Log In Sign Up

Omg how could he say this to me...


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnancy Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 18th, 2009, 05:53 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
I just lost my baby a week ago. Saturday me and my kids were going to there grandmothers with my boyfriend we were talking about it, and he told me that it wasn't even a baby yet that's why he isnt emtional about all this ect... Then i told him all about wednessday night when it ended, how i could have flushed my own baby down the toliet. He made a hole joke out of it and said now he is down there swimming with the fishies. This is all a joke to him, and then he said he wished he could see it (the baby) he said it would have been neat. I wish he cared alittle bit more/lot more then he does. This is my first m/c this is hard on me.
__________________











Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 18th, 2009, 07:16 PM
Veteran
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 467
maybe that is how he copes?
I dont even know what to say, I would of gone crazy at my husband if he said that.
I think I may of even punched him! Possibly even many times.

Im so sorry your not feeling supported.
__________________
ME (27) DH (28)

Our Lilly 1/03/09
Forever playing in the rose garden

Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 18th, 2009, 07:37 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Wow, that's harsh. It doesn't sound like he was connected at all... I'm so sorry you have no support.
__________________



2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
~*~ My Blog ~*~
Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 18th, 2009, 07:40 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
That is really rough honey. I am sorry for your loss and sorry that he does not understand at all. You have us, we are here for you.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 18th, 2009, 09:21 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
I don't know he copes in weird way's sometimes. He said he wouldnt get attached cause it wasnt real unlike if the baby was already born . Well it was real it had a heartbeat thats pretty real if u ask me.
__________________











Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 19th, 2009, 05:04 AM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Iowa
Posts: 23,408
Send a message via Yahoo to MountainMomma
I think it's harder for men to connect to a baby in early pregnancy and therefore harder for them to understand how hard it hits us. It could also be that this is how he has to act to cope. I'm not saying it's right, but everyone does cope differently. I would try talking to him and explaining how hurt you were by his comments.
__________________

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my new siggy!


Click on my blinkies to tour some of my favorite boards!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 19th, 2009, 08:50 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
I'm so sorry, honey

I agree with Stephanie, maybe if you talked to him and explained how much his comments hurt you, you'll find that that was his way of trying to cope, and that he didn't mean to cause you pain. Either way, I think he owes you an apology.
__________________




Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009

Visit
BeaMade for unique, adorable, high quality handmade crochet hats and booties, velcro free soother clips and soft sole baby boots.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
May 19th, 2009, 01:59 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,681

I'm sorry he is speaking that way to you.
I know that often men don't actually get attacked to the baby until it is born, where women often start thinking of it as a baby as soon as they learn they are pregnant. Also, some people use humor as a coping mechanism. I know my best friend does. The more serious and "upsetting" the situation, the more inappropriate her jokes become. Maybe that is just how he is coping? Regardless of the reason, though, he should recognize your feelings, too.
__________________
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

Reply With Quote
  #9  
May 19th, 2009, 02:05 PM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,453
I am so sorry!! I don't think men understand. We are here for you!!
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #10  
May 19th, 2009, 02:59 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,262
Wow, thats a tuff one. Obviously he has no children? Cant see how anyone, especially a father would joke about that. Im so sorry, that was very inapropriate.
__________________
Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

Reply With Quote
  #11  
May 19th, 2009, 07:45 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, Oregon
Posts: 7,100
Send a message via AIM to SheilaRN
WOW- I can see how that could/would cut real deep. I don't think men always get how something like a loss can really impact us. Sometimes they say stuff and think it's really not a big deal. Im sure it's because they haven't had the emotional attachment like we get.
Im so sorry he said that to you. Have you talked to him to let him know how his words hurt you?
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:19 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0