We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Ok. So I was pretty depressed this past weekend. I planned on getting my hair done, cleaning my house and running some important errands, maybe even a mani/pedi. I did none of these things. Instead, I stayed in bed- depressed and sleeping. My husband and I went for a walk last night and I was trying to explain how depressed I was, but he wasn't understanding. I mean he claims that he knows how I feel, but I don't think he does. I told him I was worried that all my eggs were bad and he got annoyed with me saying that I am always so negative and that I never look on the bright side of things. I said that when I do start to feel good about my life something always knocks me down. He again was annoyed and said that I am too negative.
Men grieve differently than women. I think that one of the hardest parts of the loss for them is seeing how much it affects us. I know that after the first loss DH said about how much it changed me. He to this day will tell you that I have been permanently altered from the loss. And he is right. The best advice I can give you is write out exactly how your feeling in a letter to your DH. I know that for me it's much easier to write out how I'm feeling than try to find the right words at the moment of the conversation. It then allows them to time to think of their reply too. It just helps overall for me.
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
Hii dear. i am also on same boat..i had a m/c dis jan..and that was really
heartbreaking for me and the worse case is dat my dh is not with me at that
time i was with my mom...and he is out of the country . my advise to you
is take your time ...whatever happence is God wish and he will going to bless
you soon ...don't be so depressed because it may affect your body,as you know
our thoughts in dis time can be create harmful to our harmonal system as
stress and negative thoughts is harmful coz dis time harmones are not in a
way like before..so plz think about yourself and your family and try not to
think anything negative
may God bless you
I have struggled a lot with depression too since my m/c. DH pretty much feels like, "I don't understand why you can't get over this." My mood affects him too, but right now there isn't really anything I can do about it, other than what I am doing, which is getting counseling and seeing my doctor for antidepressant medication. (I've been on medication for depression prior to the m/c though, so it's not new for me, just worse.)
You're going through the grieving process. Depression, anger, sadness, doubts, etc are all part of it. The best way out is through it. If you suppress/repress feelings now, you'll just have to revisit them later.
Even if your DH doesn't understand, it doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.
For me, losing a baby made me feel like the feeling of security or predictability of life fell apart. Now I feel like I can't count on anything to go the way it should. So that makes me think thoughts like, even when we are able to TTC again, I bet I won't be able to get pregnant, or maybe I'll have another m/c, etc...basically my faith in the good things happening is shot. I think that's just a natural response to the death of someone you love. Whether that someone is born yet or not.
I hope you can feel support and understanding here even if you aren't feeling it from your DH right now. Your DH just wants to fix things for you and make them all better, not realizing that's just not possible right now.
We're here for you!
I've been there. It's so hard to not worry and just trying to will yourself to be happy doesn't always work.
I went through the exact same feelings about worrying if we'd be able to get pregnant again or if we would continue to have miscarriages. Men do grieve differently, but how you are handling it is also perfectly normal. I think you're doing great with going back to work already and everything. I had 10 days off from work after my loss (school vacation) and all I did was be a lump on the couch. I couldn't even read and I have always loved to read. Nothing cheered me up, despite how hard DH tried.
I know it's hard, but allow yourself this time to grieve for your little one and try not to feel guilty about it. You're only a week removed from it. If you still feel the same in a couple of weeks then it may be time to get professional help, as long as you don't sink deeper before then.
Also, don't be surprised if it hits you at random times. My 4 month angelversary was yesterday and I cried for my little Christmas Angel. It doesn't go away, it just gets easier.
Last edited by Belita; April 24th, 2012 at 10:29 AM.
It's completely normal to feel this way. I'm close to 7 months post m/c and it still is depressing to me. It's a big hormonal/emotional process. I agree with PP that you need to work this now because it won't go away.
I don't think our SO's can really understand either. It's nice that they stay positive for us, but sometimes we just need to voice our fears. My DH even said to me (while driving me to OB the first day after spotting) "Don't worry, if we lose this one we can try again." He meant it as support but I wanted to punch him in the face!
I would say though not to completely let yourself go negative because you will become depressed and that's no good either. Do try to slip positive things in for every negative.