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I went to the Dr the day before yesterday and found out that our new little one was not to be. He checked for the heartbeat with the doppler and couldn't find it. I was right at 12 weeks so he said we may not be able to hear it yet. He sent me over to u/s for an n/t scan and a heartbeat check. There was no heartbeat and all growth had stopped right at 10 weeks. Since it had been 2 weeks and my body had shown no signs of natuarally dealing with matters the Dr reccomended D&C. I had it done yesterday.
It was quick and wasn't bad. I feel ok today physically. Mentally I'm a wreck. I go from being sad to being mad to being numb. I know we didn't plan for this baby but it came into being in spite of so much in it's way. I had an IUD in place and I wasn't taking care of myself 100%. It survived the IUD being taken out and everything.
I'm just so very sad and let down. I kind of feel betrayed by my body. It was just happily taking care of everything when it didn't need to. I feel lost about what I'm supposed to feel.
All of your emotions are normal. Just let yourself feel them. I made the mistake of suppressing them and focusing on getting pregnant again. Now they're all coming back up. I hear it gets easier. I'm not there yet. Even carrying a healthy baby now doesn't take away the sting of losing my first daughter. I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm still learning how to deal with the emotions myself, but I think that everything you're feeling is normal. Just take whatever time you need to go through all the emotions. Sad, mad, numb - they are all natural.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. They really do mean a lot.
I'm doing mostly ok I guess. I still have bouts of crying and anger but I know time heals all wounds. I go back to the Dr for a check up in 10 days on the 9th. I'm unsure if I want to go back on birth control or if I want to NTNP for awhile.
I'm going to go back to work tommorow and just sort of throw myself into it. It always makes me feel better plus I won't be mopeing around the house.
It'll take time to start feeling like yourself again. I was on school vacation when I had my loss and allowed myself a week to just wallow before I had to return to work. Returning to the daily grind did help keep me busy, but make sure that if you need to grieve that you take the time to do so.