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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 26th, 2009, 08:58 PM
Sincat's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 771
Hi,
I'm kinda new to this forum ~ I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in March (I posted my story in "D&C Experiences if you would like to read). It was a horrible experience...probably the worst thing I've ever been though. I've been going through this emotional roller coaster ever since ~ I just don't know what to do or what to feel. Sometimes I feel nothing. I don't know when or even if I want to try again. I'm afraid of having another miscarriage if I do get pregnant again. I wonder if I'm ready for everything. Being pregnant was one of the best times in my life ~ I was so happy. Scared about the future...but happy. Now I just feel so depressed & so confused. It's not easy for me to put into words the feelings that I have so sorry for rambling...I guess I'm just trying to find out if what I feel is normal & if you ladies have any advice for me. Thanks.
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  #2  
May 26th, 2009, 09:09 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
I dont really have any advice for you, i had my frist m/c 3wks ago. and i am feeling the same way, i find it hard to concerate (sp?) on everything and feel the need to do nothing you will even catch me staring into space now and then.
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  #3  
May 26th, 2009, 09:12 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,374
Mandi, welcome here and Im sorry you are feeling so lost. I remember when you lost your little one back in March, and just wanted to say that what you are feeling is so normal. I lost my baby on April 2, and this is the start of my 2nd. cycle. I have no deep desire to try again as well. I dont think its cause I fear another m/c, but rather that the whole experience was so draining. I just want to enjoy my summer and let nature takes it course.

So many women feel like us, and others are desperate to concieve right away. I think it just depends on the person. There will come a time when your more mentally healed and the thought of a baby will over ride your fear of m/c. Sounds like you might be close and you are probably coming here for advice and some closure to your experience. We all start out this way, and the more you talk about it, the more the healing progesses. Were here for you, to talk about the whole experience or just bits and pieces that still weigh heavy on your mind.

Hugs to you
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  #4  
May 26th, 2009, 09:30 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
As far as whether or not what you are feeling is normal, well, just about anything is normal. In the comfort spot subforum there is a stickied thread called "The Mourner's Bill of Rights." It basically talks about what is okay for grieving. It's a really great read, I highly suggest it.

Mourner's Bill of Rights (Mourner's Bill of Rights)

Anyway, I think that there's a lot of confusion for the first several months after, and you can't do anything but wade through it.

Have we put your angel on our memorial list? If not, please add your information to the sticky and I'll get you on there.
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  #5  
May 26th, 2009, 09:41 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Dallas, Oregon
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What you are feeling is perfectly normal. many if not all us can relate to your fears and anxietys about ttc again.
I know when I had my loss I was devasted and went thru the same rollercoaster ride of emotions you spoke of. I also wanted desperately to ttc again but was overwhelmed that I would lose another baby. Instead of feeling the pressure of ttc right away I gave myself a time line. I knew I needed to heal emotionally but also was aware I wouldn't "heal" 100%.

So, I gave myself 6 mo's to move forward and feel like I was somewhat ready. Others take a few weeks, months or even wait a yr. It's different for everyone.
I can't say I was absolutely ready but I knew if I didn't try again then- I might not ever do it.
Now I have Ellie and couldn't be happier.

Ultimately, give yourself the space and time to grieve and heal. You deserve it.
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  #6  
May 27th, 2009, 12:52 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,553
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What you are feeling is absolutely 100% normal!

It's been almost 4 years (wow.. where does the time go) since my first loss, and even now, 4 years and a 2nd loss later, I still feel the same way. You go from ok, to hurt, to sad, to confused to angry.. and it can all happen in the span of 3 minutes or it can take a month to unfurl.

Just know you are normal. You are grieving the loss of a child, and that's nothing to take lightly or to push to have it finish. When you are ready to try again you will know it.

HUGS
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  #7  
May 27th, 2009, 03:24 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
For the first month I laid in bed and kind of went through the motions of life. I was so depressed and if it weren't for this board and especially Lori I don't know where I would be. I vented here and wrote Lori tons of emails. None of what I said really surprised anyone which amazed me. Everyone understood and most had felt at least some of what I went through.

As for TTC, I am half and half right now. I really want another baby all so much but at the same time my innocence about the whole thing is gone. I know the dark side of pregnancy, the side that no one talks about. The pain, the anguish, the hurt, the sadness, the anger, the depression, confusion and a million other feelings. We never felt like we were not guaranteed a beautiful baby to hold and raise before loss.

We are here for you as much as you need.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #8  
May 27th, 2009, 03:54 PM
Sincat's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 771
Thanks ladies, I really appreciate your comfort & kind words. What you said Missy123 really struck a chord with me. We have all lost our innocence in a way. I know it's going to take a while for me to step out of this darkness that's consuming me but I just can't help but feel a piece of me is dying in the process. I'm even starting to wonder what the meaning of my life is. Was this supposed to happen to me? Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'm not supposed to have children. I don't know. I'm just so lost & confused. I wish this emotional "fog" would lift so I could see the sun again.
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  #9  
May 28th, 2009, 10:13 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Everyone heals differently and there is no time frame for it. I look back to the last 6 weeks and realize I spent most of it in the fog... Not sure what I did but I know it was really painful. I am starting to have good half days and know that eventually I will have some full good days and moments of sadness. I have been fortunate to have a great support system both here and in real life to help get me through this.

I don't have an answer as to why we lost our babies ~ just really greatful that we have each other to lean on.

I know this is easier said than done but try not to put to much pressure on yourself to feel better. It is ok to feel whatever you are feeling at this moment. Don't count yourself out of motherhood because of your loss. (Unless a dr recommends it due to health reasons ect..)

I hope it gets easier for you, In the meantime you have all of us.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #10  
May 29th, 2009, 02:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,389
Your feelings are definitely normal. I definitely had that immediate feeling when I was grieving my baby, that I did not think I could go through this again. My m/c was two months ago and although I still have up and down days I can tell you that I have major baby fever - yes I'm scared, but I'm also excited and hopeful at the thought of being pregnant again.

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  #11  
May 29th, 2009, 05:26 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't really have any advice for you, because I'm going through a pretty rough time right now myself.

Thinking of you and your angel.
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Last edited by ..Penelope..; May 29th, 2009 at 05:34 PM.
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