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Mourning the Loss of my DDC


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 14th, 2009, 12:08 PM
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I started to get sad this morning as I lurked in my old DDC. Sad for me because I was so excited about going through this pregnancy with them! I'm sad to lose them! I know I'll get pregnant again and I know I'll join a new DDC filled with awesome women, but I am sad to lose the ones I had gotten to know! Geez this miscarrying this is chock full of emotions!
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  #2  
May 14th, 2009, 01:56 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: illinois
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I still lurk in my old DDC, I missed them alot more in the first few weeks after m/c, but now I feel home here and in the TTCAL room. I guess we miss them in the beginning because we feel that we dont fit anywhere yet. Soon hopefully, you will move on to TTCAL room and feel at home again.......
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  #3  
May 14th, 2009, 03:40 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
I miss my old pg group a lot too (it was not on JM). But I had to leave because some of them were cruel. I can never go back. I do keep up with some of the girls through Facebook. So I value the friends here and on the stillbirth board, and I am hoping to enjoy whatever DDC I end up in with the next pregnancy.
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  #4  
May 14th, 2009, 03:56 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I'm like Rebecca, I didn't find JM until after I lost Cora. But I can imagine what it's like, to see all those ladies, to try to be happy for them when you're hurting for yourself.

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  #5  
May 14th, 2009, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
I'm like Rebecca, I didn't find JM until after I lost Cora. But I can imagine what it's like, to see all those ladies, to try to be happy for them when you're hurting for yourself.

That's the odd part. I thought if I continued to lurk I would be upset, but I'm not. I do think "why me" occasionally but not towards them. I am so happy for them and I am living vicariously through them right now! I was excited to go through pregnancy with them.

I have joined the TTCAL board. My Dr. said to wait 3 cycles before TTC, and we will, but I want to start right now. I know that isn't possible, I haven't finished m/c yet! But it feels like that is the only thing that will make this better, to try again.
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  #6  
May 14th, 2009, 04:47 PM
FruitLoopLace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wish I new how to support you, I just can say I understand. I am just going through the same as you know, and I dont see how to cut through it,so I have no advice but hope you get to feeling better, and I am sorry for your loss
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  #7  
May 14th, 2009, 05:10 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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Oh hun, I know how you feel. I still lurk in my DDC, and while sometimes it makes me sad, I just can't imagine not knowing what is going on with the wonderful ladies who supported me and were there for me for 3 months. And some days, I feel like if I ever do make it into another DDC, it just won't be the same.
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  #8  
May 14th, 2009, 06:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FruitLoopLace View Post
I wish I new how to support you, I just can say I understand.
And that is what makes me feel better. You ladies understand and I am not alone!
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  #9  
May 14th, 2009, 07:29 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I lurked for a while because I cared and thought they were "my friends". It hurt me more that none of them wrote to check on me, see if I was ok. When I lost the baby they all dropped me like a disease. Maybe I am just being selfish about the whole thing. I stopped going in there.

Lori - I am sorry you are here with me but so greatful at the same time.
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  #10  
May 14th, 2009, 07:46 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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I felt the exact same way when I left the May '09 DDC...except I remember feeling particularly sad at how everyone else's life moved on so quickly - it's tough to grasp how that's possible when you feel like your whole world has been devastated.

And I still lurk there now that the babies are all being born...my EDD is tomorrow and I'm sure i'll go in to torture myself just a bit to see who actually gives birth on *my* day.

I hope you have an easier time with the DDC than I have - but I think (for me) lurking made me dwell more on my loss. Both PL and TTCAL have been tremendous support groups for me and i'm glad you found them too.

Lara
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  #11  
May 14th, 2009, 08:22 PM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I still lurk and it kills me. I like to see how all the girls are doing but I also want to see what would be happening to me if I was still there. I look at their baby bump pics as well. I tear up every time. I don't know why I do it, I can't help it.
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  #12  
May 14th, 2009, 08:57 PM
lmunoz8517's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I still lurk in my old ddc (Sept) even though I am in a new one now. It actually helps me to see them prgoressing because I know that it will be in a few months where they are now.
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  #13  
May 14th, 2009, 09:51 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think many of the ladies still continue to lurk. It's like that final link that keeps you connected to your baby.
I joined after I lost Annika but I know I would check out the DDC that I should have been a part of. I just wanted to see what there babie s were doing so I'd know what she would be doing too. I'm happy for them but I would always go away a bit empty feeling.
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  #14  
May 14th, 2009, 10:05 PM
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It does make me sad, but what I just realized is it also gives me hope. Quite a few members of the Dec. DDC have had losses as well so it gives me hope that I will experience a normal full term pregnancy!
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  #15  
May 15th, 2009, 07:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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I wanted to give you a big hug. I understand, I lurked in the May(09) DDC until a few days ago. My DD was yesterday along with the 6th anniversery of the loss of our first baby together. I am happy for all of them for their births but for me it was time to move on and support the ladies of my current DDC and grieve the three angels that have been lost in there the last few weeks. TTCAL and PAL was great support for me. At first it does feel like a second loss because you lost the people you were sharing something special with but then you start to hang out with others who now understand you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  #16  
May 15th, 2009, 07:50 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nickjonmom View Post
At first it does feel like a second loss because you lost the people you were sharing something special with but then you start to hang out with others who now understand you.
Wow, when you put it that way it puts a whole new perspective on things. Thanks for sharing that, you helped me.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #17  
May 17th, 2009, 09:57 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nickjonmom View Post
At first it does feel like a second loss because you lost the people you were sharing something special with but then you start to hang out with others who now understand you.
You're right. It was so hard for me to leave my DDC, because even though I had only been there for a few weeks, it DID feel like a second loss. And I felt so...adrift...no longer feeling like I belonged in a place where I had spent so much time, sharing the excitement and happiness of being pregnant. Then I found WTTC and PL, and even though it still hurts to no longer belong in my old DDC, I'm ok. I found two new communities, full of wonderful, caring ladies.

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  #18  
May 20th, 2009, 04:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missy123 View Post
I lurked for a while because I cared and thought they were "my friends". It hurt me more that none of them wrote to check on me, see if I was ok. When I lost the baby they all dropped me like a disease. Maybe I am just being selfish about the whole thing. I stopped going in there.

Lori - I am sorry you are here with me but so greatful at the same time.
I'm so sorry you felt hurt by your DDC. I have to think that they move on fairly quickly from the losses because it's a scary feeling for every single woman there to read about a loss and they don't want to dwell on it because it makes them scared to think of it happening to them. (I know that doesn't help you though). I went to look on mine once and even clicking on the link made me feel upset - for me it's just something I can do.
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