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January DDC Losses


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
June 25th, 2012, 01:02 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
Well ladies, I am moving over here from the January DDC. I know there were a lot of losses out of our group, so I thought maybe we could all share our stories together and help eachother since we are all due around the same time and may experience the grief stages together.

I was due 1/24/13. Found out on 6/22/12 (9 weeks) that my baby stopped growing at 6wk 1day and the sac is measuring 8 weeks. My Dr. has given me 4 weeks to deliver naturally and said at that point if nothing has happened we will need to do a D&C since this is a "missed miscarriage". Every day I pray that this was some sort of mistake and that if 4 weeks pass and nothing has happened, they will do one last ultrasound and realize this was all a huge nightmare, but sadly I know I am grasping at straws as they were very clear there is ZERO hope and it's a matter of time.

I am a crying emotional mess and my body still thinks I am pregnant, threw up twice today and still nauseous. I have had no cramping, spotting, any indication there was anything wrong until the ultrasound when it came as a shock. I pray that if this has to happen, it will hurry up and get over with it so the reality can set it. Right now I am jump back and forth between depression/weeping to anger at the injustice and unfairness of it.

This is my 2nd missed miscarriage, lost my first baby on 12/29/03, went on to have a healthy son in 2009, a daughter late in 2010, and now another loss.
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Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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  #2  
June 25th, 2012, 04:09 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I hope the physical process starts soon so you can begin to move forward emotionally.
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  #3  
June 25th, 2012, 08:39 PM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 796
I'm sorry. I also had a missed miscarriage in December. I'm pregnant again but it doesn't diminish the sadness that I feel about losing my daughter. The hard lesson I learned is that you can't replace one life with another. Each has their own unique place that can never be taken away. Again, I'm so sorry. We've all been there in this group. You are not alone.
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  #4  
June 26th, 2012, 05:19 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
I am also from the Jan EDD board.

I found out when nearly 11 weeks pregnant that my baby died at 8.5 weeks.

I am still in a dark place.
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  #5  
June 26th, 2012, 08:23 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Having others going through what your going through does help. We are here for you!
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  #6  
June 26th, 2012, 09:32 AM
KatieKat's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,570
I'm from the Jan DDC as well. I had a missed miscarriage and started bleeding a week ago, at 10.5 weeks.
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  #7  
June 26th, 2012, 06:28 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
I am in a dark place as well. I really don't deal well with death and loss. My best friend died 8 months ago and I had a miscarriage in 2003 that I am still not over. Right now I am just so depressed and bitter and angry, I wish I could be more graceful with this loss, but I am just not there right now. It is hard for me to look on our old DDC board because honestly I feel like they are making OUR losses about them... like we are contagious and they are worried who will be next. What I really need is support and understanding, and it's like they want to pretend our babies didn't exist so they can be safe and happy in their pregnancies still. Like I said, I am still bitter right now, but this is how I feel at the moment. I wish all the best for them, and truely pray they all deliver healthy babies in 7 months... but I don't feel I belong in that group now.
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Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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  #8  
June 27th, 2012, 12:11 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
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If you saw my post on there. I basically said what you have just said but to them. They made me feel like I don't belong the day I said goodbye to my little one.

I have a couple of people off there I keep in touch with but yes like you say. Alot of them want to brush our losses under the carpet.

I am never going to be the same, I will find a new normal though one day. I still cry when I stop doing something and I cry every night and morning as in the morning I still go to touch my belly which is now deflated and jelly like.

I was never religious and I am so pleased that I never was.

Hey sweetie, you might want to change your signature.xxx
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  #9  
June 27th, 2012, 08:27 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 12,105
I think I have looked in my old DDC once since my loss. I know some women can still lurk or post, but I'm like you two. I just cant do it. I'm so sorry you're going through so much at once. Losing your best friend and losing your baby each alone are enough to break a lot of women.
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  #10  
June 27th, 2012, 11:52 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
I don't need my EDD Now, I have PM's from the ones who meant the most when I needed a ear.
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Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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  #11  
June 28th, 2012, 07:57 AM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
I am still not over the loss of my friend, she was only 28, and was not only my best friend, but my classmate since 1st grade, and also our Nanny. She worked for us since January, watching the kids while my husband and I work. She passed away from a massive heart-attack, she was overweight and under a lot of stress from her family, but otherwise there was NO indication what so ever! The worst part is that she died on my daughter's 1st birthday... talked about a bittersweet emotional day! I was so very thankful we'd had her party the weekend before and was able to celebrate with my friend. And now here less than 8 months later and I also have to grieve my child on top of it. I know they say God won't give you more than you can handle, but at times I wish he didn't trust me so much!!
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Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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  #12  
June 28th, 2012, 08:44 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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  #13  
June 28th, 2012, 08:56 AM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sadly I'm joining you from the Jan DDC. I went in for my appointment with the new Dr and he tried to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. I should have been 12 weeks and he couldn't find it. He said not to worry that it was hard at this point. He saw that I wanted an NT scan so he sent me over to u/s to do that and check out the heartbeat. It became clear very quickly that there was no longer a heartbeat and there hadn't been any growth past right at 10 weeks.

Since it had been so long and my body wasn't naturally doing anything I opted for the D&C that my Dr reccomended. I had it yesterday and it wasn't bad in and of it's self. I'm happy to have it over with but I just don't know where I am emotionally.

I'm kind of upset with the DDC because I went to check my post and it's already been buried. They are also the only DDC I've ever seen that hasn't done anything to remember the losses like a sticky list or a blinky. In my last DDC (Sept11) we did both plus we still keep up with our loss mamas to date. We had a ton of losses in first tri, a few in second tri, and 2-3 in third tri and one after birth. I feel sorry for the ladies that are going to have losses later. I had my loss 3 days ago and I already don't feel welcome.

Maybe I'm just mad at everything.
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  #14  
June 28th, 2012, 12:37 PM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 796
To all the ladies from the January DDC, I am again, so sorry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingMyLifeAsMommyAndWife View Post
I know they say God won't give you more than you can handle, but at times I wish he didn't trust me so much!!
Like you, it was so hard for me to accept the grief and sadness that I got from losing my baby. I lost my faith for a while, I was so angry with God. There are so many people in this world that are pregnant and don't want their babies, yet I wanted mine and planned for her but I lost her. It's still hard to think that God thinks that I can handle this when I still cry 6 months later. Like in "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz to Men "The sun will never shine the same".

((Hugs)) to all of us that have lost our little ones. I believe that we will see them again.
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  #15  
June 28th, 2012, 02:24 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,923
OP, your story and mine are very similar. I never posted in the Jan DDC but I was due Jan 27th or so. A week before my first appointment (last wednesday) I started having some bad bleeding. They did an U/S and could only find a yolk sac and gestation sac, no pole. They thought maybe I was just earlier than I thought about but I knew I was losing it because I'd had a positive pregnancy test about 3-4 weeks before then and should've been at least 8-9 weeks at that point. I went to my appointment monday and they said my uterus was pretty much empty. At least I don't have to have a D&C I suppose.

I also had a previous miscarriage in '05 and then two kids. I didnt think this second miscarriage would be so painful but it is.

I'm praying for healing for all of us, both mentally, emotionally, and physically.
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  #16  
July 1st, 2012, 02:43 PM
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Location: Vancouver, BC
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So sorry to hear about your loss. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I took pills though to bring it on and Im STILL bleeding and I just took a HPT and its still positive.

I can so relate to what all you ladies are saying about the JAN DDC. I have read a few posts and I agree, some of them are totally making our losses about them and its very hurtful. I cant look there anymore due to the posts like that. I understand being scared in the first TRI and how reading posts about miscarriage can be upsetting, but it is life and we need support from our fellow ladies too. At least they just have to be scared, its not like they are actually going through it.

I just saw your blinkie, lovinglifeasamommyandwife and I started to cry- I had no idea someone made that. That is totally something I needed to see. So whoever made that, thank you! and were can I get one for my siggie?

OP- and to all my JAN DDC ladies- I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Its an awful thing to go through and I sure wish things were different right now. I just moved yesterday into our new house that we rented when we found out we were pregnant because we needed a 3rd bedroom. Now I look at that empty room and just feel sad
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  #17  
July 3rd, 2012, 07:20 AM
KatieKat's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steph604 View Post
I just saw your blinkie, lovinglifeasamommyandwife and I started to cry- I had no idea someone made that. That is totally something I needed to see. So whoever made that, thank you! and were can I get one for my siggie?
That is so sweet!
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  #18  
July 3rd, 2012, 08:40 AM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 114
It was very sweet, and made me tear up when I saw it. If you save it as a gif to your computer, than you upload it to a photo-sharing site like photobucket, you will be able to copy the img code into your signature and it should show just as mine does.

The signature blinkie did make me feel a little bit better, like some of the members of our ddc do care, but I have noticed not many of them actually use it in their signature which I think is sad.
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Angel Baby #1 - 12/29/2003 (9 weeks, lost baby at 6-7 weeks)
Angel Baby #2 - 7/10/2012 (11 weeks 5 days, lost baby at 6 weeks 1 day)
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  #19  
July 3rd, 2012, 10:09 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I'm so sorry to hear you ladies are feeling this way. I don't know the situation, but as far as the blinkie goes, both myself and my co-host in the Nov DDC wanted to wait to get a blinkie made until after the first trimester when the majority of losses happen. Giving them the benefit if the doubt, maybe they are waiting for that?
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  #20  
July 3rd, 2012, 04:05 PM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
I think its the attitude of some of them to be honest.

Like they want to brush any losses under the carpet and focus everything on them and their pregnancy.

But ahh well. I admire those who will wear the blinkie with pride. I know I will when its finished.
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Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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