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In four days it will be a year since I became the mother of twins, 366 days since I became the mother of a surviving twin. Twelve months since I found out my beautiful baby B didn't have a heartbeat.
I thought I would hurt less now, but I miss my baby. I love Asher and am forever thankful for him, but I can't help but feel that I have an empty arm, an empty hip even an empty breast. I miss his twin. With every milestone he hits ever cute thing he does I find myself wondering what she would have been like, what we would have named her, even if my feelings were right and she was a she or if I would have instead had three boys to chase around and love.
I have had other miscarriages, but none with a constant reminder of what might have been.
I'm so sorry. I guess I never thought about how it could be even more painful if you had a living reminder of what you lost. A friend of mine had the same thing happen as you, was pregnant with twins and lost one. She has the joy of the one that lived but still grieves for the one she lost.
My heart goes out to you!
I'm so sorry. That must be really painful, despite all the happiness your boys bring you. I am feeling the same way right now--so grateful to have my DD, but also hurting for her lost little sibling. It's still all really new to me, so I'm sure certain realizations will keep hitting me as time goes on.
My father was a twin and his twin died at birth. My grandmother still says how much she misses him and wonders what he would be like. I know with my losses I ache for my babies and when I see a child the age mine should be it hurts so I can't imagine seeing your own child every day and knowing that he should have a brother/sister the same age. We are here for you hun.
*Thank you *kiliki* for my lovely siggy*
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
I can only imagine the kind of hurt it is when you lose a twin. That you can be happy for the one baby but still grieving the life of the little one you lost. People are telling me that I should just be happy for the baby I'm pregnant with now and how it was meant to be that I lost my Gabriel, so I can only imagine what you're hearing when you lost a twin. I hope it is easier with time, although I know you'll never forget your baby B.