April 17th, 2009, 11:33 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Some of the girls in my old pregnancy group. When Ethan's condition was diagnosed as terminal, we chose to induce delivery to spare his suffering rather than just waiting for him to die and be born stillborn. While most of the group was supportive, some of the girls were extremely critical, saying that I should be praying for a miracle instead of listening to the experts. A few even called me a monster. Ironically, they are all hard-core pro-choice liberals. Every pro-lifer in the group was extremely supportive. But others in the group were really scared about my loss, so they asked me to leave. That was hard, because I really needed support right then, but I can understand how my experience is scary to pregnant chicks.

But as far as the judgemental chicks go, it's been 10 weeks and I'm still pretty f#*^% pissed about it.
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  #13  
April 17th, 2009, 05:28 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My Mom was the one who just went on like nothing happened. It was hurtful and very confusing for me at the time. Looking back now I think she just didn't know how to help me. I think she just felt helpless. Now she when she talks about grandchildren she always adds Annika.
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