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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 13th, 2009, 09:32 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You have been on my mind all day. I know your taking this very hard and wanted to see how your doing physically and mentally. We are here for you when your ready.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #2  
May 14th, 2009, 05:36 AM
FruitLoopLace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am better, I think. When it seems I am getting through, I seem to feel worse. I still hacent m/c yet, and I dont feel like I belong here, or anywhere. I am a lady carrying around a dead fetus, that is what I am, I cant think of it any other way, its terrible, it makes me sick, i hate it just hanging around in there. I feel as if my body is stupid. I want this over, and since I do, my body is refusing. I am fet up. I dont know what to do. I just hate myself right now. I am trying to pretend it has never happend, of course that doesnt work, everyday, someone asks, "how I am feeling in the fist tri" I say, nothing, there isnt a first tri, the baby had no heartbeat. I had to call the WIC office and tell them that the baby had no HB, and they put a STUPID DUMB IDIOTIC person on the phone! she asked if she could help me, I asked if Ihad to come in, because the baby had no HB. She said which baby, I said the one I am carrying! She was referring to my 5month old! Would I just say that his HB stopped???NOOO!!! She said, so what do you mean it stopped, I said it quite! I am waiting to bleed! whatelse do need to knw?!! oh well, no you dont have to then. OMG!! I was balling by the time I got off the phone! I have to pic up the voulchers for my son today at that office, and I plan to make it CLEAR if anyone asks what is going on. And I will be JUST as NOT understanding or nice as THEY want to be. ANGER, I think it is my middle name. I hate this, I cant fathom using any other words than I HATE THIS.
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  #3  
May 14th, 2009, 06:10 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: illinois
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Have you thought about calling your dr. and asking for something to make this go quicker? They can prescribe something to get things started for you. I know the feeling of carrying a baby that has no heart beat, alot of us here do. It is so hard and the only thing you want is to have it done with so you can move on from the anger to greiving. Maybe you could discuss with your dr a d&c as well, sometimes even if they feel your a good canidate for a natural m/c, we cant mentaly wait for that to happen, I knew I could not wait, I needed it out right then and there. Your right though, we cant just wake up and pretend it never happened. I wish I could make this pain/anger you are feeling go away though, please call your dr and let them know that you cannot handle this mentally and need it to progress. We are here for you, please just come back and talk to us, we do understand your anger, really.......
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #4  
May 14th, 2009, 10:06 AM
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I know how you are feeling! It's terrible! My body had already absorbed my baby (whose heartbeat I saw at 7 weeks) but was not recognizing it enough for things to pass. The Dr. gave me misoprostol to take twice and it contracted my uterus and
I think most has passed. That was Monday and my body is still working on getting rid of everything, but I truly feel the misoprostol made it go faster.

I feel terrible for you! It is such an awful thing to experience! Talk to your doctor and see what they can do for you.
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  #5  
May 14th, 2009, 01:25 PM
FruitLoopLace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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he told me to wait two weeks when I say him monday, and I think the reason is because I was on progestrone up till monday, so that would give my body time to just come down off of the progestrone and the HCG, and in the mean time, i have had stupid thoughts, and this is why i cant call..... part of me is crying to God that is still was to early and that there is hope, I know I am being ridiculous. I want it done, but I dont want it to end,. torcher, this is just torcher..... I will wait my two weeks, plead for a ANOTHER U/S, not to hurt myself, but to know that I even tried more, I dont know!!! I am becoming a freakin lunitic.
Last night I dreamed of the M/C, and the smalled feet I ever seen.I bought me some lavender Flowers,but only I know what they are for, they wont last, but I plan to keep the dryed ones that died. I thought i was done crying ,and everytime I have ONE MOMENT to think, I think about this pregnancy, i go back to the DDC and scan through the posts, I am thanking God all the babies there are safe, and then again, I am asking why me? I wanted this so badly, my first pregnancy without medictation in 14yrs. I am just devastated,.I want to try RIGHT away again, even though I wasnt even trying before, then my mind and heart says no, I need to loose weight, and get off insulin, I am the cause for this.I know am....
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  #6  
May 14th, 2009, 02:26 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FruitLoopLace View Post
he told me to wait two weeks when I say him monday, and I think the reason is because I was on progestrone up till monday, so that would give my body time to just come down off of the progestrone and the HCG, and in the mean time, i have had stupid thoughts, and this is why i cant call..... part of me is crying to God that is still was to early and that there is hope, I know I am being ridiculous. I want it done, but I dont want it to end,. torcher, this is just torcher..... I will wait my two weeks, plead for a ANOTHER U/S, not to hurt myself, but to know that I even tried more, I dont know!!! I am becoming a freakin lunitic.
Last night I dreamed of the M/C, and the smalled feet I ever seen.I bought me some lavender Flowers,but only I know what they are for, they wont last, but I plan to keep the dryed ones that died. I thought i was done crying ,and everytime I have ONE MOMENT to think, I think about this pregnancy, i go back to the DDC and scan through the posts, I am thanking God all the babies there are safe, and then again, I am asking why me? I wanted this so badly, my first pregnancy without medictation in 14yrs. I am just devastated,.I want to try RIGHT away again, even though I wasnt even trying before, then my mind and heart says no, I need to loose weight, and get off insulin, I am the cause for this.I know am....
I did that same thing. We confirmed she didn't have a heartbeat via ultrasound, she wasn't moving, but yet as I was in labor and pushing...I just wanted her to surprise everyone and cry when she was born. I think we all think that. We just don't want this reality.



I do NOT think that you are the reason for it honey. I don't believe that for an instant.
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  #7  
May 14th, 2009, 02:30 PM
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I can understand wanting it to be done. I was hoping for a D&C but he didn't do one. The waiting is just a terrible process! You're not a lunatic at all! If I were in your shoes I would want an ultrasound too! Sure if there is nothing there it will be heartbreaking, but you need it for yourself.

I go back to our DDC too and read through the threads. It kills me that this is happening to us, but I am so happy for the other mommies to be in there! But I do think why me? I know miscarriage is common, but why me?

You put into words exactly how I feel. We were trying, but I do feel like I want to start trying as soon as possible, but the Dr. recommended waiting 3 cycles, mainly so I can lose some weight first.

You did not cause this! I know that it is so easy to blame yourself, but you did not cause this. I can't say it enough, you did not cause this! But feeling like you did is totally normal!
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  #8  
May 14th, 2009, 06:46 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so painful emotionally and hurtful. When my midwife confirmed my baby was dying I just screamed this horrible sound and told her she must be wrong, there must be some kind of hope. I was desperately trying to not believe this was true.

I wish there was some magic cure for the emotional pain we go through.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #9  
May 14th, 2009, 07:28 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I too wanted one more u/s. When I asked my dr. for one he told me that radiology has already confirmed with the u/s doppler read that there is no h/b. I asked if it were 100% and he said yes, no mistaking it. If it were on his u/s machine, he would have to order the radioloigst to confirm with the doppler they have built in. I dont know what kind of u/s you had, but if it was not done by the radiologist, then definetely get one. If it was done by the hospital/radiologist then you can asume they were accurate. I hope this helps, I know how hard this is and your not crazy for wanting to make sure 100% before you do anything that may finalize this process. You did not do anything to cause this either. Just because your a bit overweight and take insalin (msp), does not mean anything. Many women get pregnant like you and have healthy pregnancies, and so will you! Do whats right for your body/health and please know that you will one day soon hold your little one.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #10  
May 14th, 2009, 08:48 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's so sad to hear you hurting so much. All the emotions and crazy feeling-I remember being right there. I just wished everyone was wrong and I'd end up with a healthy little girl.
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  #11  
May 14th, 2009, 09:29 PM
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This whole loss thing is such a mess isn't it! I'm going back to school tomorrow for my last final and I have been crying all night. Like I am afraid to go back to the real world without DH!
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  #12  
May 18th, 2009, 05:35 PM
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I just want to cry, i really feel your pain and it must be so hard waiting. *big hugs to you*
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Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
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