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I never look in my old DDC because it is just too hard for me. I wasn't in there as long as you were with us, though, so I didn't have the bond. It's so hard to feel left behind. Nobody should have to feel this way. Unfortunately, it still hits me hard sometimes. Last week I had a day when I cried hysterically for an hour because my best friend who is due about 3 weeks before I was due posted a video on Facebook of her belly moving around from the baby and it was just too much of a visual reminder of where I should be. Just allow yourself to take the time to grieve your precious babies.
Maybe try doing something to commemorate your angels when you feel this way?
On my first month angelversary I went out and bought an angel at Hallmark for my Gabriel. It's a girl angel and I believe Gabriel was a boy, but it still is meaningful to me because it has the August birthstone and flowers (the month I was due in).
I also sometimes leave flowers for him at a special spot at the place where we got married, and even on the two month angelversary when we were in Florida we tossed a rose into the Gulf.
I never got to the point of adding people on Facebook when I had my loss either, so I can see why that makes it hard even if you don't look in the DDC. I'm purposely not posting as much about my pregnancy as I might otherwise because I know how much it sucks to see happily pregnant women on Facebook when you're suffering. I won't be offended if you hide me. I had to hide all pregnant women for a while, including my best friend.
To help you avoid seeing the DDC, do you know how to subscribe to forums? For each board there is a "Subscribe to This Forum" button under the name. Click on that and it'll set up the subscription for you. Once you've set up the subscriptions you can just view the boards you want to see by clicking on your UserCP. I do this because there are so many boards here. I very rarely look in the main board page.
Aimee! I wish I had the right words to say to take your pain away. I know for me that with time it did get easier to deal with. The pain still is there but it's not the raw pain it was right after my losses. I think for me with each loss the wounds got reopened and then it took time to heal them again.
Allow yourself to feel this way as it is a part of the grieving. I hope AF returns soon so you can start TTC again.
My Angels- 12-15-08 @ 13w3d♥ 05-09 @ 6w2d♥ & 2 Early Losses♥ Twins 9-7-10♥ & 10-2-10 ♥ 2/11/11
I won't hide anybody on facebook. It's a part of life and I have to face it. I'm truly happy for everyone who gets to experience the amazing miracle of carrying and having a child. I was lucky enough to do it three times. I know one day I will get my rainbow baby.
Aimee, I'm so sorry... I still have never found words that sufficiently express how heartbroken I am for you and anyone else that has to suffer through this & truly wish it would never happen to anyone ever again!
You will get your rainbow! I hope your AF comes soon so you can get started!