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I can't do this :(


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 7th, 2009, 05:48 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I just need to say, I know that I am by far not the only mother who will be hurting on Sunday. I'm not trying to make this all about me, I just need to get this out, and I believe that you are the only people who will truly understand it.

I never imagined that my first mother's day without my angel would be so hard. I guess I didn't really think about it at all. But the closer it gets, the more I dread it.

Usually, even though losing Autumn will always hurt, I can cling to the positive. I tell myself that one day, when the time is right, I will have my babies. I know in my heart that I am a mommy. But that's all being ripped apart in the face of the reality that I should NOT have to be making plans to TTC in the future, and trying to be positive.

I can't just pretend to be happy for other people. I can't imagine even picking up the phone and calling my sisters. I was supposed to have something to celebrate this year. My belly should have been huge, and I should have spent the day feeling my little girl kick. Instead, I will be forgotten. Kicked aside by society because my baby died.

I can't be positive, I can't DO positive things on that day. It just hurts too much
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Last edited by ..Penelope..; May 7th, 2009 at 05:56 PM.
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  #2  
May 7th, 2009, 05:53 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I understand honey. I wish I could do something to take your pain away. It is ok for you not to do anything on Sunday if you don't want to. I am so sorry.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
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  #3  
May 7th, 2009, 06:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I completely understand how you feel. This should be my first Mother's Day as a mom. Instead it's my second to my dead baby. And you want to know what makes this even worse? Sunday is my birthday. I think I'll probably get some wine and spend Sunday intoxicated or something.

we DO understand here so don't feel bad for posting.
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  #4  
May 7th, 2009, 07:24 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im so sorry, your right though, I understand your pain. You will hopefully have someone remember you on mothers day. Hopefully someone close to you will realize what a wonderful mother you already are. Just remember that only a mother can feel this kind of greif, no one else can. You should not be forgotten on that day, we all here will certainly be thinking of you on Mothers Day.
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  #5  
May 7th, 2009, 07:37 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I'm in the same boat, I wish I could offer some words of encouragement other than that for once, I think that we will be very happy for Monday to roll around.
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  #6  
May 7th, 2009, 07:41 PM
megal40's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh hun. I am crying. I should have a rapidly growing belly too. I am blessed for what I have but it doesn't ease the pain of the loss. I will think about you and all the other PL mommies on Sunday.
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  #7  
May 7th, 2009, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
I completely understand how you feel. This should be my first Mother's Day as a mom. Instead it's my second to my dead baby.
ditto...

It will be hard...espeically since people didn't know about the pregnancy. And those who knew, said I was "lucky" that I miscarried. I will mourn in my heart, and smile on the outside so I don't ruin my own mom's mother's day.
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  #8  
May 7th, 2009, 09:04 PM
lmunoz8517's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awww hunnie. you will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend. Take the day just for you, read a book, catch up on a hobby and try to be positive. Remeber Autumn is in heaven with all our angels wishing you a happy mothers day. Make it a good day in honor of her. She gave you the chance to be a mom and you deserve to enjoy it. And if you need to vent just vent away, we are all here for you
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  #9  
May 8th, 2009, 02:33 AM
FruitLoopLace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just wanted to say I am sorry for you loss....
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  #10  
May 8th, 2009, 05:42 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, ladies I'm crying like a baby and I have to go to work in 20 minutes.
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  #11  
May 8th, 2009, 08:52 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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oh Penelope we all so understand what you're going through right now...HUGE HUGS to you! There's nothing that will make up for losing our babies...and i'm dreading this mother's day because it coincides (within a few days) of my EDD...I had hoped to be celebrating this mother's day with my lo in my arms
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  #12  
May 8th, 2009, 10:43 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L-SBB View Post
oh Penelope we all so understand what you're going through right now...HUGE HUGS to you! There's nothing that will make up for losing our babies...and i'm dreading this mother's day because it coincides (within a few days) of my EDD...I had hoped to be celebrating this mother's day with my lo in my arms
That was me that first year. I was due ON Mother's Day. Instead of holding a two week old baby, I had empty arms. It was so hard.

I'm sorry honey! You can make it through. Stay inside if you can.
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  #13  
May 8th, 2009, 01:43 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, Lara and Brittanie I'm so sorry that your EDD's were close to mother's day
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  #14  
May 8th, 2009, 04:45 PM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I so understand what you are feeling!! I'm so sorry!
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  #15  
May 8th, 2009, 05:07 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, honey <3
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  #16  
May 8th, 2009, 06:25 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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I remember my first mothers day without my angel...I too should have been feeling my little boy kick and move but I just felt the emptiness. My SIL sent me a card that was so sweet that it made me cry....she was the only one that remembered that I was a mom.
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  #17  
May 8th, 2009, 08:47 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry for your loss, honey. I know that I'm getting a card from my sister. She has had losses of her own in the past, so I know that she understands what I'm going through. I'm so thankful for her.
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  #18  
May 9th, 2009, 09:05 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry P.... I understand what you are going through. I thought I would be ok with mothers day since it is Kyles birthday celebration and I have my boys. Yet I sit here crying for the baby I will never get to hold.

Many, Many Hugs for tomorrow.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #19  
May 9th, 2009, 12:49 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you, Missy. *HUGS*

It looks like if I feel well enough, we'll be going to J's parents' house for dinner and/or his brother's soccer game. I don't know if that will be better or worse then hiding in the house
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  #20  
May 9th, 2009, 02:54 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by penelope101 View Post
Thank you, Missy. *HUGS*

It looks like if I feel well enough, we'll be going to J's parents' house for dinner and/or his brother's soccer game. I don't know if that will be better or worse then hiding in the house
On one level, it might be a good thing. Especially the soccer game. It'd be good to just not think about what day it is. But dinner at the parent's house? I don't know, can you pretend it's his mom's birthday or something?
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