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It's about two in the morning & it pretty much just all hit me. I didn't cry at first because it was such a mind****...I don't even know if I can swear here. If I can't swear here, then I apologize. Believe it or not, I still have hope for my baby. I believe that this may all be a big mistake. I still feel very pregnant. I am not looking forward to telling my mother. My mother is a very cold person. I already know that she will tell me that my possible miscarriage was my fault & that will hurt me a thousand times more. I had an addiction problem for 3 years. I was clean for 1 year on March 23rd. Because of this, my mother will blame my possible miscarriage on me & nobody wants to hear that after they have just been told that they lost their little baby. Hope to get some support here. <3
I'll hope with you that they were somehow wrong, but I am so sorry you're going through this. It's not fair for anyone to lose their baby.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to listen to your mom if she does go that route. I think you are an amazingly strong person for overcoming your addiction problem. I've had several family members struggle with addiction and have seen how difficult it is for them.
Also, my parents said some things to me after my loss that were well-meaning but insinuated it was my fault (like we didn't wait a full cycle after I stopped taking the pill). It was so hurtful! I was a bit rude and told them to just stop talking about that because if I wanted to hear if something caused the loss, I only wanted to listen to my doctor.
Regargless of the toll the addiction took on your body, you were able to get pregnant. You've been clean for over a year. The vast majority of miscarriages are due to genetic abnormalities with the baby that were so severe nothing could have saved the baby. You didn't do this. There are women who struggle with addiction throughout their pregnancies and give birth to live babies. That, to me, is evidence that it is due more to the baby's genetics. The baby takes what it needs no matter what the mother is ingesting.
We're here for you, honey. This is not your fault. I can tell from your post that you love this baby with all your heart. You do not deserve this. We're here for you.
I am so very sorry for what you are going through! I hope & pray that they were wrong and your baby is still growing strong.
I'm so proud of you for being clean for 1 year. That is an AMAZING accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself.
I also want to stress to you that nothing you did caused you to lose your baby. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Even though it's hard to process at first you must member that.
I'm sorry to hear your mother is not a supportive person. Do you have any family that is going to be there for you or a SO or friend? We are here for you every step of the way but I would hate for you to have to be going through this alone with no support system at home.
Here is also a document I created that has a lot of information for questions you might have.
I think having that hope is normal. My loss was much later, and her stillness lead me to know before they told me, and I still had hope that she would cry when she was born. It wasn't to be, but I think we all want to believe that we fall into one of those rare misdiagnosis situations.
I'm sorry your mother is that way. I agree with the other ladies, it's not your fault. Please be gentle with yourself.
Sorry you are going through this. I was just thinking back on my loss and it has been almost8 years. I found out on a friday and the doctor scheduled my d&c for monday. I held out hope all weekend that they were wrong. It is such a hard time and I pray that you stay strong no matter what reaction you get from your mother.
Mom to Kristen (14) Hannah(12) and Brian (6 )