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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 23rd, 2009, 03:32 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I remember the first few months of my loss as being in kind of a haze. Except for the aching bitterness I had for others who were pg or had a new baby.

How are you all feeling right now?
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  #2  
May 23rd, 2009, 04:51 PM
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It's been 2wks since mine, im not really sure how i feel. I havent even cryed over this or nothing, I do feel pain when my mother talk's about my nephews baby (who will be born in oct). To me it's like this was all a bad dream i think the hole when i lost baby just gave me a shock that i just can't experise (sp?) right now or what.
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  #3  
May 23rd, 2009, 05:04 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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I'm not sure if bitter is the word I'd use... but I'm definitely a bit jealous.... my cousin's baby shower is tomorrow and I was helping to plan and host it. Its 5 hours away, and the plan was to be at my parents house this weekend.... but now I'm not traveling for obvious reasons (its only been a week since my surgery), so I obviously am not attending the shower. I'm happy for my cousin, but I don't think I could handle hosting a baby shower yet.
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  #4  
May 23rd, 2009, 07:51 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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At the beginning, I was incredibly bitter toward some people. I still struggle with that in response to certain situations.
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  #5  
May 24th, 2009, 06:42 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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In the beginning, I was really bitter. I had a lot of misplaced anger towards my cousin, who spent 8 weeks in the hospital but eventually had a healthy son. Now I'm more sad than angry. I do get frustrated at my pregnant friends when they complain about how hard it is to be 7 months pregnant. But I would never say anything. Just because we lost Ethan doesn't mean it doesn't suck to be as big as a house and peeing every 5 minutes. It's just a little hard to really sympathize.
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  #6  
May 24th, 2009, 09:08 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm a LOT less bitter than I used to be... though I still get it now and then. I hate that feeling, but some days it just overwhelms me. I don't even feel sad a whole lot lately. Not numb really either, though I was for a long while. Now I'm just kind of in this state of suspended emotion.... just waiting until I decide what I feel. LOL
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  #7  
May 25th, 2009, 10:04 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My feelings are mixed and all over the place. Sometimes I feel good and hopeful for the future and sometimes suspended in this feeling of loss, anger, and sadness. It has only been 6 weeks so I do understand I need to give it more time. I won't ever be the same but at least I am learning to deal with my emotions a little better.
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  #8  
May 26th, 2009, 06:44 AM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My feelings are all over the place too. When it 1st happened I think I was in total denial (which is usually how I handle things). Now, as the days go by it's getting harder for me not easier. DH is trying his hardest to be supportive but I just don't think he understands. He says things to me like "everything happens for a reason" or "our time will come". I know he means well but those are just empty words that really don't make me feel better.

Thanks for letting me vent!
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  #9  
May 26th, 2009, 11:26 AM
Momeejenjen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am alot less bitter, but still bitter for the most part. It's a hard pill to swallow for me a lot but I think most of that has to do with the fact that DH and I have been actively trying for 7 months and now I'm on fertility meds and it's just hard when people tell me "opps.. we're pregnant".. I wish it was that easy to get pregnant for me
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  #10  
May 26th, 2009, 01:55 PM
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I was bitter and angry for many years, I was bitter at people who didn't want kids having them and angry at my body.
It doesn't completely go away after you have a child either, but it gets better. I still get bitter toward women(drug users, ect..) who don't take care of their unborn babies and the baby is the one who suffers.

When pregnant I try not to complain but there's instances where I do not because I'm not grateful but my body has a tough time being pregnant(lots of not so fun complications like swelling starting at 17 wks, preterm births).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momeejenjen View Post
I am alot less bitter, but still bitter for the most part. It's a hard pill to swallow for me a lot but I think most of that has to do with the fact that DH and I have been actively trying for 7 months and now I'm on fertility meds and it's just hard when people tell me "opps.. we're pregnant".. I wish it was that easy to get pregnant for me
Yeah the whole OPPS thing always got to me. And the ones "OMG!, I'm pregnant what am I going to do".

Last edited by ftnjn; May 26th, 2009 at 01:59 PM.
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  #11  
May 26th, 2009, 09:01 PM
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we lost Katrina in August 2008 and I was extremely bitter for a few months afterward. I couldn't stand being around any pregnant women or newborn babies. It was tough and I was an emotional mess.

I have learned how to deal with it now and I don't feel as much bitterness or anger, but I do get sad quite a bit. Now it's more due to the fact that whenever I see a young baby about her age it just tears me up inside. Katrina should be about 5 months (if she had gone full term) and it makes me so sad to wonder what she would look like or if I would be having sleepless nights and what I would be doing or going with her during the day (since I should be on mat leave).
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  #12  
May 27th, 2009, 11:42 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Oh I'm a whole big ball of bitter. Always have been, expect to always be.

I do have the ability to be happy for people however. Currently one of my closest friends is waiting for pregnancy confirmation (numbers are in the 200's but can't find the sac), and I am happy for her... but extremely jealous and bitter at the same time. But my bitterness will NOT affect me and our relationship, because it's not her fault that I've lost babies (she has too).

I've spoken to numerous thearpists and they all say I handle it well and in my own way. It doesn't consume me, so I just take it a day at a time.

My mother laughs at me, I threaten to delete facebook the next time someone gets pregnant... and then whine a month later when 5 more people have announced and I still have facebook. I'm almost out of friends to have babies though... next the gay ones will be having them.. then I will be a whole big ball of bitter
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  #13  
May 27th, 2009, 12:30 PM
going4it's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm not bitter so much as jealous. I guess it's still fresh for me. I don't blame people for having babies and having a good pregnancy, I just want it for ME also. Is that so bad? Only problem is that this was a last chance pregnancy for us. I can't look to the future for my next baby, because he/she won't be there......
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  #14  
May 27th, 2009, 09:33 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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I definately felt bitter for a long time after my losses.. my last loss was Jan 6 2008 - and I'm definately a lot better now, but I still have days where I look at pregnant women, feeling jealous - and that strikes me as weird considering I *have* had a child
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  #15  
May 28th, 2009, 07:59 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi Emma! It is great to hear from you (too bad it is in this room). Was it hard for you to be a mommy host to a DDC when you were feeling this way? Did it add to your emotions or help you heal?
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #16  
May 28th, 2009, 09:47 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I still see pregnant women and think geez I bet they have no idea how precious and how easily it can all be taken away. I lost mine three months ago and friends are still having theirs, while I am so happy for them it makes me so sad that I lost mine. I think this emotion is totally normal.
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  #17  
May 28th, 2009, 10:37 AM
Laydii_cintah's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've been bitter. I try not to be because I'm grateful for my two boys. Some women can never even get a positive. The one's that make me mad are the druggies, or people who don't want to be pregnant or want their babies. It kills me. I have a friend who doesn't want to be pregnant but might be. Sometimes we can talk about it and it won't affect me. Well last night I had to get off the phone with her because I couldn't keep talking about this, especially after having a moment and grieving my unborn child.
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