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9 days ago.


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
June 27th, 2012, 03:43 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
9 days ago I went through the worst day of my life.

Today I feel physically healed. My mind though is definitely not, i still feel no closer to closure than I did then.

How can a body heal so quickly but the mind will never.

Will it get better when I get my negative hpt? When I have my first cycle? When I go to the memorial service at the hospital chapel?

When? if my body can heal when will I?

I am still sad and still crying and still have alot of first to do because everything reminds me of when I was pregnant.

I have covered my full length mirror as I always caught myself in it with a swollen belly.. now I have nothing.

My womb is up for rent and I hope its not empty for long.
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Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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  #2  
June 27th, 2012, 08:41 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can tell you that even being pregnant again doesn't take away the pain.

I liken it to a scar I have on my thumb from cutting it with a pie slicer. After this time that has gone by it's faded and and while I still see it and know it's there, most of the time I'm able to just keep going and it doesn't hurt. Once in a while I bump it the wrong way and man it hurts! I feel like my loss is the same right now. I had my loss 2 days before Christmas and found out I was pregnant again the first week of March, so I had about 2.5 months between pregnancies. I count my lucky stars that I got pregnant again so quickly and that this one is so healthy, but I still grieve the loss of my little Gabriel. Some days it still hurts so bad that I cry hysterically and then feel guilty that I'm feeling so upset about the loss of one baby while feeling another life kicking inside me.

I won't tell you that it goes away, because I'm learning now that it won't. But it will get easier. And your days when you want to do nothing but cry will get fewer and father between. And you'll feel guilty about it, but your baby wants you to be happy.
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  #3  
June 27th, 2012, 10:54 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
I have been told that it never goes away and to be honest. I wouldnt be much of a human if I did forget.

I am griving for my chance of children aswell as losing a child and its hurting so bad.

A friend said oh just try again and hope for a sticky.. its not that easy.
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Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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  #4  
June 27th, 2012, 11:29 AM
boysarebest's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 158
Please dont think you are too old. That is crazy. I am almost 36 and have 2 children. I had 3 mc in between them. I took aspirin with my last. Heck most the ladies in my neighborhood dont even start trying until they are 35 or older. If you are worried about your DH you can have him do a SA and see if there is something wrong with him. Wishing you the best. You are a beautiful woman. Try focusing all your time and energy on your daughter. That is what helped me get through the 3 years of heartache.
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  #5  
June 27th, 2012, 11:50 AM
captivate's Avatar Sticky thoughts please...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Stockport UK
Posts: 7,473
Its not really the age. Its the fact a doctor when I was TTC for 2 years with DD said there is a low chance of me getting pregnant and it would be a very lucky cycle and that was with her Dad at 21 and fertile as anything and me 23. I had a leutal phase defect.

To have all the tests and treatment now I would have to be registered as TTC for 1 year before ANY tests and that includes my other half having any.

I have been TTC strong before. I do not want it to devour this relationship with the only man in this world who I have ever respected and loved with all my being.

I hope that mother nature blesses me again and this time with a sticky little miracle as it would truly complete me.

I am not asking for a load of kids. I am asking for one more miracle,. I have no desire of a particular gender.. just a miracle will do with the man I truly love with all my heart.

Also so I can give my first little miracle a sibling she never realised she wanted until I was pregnant.

It is my Daughter who has got me through this past 9 days. Without her smile and laughter I would have truly died inside.
__________________
Charlie born18th July 8lb8oz 50cm
TTC for 2 years. I never gave up thanks to the girls of TTC

I have 2 miracles on earth and 5 angels in heaven

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  #6  
June 28th, 2012, 05:57 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 17,035
Ditto Robyn! With time you will heal. While the scars will remain the pain will ease. I still have good days and bad days and I honestly can't say that I think I'll ever me the same again. There are pieces of me missing and I will never again be whole
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  #7  
June 28th, 2012, 08:36 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
You may have already tried this, but have you tried taking B6 daily? It works best if you take equal part of B6 and B12 but women have extended their LP just by taking 50mg or 100mg daily. I can't imagine waiting so long to get pregnant with your miracle and then losing it.
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