Log In Sign Up

How would you feel?


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnancy Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 3rd, 2009, 09:43 AM
ldovey83's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,711
So yesterday I finally got an email from my step mom.. She just said she was checking up on me and was worried cause I hadn't wrote them, but they wanted to give me time since it was a painful time for me.. Well I wrote her back and told her that physically the bleeding had pretty much stopped and I was starting to heal emotionally and mentally.. Well then she goes on to say well what happened to the baby could they not tell you? and then said well we didn't know when to tell you this but your little brother Justin and his wife just told us they are expecting and she is due Jan24th.... I lost it... I thought it was so inconsiderate of her to tell me that after what I am still going through.. I would've been due two days before her... I was doing so well to until she mentioned that and I just broke down... Am I wrong for being mad about her telling me now? Lastnight I finally got some courage and wrote my SIL and told her congrats.. I told her I wasn't exactly excited being that I just lost my baby... Atleast I managed to pull it together to say congrats.. Sorry to make this long...
__________________
MY Angels: Angelbean5-28-09 Stickybean8-13-09 SweetAngel6-1-10 Raindrop8-13-10Surpriseling10-20-12
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 3rd, 2009, 11:24 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754

I am so sorry! My cousin was due the exact same day as my first loss. Fortunately, I didn't find out until a few months later, so I definitely can see why you are upset that your step mom told you so quickly, especially in the exact same e-mail where she was asking you how you were coping with your recent loss. The flip side, though, and not knowing you step mom and if she is normally a considerate person or not, I would imagine it was very difficult for her to decide if she should tell you or risk you finding out on your own some other way, which might make it hurt worse. I don't know. I do know that you have my deepest sympathies for what you are going through.
__________________
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 3rd, 2009, 12:25 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I think it's a tough situation. Truth is, you probably would be taking it hard anyway. And if they had waited to tell you...that hurts too. To have people avoid telling you things because they're not sure you can "handle" it. Part of me agrees with you, and totally understands why you are upset.

The other part of me thinks that at least she asked how you were doing and acknowledged that it would hard for you to hear the news before telling you.

So I don't know. I don't think there IS any "right way or time" since in the end...it's going to hurt no matter what.

You're totally within your right to feel the way you do. I just don't think that there would have been a better time, just a different one.
__________________
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog


Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 3rd, 2009, 12:34 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,342
just wanted to say that Im sorry for this news to of upset you. Im sure in your own given time, you will be happy for them and wish them well. There really is no "good" time to tell a family member about a pregnancy after one has lost one herself. My SIL called my DH one week after my loss and she was due 2wks behind me. She ended up loosing the baby too, and I felt awful for not having been excited for her. I know it was not humanly possible to do so, but still ended up with the guilt. She now understands my situation, but in reality, I wish she didnt have to go through a loss to understand.......
__________________
Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 3rd, 2009, 02:17 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
Send a message via MSN to JessP Send a message via Yahoo to JessP
I agree with the other ladies there is no right time. People try to be thoughtful but at the same time they aren't sure what you want to know and what you don't. My family sent me a baby shower invite three days after we lost ours. I told them I probably wouldn't make it. And they totally understood but just did not want me to feel left out because of what I was going through. I had another friend make a joke about pregnant women (his wife being prego at the time) and he was like you know what I mean jess? And we had to tell him what happened, he felt so bad. I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings but I totally understand the hurt you feel. Hugs.
__________________

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie
http://skinny-jessi.blogspot.com/


Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 3rd, 2009, 03:45 PM
scunch's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,118
I am sorry she did that to you . It seems sometimes that people expect you to be over things, because they do not realize the full realm of what has happened. I am sure she did not mean to be hurtful in any way. I co-hosted a baby shower for my SIL the week after my MC was diagnosed. It was heartwrenching for me, but I felt it was something I had to do.
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 3rd, 2009, 06:16 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
I think it's a tough situation. Truth is, you probably would be taking it hard anyway. And if they had waited to tell you...that hurts too. To have people avoid telling you things because they're not sure you can "handle" it. Part of me agrees with you, and totally understands why you are upset.

The other part of me thinks that at least she asked how you were doing and acknowledged that it would hard for you to hear the news before telling you.

So I don't know. I don't think there IS any "right way or time" since in the end...it's going to hurt no matter what.

You're totally within your right to feel the way you do. I just don't think that there would have been a better time, just a different one.


__________________




Missing our angel baby since Feb 7, 2009

Visit
BeaMade for unique, adorable, high quality handmade crochet hats and booties, velcro free soother clips and soft sole baby boots.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:24 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0